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The_Wizard

Invisible Explorer

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:50 am


The_Wizard
Found this... forget where. While there are some guys that will disagree with a few of the "rules" here, most will agree with them..
And oh, one last thing, everything here is meant as a joke.


The MANS' Rules

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football
Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many *****.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:17 am


rawr! my friend and I read those and loled hard when we got to the end. . . xd

Lone S. Wolf

Light Lightbringer


mamarita
Crew

Generous Guildswoman

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:17 am


A LOGICAL, INTELLIGENT, EDUCATED WOMAN'S REPLY TO THOSE MAN'S RULES: AND IS IS ALSO A PROVEN FACT THAT WOMEN ARE MORE LOGICAL THAN MEN, AND AVERAGE A HIGHER IQ THAN MEN AND WANT TO BE MORE EDUCATED THAN MEN!!! (Studies done at Harvard, Yale, and other IvyLeague colleges are my sources for that statement- never mess with a female with a degree in psychology. Wizard)

1.The average life span for a any male that follows these rules- at least most of the inane ones is 22yrs of age... Or he remains a bachelor his entire life.

2.Men can't be mind readers, they don't have minds- they may have two heads, but no brain to go with them.

3.The next time some male wants that 60inch wide screen tv to watch the Super Bowl and has to SHOPPING for it- IT'S A SPORT!!

4.Men need the toilet seat down at various times also, unless all of a sudden you assholes stopped using those assholes!

5.Full moon has been clinically proven to have adverse effects on the brain of mental patients- therefore, all males myst have mental problems if they think the way most male Sunday sports enthusiasts act.

6.Crying is not blackmail. It is a clinically proven way to release stress and tension, hence not all husbands become victims of domestic violence,

7.Ask for what we want- when do men ever listen when a woman speaks anyway- We know you tune us out.

8.NO- that's the answer to your rule on yes/no answers

9.It's a proven fact that most women solve problems better than men- and why go to a brainless person for advice- see above #2

10. 17 month old headache- see a divorce lawyer- not a doctor

11.If you said it - it counts!

12.Victoria Secret girls huh? Well, have I got a secret for you but it's unladylike to post it here.

13. You beer swilling slobs better never tell a lady she's fat- and if she is, she may sit on you and then you're really in trouble!

14. Be specific- you said for women to just ask for what they way- well- you better be specific too!

15.As for doing something- usually you've been asked 10 times already and haven't done it because you don't know how- so the lady called a specialist who said how it should be done and you can now do it correctly!

16. Women take note- make sure it's during Victoria Secret commercials!!

17. Christopher Columbus got lost anddidn't land in the continental US the 1st try! - same as most men who don't ask for directions

18.Men need to learn the color wheel better- or you will be watching those sunday sports games on black and white portable tv's.

19. Wonen get itches too, but you don't see us when we scratch, and we sure don't want to see when you do!

20.90% of the time, the "nothing" that is wrong was your fault- just say- I'm sorry and go on living

21. Learn to phrase you answers so the lady doesn't get angry.. oh that's right- you men don't have minds- nevermind that answer

22. next time she has to go to see your mother- have her wear one of your dirty tshirts and a pair of your sweatpants- and she will tell your mother you said that she looked fine enough for your mother... That will teach you a lesson really fast- mothers are always mothers and WILL punish her children somehow- believe me!

23. no wonder the world is at war- you can't discuss anything but sports, how can you solve important issues- Women should be head of state in all countries!

24. Don't you dare buy another football jersey- you have enough already!

25. Women can never have too much- except stupid answers from mindless men. And we prefer better sex !

26.But can that round shape fit thru the door, and hmm- round shape on flat beds- roll around too much- no wonder #25 is necessarily a good answer.

27. No, the new puppy gets to sleep on the couch tonight, you are sleeping next to the kitten's litter box

28. As for camping- bears crap in the woods... and men love sleeping where bears live, huh?
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:25 am


Oh wow. rawr lol. This is becoming a very interesting thread here I think. XDDDD

Lone S. Wolf

Light Lightbringer


[.Potemkin.]
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:06 pm


mamarita
A LOGICAL, INTELLIGENT, EDUCATED WOMAN'S REPLY TO THOSE MAN'S RULES: AND IS IS ALSO A PROVEN FACT THAT WOMEN ARE MORE LOGICAL THAN MEN, AND AVERAGE A HIGHER IQ THAN MEN AND WANT TO BE MORE EDUCATED THAN MEN!!! (Studies done at Harvard, Yale, and other IvyLeague colleges are my sources for that statement- never mess with a female with a degree in psychology. Wizard)

1.The average life span for a any male that follows these rules- at least most of the inane ones is 22yrs of age... Or he remains a bachelor his entire life.

2.Men can't be mind readers, they don't have minds- they may have two heads, but no brain to go with them.

3.The next time some male wants that 60inch wide screen tv to watch the Super Bowl and has to SHOPPING for it- IT'S A SPORT!!

4.Men need the toilet seat down at various times also, unless all of a sudden you assholes stopped using those assholes!

5.Full moon has been clinically proven to have adverse effects on the brain of mental patients- therefore, all males myst have mental problems if they think the way most male Sunday sports enthusiasts act.

6.Crying is not blackmail. It is a clinically proven way to release stress and tension, hence not all husbands become victims of domestic violence,

7.Ask for what we want- when do men ever listen when a woman speaks anyway- We know you tune us out.

8.NO- that's the answer to your rule on yes/no answers

9.It's a proven fact that most women solve problems better than men- and why go to a brainless person for advice- see above #2

10. 17 month old headache- see a divorce lawyer- not a doctor

11.If you said it - it counts!

12.Victoria Secret girls huh? Well, have I got a secret for you but it's unladylike to post it here.

13. You beer swilling slobs better never tell a lady she's fat- and if she is, she may sit on you and then you're really in trouble!

14. Be specific- you said for women to just ask for what they way- well- you better be specific too!

15.As for doing something- usually you've been asked 10 times already and haven't done it because you don't know how- so the lady called a specialist who said how it should be done and you can now do it correctly!

16. Women take note- make sure it's during Victoria Secret commercials!!

17. Christopher Columbus got lost anddidn't land in the continental US the 1st try! - same as most men who don't ask for directions

18.Men need to learn the color wheel better- or you will be watching those sunday sports games on black and white portable tv's.

19. Wonen get itches too, but you don't see us when we scratch, and we sure don't want to see when you do!

20.90% of the time, the "nothing" that is wrong was your fault- just say- I'm sorry and go on living

21. Learn to phrase you answers so the lady doesn't get angry.. oh that's right- you men don't have minds- nevermind that answer

22. next time she has to go to see your mother- have her wear one of your dirty tshirts and a pair of your sweatpants- and she will tell your mother you said that she looked fine enough for your mother... That will teach you a lesson really fast- mothers are always mothers and WILL punish her children somehow- believe me!

23. no wonder the world is at war- you can't discuss anything but sports, how can you solve important issues- Women should be head of state in all countries!

24. Don't you dare buy another football jersey- you have enough already!

25. Women can never have too much- except stupid answers from mindless men. And we prefer better sex !

26.But can that round shape fit thru the door, and hmm- round shape on flat beds- roll around too much- no wonder #25 is necessarily a good answer.

27. No, the new puppy gets to sleep on the couch tonight, you are sleeping next to the kitten's litter box

28. As for camping- bears crap in the woods... and men love sleeping where bears live, huh?


I have to agree that it is a "logical, intelligent and educated" way to reply xD!!!
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:32 pm


YET THEY'RE THE ONES IN GIRLS GONE WILD xd

J/K J/K mrgreen

User_2955496
Vice Captain


MasterOfLazyness

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:50 pm


[.SCaR.]
YET THEY'RE THE ONES IN GIRLS GONE WILD xd

J/K J/K mrgreen


LMFAO xd xd xd NIIIICE ONE Scar
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:52 pm


3nodding Oh and Men tend to say better comebacks than most woman

MasterOfLazyness

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mamarita
Crew

Generous Guildswoman

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:46 pm


MasterOfLazyness
3nodding Oh and Men tend to say better comebacks than most woman


I believe that Tem has already said just the opposite- my comebacks were intelligent, logical and educated.... men's comebacks have not merit or thought behind them.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 1:15 pm


I THOUGHT ABOUT MY COMEBACK ninja

AND IT WAS WITTY AS WELL mrgreen

User_2955496
Vice Captain


mamarita
Crew

Generous Guildswoman

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:16 pm


[.SCaR.]
I THOUGHT ABOUT MY COMEBACK ninja

AND IT WAS WITTY AS WELL mrgreen


See that's the problem... you tried to think before you commented... go back to #2 on my reply!
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:28 pm


mamarita
[.SCaR.]
I THOUGHT ABOUT MY COMEBACK ninja

AND IT WAS WITTY AS WELL mrgreen


See that's the problem... you tried to think before you commented... go back to #2 on my reply!


Yeah not insulting to men at all stare

Musika

Versatile Member

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~~Mei_Gatsu~~

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:05 pm


JERRY JERRY o_o''
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:26 pm


mamarita
MasterOfLazyness
3nodding Oh and Men tend to say better comebacks than most woman


I believe that Tem has already said just the opposite- my comebacks were intelligent, logical and educated.... men's comebacks have not merit or thought behind them.

Actually...it was sarcasm <_<;;

[.Potemkin.]
Captain


Lone S. Wolf

Light Lightbringer

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:45 pm


~~Mei_Gatsu~~
JERRY JERRY o_o''


*joins with Mei with the cheering*

Now. . . all we need is Steve. XDD
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