|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:05 pm
crying I apologize for procrastinating so long on this. I was kinda hopeing someone else would do it for me. Never the less....
I have spend a great deal of time picking correct word use and vocabulation as to clearly identify our intentions to each member in the hopes they will not feel any great emotions, such negative ones such as anger or annoyance.
Please criticize me truthfully and to the best of your abilities. Even if to just correct harsh wording. I will accept nothing but perfection after my last failure.
My own comments will be in bold.Quote: Dear Fin Member, We are pleased to inform you that Fin's Guild has gone through some major updates and revamping. For the grand reopening, we are looking for crew recruitments in which everyone has a fair chance of obtaining a position. Each volunteer will be assessed and run their very own contest. Whether you would like to be part of our crew or not, please come and join in part the many contests which are sure to follow, and perhaps win yourself some fabulous prizes. Whether it be posting and chatting with fellow Guild members or even holding your very own contests as promoted crew, we look forward to and expect all of our members to be involved in Fins in some way. We already have many ideas for future and up-coming contests, which you are welcome to have your say or take part in. Unfortunately, for the Guild to be completely renewed and full of friendly cooperative members, we need a guarantee from you, the members, that this level of cooperation can be obtained. Therefore, we take this time to warn you that as part of the final steps of our revamping process we are attempting to clean up the guild roster. We ask that you post in this thread located in Fins by August 20th so that you may continue to be a valued member of the family. We regret to inform you that failure to do so will result in your removal of the rosters. We apologize for the suddenness of this message and hope you understand our intentions. If you have any questions or comments regarding anything discussed in this letter or about Fins, please feel free to contact myself, Immishfae, or Lavistar. Best Regards, The Fin Crew.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:29 am
LAVI EDITS;
Two Spell Checks here.Quote: Dear Fin Member, We are pleased to inform you that Fin's Guild has gone threwthrough some major updates and revamping. For the grand reopening, we are looking for crew recruitments in which everyone has a fair chance of obtaining a position. Each volenteer volunteer will be assessed and run their very own contest. ----- Quote: Even if you are not interested in becoming a crew member, please come join the festivities for a chance to win a prize in one of the many contests. [ I don't like that sentence. Help me reword it?] Quote: Whether you would like to be part of our crew or not, you can still come and join us to take part in the many contests which are sure to follow, and perhaps win yourself some fabulous prizes. ----- Quote: In the future, we look forward to and expect all of our members to be involved in Fins in some way.[ Whether that be just posting, or whatever...do you think it needs a little bit more?] Quote: ...Fins in some way, whether it be simply posting and chatting with fellow Guild members, or maybe even holding their very own contests as promoted crew. ----- You need a slightly better connection between these two bits (marked in bold).Quote: We already have many ideas for future and up-coming contests, which you are welcome to have your say or take part in. (here)We take this time now to warn you that as part of the final steps of our revamping process we are attempting to clean up the guild roster. Quote: Unfortunately, for the Guild to be completely renewed and full of friendly co-operative members, we need a guarantee from you, the members themselves, that we will get this level of cooperation from you. Therefore, we take this time now to blah blah blah..... ----- Quote: We apologize for the suddenness of this > message/subject ???< and hope you understand our intentions. ----- I think all you need here is a Quote: Best Regards, The Fin Crew.
The stuff you have at the moment is fine, but if you want tweaking then that's all I have to offer at the moment;
hope it was of some help =]
x
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:10 pm
<3 Love you Lavi. You don't know how much simple reading over and suggestions like that help. I shall revise..tomorrow! Because I have work tomorrow and should be getting to sleep now. >.<
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:23 am
Well I'm just glad I was of some help ^___^
Have /Hope you had fun at work.
x
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
[WolfVs.Wolf] Vice Captain
|
Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:21 pm
Hey, Just lemmie know when teh letter is fully finished and I'll start p/ming teh members! Now that I know this thread exists I'll check for the finished product. But a p/m or sumthin WITH a copy of the finished letter would be nice also! This way I'll know it's done!
ThX for making teh letter Immi! & thx for helping edit Lavi! I'll be looking forward to gettin teh letter sent out! ^.~
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:28 am
 Okie smokie...
...Wolfie Pokie ^___^
x
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 2:27 pm
Alright, that looks good to me. I'll read over it a couple more times, can I get your final opinion Lavi?
(The bringing together of the two paragraphs is still a little too wordy for my likes, but it'll do.)
I will PM you Wolfie, need to give you muffins password anyways so it can be sent out.
Last thing Lavi, a short little message to send to current crew members when we're demoteing them. ^^ Just something to keep in mind. I'm at work right now and not exactly in thinking mode. ^^; Short and simple should be fine, I'll get to it if you don't.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:23 pm
I think it looks perfect Immi; the one and only thing I might say is what actually IS a roster? Hah.
Urm, okay you might have already done this but here's a small message thingy like you asked; s'not great, but I'm a wee bit tired now v___V :
Quote: Hi there! This is a quick message from the higher-up's at Fin's, letting you know that we'll be demoting all our current Fin crew members on (>Date<). We're doing this because we feel it's time to give the Guild a little revamp, and this includes renewing our staff. For your chance to reclaim your title as Fin Crew, please check out (link to crew recruitment thread). We're sorry about the suddenness of this, if you weren't aware of it before. However, we hope you are understanding of our plans, and that you don't take this too personally; this is happening to all Fin crew, after all! Any other questions, please PM Lavistar or ImmishFae with your queries. Best regards, Fin's.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
[WolfVs.Wolf] Vice Captain
|
Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:34 am
xD Okis Immi! Sounds well! Just lemmie know! But U mean Cupcake right? Not muffin! >.<
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:51 am
[WolfVs.Wolf] xD Okis Immi! Sounds well! Just lemmie know! But U mean Cupcake right? Not muffin! >.<
Yes, that is what I meant!
Hah, Lav, that's better then what I was gonna whip up. It's nice.
Thanks again.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
[WolfVs.Wolf] Vice Captain
|
Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:57 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[WolfVs.Wolf]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/0f/d4/6cf04c4041d40f_flip.png?t=1285364030_6.00_11)