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 Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:46 pm
I met this guy recently. I think I'm starting to like him. It's kinda soon to be thinking about relationships but already we talk about sex. Mostly joking, but Idk. He's still a virgin, I'm not. I've only had sex 4 times, but the first 3 times were basically trying to "get it in", because the pain was SO overbearing. And the 4th time I was pretty much just submissive.. I'm still inexperienced, and I'm basically asking this for hypothetical future reference. And also, I didn't see a topic with something like this [I apologize if there is and I just didn't see it.]
So if I take his virginity, or anyone's, I would be scared out of my mind! Cuz it's their first time, you don't want them disappointed, right? I barely have any sexual experience, and I want him to like it. The guy I slept with before had an average-sized p***s and it hurt slightly, but I just need to get used to it a bit. This guy says he's about 8 inches, and I'm thinking "damn, he would break me!"
It's also kind of a problem for me to think about, because he's 16, and I'm 19. Not so much with legal stuff, but it's implanted in my head that since I'm older, I HAVE to know what I'm doing. And I'd be embarrassed if I didn't really know what to do.
I guess what I'm really asking is this:
What's some advice on positions that would be comfortable for both of us? Or what experiences do you others have with this type of thing? Or maybe, how can I put my mind at ease? x_x etc. etc.
@_@ Now that I've gone and flustered myself, I want to say THANK YOU for taking the time to read this! EDIT: I don't want to seem easy, or slutty, or any of that. Because guys actually say I'm one of the hardest person's pants to get into xD The fact that I would even CONSIDER having sex with this guy says a lot, really.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 5:32 pm
Sex should really never hurt. Ever. Some reasons why it hurts is 'cause you might not have been relaxed enough, or even not enough lubrication was used. The v****a can stretch to accomodate most penises. 8 inches shouldn't hurt.
Don't think that you HAVE to know what to do just 'cause you're older and do have slightly more experience than he does. It's different with every person to what they like and what is most comfortable. He's probably just as nervous 'cause he's unexperienced. You guys should talk about it if you are interested in having sex. Also make sure that you guys are protected! Birth control and or condoms. Condoms for sure!! Try using lube too if it does start to hurt, that can help a lot. ^_^ Different positions work for different people. One of the easiest for penetration I've found has been guy on top of girl. I think it's called the missionary position? I dunno, experiment. =)
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:18 pm
Fiaroka Sex should really never hurt. Ever. Some reasons why it hurts is 'cause you might not have been relaxed enough, or even not enough lubrication was used. The v****a can stretch to accomodate most penises. 8 inches shouldn't hurt. Don't think that you HAVE to know what to do just 'cause you're older and do have slightly more experience than he does. It's different with every person to what they like and what is most comfortable. He's probably just as nervous 'cause he's unexperienced. You guys should talk about it if you are interested in having sex. Also make sure that you guys are protected! Birth control and or condoms. Condoms for sure!! Try using lube too if it does start to hurt, that can help a lot. ^_^ Different positions work for different people. One of the easiest for penetration I've found has been guy on top of girl. I think it's called the missionary position? I dunno, experiment. =) Seconded. Also, because I'm too lazy to PM, the Power Ranger thing in your signature is WAY too big. You should change it before a mod sees it. o_o
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Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:48 am
Fiaroka Sex should really never hurt. Ever. Some reasons why it hurts is 'cause you might not have been relaxed enough, or even not enough lubrication was used. The v****a can stretch to accomodate most penises. 8 inches shouldn't hurt. Don't think that you HAVE to know what to do just 'cause you're older and do have slightly more experience than he does. It's different with every person to what they like and what is most comfortable. He's probably just as nervous 'cause he's unexperienced. You guys should talk about it if you are interested in having sex. Also make sure that you guys are protected! Birth control and or condoms. Condoms for sure!! Try using lube too if it does start to hurt, that can help a lot. ^_^ Different positions work for different people. One of the easiest for penetration I've found has been guy on top of girl. I think it's called the missionary position? I dunno, experiment. =) Agreed. To reiterate: If an average sized p***s hurts you, something might not be right. You might want to look into buying a water-based lubricant since lubrication is usually the issue there. Once you are fully relaxed and well lubricated you should not feel pain. If you do, you need to talk to a doctor about it. Your amount of experience is actually irrelevant. Whenever two people have sex with each other for the first time (even if one or both people has had sex before), there is still often going to be some fumbling around as they learn what the other person's body is like, what kind of stimulation they like, how fast they like to go, etc. So don't think of it as a "I have to teach him" situation. Think about it as a "we are going to learn about our bodies together" situation.
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Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:43 am
I can only expand on what's already been said.
If you've kissed this guy and other guys, it's surely been different every time. Everyone is totally different, there are a few general guidelines (most of which can be found here, thanks to Niko) but you can do a lot of experimenting too. He's not going to expect you to know everything about his body - HE probably doesn't know everything about his body. You'll adjust to each other.
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Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:33 pm
Thank you all for your advice!
But also, it always hurts no matter what, I can't even use tampons comfortably, would that mean something's wrong with my v****a? I'm too scared to bring it up to anyone. For the past 4 years I've been scared to get close to people cuz I'm embarrassed of my pain..
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Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:00 pm
colorxmexeden Thank you all for your advice!
But also, it always hurts no matter what, I can't even use tampons comfortably, would that mean something's wrong with my v****a? I'm too scared to bring it up to anyone. For the past 4 years I've been scared to get close to people cuz I'm embarrassed of my pain.. You have to talk to an ob-gyn about that at this point then because that is not normal. Pain during sex is a symptom of lots of different issues, some fairly serious, others not too serious. We can't diagnose you over the internet though, so we can't even tell you whether it's serious or not! Only an ob-gyn can do that. If you have had sex before, you should already be seeing an ob-gyn. All girls have to see an ob-gyn when they become sexually active. If you do not feel ready to see an ob-gyn, do not have sex again until you do feel ready. If this has been going on for four years though, you really should get in to see one as soon as possible. It's nothing to feel weird about or embarrassed about. Ob-gyns deal with this stuff every day.
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Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 3:01 pm
Apparently you are not sure what feels comfortable so maybe your first time don't have to include penetration? There are other ways to have sex. Just stimulate each others genitals. Then, when you are more comfortable with having sex and it doesn't feel strange, maybe you could try penetration.
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Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 12:06 pm
in my opinion, if he's a virgin it could be a good thing if you don't have much experience. The both of you may enjoy exploring wha you both like or dislike. make it as relaxing as possible, because trust me, it's just as worrisome to him if not more because he is a virgin.
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Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 8:43 pm
evanfeldkamp in my opinion, if he's a virgin it could be a good thing if you don't have much experience. The both of you may enjoy exploring wha you both like or dislike. make it as relaxing as possible, because trust me, it's just as worrisome to him if not more because he is a virgin. Seconded... in a way... He's right about it. Sometimes the less experience the better... if you're worried about not being a pro... think of what he might think and how he might worry if you were a pro... he might be nervous that he'd be a failure in bed... don't sweat it... sex is all about being awkward and weird... but practice makes perfect and you could know a million tricks in bed and they still might not work on him... And definitely speak to your ob-gyn... you should see if there is a serious underlying issue...
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Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:19 pm
i would see a obgyn and i wouldnt tell other people if you have sex with him cause that can lead to trouble since he is 16 and you are 19
and use some type of birth control
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Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:22 pm
Talk to him and tell him whats up. You need to communicate on this sort of thing. The first time me and my gf tried to do anything she was too nervous to do anything even though she had had sex before. I accepted that and waited for another time. This helped strengthen our relationship and I hope this advice helps
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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 8:42 am
There's no need for the edit, we won't judge you here.
About the tampons... lots of people certainly find them uncomfortable to use at first. This probably means that it's not in right, or there's very little lubrication. It's pretty hard, I used tampons for a few years and still found it occasionally painful - and it took a good few tries to get used to them as well. So there might not be anything wrong with you at all.
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:20 am
Lol where were you when I was a virgin? XD
OKay now that I have that out of my system... If the guys 8 inches hes about my size and when I had sex with this 15 year old I hit the back wall. Shes about 5'5". Idk how tall you are or if it matters but I heard that it hurts when you hit it so... Maybe you should just do it missionary style but i warn you if he gets rough, it'll probably hurt. Also Vaseline works wonders. Also if your both not sweating, and after the sex you can still walk, your probably both doing something wrong. Make him work for that pus.... v****a! XD I feel so stupid... but yeah. I hope that helped.
Edit: OH and Insight on how he might see things
When i first did it I didn't think she was like my teacher or anything. I thought though that I did have something to prove. more to myself than anyone else. But yeah. Dont sweat it too much.
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 10:14 am
Ecliptic Flare Lol where were you when I was a virgin? XD OKay now that I have that out of my system... If the guys 8 inches hes about my size and when I had sex with this 15 year old I hit the back wall. Shes about 5'5". Idk how tall you are or if it matters but I heard that it hurts when you hit it so... Maybe you should just do it missionary style but i warn you if he gets rough, it'll probably hurt. Also Vaseline works wonders. Also if your both not sweating, and after the sex you can still walk, your probably both doing something wrong. Make him work for that pus.... v****a! XD I feel so stupid... but yeah. I hope that helped. Edit: OH and Insight on how he might see things When i first did it I didn't think she was like my teacher or anything. I thought though that I did have something to prove. more to myself than anyone else. But yeah. Dont sweat it too much. 1. Nope, height does not matter. By "back wall," you probably mean "cervix". Regardless of height and weight, some women have a higher cervix, others have a lower cervix. The cervix also moves a bit throughout the month, so it may be higher or lower depending on where a woman is in her cycle. So some women may find that their cervix is hit sometimes during sex but not always. In those cases, different positions or having sex at different times in her cycle may help. Most women do find it painful or uncomfortable when the cervix is hit, but some women actually like it. 2. Vaseline is actually not recommended. Vaseline is oil-based. That means it cannot be used with condoms, diaphragms, or cervical caps (oil-based lubricants break down latex, so those methods of birth control are a lot more likely to break when oil-based lubricants are used). Oil-based lubricants may also increase a female's chances of getting an infection. So condom or not, water-based lubricants are what most ob-gyns recommend.
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