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Ranger of Noctua
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 5:00 am


RP staff is: Busy! Respond times might be long sad

Have some ideas for a new character, but don't know how to write them up? Need some help or suggestions? Well, this is the place! Post your character forms (in progress) here to get input from the RP staff.

Feedback might take a few days, or more if the staff is busy with events or other things, but they will try to help you as soon as they can. The RP staff (via the Herald of Noctua) can help you avoid some of the major pitfalls and difficulties that people run into in character concepts and development. And posting your form publicly will help make sure that the same concept hasn't been done to death already. It also has the added benefit of helping other people in Noctua learn what to avoid!

NEW! When posting your form for staff input you may ask for specific types of feedback. If you are concerned about the concept but are confident in your writing abilities, then ask for 'character feedback.' If you're happy with the character but need some help with the form itself, then ask for 'grammar/spelling.' And if you'd like to make the RP staff earn their keep, then ask for both! You may also specify the level of feedback you'd prefer. 'Basic' means you'll get little to no feedback unless there's a problem that will stop the form from being approved. 'Gentle' is perfect for people with fragile egos or other difficulties, especially those who are dyslexic, a non-native English speaker, or are new to roleplay in Noctua. 'Brutal/Grammar-Cthulhu' is recommended only for those who want everything to be as good as it possibly can be, no matter what it takes.

Please use the following forms and post them here, for staff feedback. If you don't feel comfortable getting feedback in a public forum then you can PM the form to the Herald of Noctua. Naturally, posting here does not mean that your form has been approved. You will know that your form is approved when there's a comment saying "approved and posted". If you feel confident in your abilities or if you don't want any in depth feedback you can post the form directly in the character form submission thread

[b]I want this kind of feedback:[/b] Grammar/Spelling, Character Feedback, Both
[b]Level of feedback:[/b] Basic, Gentle, Brutal/Grammar-Cthulhu
[b]Anything else?[/b] non-native English speaker, Newbie to Noctua, etc


[size=10][i][b]Part I - The Sentinel[/b][/i]

[b]Player: [/b]
[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Nicknames: [/b]
[b]Species:[/b] Sentinel of Noctua
[b]Age: [/b]
[b]Hatch Date:[/b]
[b]Type:[/b]
[b]Task:[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]History: [/b]
[b]Territory:[/b]
[b]Mate:[/b]
[b]Companions:[/b]
[b]Certificate: [/b]


[i][b]Part II - Companions[/b][/i]

[b]Name: [/b]
[b]Species: [/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Speech Ability: [/b]
[b]Intelligence: [/b]
[b]Skill:[/b][/size]


Some suggestions:
- avoid crazy, reclusive, antisocial, or overly quirky characters
- avoid physically-disabled characters
- use proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation
- write in one tense throughout
PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:02 pm


Any suggestions are appreciated. Her entire personality is a work in progress. 3nodding

Part I – The Sentinel

Player: Panda.Ba
Name: Briskwind
Nicknames: Brisk
Species: Sentinel of Noctua
Type: Aberrant
Task: Scout
History/Personality: Briskwind was born into a true aberrant family. They were very proud and stubborn and wanted to make sure she knew where she came from. As a hatchling, she was raised by her family. If both her parents were out, being busy as a Hunter and a Scout, her grandfather would step in to watch Brisk until her parents’ return. Because of the strong opinions around her as a child, she took many of their ideas as obvious truths: such as the perfection of her bloodline, the importance of following in her parents’ footsteps, and loyalty to her kind. She started to take these things for granted and so became a little apathetic towards it. Why go around telling everyone something everyone knows to be true?

Honestly, all the tirades and lectures Brisk’s parents went on over and over again couldn’t be more boooring. During these “teachings” Brisk got into the habit of losing concentration and getting lost in daydreams. This was very irritating to her family and some of her teachers outside the bloodline.

Brisk enjoyed the change from family to her “outside” teachers. Not having to stay still was accepted there, unlike at home where she is not allowed to fidgit because it made her family look bad. She couldn’t get enough of moving around and flapping and hopping once she got around other fledglings. She also learned about the amazing thing called flying. Brisk caught on very quickly and was very good at both speed and maneuvering. She loved every minute of darting around, the wood whizzing by, ducking and dodging between trees, and the wind pushing against her feathers; it made her feel better than anything else.

As wonderful as Brisk’s skill in flying was, her parents might have preferred her to be better at the other subjects of learning. Her daydreaming meant that she would lose concentration and sometimes miss entire history lessons. Brisk hated history. It was much less interesting than what she could be doing outside.

Brisk’s calling was obviously a Scout. She loved to fly and no other profession would praise her for flying as much as she likes. She was lucky that her father was a Scout, so she was carrying out both her duty to her family and her passion.

Brisk is relaxed and easy-going. She is hard to get upset. Actually, only one subject can get her riled up: mouthing off about her Aberrant line. She will not go spouting to everyone how pure her bloodline is and expects the same courtesy from others. She wants everyone to keep their insults about her bloodline to themselves. If someone does cross that line, she will defend her family to the end. On top of that, the unfortunate Sentinel to insult Brisk will have earned not only one enemy, but the wrath of the entire family. Brisk is very loyal to her grandfather and keeps him informed of any threat to their kind, no matter how mild it may be.

Answer from the Herald
It might be difficult to make her grandfather a different type, unless she’s not a true type aberrant - only a Sentinel with a very fancy dye job. It would make little sense to have her grandfather be a different type than her.

Wildtypes are the “original” type and some old families might consider themselves the original and best... The Deep Woods type is also one of the older types, and because of their smaller size they make good scouts. Mists are considered snooty and full of themselves so that might be an option?


Extra Thought: I was thinking of developing her grandfather as a character, too. Yay grumpy, old Sentinels. But I don't know if keeping them both Aberrants is completely necessary. So, opinions? Should I stick with the Aberrant coloring or could I use one of the main types to be as snarky as I want this guy to be? Which other type would be as likely to be thick-headed like this?

Panda.Ba

Aged Noob


THE kage

PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2008 10:38 pm


Quote:
Approved and posted!
PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2008 12:58 am


Quote:
Approved and posted!

bluekoinu


Annchen
Crew

Sparkly Bibliophile

PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:07 pm


Quote:
Approved and posted!
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 5:12 pm


Quote:



RE-Done

Part I – The Sentinel

Player: redwerecat
Name: HeartSong
Nicknames: Song, by most other Sentinels, and Urry by most of the companions he cares for.
Species: Sentinel of Noctua
Age: Adult
Hatch Date: 04/05/200?
Type: Wildtype
Task: Keeper
Personality:Bright, bubbly personality, sometimes a little over-eager, but usually Heartsong is viewed as pleasant company. While he may have a tendency to brag about the superiority of his companions over others', it's quite clear that habit is due to his affection for his charges.

Some consider him more than a little odd for his chosen profession, as he tends to treat them about as kindly as he treats other sentinels. (However, this won't stop him from preying upon one of his charges should the opportunity arise- he considers it a kindly death over one by injury or some other such cause.)

Song has a rather eclectic taste in almost everything, as he's drawn to colors and other aesthetically pleasing things in a rather Jay-like way. Not to say he hoards anything, simply that he has a habit of collecting bright things. (Much like his Mus, as a matter of fact. It's not uncommon for one of his charges to bring him a shiny pebble or brightly-colored flower.)

Heartsong also has a tendency to be easily distracted. (Again, shiny colors.) While he's perfectly capable of staying focused on something, it's all too frequently that Sentinels interacting with him will find their conversation rambling about aimlessly- mostly due to the fact that Song will just go where his thoughts take him- if this means that he's the only one who understands why the conversation just jumped from the recent rainfall to which color looks better on a leaf, red or purple, that's certainly not through any fault of his own. You were the one who couldn't keep up.

In fact, one of the ways others can tell his emotions is not by how focused he is, but rather how unfocused. Heartsong's emotions make him even more likely to jump from topic to topic, what with him being constantly distracted by things.

His parents assumed this was a sort of defense mechanism- when Heartsong was scared or upset, changing the subject or switching focus pushed the fearful or sad thing out of his kind, which helped him deal somewhat. However, he's also not really ever grown out of this habit, which, for a grown Sentinel, isn't the best thing. He tends to get very flustered about decisions and other important things, so he's also a little indecisive, when it comes right down to it.


History: Heartsong was always a busy fledgling, tagging along with his siblings or parents and generally getting underfoot. He was always visiting other Sentinel's homes to ask if he could play with their companions, and he became well-known among the keepers for being "that little fledgling playing with Mus". He was quickly recognized to have a knack for dealing with the companions, and he always seemed most at ease with them- he was shy and socially awkward around other fledglings his age.

There was, in Song's mind, never any choice beyond becoming a Keeper- he had found what he wanted to do, and, despite his oft-distracted mind, he pursued that goal doggedly. It wasn't hard for him either- he had made friends with most of the keepers, who were generally happy enough to point him in the right direction if he needed help, and with a little determination and a good deal of trial-and-error, he soon had his title of keeper.

For most of his life, Heartsong was basically asexual, showing no preference for either gender beyond platonic relationships. As he says, he's too busy training and raising his companions to be able to devote his time to a mate or a hatchling, and it simply wouldn't be fair to a prospective mate to pretend otherwise.

He has said, however, that were he to find another Sentinel who could be happy to live with a mate like him (read: A distracted, thick-headed, shy Mus-keeper) he would be more than thrilled to have the chance. However, of course, he's about as thick as a tree when it comes to romance. You could outright say you loved him and he still wouldn't comprehend.

Heartsong has been hurt by his thick skull before though, which hasn't helped any with his social skills. The one Sentinel he was ever really in love with had been, in a way, leading him on. She hadn't ever been serious with him, but he hadn't ever been able to recognize the signs. When she outright told him, he was heartbroken.

He laughed off the humiliation and quickly changed the subject, but it hurt him a lot.

Territory: An elderly Oak, which had been split in half in a storm some years past. The branches grew around the split, making a sort of barrier so the only entrance is through the top or front. The result is a hollow where he and his companions can both be comfortable.

Mate: N/A currently
Companions: Yes
Certificate: User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.


Part II – Companions

Name: Chico
Species: Chirop
Age: Adult
Speech Ability: 4
Intelligence: 5
Skill: Herding unruly Mus/ Keeping Heartsong On Task

Name: Snow (White Mus)
Species: Mus
Age: Adult
Speech Ability: 2
Intelligence: 3
Skill: Breeding/ Raising other Mus

Name: Chestnut (Tan Mus)
Species: Mus
Age: Adult
Speech Ability: 4
Intelligence: 5
Skill: Keeping Heartsong's home uncluttered and clean.

Name: Cocoa (Dark Mus)
Species: Mus
Age: Adult
Speech Ability: 3
Intelligence: 2
Skill: Breeding/Foraging- Finding Food/trinkets/etc.


Quote:
Actually, I don't find a lot to talk about here, it looks well thought-through and interesting. Of course - and please note that this is not something that you need to put in the text - his distractedness is not so crippling that he can't hunt properly. I think I already got that from your text - it's more of a social thing, right?

A tiny nitpick perhaps would be this part:

"Some consider him more than a little odd for his chosen profession, as he tends to treat
them about as kindly as he treats other sentinels."

I'd advice you to change "them" into "his charges" or "the companions," it will make the sentence look a lot smoother.


Quote:
This sentence is a bit long: "While he's perfectly capable of staying focused on something, it's all too frequently that Sentinels interacting with him will find their conversation rambling about aimlessly- mostly due to the fact that Song will just go where his thoughts take him- if this means that he's the only one who understands why the conversation just jumped from the recent rainfall to which color looks better on a leaf, red or purple, that's certainly not through any fault of his own." See how it goes on for several rows? It might be better to re-write it and divide it into two sentences.

Also: do you want to tell the other players that how focused/unfocused he is reveals his feelings? It could be something that you don't put in your form, but reveals through roleplay instead. But that's just a suggestion and you can keep it if you want it in the form smile

RedWerecat

Dapper Shapeshifter

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Pandora Talie

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 5:45 pm


Quote:
Approved and posted!
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 1:53 am


Quote:
Approved and posted

Haren48


StrawberriLori

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:12 pm


Quote:
Approved and posted!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:57 pm


Quote:
Aproved and posted!

dragonfire_kaen

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