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I can't stand the kid. He is so irritating, and it's gotten to the point where I get angry when he's in the same room.

Some background: I'm 19, back for the summer before going back to BYU-Idaho. He's 16, almost 17, and in high school.

For one thing, he pokes me. I HATE being poked. It's a kind of horrible feeling that I can't even describe. And he knows it, but he does it anyway. I want to kick him every time he does because I hate it so much. Also, he doesn't communicate. He grunts, and then gets upset when you misinterpret what he's grunting. He's almost 17, for crying out loud, and he doesn't even talk, which makes everybody frustrated. He used the fact that he's stronger than me to get what he wants, and he constantly makes me feel like I'm a wimpy, unintelligent person from his remarks and his constant need to "win"- saying things that are smarter than the things I say, being at a physical advantage over me, etc. He constantly tells me things like, "You just got on the fail boat!" and "The academic community rejects your intelligence" which make me feel stupid about myself, especially since I'm being so overwhelmingly one-upped by a loner high school nerd.

Lately I've just been horrible to him because I can hardly stand being around him anymore. Like I said, I get angry when he's in the same room. I call him names and try to demean him as much as I can because I hate his personality and the way he treats me. It's like I don't want his treatment of me to go unpunished, because Mom and Dad always seem to side with him and treat him more softly. When he does things like poke me and I say it hurts, he says, "I don't see why that hurts. All I did was poke you. Sheesh." and it makes me mad to the point that I kick him or something. It's gotten to the point that I hate to even think about him, and I wish I didn't have to be sealed to him.

Some other things to consider:
I've been taking birth control for the past few months, just to regulate my cycle and reduce the monumental cramps I get, but I've noticed that it's also been making me have mood swings. I'm also really frustrated with the fact that my dad's business venture that was supposed to be funded this month will not be funded until September, meaning that we will be at an even bigger stretch for money than we have been for a while, and my job doesn't pay a ton, so I'm really stressed about paying for college. I have some self-issues about my laziness and lack of motivation in life, and I've seen my friends once since they've gotten back from college over a month ago. These things are all making me feel horrible.

I think the thing that hurts the most, though, is that my mom and my brother have been telling me that I need to start being mature, and my mom says she expects a lot more from me because I'm an adult. I know I'm acting like a child, and I hate it, and then to hear that I need to grow up from a 16-year old kid who is acting a lot more mature than I am hurts tens times more.

My mom says I need to improve my relationship with him, but I don't even want to have a relationship with him. I don't even want to have family prayer of FHE anymore because he's there. I'm feeling so angry and bitter, and I don't know what to do about it. I know I'm not acting the way I should, but he's so impossible to live with. I still have a month and a half before I go back to college, so what do I do?

Do not do anything of the kind. Getting into a physical fight with him is not the answer. How mature will her mother think she is if she has to pull them apart like she did when they were toddlers?

There are several things going on here. First I think you should talk to your doctor about switching to a different prescription. The simple fact is that you are taking a chemical that messes with your body's natural chemistry. If it's having side-effects that are causing you problems, you need to discuss them with your health professional. They may be able to recommend a different formulation that will suit you better.

Secondly, this is completely normal. Teenagers are annoying. One comic strip put it quite succinctly. They're afraid of flying so they push and push until they fall backwards out of the nest. So some of his brattyness is just him being a 16 year-old doing what 16 year-olds do.

Some of his brattyness is also a need to reassure himself that your relationship is still there. You were gone for most of a year. He's doing all the stupid, annoying things that siblings do to each other because he can. It's how adolescents show affection when they're too scared to be mushy. Most likely, he honestly doesn't know why he feels the need to annoy you; he just needs to push your buttons. Also, you've been living with strangers, people who give you your space until you choose to allow closeness. You're likely keeping your family at arms reach a bit as you adjust to this new stage in your life and by being a pest, he's trying to pull you back in.

As for what you can do about it: spend some bonding time with him. Do something you always used to do together. Go see "The Dark Knight," "Indiana Jones" or something. ("Wall-E" is awesome but probably not his first choice.) Find out what his love language is and do something with or for him geared to that. (See the book "The Five Love Languages" for this. For some people, presents mean everything. For others, presents mean nothing but time together means the world, and so on like that.)

The other thing I recommend is this: ignore and deflect. Yes, you hate being poked. Yes, he knows better. But kicking him is not the answer. When he pokes you, tell him clearly and politely to stop. If he doesn't stop, leave the room. He's pushing your button and he will do so as long as it works. You must make it stop working. Not easy I know but it must be done.

As for his comments, try saying smiling and saying "I love you" every time he puts you down. Don't rise to his bait. Also, spend some time thinking and praying about why it bothers you so much when he does so. When you understand what vulnerability in yourself he is touching, you will be able to figure out how to strengthen yourself against such comments.

My sister and I used to fight like cats and dogs. We'd look at our mom like she had two heads whenever she told us to get along better, that some day we'd be good friends. Today we're two VERY different people and we can still push each other's buttons like you wouldn't believe but at the end of the day, she's still the one I made that giant snow-man with, the one who remembers collecting interesting rocks from Lake Fallen Leaf, the one who has seen me do and say things I never, EVER want to do again and the one who, 10 years after the fact, threatened to beat up all the kids in middle school who had made my life hell.

You two will be ok. Trust me.

Speaking from personal experience. My older brother truly hated me growing up. He is the clingy type, the ones who don't deal with change too well, and we are only two years apart. So, when my mother had me, my brother wasn't ready to give momma up to me....but since I was a baby, her attention wasn't on him as much as he would've liked, so he hated me. He found every excuse he could to pick a fight with me, get me angry. It used to be terrible, our fights together. One of them that has stuck with me my entire life was one where it got so bad that he started to throw things at me, though I don't remember what the things were, I just remember they were made of metal. I would always fight back, because I felt that I had to show him that I was something to be reckoned with, that I could stick up for myself and dish out whatever he could throw at me.


That is the very wrong thing to do. If I hadn't fought back and had just been nice to him, things would definitely be different.


However, he grew out of most of it. We still have our occasional clash, but its never really bad, because I end them now. I have seen monumental changes for the good on his part. He'll actually take hugs from me now, and he'll acknowledge me when I tell him that I love him. It does help that I can't stand contention anymore, on a normal day, so I'm not the same person he used to annoy. Just remember that your brother will eventually grow out of most of what he does, and the advice that has been given to you on just being nice whenever he's being a jerk is good advice, and well worth taking into affect. biggrin Stay strong, you only have a little more time left. If you do all of that before you leave, you may even find that you miss him. I know that I miss having my family around now that I've moved out, despite things that have happened while growing up. You never know!

I have to say I totally understand the seething hatred of poking.
It's always been a major pet peeve of mine.
It's such a total violation of personal space and shows that they have zero respect for your feelings and your body.
(Maybe we can start wearing kimonos. The Obi sash ought to buffer that sort of intrusion.)

Don't get me wrong, I hate confrontation. I am usually very withdrawn and quiet and only lend a word in public situations to smooth feelings and make people laugh.
But the last person who thought it would be funny to sneak up behind me and poke me in the sides-
I whipped around and grabbed her by the shirt and looked her in the eyes and grit my teeth trying to smile, and told her to never do that to me again.
I was trying... desperately... not to do her any real physical injury at the time. And being the flawed person I am, that was the best I could do in that moment.

I agree that the best thing to do would be to show him an increase in affection, but honestly we all have our limits, and if he continued to violate your feelings and poke you in spite of your best efforts, -even once,- I can tell you personally, I would probably break his finger and need some serious anti-anxiety medication, and we don't want it to come to that.

Ha! Maybe you could just tell him
"If you poke me again, I will just end up breaking your finger and hurting both of us. I don't want to be responsible for that.
If you really need my attention, would you like to bake some cookies together or play dress up?"

Odds are, he'll decline the invitation and hopefully stop poking you to avoid being invited to do similarly embarrassing activities.
If he pokes you again and you claw him across the face, or throw your chair at him, -hey. You warned him solid.
And if he doesn't decline... wouldn't it be great to see him with a big goofy grin on his face mixing a bowl of cookie dough and wearing an apron?
Hmmm I smell blackmail!

*Claps and laughs* I was totally gonna sudgest that! I;ve watched my older sister do that to my older brother, and he's really touchy-feely. It got him to leave her alone, but he's scared of her in general. They typically don't talk to each other, but communication isn't our family's strong point and my older brother(specky) makes basically everyone's life difficult. The way he tries to get attention just puts everyone in a bad mood.
You should be out of town by the time you read mine adn hers, but all the same, sometimes distance relationships actually help everything. I'm not sure I'd still have some of my old friends as friends if we didn't have an internet relationship. Both of us have changed so much. My mom got along better with her brother only after they were away from each other for years. With your brother I'd do the finger threat and complain and explain to your mom how you feel about all this. Also, I'd get off the meds. It's screwing with your body and hormones, and it gives your brother another excuse to poke at you. If he says that it shouldn't hurt to poke you again, tell him you just have less fat on you than he does, and walk out of the room. It took my mom years to convince my dad it hurt to be tickled, so you might have to tell him repeatedly for years and tell his girlfriends who get poked by him to say the same thing. Boys can be really dense at times.
Other than that, take the other's advice at getting a better relationship with him. Frankly mine aren't the greatest either, but so long as we try talking and keeping our hands to ourselves, we all get along.
And you're going to be more sealed to your husband than to him anyway.

All the advice I thought of while I read that was already said. But I do know that from personal experience that teenage boys do, actually, grow up. I know it's hard to imagine! But one day he'll be nice to you. Just keep trying.