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11.2.10
Location: Work Desk
Music: None.

• I've been incredibly depressed over the past few days, and it's not for nothing. Although the excitement for Nano is still underneath it all, it's buried pretty deep.
  
  My golden retriever had emergency surgery on Sunday, she had to have a gastroplexy done because she suddenly, out of nowhere, had bloat.
  
  It was horrible, they told me there was a fifty-fifty chance she might not survive, and of COURE emergency vet clinics need the money before they start the surgery. I won't go into the bloody details, but she did pull out of it, really well actually. And now I have a lovely $3,510 bill to pay off in six months. Joy.
  
  It wouldn't even be so bad for me today, except my boss told me to put her down next time if she cost me so much money. I'm so angry I don't know what to do with myself so I had to come on here and let it out. How DARE he say that to me? You dog isn't a ******** THING to get rid of as soon as they start costing you some money. You take on a dog, you ******** take care of it!
  
  Even if my boss didn't agree with me, how can he be so insensitive to me? I almost lost my dog, she's been mine since I was 15, she's like my child.
  
  I haven’t been this mad in a REALLY long time. I'm so upset.

10/22/10
Location: Kitchen Table.
Music: Magic by B.O.B.

• Oh my God, the rest of my month is so chaotic. There are so many things wrong/so many things to do that I'm feeling a little out of control at the moment. I'll be working 7-day weeks from now until December, and my body has chosen this moment to fail me and become sick. ARGH.
  
  
• My writing has reached a point where I have a green light with... well, everything. Nothing is really holding me back, really I have everything all figured out, so why is it so hard for me to type any significant word count out? It's like I get up, and can't concentrate. It's so annoying. Maybe it's because I'm sick? Maybe? I feel like that's only part of the problem.
  
  I'm thinking maybe I should give my outline a rest and just wait for November to roll around so I can start working on it again... I don't know, maybe that would be best.
  
  
• Things I have to do today:
  -Go to Walmart for Q-tips and water.
  -Pay internetz bill.
  -Cash private lesson check.
  
  Don't wanna. T.T
  
  
• Last but not least, Halloween is coming up fast. Usually Halloween is a holiday that isn't super-exciting for me, mainly it's a night for me to get blasted with my friends, but this year it's going to be busy, because my work has a float in a Halloween Parade. Guess who's in charge of the 70 kids that are walking with the float? Me! Goody! Our theme is The Karate Kid, and we're going to have some older students actually on the float acting out certain scenes from both the new and old Karate Kid movie. Everyone else will be walking and handing out candy. I have to wear a stupid karate bandana. I am not looking forward to this.

10/17/10
Location: Front work desk.
Music: Like a G6 by Far East Movement

• YAY NANO! --Am I looking forward to waking up at five am every morning to write? No. Am I looking forward to not seeing my boyfriend for 30 days? No. Am I looking forward to writing 50k more words of my story in 30 days? YES. I. Can't. Wait. XD
  
  Unfortunately I'm not writing my outline today, and this evening, I'll probably be going out and getting my bf's Christmas present, which will leave me less time to work on my outline, but oi, I just love Christmas shopping, probably as much/more than writing. XD

10/7/10
Location: Kitchen Table.
Music: You Don't Have to Run by Concord Dawn

• Finally, I'm back. Back to writing now that things have calmed down. It's taken me a while but I think I'm into the swing of things with my story. My outline. I have to say that the time apart wasn't wanted, but I couldn't continue with my story without stepping back and waiting a bit for my mind to change it's mind. I was just kind of stuck. Although writing itself was a big reason why I was away, it wasn't the only reason. Life is hard. I work hard and rarely play. XD So sad.
  
  Anyway, I'm back on track with my outline. I'd REALLY like to finish and be able to be ready for NaNo, which I'd really like to compete in this year. I think I might do it, I'm actually really excited. It should be fun and a big challenge. I haven't seriously written in a while, I've just kind of done it when I've had the chance. However, I'm going to make myself get up early every morning to write (I write better in the mornings for some reason), and if for some reason I oversleep (which is likely if I'm going to make myself get up at five every morning), I'll just force myself to write at night. Roommates and boyfriends be damned! XD
  
  Anyone else excited about NaNo? Who's repeating/new?

1/16/10
Location: My room.
Music: XCT by Polysics.

• I can't seem to get past this sluggish point in my story. I think I'm all mushed up because I know large chunks are missing - as in, the story has been written without them, but I can't seem to continue writing without them present in my mind. And I certainly can't go back, simply because to do so would crush my will at the moment. I am weak, oh writing Gods. Please help me to be strong.
  
  Here's exactly what I can't get over, and unfortunately, it's a few somethings:
  ---The main love interest and my main character fall for each other. However, they, for some reason, have yet to actually have any long, drawn-out conversations of any kind. They can't possibly be as close as they are near the end of the story because they go from hating each other to simply being all into each other. This is such an elementary mistake. I know I can't go back and fix it until my first draft is finished, but I just can't seem to move on without it. I'm in limbo.
  ---I have a certain character who moves in and out of the story - and not in a good way. She's in some scenes and not others. My characters sometimes act as if she's not even there, and then suddenly they're talking to her. AND this is worrisome because she should be there - constantly. I keep telling myself over and over to ignore it at this point - my first draft isn't even done yet; Close, but not quite - and I know that's exactly what I need to do.
  
  I think my biggest problem is that I have more characters than I've ever worked with before. Cramming them all into one scene is HARD to do. My other big problem is that I'm just unorganized. What I really need is a giant sheet of paper that I can draw on to hang up on my wall.
  
  
• I'm so tired. I had work today and had to be up at 7:30. Which isn't usually a problem, but I also had to work later than I normally do on a Saturday. I had two birthday parties to oversee, so I didn't get out until a 5:30. It's now 8pm and I have to get ready to head into Philly for a friend's party, and I'm tired, and I don't want to go but people will be arriving in half an hour, so it's too late to call up my friend and tell her I'm not coming. T.T
  
  
• Oh, and to top it off, this week has just exhausted me. A girl had a seizure in my first day back to college for the quarter. I had her by the arm, but she just dropped back and shook and turned blue and purple and foamed at the mouth.
  
  ....And then I had to sit through four hours of lecture on how to use photoshop, and then rush to work until 7:45 that night. I just haven't had a break yet.

12/9/09:
Location: Work
Music: Kids are screaming.

• I am way stressed out. I am at a crossroad. Do I take the safe route and stay where I am, or do I pack up all up, move and maybe fail? If I move, I definitely will not be able to go back. If I move and it works I will be happier. So what should I do? Should I potentially end up homeless (and with a dog, too boot!) or should I keep it safe and stay with a crazy older woman who takes my underwear and wears it? Who tries to kill my dog by bringing home a WHOLE GLAZED DOGHNUT FOR FOR HER EVERY DAY even though I've asked her not to? SHE'S CRAZY.
  
  
• My writing is suffering because of this. I can't write, I can't really function normally, I can't think clearly. I'm really tired. Advice?

12/8/09:
Location: Work
Music: Below the Sky by If These Trees Could Talk

• "If I had to give young writers advice, I would say don't listen to writers talking about writing or themselves."
  
  
• That quote cracks me up, but it's way true.
  
  
• I'm in a rather strange position with my writing at the moment. One day the writing flows like water, and the next I'm just bored with the scene. I like to think that the boredom comes from the fact that I have envisioned the scene already a million times, and when I finally go to write it, I'm just sick of it. I also think it has to do with the fact that I'm just busy. What with having bills to pay, student loans to pay off, grant money for college to acquire, finals this Friday, searching for a new place to rent, work and Christmas, I think I'm just overloaded.
  
  I do have a wonderful boyfriend who helps me with all this. After all, trying to build back up your credit after your mom has ruined it by borrowing your credit card to pay one month's mortgage and then not paying it back is hard to do. Also, he helps me study. And helps me manage my bills. It's a good thing he's good looking, otherwise I'd just be using him for his usefulness. razz
  
  
• As for my writing, I've managed to rope a friend into the obsession with me, so now I have someone who comes over to write with me. I actually get more done when there's someone next to me with headphones on not talking, doing the same thing. The only conversations we have when she's over, in fact, is when we have a thought that needs talking out about the plot. smile
  
  
• Also, I met with a woman, Holly, who lives on my street. I just so happen to teach her son Karate, and she invited me over to read my story. I'll be going to her place every Sunday to get more and more advice. Holly knows her stuff. I now have two editors. Writing life is good with that. biggrin

11/26/08:
Location: My Bed
Music: Bella's Lullaby (piano version).

• "A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. "
  
  
• How true is that, right?
  
  I'm purposely skipping over the part explaining where I've been for the past couple of months and moving along like nothing has happened.
  
  
• I've come to a point in my writing where I will have to delete major scenes I've already written out. I'm not done yet, no, but I had skipped over some scenes, and when I went back to write them out, I realized that most of the scenes I'd written after the part I'd skipped made no sense anymore.
  
  I hate, hate, HATE how one little change can completely and totally redirect the route my story was originally taking. Sure, the new route is better, but damned if I'm still not pissed off about it. I finally hit 50k, and I stubbornly do not want to be below that number again.
  
  So I am at an impasse. I cannot make myself move forward and I cannot make myself back track. I'm in agony, in turmoil, and it overshadows my joy of hitting 50k. I know what my editor says is true, to suck it up and just delete what I don't need, but dammit, those scenes are still part of me, and I don't want to let them go. I'm just not ready yet.
  
  I'm having Savin's problem with my main character: She's fuzzy and hazy and I've yet to get a good picture of her in my head besides her hair color and length. And that she's not deformed or anything. It's not much though. Ugh.
  
  I might brood over all this for a few weeks before I can actually do anything with it.
  
  Damn.

9/16/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Waters of Nazareth by Justice.

• "I’d dreamed of The Call, as I suppose all aspiring writers do...."
  
  
• I sure as hell have never dreamed of The Call, but then again, I always dream of actually finishing a book.
  
  However, NOW I'm dreaming of The Call.
  
  I wonder how I'll react....
  
  Passed my 35k mark today! Yay!

9/12/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Gobbledigook by Sigur Ros.

• "I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter."
  
  
• I love that quote, it makes me laugh at how true it really is. We're all just excellent, excellent re-writers, aren't we?
  
  
• *siiighs* Nothing good to report. I had to delete an entire chapter because in reality, it didn't work for how the story was panning out, and I lost about 2k words. crying But it's okay, I just have to keep telling myself it's better this way. It really is.

9/10/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: There For You by Flyleaf.

• "...This is really, really, REALLY hard."
  
  
• And it absolutely is. The time, the effort, the lack of sleep we lose to complete something that is so dear to us... It's hard to get it to just the perfect spot so it's good enough for the rest of the world, and then we sit back and take what the agents and publishers and editors do to butcher and destroy it, taking whole scenes out that you thought were absolutely important, changing important details, making you re-write whole chapters....
  
  But we take it. And why? Fame. Fortune. Love for the stories we tell, love for the characters we create. The importance of leaving a bit of us behind when we're not here any longer, as proof of our existence. I was here! I am somebody! I had things to say, adventures to tell!
  
  Why do you struggle through all the crap to get to the goal of having your work up front and center at Barns and Noble? What is so important to you that you accomplish and finish your story? What the hell are you trying to do?

9/8/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Light Curve by Vir Unis.

• "... an agent who had some poor women’s manuscript for a year and a half and still hadn’t put it out on submission before the author fired the person (and I’m not talking about an author spending quality time with a manuscript via the revision process either). This was simply an inexcusable lapse. Bad, bad behavior."
  
  
• It's scary to think that mess-ups like the example above are possible, although from what I read of the Publishing Bloggers, it doesn't happen very often. But it's still nerve-wracking to think of finally finding an agent and then having said agent completely fail you by not sending out your manuscript for a freaking year and a half. I've spent years on my story, I don't want it to sit around doing nothing.
  
  That's one of the reasons I plan on being very careful for my agent selection (not that I'll be selecting any time soon...), and one of the first people I plan on sending my manuscript to is Kristin. Maybe it's because I obsessively read her blog and feel that she's trustworthy, or maybe I just like that she runs a new agency herself and that means she wants it to work more than anything, but I really want her as an agent.
  
  Too bad you can't just hire someone to push you to write. Wouldn't that be awesome? I'd TOTALLY pay someone to kick my a** and force me to write, especially during times like now where I can't seem to get my butt up before 7 (and I need to be getting up at 4!).
  
  Although sometimes reading Kristin's blog inspires me to write, like it just did. I think I'll get up super-early tomorrow and write, no matter what. I'll have to kick my own a**!
  
  Although I'm not the only one ignoring my story because of my day job - my editor is also swamped with work, and hasn't even read my outline yet (which I sent weeks ago) - and it sucks. I'm trying not to pressure him, but I feel pressured. I honestly don't want to continue when I'm not sure the outline works for absolute, you know? I want him to tell me what he thinks I should change or take out, or if it's too predictable, or too whatever.
  
  Ugh.
  
  
• Moving on to other news, the guild is growing, and I'm loving it! I might even have to take on some more mods, as we're getting bigger, and some of the mods have dropped off the face of the Earth! (iPockets, WHERE ARE YOU?!!) crying
  
  I'd also like the chance to welcome all the new members. You guys are awesome, and I'm so glad you decided to join! Yay!
  
  I'm off to go straight to bed! I need to be up early!

8/7/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Silver Shore by Ochi Brothers.

• "...writers feel like they can’t begin their story until the readers know and understand the back story, or the history of the character who opens the novel, or how the world works (if this is SF or fantasy)... The writing is almost always explanation (telling instead of showing) with very little dialogue, scene action, or character development... This is often why prologues don’t work."
  
  
• Some interesting things to think about if you're working on a prologue.
  
  
• On a very different note, I'm back in the swing of things after having been sick and dealing with some stress at work. I've been hitting out about a thousand words a day, and I want to keep it that way, so we'll see how it goes.
  
  
• I got pulled over the other day. Im so very angry about it. Stupid registration.

8/7/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Silver Shore by Ochi Brothers.

• "If you can write good back cover copy for the novel you have in mind, your writing will be forced to live up to the copy you’ve created.”
  
  
• Kristin Nelson has some great advice. Check out her agent blog here. I think I might just write that back cover pitch. In fact, I think I'll make a thread where we can all write what would go on the back cover of our books.
  
  Ohhh, now I'm getting ideas! I'll make up a thread where we can actually create the front and back covers for our books and post them up for everyone to see! xd What do you think?
  
  Anyway, onto ME. I haven't been waking up at my usual four-am time to write for five hours like I usually do. I'm getting sick, so that's part of it. I'm also staying up to ungodly hours coughing my lungs up through my throat. It hurts. I got up at seven this morning and that was only because my dog woke me up so I could let her spoiled a** out. I totally could have slept three more hours. (well, one more hour, I have work at nine thirty this morning.)
  
  I didn't get much done today, just one page worth of writing (it counts as one more because of the page breaks I add in, but it seems like I'm doing more, which motivates me, so it's all good). I was having trouble with my little girl character in the third chapter. I write from her POV and I made her sound too mature, even for someone who's been what she's been through. I need to dumb her down a little, have her memory be fuzzy. She's too revengeful for twelve, and I want the readers to see her revengeful side grow through each book until she's a hardened bad-a** at the end.
  
  Hopefully I can get it all out and sounding right by the tenth (my goal)! Wish me luck.

8/5/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Forgotten Souls by Bungle+Index.

• "A sudden thought struck her then. “Who’s at controls?”
  
  He sighed, the strange tension in the room suddenly gone, as if evaporated into thin air. “Fen.” He shrugged at her surprised look. “She likes watching the blinking lights.”
  
  Fen’s voice came over the comprym then, obviously excited. “Fen sees it!” She cried, her voice static-y.
  
  Rynk reached his hand out to press the thumb pad next to the mirror that would allow him to talk back to Fen. “Be right there.”
  
  “Here we go.” Ayixe muttered, both thrilled and disappointed to be back already. She reached down to grab her top again, and this time Rynk didn’t stop her as she pulled it over her head and torso. He waited as she unlocked the basin and slid it back into the ceiling.
  
  “Let’s go.” He said. “Home, sweet home.”
  
  
• I've been getting up less early these past couple of days because I think I'm getting sick.
  
  Other than that, I'd like to talk about initial ideas, and how they grow and swell (into novels, hopefully!)
  
  I love hearing stories about how simple ideas become well thought-out plots and novels, sometimes even more than the novel itself. It's not easy to create something from nothing, and when you think about it, a simple sentence in your head is almost nothing compared to the compelling stories we read or see on TV or movies. But that's where all these ideas start.
  
  A simple sentence.
  
  A question, a remark, a quote, that first thought is what gets those that actually do this - write for a living - going. And from there the rest is so complicated. Always changing, always moving and replacing and taking away, but always growing and swelling into something so big it's almost overwhelming.
  
  A story I wrote in high school was first thought of in my history class. My teacher said something along the lines of workers and scholars. My first thought - the sentence that created my story from the get-go - was 'What if the men were all workers and the women all scholars, and they had to go through tests at a very young age to decide?
  
  From that simple thought - that simple sentence - I was able to create a full-length novel.
  
  It was a long time ago of course, and when I read it now I cringe, but at the time it was amazing.
  
  And that's how the story I'm writing now got started (What if, in the future, there was a girl that could use government-controlled jump sites?). That's how Orson Scott Card came up with the idea for Ender's Game (what if there was a battle school for young boys?) That's how Ally Cater got her idea for I'd Tell You, But Then I'd Have To Kill You (What if there was a spy school for high school kids?), and that's how they all get started.
  
  So I'm curious... What was YOUR first sentence?

7/18/08:
Location: Sykes' Bed
Music: Deeper by No Idea Who.

• "...drip... ...drip... ...drip...."
  
  Kagome watched, wide-eyed, as the pipe that had broken in two and jammed between two large concrete slabs dripped water only inches from her ear, feeling the cool liquid splash onto her lobe.
  
  …drip….
  
  …drip….
  
  The cold that had settled over her was gone. She wasn’t shivering anymore. It was strange, she thought she would have died from the cold by now, but she’d grown warmer as time wore on. Her teeth weren’t chattering anymore. Or were they? She honestly couldn’t tell. She couldn’t really feel her teeth. Or lips, for that matter. In fact, she felt as if her entire face was numb. It scared her that she couldn’t feel much of anything, that her legs had stopped throbbing hours ago, and that she knew she was slowly losing the feeling in her right arm.
  
  …drip….
  
  She could feel the water dripping by her head, though, and that had to count for something. At least her ear wasn’t numb.
  
  She prayed that she had only just gone into shock.
  
  
• Alright, I'm tired.
  
  I awoke at five this morning because of crazy severe acid reflex, and it's woken me up every hour on the hour. I just can't get any sleep this week. Figures.
  
  Anyway, I have the urge to write, just not my own stories. I write Inuyasha fanfiction. Have since I was a freshman in high school, and I rarely write for any other series. Unfortunately this is both a good and bad thing.
  
  Good, because when I feel no urge to write my originals, I hop over to my fanfiction and still get my practice in. They say that writers should write every day, even if it's meaningless dribble, right? Well, meaningless dribble annoys me, and fanfiction (mostly) doesn't, so fanfiction it is. Plus, people comment and critique my stuff, so it's great for my writing to get better. heart
  
  The bad part, however, is I'm easily distracted from my original. I don't deny that I write fanfiction for the reviews as much as I do for entertainment, so when I get a bunch of reviews at once I get excited and try to pop out another chapter right away, except that my chapters are around 20+ pages, so it takes me longer than most. stare

7/15/08:
Location: Sykes' Bed
Music: Saeglopur by Sigur Ros

• "Well, that party sucked."
  
  Leave it to Miroku to be blunt. Not that Inuyasha minded. Actually, it was one thing he could really count on, which was why he had been drawn to Miroku in the first place. It helped that he worked for Inuyasha’s father, too. One of their favorite past times was to rag on the old man.
  
  “Such a waste.” Miroku continued from the passenger seat of Inuyasha’s Nissan Skyline GTR, an eighteenth birthday present from daddy-dearest. “I mean, think about the parties you could be throwing.” He shook his head to give a disappointed effect.
  
  “I don’t throw parties.” Was Inuyasha’s curt reply, as he sped towards a u-bend in the road. Miroku’s hands clasped onto the handle up by the window and let out a small ‘eep’ as Inuyasha turned the wheel and made the bend perfectly.
  
  “I’m just saying you should.” Miroku shot back as soon as he was relaxed enough to do so. “Your. House. Is. Huge.” He emphasized, and waved his hands in the air erratically. “We could easily throw a sophisticated soiree of our own.”
  
  “Soirée my a**.” He mumbled back. “You’d only invite a bunch of annoying, giggling, girls with big boobs and tight skirts.”
  
  “One of them could teach you how to dance.” He added thoughtfully.
  
  “I don’t dance.”
  
  “You ought to. I get quite a few of the ladies that way.” He hesitated. “Although, you really don’t need much help in that area anyway.”
  
  
• My aunt Flo is visiting today and I hate her. Ugh. It's so painful.
  
  I have done absolutely nothing with my writing, and instead have been devoting my time to re-writing and updating my fanfiction. I don't know why, I just have the urge to. Other then that, I've been working. Working, working, working.
  
  I think I'll go take some painkillers a die now, thank you very much.

7/4/08:
Location: Sykes' Bed
Music: Goobledigook by Sigur Ros

• “Sebastian.” She seethed out, blood pounding in her head.
  
  His expression didn’t change, even with the weapon pointing straight at his brain, a true sign of his military background. But she could feel his muscles tense under his skin, and in response she pressed the barrel of the lightpoint even harder against the side of his head, letting out a hiss as if daring him to move.
  
  “You ******** b*****d.” She whispered harshly, barely able to control her breathing. “You ******** murderous b*****d!”
  
  Sebastian moved nothing but his lips. “Ayixe, let me explain, ******** off, you double-crossing a*****e!” She spat. The anger that rushed through filled her, consumed her. The betrayal she felt overwhelmed her, making her physically shake, and her vision blurred with unleashed, angry tears. She cocked her fist back with her free hand and swung with all her might.
  
  Sebastian moved quicker than her wet eyes could follow, and in an instant she felt him behind her. She was able to manage a gasp of surprise before he had her disarmed and pinned, her hands now held firmly behind her back.
  
  The pain of all she’d been through flared and she struggled with all her might, thrashing against her captor. “Let me go!” She shouted, kicking out with her foot.
  
  It was a mistake. Sebastian definitely had the upper hand and swept her standing leg out from under her. Her muscles strained under his vice-like grip as he pushed her onto the bed and placed his knee on the small of her back.
  
  “Ayixe,” His tone was soft and understanding, and it made her feel worse, “you have to hear me ******** you!” She snarled.
  
  “Listen!”
  
  She wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t believe any of his lies. She’d be damned if she went down as easily as Rynk and Fen. The price of their lives had given Ayixe the true meaning of Sebastian. She wasn’t about to let their death be in vain. “You killed them!” She cried, struggling painfully to no avail. “They trusted you, and you killed them! Fen was only twelve! Twelve!” She was trying to hard not to bawl her eyes out like a baby. “How could you do that to people who trusted you?”
  
  “Ayixe…”
  
  “I trusted you.” It was a whimper, barely audible.
  
  Sebastian didn’t answer at first. He merely pressed his weight into her back as Ayixe’s soft cries filled the room. He spoke after a few seconds. “I didn’t kill them, Ayixe.”
  
  Her immediate reply was a bark of sharp, humorless laughter. “You’re uneasy if you think I’ll fall for that crap.”
  
  “I didn’t kill them.”
  
  
• Partying was very awesome, and writing may or may not get done by Sunday, but we'll see.
  
  The above is what was originally written for the scene, but now I'm not sure if it will be relevant to the story as it stands, but we'll see. I might have to cut it out all together, which I would be sad about, as I like it. And I REALLY like what comes after it *winkwink*.
  
  I won't be doing anything tomorrow but seeing Hancock, so I'll probably be on here, or hovering around the WF.
  
  Now I'm going to talk about fanfiction. Yay!
  
  How many of you write fanfiction? I used to write a crap load, but had to ease up to work on my original stuff. Of course, I still write it, just at a much slower pace. But I've come to realize that fanfiction was a big part of my growth when it comes to writing. I honestly don't think I'd be writing as I am today if it wasn't for fanfiction. Thank you, Inuyasha obsession. heart
  
  And as I said, I still write it, although at a much slower pace. I'm currently working on a long one-shot that will most likely be around twenty pages, and I love it. Although it isn't in my usual style - it's in first person - and it's rather low-rated, as there will be no sex. A lot of cursing, but we're talking about Inuyasha here.
  
  I'm excited to post it, as my last short fanfiction was nominated and got pretty far in last Quarter's IYFG Fan Awards, I got up to the last voting part, but lost. crying
  
  I have to say, I do miss the excitement of posting fanfiction chapters up on the net. Reviews are addicting.
  
  Anyway, it's late (or early, whatever), and I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow!

6/30/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Must Be Dreaming: Frou Frou

• They weren’t ready.
  
  She knew so the moment her younger sister opened the door and raised her fifteen-year-old eyebrow.
  
  Ayixe sighed in annoyance and crossed her arms. “What are they doing?”
  
  “Eating lunch with Ma.” Said Lixue, grinning, obviously enjoying Ayixe’s discomfort. “You might as well come in.” She added, stepping aside and sweeping her arm out in an arch.
  
  Grumbling, Ayixe stepped over the threshold and into the one place that made her more uncomfortable than anywhere else.
  
  “Ma!” Lixue shouted, her long brown hair swaying merrily in her lose ponytail. “Ma, Ayixe’s home!”
  
  “Ayixe?” Came her mother’s voice from the kitchen.
  
  “Hey Mom.”
  
  “Where have you been? I’ve been so worried! Rynk said something about Skow!”
  
  She shot Rynk a death glare, who sat at the kitchen table with Fen, trying way too hard to seem innocent. “No Skow Mom,” Ayixe argued, “you know J’fer only sends me on the safe bounties.”
  
  Her mother’s eyebrows knitted together in worry. “None of them are safe!”
  “Indeed.” Injected Rynk.
  
  She sent him another warning glance before shaking her head at her mother. “Listen, I like what I do. You have no problem with Dad being in the line of business.”
  
  “Your father used to be a hunter, he’s retired, and he’s a male.”
  
  Ayixe groaned and rolled her eyes. “Not this again.”
  
  “Yes, this again! It’s a dangerous line of work for females.”
  
  “I’m fine, Rynk is there to protect me.”
  
  “Rynk stays on the ship!”
  
  “I do stay on the ship,” he confirmed, with a pointed look to her.
  
  “You aren’t helping!” She stretched an accusing finger towards him. “And why are you always on my case, Mom? You never nag to Laasya about any of this! She’s out there too!”
  
  “Your twin isn’t chasing down evil bad-guys! She’s exploring clusters!”
  
  “Which is just as dangerous! Wild Skow roam the Aeoclusts, Mom, she’s in just as much danger as I am. At least the places I go are civilized!”
  
  “Ha!” Her mother balked in her face. “Civilized! You call Chattel Shift ships and Easclust civilized?!”
  
  Ayixe opened her mouth to retort before registering what it was her mother just said. “Easclust? I haven’t been on Contract in Easclust.”
  
  “Well you are now!” Her mother shouted, red-faced and visibly upset as she sat down at a huff at the kitchen table.
  
  Ayixe’s head snapped over to Rynk, who’s eyebrow was raised, awaiting her reaction. “Eastern Cluster?” She asked, eyes wide, face pale.
  
  “Eastern Cluster.” He confirmed, holding up his minicom, showing that J’fer had indeed talked with him. “It seems we have to pick up what Jack Batchelor couldn’t handle.”
  
  “You’re kidding.” She breathed, eyes suddenly sparkling with excitement. “What happened to him? Did he miss the mark, or what?”
  
  Rynk shrugged, a little uneasy about the whole thing. “I don’t know, J’fer wouldn’t say over Com, he just said to get down to his office as soon as possible.”
  
  Ayixe paused, letting the information sink in before turning and heading towards the door. “Let’s go.”
  
  I need to change the above to fit the different way the story went, but I still like it enough. ^.^
  
  I went and saw Wall-E on Friday, and let me just say that it was AWESOME. I loved it. The animation was absolutely amazing. AMAZING. And the way they placed Fred Willard in there and STILL made it believable was amazing. Let me just state that the movie took some surprising twists from the preview they had been showing up until the movie was released, and I was not disappointed. The subtle movement of Wall-E himself made me fall in love with him. Needless to say I cried during two different scenes. And the ending theme song was extremely touching (you can listen to it on iTunes).
  
  As for writing: I've managed to complete about half of my plot points. I'm headed out to Penn State to do some partying for two days, but when I'm back it's back to work. I want to get these plot points down and outlined perfectly by Sunday. We'll see if it happens.
  
  Hope everyone has an awesome 4th of July!

6/26/08:
Location: Kitchen Table
Music: Shake It: Metro Station

• “Shut up.” She said, glancing nervously around. “I do not have a crush.”
  
  “Sure you don’t.” Ayixe replied, sliding past her sister and shutting the door with the press of her thumb.
  
  Lixue banged on the door from the outside. “Hey, I wasn’t done yet!”
  
  “Sorry, my turn now!” She yelled back, programming the water temperature and pressing the pad key to get the water running. It drowned out the noise of her sister. She peeled off the loose tank top she’d been sleeping in, which clung to her skin with sweat.
  
  Gross.
  
  She threw it in the hamper along with her boyshorts and stepped into the small shower, feeling the hydro with her fingertips to make sure it was a nice, warm temperature before stepping underneath the liquid flow, letting it soak into her hair and skin, slightly relaxing after the extremely stressful nightmare.
  
  Man, I love finding songs that get me all excited. You know, those fun songs that you turn up in the car and dance to while you're driving down the road and you can't help but feeling estatic over nothing as you lip sync the words and get all into it.
  
  Yeah, I love that. Metro Stations 'Shake It' is that song for me.
  
  Of course, I went and checked them out on Myspace, and oh my God.
  
  What a bunch of emo ********, okay, maybe that was a bit harsh, and I'm probably totally showing my age, but the hair is just really turning me off. I mean, I really HATE that hairstyle. It looks like a comb over, and it is NOT attractive. Plus, it looks horribly greasy. I'm sorry if I've managed to offend anyone, and if I have offended you, I'll remind you that I'm a bit older than 16, and as such I probably have a big, fat sick shoved up my a**.
  
  Ugh. I hate that hair.
  
  However, the guy that does the actual music? The keyboard and synth and stuff? Yeah, that guy is AWESOME. I just love his techno-super fun beats. The lyrics are lacking, but the tunes are fantastic.
  
  Okay, onto writing. I haven't been able to do much of my outlining the past few days, because.. well, Karate has been literally kicking my a**. It's 'trick week' which means we have the whole week to teach the kids all the flashy, flippy tricky stuff that the extreme competitors use. I'm always exausted durring weeks like this, because I am, again, getting older, and I can't do arials and 540's like I used to. crying Yesterday we were doing butterfly kicks and every time I landed it felt as if my leg bone was going to tear out of it's socket. Wah~ it hurt!
  
  Anyway, my back hurts and my neck hurts (dive rolls), and my legs hurt and I've three more days of this.
  
  In between all that, I've managed to get some stuff down, which is nice, and I don't think I'll have a problem with getting it all done by my goal time. ^.^ I hope.

6/23/08:

• Outlining has proven...
  
  To be something totally worth doing. I mean, it's not like I've never outlined before, but I've never spent this much time and thought into it. I have to admit that it feels pretty awesome. ^.^
  
  Trying to come up with a new, super-cool form of space travel is hard but so much fun and so freaking rewarding. I have to say that even though I'm stuck on it, I absolutely love it. I LOVE it. It's awesome.
  
  How does a person know when they truly love to write stories as I do? How did I just KNOW. I mean, I've been writing stories since I can remember, my own as well as fanfiction, and other than the satisfaction that finally there is something out that that I will absolutely love to read, and I mean love every part of it without fail, how did I realize that it was worth all the frustration and agony of trying and retrying and retrying again? And then having it shot down and then retrying even AGAIN.
  
  I don't know when I realized it the first time, but every so often it hits me again, and I go: "oooh yeah. that's why I do this, and that's why I love it.
  
  I think more than anything I enjoy the process of it starting out and just a simple thing, a sentence, a thought, a fragment of a dream, or even one word, and it rockets off this entire world with new people and new places and new things and new crazy adventures. It makes me giddy inside just thinking about it.

6/23/08:

• Oh how I love my editor so...
  
  Really, I know that completely contradicts my last entree, but oh my goodness, was he ever right to outline it all. XD
  
  Now, I know it sounds like I got massive amounts of plotting done, but really, I don't. What I have is a basic beginning, middle and end for four books. FOUR. AND I plotted out an awesome plot for book three, which I had no idea about what to do with it. NO IDEA.
  
  And now I have better than an idea.
  
  AND because of the timeline, I created an even cooler form of space travel, although that's all I'm going to say about it, but it's so freaking awesome, and I can't wait to write that one. XD
  
  So because I know where the story is going as a whole, and because I've surprised myself, and realized that by book four, my intentional main character
  won't be the actual main character. It's going to be AWESOME. If you can't tell, I'm totally FIRED UP. xd xd xd
  
  Anyway, I'm off to post a new update, to get my outline for book one completely finished before I continue writing.
  
  Wish me luck!

6/20/08:

• I want to wring my Editor's neck!
  
  Don't get my wrong, he's awesome because he tells me what needs to be done and he's blunt about it. But now I have to put a hold on my story and not just outline my FIRST book, but the THREE books that follow it as well! stressed scream And then he tells me: "Just don't get overwhelmed."
  
  Overwhelmed? overwhelmed?!! As if I wasn't ALREADY overwhelmed with just ONE book, now I have to fully outline FOUR? ARGH!!!!!
  
  But I calmed down, took a breath, and realized that yes, he was right as always, and I just needed to stfu and do it.
  
  So I've started the timeline, and I'm putting my current goal on hold and putting up the goal of my timeline, and hopefully I'll be able to churn this baby out.
  
  Off to work!

6/18/08:

• I have finally found some time to write!
  
  About 20 minuets worth of time, unfortunately, but it was enough for me to A) change the POV back to third person, and B) get some really awesome ideas for other scenes. I love it when that happens!
  
  I'm trying to get a few words translated into Chinese. For some reason all the online dictionaries I find are translating into the actual chinese symbols and not the english-spelling way. stressed I CAN'T READ CHINESE SYMBOLS!!!! It makes me wish I'd gone with a Japanese girl, because Japanese characters I can read a little, or at least I can speak it well enough to translate the few words I need to know. But noooooo~ I had to go for Chinese because Japanese is way too overdone now, and I would be bored.
  
  Anyway, can anyone either tell me the way to say 'Big Brother' and 'Big Sister' in chinese? Or at least point me to a translation dictionary that can help me out?
  
  
• EDIT: Alright, found them. Big brother is - "ge-ge" (pronounced 'guh-guh') and Big Sister is - "jie/jie" (pronounced 'jee-eh jee-eh"). Anyone think that's wrong? Right? Let me know, please?

6/11/08:

• I have the worst headache,
  
  And it sucks, because I'm supposed to be writing, but it hurts to look at the screen. I've been on the verge of getting sick for days, but I've been fighting it back because my lack of heath coverage. I'm hoping the headache is just a headache and not a full-blown illness.
  
  I need to be writing.
  
  I had a really cool scene flash in my head today, about an certain item in my book. Originally, my character merely wears it, but I got the idea of it actually growing into her, and being horribly painful at that. I think it's more interesting and adds more conflict rather than the character just possessing it. XD
  
  But of course, I probably won't get it down onto paper (or computer screen, anyway) tonight, because my head is pounding, and I need to sleep.
  
  Please don't get sick. Please don't get sick. Please don't get sick. Please don't get sick!

6/10/08:

• Today I am getting a haircut by a really cute guy.
  
  Which is strange, because I've gotten over the whole 'cute punk boys in bands' phase. But this guy is really nice. And really cute. And he does really awesome haircuts.
  
  I'd post a picture of my new haircut, but I have a weird thing about posting my picture up here. Not that I haven't done it before, but I stopped because... well... You will think I'm so stupid...
  
  I can't help but imagine when I'm a famous novelist and the posts I make on this sight come back to haunt me. Now I'm very careful what I say on here, and what pictures I post on here, and I actually cringe to think of pictures I've put up all over the net and how it might affect me later.
  
  Is anyone else paranoid like I am?

6/8/08:

• Sundays are supposed to be for writing.
  
  Instead, this Sunday was for judging karate tournaments. Which doesn't get me paid, unfortunately, but does get me into a position where I might someday be promoted. Someday. stare
  
  So today was mostly a waste of my writing talent, but I also had a blast, really. It was hot, but I got to see some of the kids I teach compete, and for the most part they did awesome. They actually give me inspiration for one of my young characters, so it's nice, I get to kinda study kid habits, which is cool, cause my nine-year-old character acts like she's seventeen... sweatdrop

6/7/08:

• Irony: "Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs."
  
  Yeah, that sounds about right. How ironic is it that me starting up this guild to get support for my writing, and it actually keeps me from writing at all. crying Of course, it's not like I've had a lot of free time anyway. I don't know how authors do it. They're able to pop out a book in a month while keeping up a day job (or night job, who knows?), while I can barely pop out five hundred words myself.
  
  Isn't it every author's dream to live off just their writing? To have the J.K. Rowling lifestyle because of telling others a story? I know it's my dream. I know I want the J.K. Rowling lifestyle.
  
  Which is why I'm hoping taking the time out of writing to set up this guild pays me back tenfold. I'm hoping this guild will give me the support to finish off my first draft. I'm hoping the irony of the situation turns out to be irrelevant.
  
  I can hope. smile

Usually Sundays are my writing days, but it just so happens that once a month I have to judge a karate tournament. crying lol. Unfortunately, a set time each day doesn't work, because my work schedule is all over the place. stare So instead I cram my writing in every time I realize I have nothing to do and my laptop is doing nothing. xd

As for pestering me to write, I have a friend via AIM that I went to college with that keeps pestering me about my first draft. He's great to talk to about the story, he really knows his stuff and helps me with research and whatnot, it's great. ^.^

I LOVE DOGS!!! *pauses to make my golden retriever lick me*

Yeah, judging is interesting all right. And yes, dogs are the best, I could never live without one (well, I could, I'd just be miserable).

I have a feeling this will take me forever as well. What is At Swim, Two Boys about?

Ah, an any-time-schedule writer. I know the feeling. At work I don't have a set schedule so not only is my schedule all over the place, but so is my sleeping pattern. Makes for a horrid time trying to write when your brain is mentally exhausted. (And getting sick, like you may be doing now is not helpful either.)

I've been reading Time To Write by Kelly Stone and it's got a lot of useful tips about how to motivate yourself to write and how to make time to write (even with an all-over-the-place schedule).

Wow well done hehe.

I have no set time for writing as I aim to write everyday.

How did the tournament go? biggrin

Yes, I'm that paranoid. I've already decided not to post when/if I ever get published on here because I don't want my book to be connected to the idiotic things I've said in the past few years. xD

Billions of words go onto the internet every day. I think we'd be safe as long as we don't get too obvious! pirate

We all write really long books and once posted on Gaia. We're all already confusable.