|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 1:14 pm
Deep within my secret heart, I watch as my world falls apart
Listlessly, I wonder why it does not topple earth and sky
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:51 am
I like it I hope that there comes more to it.
Just wondering is Listlessly really a word?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 8:17 am
I would like to know a little more.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:43 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:14 pm
I really like it...it's not how long, but what it says. I almost think it would ruin it to make it longer..but as you are the author..you couldn't ruin it. Actually a writing teacher of mine told me once that a poem is never finished, just put away.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 1:11 pm
Hmmm...
I'll keep that in mind.
I think I may write more to this one day, but for now I'm just going to leave it alone. Its good enough for now
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 1:39 pm
It could almost be a hikhu, sorry if that offends you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 10:31 am
Hmmm
No, that doesn't offend me.
Ponderouse...
I like your sig, btw
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 9:53 am
JadedLaine I really like it...it's not how long, but what it says. I almost think it would ruin it to make it longer..but as you are the author..you couldn't ruin it. Actually a writing teacher of mine told me once that a poem is never finished, just put away. Haven't posted in a while.. Heh.. But she makes a good point. I like it how it is right now, too.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:05 pm
I'd go longer. You just started!
Oh, and even if listlessly wasn't a word, I'd keep it. Language creativity is great.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 6:37 pm
I like it ALOT. Maybe just a line or two longer would sit well, but not way too much more it might ruin the flow of the writing. But it's very good!
-Kay-
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
