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 Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:42 pm
WARNING: Somewhat explicit/lengthy.
My boyfriend and I have recently begun stimulating each other manually. We've only tried a couple of times. He had an orgasm both times, but I haven't. He works for a long time and gets close, but it begins to hurt me if he touches me for too long.
I have explained to him that an orgasm is not important to me. Being touched by him feels good either way. However, he is still upset.
/// I masturbate and give myself an orgasm every time.
/// I have shown him where to touch me to make me orgasm.
/// I have explained the rythm/motion necessary as well.
/// He has watched me stimulate myself.
/// It might be that he gets overly rambunctious with it and moves his hand from the right spot?
/// (He stimulates me with friction, he does not insert his fingers.)
It doesn't bother me at all that I have not orgasmed by his stimulation, but it really kills his confidence.
Has anyone had an experience like this? Even if you haven't, what works for you?
PM me if you don't care to share here please. (:
Thanks!
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Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:46 pm
I don't get it, if you felt good and he made you felt good that should have been enough. When my girlfriend says I made her feel good, even though she doesn't orgasm sometimes I still happy that I made a difference. He should know that as long as he makes you happy, thats all that truely counts.
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Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:51 pm
Make sure he's not being too rough with you. That can make things painful or uncomfortable since the clitoris is generally pretty sensitive. Also make sure you are comfortable, relaxed, and not trying too hard.
That's great that you're being honest and guiding him. That's a great way to teach him what you like.
It sounds like the biggest problem is simply his confidence/attitude though, and that's not necessarily something you can change. He simply has to realize that women often don't orgasm as easily as men. It's nothing to feel bad, mad, or sad about. That's just the way it is. Even experienced people sometimes have trouble making a new partner orgasm. It can take a while to perfect the technique enough to get a partner there. Not a big deal.
And like Valgex said, sexual activity isn't all about an orgasm anyway. He needs to learn that things can still be pleasurable even if there isn't an orgasm involved.
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:06 am
I agree with both of them. You have done everything right.
Sometimes it's the girl's mind not letting them get all the way there, for some reason... nerves, slight discomfort or something of that nature.
But also men have a tenancy of getting a bit rough. And alot of times the girl wont notice over the good feeling, until the good feeling is replaced by discomfort.
It's also a challenge teaching someone exactly how you would do it to yourself. It will take time for the guy [or girl] to learn how the other person likes it, and what makes them climax.
There are many reasons why this can happen. The best think you can do is stay honest with him. Relax and keeping showing him. Make sure he's not pressing to hard or fast. But just keep at it and be open.
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:38 am
tbh i dont care if she does as long as she enjoys it i dont care
i just enjoy making her fell good!
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:48 am
I'll keep trying to explain to him. Being a macho man is a very big deal to him, so it's difficult for him to see beyond the 'goal' of the orgasm.
Thanks for the help, guys. (:
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 7:25 am
Ross Mohan Sometimes it's the girl's mind not letting them get all the way there, for some reason... nerves, slight discomfort or something of that nature. I agree with this. A similar thing happened when my boyfriend and I first started sexual activity. It took about two months for him to finally be able to bring me to orgasm. Perhaps, it isn't your mind like it was for me, but in any case, it can take some time and learning before these things happen.
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:04 pm
I definitely wouldn't rule out the mind thing.
So. Update.
He tried again like four days ago, to no avail. He got really upset and wouldn't even look at or talk to me for about 10 minutes. It kind of scared me.
It only made him feel worse when I tried explaining that this is a common problem. Apparently he's always told himself he'd never be "one of those guys that couldn't please his woman."
I insisted that it shouldn't matter, and he seems to be making an effort not to let it affect him, but I know it still does.
He tried yesterday, and this time I decided to pretend that I had one. I don't plan on ever doing it again, I just hope that it was enough to give him some confidence and whatever sense of self-worth he thinks it brings. At least now if it doesn't happen again he won't think something is wrong with him.
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:22 pm
I don't think lying to him is going to solve any problems. In fact, I think it's a really bad idea.
Honestly, I think professional help might be the only thing that can help him at this point. He sounds like he has serious maturity or self confidence issues. Not looking at you or talking to you for ten minutes because you didn't have an orgasm? To be perfectly honest, that sounds crazy to me. You were right to be scared. His reactions aren't even close to being normal or healthy. In fact, he reminds me of my abusive ex. Personally, I would be running for the hills unless he agrees to get help.
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 9:41 am
How does he remind you of your abusive ex? ._.
I don't think it's that serious. He just felt really disappointed in himself. :/
I do agree that he needs more self-confidence, and he is less mature than what I am used to because he is the first younger guy I've dated.
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 10:17 am
He reminds me of my abusive ex because my ex wasn't very mature. He would respond to pretty much any situation in abnormal and unhealthy ways. He would get angry about things that healthy people just wouldn't get angry about. It started with him feeling bad about himself. Then he would hit himself. After a while he started hitting me too.
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 2:50 pm
i know exactly what you mean
my boyfriend tries really hard and i've showed him where, but he can't really get me to have an orgasm
and i love sex with him b/c it feels good
but he always feels bad b/c he can't make me have one
just tell him that he doesn't have to worry b/c it feels good anyway
and that it's not his fault
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Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 11:41 pm
maybe he's overdoing it somewhat.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:43 pm
LorienLlewellyn He reminds me of my abusive ex because my ex wasn't very mature. He would respond to pretty much any situation in abnormal and unhealthy ways. He would get angry about things that healthy people just wouldn't get angry about. It started with him feeling bad about himself. Then he would hit himself. After a while he started hitting me too. I'm sorry about that. ): I don't think that's my boyfriend, but I will look out for symptoms. I didn't like the idea of lying about an orgasm, either, but it seems to have had a positive effect. Since then he has given me two orgasms, and when I didn't have one today he wasn't upset at all. Maybe we were both thinking about it too much.
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:12 pm
So he actually gave you two real orgasms? That's great. Even better to hear that he wasn't upset when you didn't have one!
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