F A C T S: THE DOCTOR
In the style of Chuck Norris, Bruce Campbell and Mr T comes the Doctor Facts
The Doctor applied for the position of God, but was rejected because of over-qualification
One day, The Doctor came across a humanitarian group trying to save a beached whale. Instead of helping, The Doctor turned around and started to take a piss. 30 minutes later the whale was happily swimming in the world's largest urine pool, The Doctor ocean.
The Doctor taught Voldermort everything he knows
When The Doctor was young, people used to call him Jesus.
Question: Pirates versus ninjas, who would win? Answer: The Doctor, hands down.
The Doctor is the Stig
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for the Doctor.
You know the Dead Sea? The Doctor killed it.
The Doctor's wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick a**."
The Doctor puts grease on handlebars.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep The Doctor out. It failed miserably.
The Doctor doesnt own a clock. He decides what time it is!
The Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse all pay The Doctor protection money.
There isn't a CTRL button on the Doctors computer because the Doctor always has control.
The Fourth Doctor and the Tenth doctor went into a bar. The bar instantly exploded as no building can take that level of awesome.
The Doctor once visited hell. We now know it as the antartic.
Doctor Pepper - you guessed it he invented it. And only he knows the secret ingredient.
One morning a man mocked The Doctor - within the hour he was struck down by a mysterious falling ladder.
The Doctor sweats deodorant.
Robbie left Take That because The Doctor told him to
The Doctor knows two facts about ducks and both of them are wrong
The Doctor abandoned Stig in that dump.
The Doctor is more Famous than four kids and a dog
The Doctor knows the secret of The Holy Grail
Chuck Norris was based on The Doctor
The Doctor shot Bambi's mum.
The Doctor placed a bet on the South to win the Civil war, when they lost the Doctor shot Lincoln in revenge.
The Doctor had a staring contest with the sun and won.
When The Doctor plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
The Doctor once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When The Doctor breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
JFK wasn't shot, The Doctor traveled back in time and caught the assassin's bullets with the side of his box. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
The Doctor actually died over 800 years ago but Death just hasn't got the guts to tell him yet.
The Doctor pwns noobs... and by pwns I mean has sex with, and by noobs I mean your mom.
There is only one way The Doctor can keep away the ladies: wear a label saying "Highly toxic".
Anything you can do, The Doctor can do better and faster using only a bent paper clip.
Why are there no dinosaurs? One reason, The Doctor.
The Doctor once ate a llama with a spoon.
Not long ago all the pirates of the world tried to kill The Doctor, fortunately The Doctor had a guitar handy and wailed on it so hard that all the pirates bladders imploded.
George Bush invaded Iraq because The Doctor told him to.
The Doctor once pushed Steven Hawking down a hill with the brakes disconnected.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players The Doctor has breathed on.
The chief export of The Doctor is pain.
The Doctor invented time.
Few people know it, but The Doctor is actually a superhero from another planet, but tends to dress like normal humans so as to not make everyone feel inferior.
Jesus can walk on water... but the Doctor can swim through land!
The Doctor built the pyramids in just a day with his sonic screwdriver, a quarry, and chips to eat on his snack break.
The Doctor was the model for the stone faces on Easter Island.
The Doctor kicked around some stones and made Stonehenge.
When the Doctor had to dump some of the rooms on his TARDIS, the shower was the first to go-now the Doctor has to keep going back to Niagara Falls with his shampoo and rubber ducky.
The Doctor accidentally cut off a toe and now it keeps jumping around all over the forests of North America-toying with Bigfoot enthusiasts.
Once upon a time, the Doctor was messing around with his blow-dryer and now the Sahara is bigger than ever before.
After a fight with the Master, the Doctor spit out a tooth and it became Mt. Everest.
The Doctor had some leftover paint from whitewashing a fence and now we have the White Cliffs of Dover.
When challenged to a fight by The Doctor, Superman chose to eat kryptonite instead.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless The Doctor has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
"I like The Doctor" - Chuck Norris.
The Doctor knows how to spell onomatopoeia, but forgot how to spell dog
The Doctor thinks that both Captain Kirk and Captain Picard are pathetic and that Voyager sucked.
The A-Team used to be the The Doctor Team, but one person isn't much of a team, so they had to settle for the A-Team.
The Doctor could kill you with a teabag.
One time The Doctor punk'd God.
The Doctor once clubbed a seal with Oprah's thigh.
The song 'simply the best' was written as an understatement about The Doctor.
The Doctor can beat Ray Charles in a staring contest.
The Doctor once killed a badger by staring at it.
The Doctor can beat Napoleon at risk
In the beginning there was nothing...then The Doctor sonic'd that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
The GIF image file format is The Doctor's invention. Originally, the acronym stood for 'God, I'm Fabulous' and the pictures were all self portraits
The Doctor uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
The Doctor has a bowl of nails for breakfast...without any milk
The Doctor wanted to help save the trees, so he started using owls as toilet paper.
The Doctor's hearts are made from potato.
They sold The Doctor's urine in stores, you probaly know it as Red Bull
If all hell breaks loose it will take The Doctor about 15 minutes to get it under control.
Romeo and Juliet was originally supposed to be a horror starring The Doctor.
When The Doctor breaks wind, it's like a whirlwind of ecstasy has been unleased from an a**s of heaven.
The Doctor taught Thierry Henry how to play football.
The Doctor taught Michael Jordan how to play basketball.
The Doctor taught Tom Cruise how to be crazy.
There are fifteen different documented ways to defeat the doctor, unfortunatley only he has the capability to perform any of them.
Police label anyone attacking The Doctor as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
The Doctor is always invited to Michael Barrymore's pool parties.
The Doctor invented Pong.
Telephones are no use to The Doctor. The Doctor talks to people via telepathy
There is no "we" in The Doctor, there is only "I, Will, Kick, Your, Arse."
The original title of "Killin in the Name of" was "Killin in the Name of The Doctor"
Vampires don't flee from the sun because it will kill them. The sun allows The Doctor to hunt said vampires.
The Doctor once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
The Doctor doesnt play games. He wins them.
The Doctor's calender goes stright from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools the Doctor.
The Doctor is the reason why Sauron had one flaming eye.
Julius Caesar, he came, he saw, he conquered. He met face to face with The Doctor and was immediately stabbed 21 times.
When The Doctor sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. The Doctor has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The Doctor can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves
The Doctor will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Contrary to popular belief, Britain is not a democracy, it is a Doctatorship.
The Doctor can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is The Doctor.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects The Doctor could use to kill you, including the room itself.
The Doctor was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to The Doctor's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious sonic screwdriver related injuries.
The Doctor is the reason Wally/Waldo is hiding
The Doctor can slam a revolving door
The Doctor can cook minute rice in 30 seconds
The Doctor can unscramble an egg
Everybody Loves Raymond- except The Doctor
Someone once asked The Doctor "Doctor who?". They are now dead
The Doctor built Rome in a day
The Doctor is what willis was talking about
The doctor wrote his name for his all his exam questions and passed
Horses are hung like The Doctor
The Doctor once shot down an enemy plane by making a gun shape with his hand and yelling "bang"
The Doctor's hand beats a royal flush in poker
The Doctor doesn't wear a condom- there is nothing that can protect you from The Doctor
The Doctor frequently donates blood. But Never his own
The Doctor can get a ten letter word on countdown
They tried to make Doctor themed toilet roll, but it wouldn't take *beep* from anyone
The Doctor's iPod came with a real charger
If you have 5 dollars and The Doctor has 5 dollars, The Doctor has more money than you
The Doctor can touch MC Hammer
The Doctor ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one
The Doctor's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF The Doctor!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't mock with the Doc!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
The Doctor is in. Always.
The Doctor sh*ts chocolate and pisses lemonade
The Doctor invented the question mark. Because he could.
The Doctor invented E-Bay because he was bored.
The Doctor IS Big Brother
The Doctor only likes White Chocolate, and dislikes Plain and is allergic to all other chocolate. His fave choc is Toblerone.
The Doctor is fluent in over 2 millions forms of communication, including binary, Vulcan, and even Welsh(!).
The Doctor's medical area of expertese is gynaecology (obviously).
The Doctor drinks straight from the can.
The Doctor makes it happen.
The doctor invented Concorde, then crashed it after he was bored
The doctor makes the Master look like a cartoon villain
The doctor invented time
The Doctor didn't invent Marmite. When the doctor invents something EVERYONE loves it.
The Doctor has a sign in his yard that says "Beware of god".
The Doctor doesn't mow his lawn. He glares at it and the grass digs deeper.
All your base are belong to the Doctor.
The Doctor is in ur base killin ur d00dz.
The Doctor killed Leeroy Jenkins and ate his chicken.
When the Doctor needs ice for margaritas, he cracks Haley's comet.
The Doctor killed Mr. Body, in the Tardis, with the sonic screwdriver.
God may not play dice with the universe, but he plays cards with the Doctor.
River Tam can kill you with her brain. The Doctor can kill you with your brain.
The Doctor didn't invent the chicken sandwich, just the chicken.
Burger King does it your way, right away. The Doctor does it his way, yesterday.
The doctor cured every disease long ago. Unfortunately the doctor also is the cause of every new disease
The Doctor once punched Chuck Norris... and got away with it
The Doctor would shake your hand after a duel on World of WarCraft, but it's really hard to shake hands with deleted data.
The Doctor can wipe. Hands-free.
The Doctor has slept with more people then Gene Simmons.
The Doctor is extremely familiar with HTML. Of course, HTML stands for Hot Topless Mega Lesbians
Sally sold seashells down by the seashore. How many shells did sally sell down by the seashore? None, because The Doctor called her stupid and broke all her seashells.
World domination is number 14 on The Doctor's to-do list. Number 15? Learn to play "Flight of the bumblebee" on the banjo.
The Doctor once had a fight with 300 Spartans and won.
The Doctor invented the "Your mom" joke.
The Doctor created the Mona Lisa out of belly-button fluff.
There is no such thing as Halleys comet, Just the result of The Doctor's ejaculation.
The Doctor didn't cause the Big Bang, the Doctor was the Big Bang...
The Doctor IS the Master Chief.
The doctor once owned about 5 billion n008s on online Halo, just by loading the game.
The hurricane that destroyed New Orleans was caused by the doctor when he sneezed.
In the beginning there was the doctor, nuff said.
The universe revolves around the doctor.
The doctor is really David Tennant.
The doctor beat baby seals in anger at the last fact.
The doctor pitied Mr T
The film 'I am Legend' was supposed to be called 'I am Doctor', but he was having a shower at the time.
The doctor created the matrix.
The Doctor once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they are just the Islands.
The Doctor once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known as Giraffes.
The Doctor sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled awesome-ness. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, The Doctor roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When God plays dress up he pretends to be the Doctor. (Contributed by Dawntreader)
I do apologise if I put this in the wrong place. whee
