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 Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:51 pm
Being the good little girl my mother raised me to be: I've never had sex. However, I've jumped through every little loophole introduced, including oral, fetishes, bisexual exploration, threesomes and a**l. I've always been told my virginity is special, and not to lose it to the wrong man, and I believe this. However, it's kept me from giving a relationship my all, often leaving men confused as to why I'll jump into every other situation without hesitation, but not sex. I don't want to bring my mother's teachings into the bedroom and explain this is why we can't have sex. There have been many "worthy" men over the years, but the circumstances weren't always right (no emotional connection, he'd take off, etc.). I've never liked not being able to do with my body what I wish, when I wish.
I honestly don't see a solution to losing this 24/7 flower-sitting gig, other than waiting, which is why I turn to you.
Summary:
I wish to rid myself of virginity. It's tedious having to look after something so delicate and innocent. -_-
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:11 am
Well, I agree with what your mom says. I too think that it's better to lose your virginity to someone you really love and care about. And that way there's no regrets. But ask yourself if you feel this way too. If you really want to wait for that special someone, then it's worth waiting for him. Though you have already done so many other sexual things with people you must also think about whether you should really bother, being that you have shared your body and experiences with other people already. But if you really feel there's no need to wait for that person then you should do what you want. But don't just go lose your virginity just to lose it. If you meet another "worthy" man, go for it, but don't just do it with a random person. Just make sure of one thing, that you will not regret it. I think that's about the worst thing that can come out of it, emotionally.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:22 am
See, I'm the other way around. If you were to ask me about your virginity, I'd tell you that you weren't a virgin anymore. Oral SEX, a**l SEX, those are types of sex. You just haven't had intercourse yet.
I'd be honest and upfront with the next person you're with. Tell them that you're comfortable doing other things, but you're not ready for intercourse. It might help to have a reason ready in case they ask why, but that's up to you. Either way, mentioning it early on in the relationship/situation would be helpful for your partner so they don't get confused.
If you find someone special you're with, and you feel comfortable having intercourse, then go for it. Just make sure you have protection, and it's a good idea to be on (hormonal) birth control too for extra back-up (but that's up to you).
And if it makes you feel any better, I don't regret losing mine to the person I lost it too, even though we're no longer together and don't talk much. At the time we loved each other and it was a special thing, so we went for it. We're no longer dating but I have no regrets. smile And to me I think that's the way it should be.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:20 am
I don't mean to be horrible, but just because you haven't had vaginal intercourse doesn't mean you're 'innocent' you have done plenty other sexual things. I understand that you value the morals your mother has taught you but it isn't as simple as 'I'm a nun because I have had sex with p***s to v****a'.
Yes you should lose your virginity to someone you care about, but even if you do choose the wrong man first time round it's not the end of the world. I ended up losing mine to a 'friend' who noticed I wasn't holding my drink too well, but I still think of sex as a special thing, and I can do it plenty more times and make that special too. But seeing how you've done everything, including a**l and bi-sexual sex, I don't personally understand how having 'normal' sex is such a biggy. I also think alot of the innocence of virginity is emotionally and mentally too. But don't go rushing around to have sex with anyone willing to lose it, just relax and next time you meet a partner who is worthy of going in your bum or mouth, pick a different orifice whee
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 7:16 am
I would no longer consider you a "good little girl", no offense. You seem to have done your fair stare of sexual things. If you don't want to have intercourse then you should tell the person. But their are other options open, such as oral, and things of that nature.
If you decide to have intercourse with someone, it would be nice for it to be with someone you care about. But it is not necessary. Chances are it will not be perfect, it will be weird and somewhat uncomfortable, possible even disappointing. But even if you chose a stranger or someone, that doesn't devitalize sexual intercourse. Because one day you will find the right person, and that sex will be what you truly remember not your first time as much.
I dont really recall my first time. It was awkward. The girl was my gf of like 8 months or something. But it was still weird, and it wasn't romantic or anything. But now i dislike that girl.
I have a new girl of over a year and a half. And the sex i have with her is even more special. Do i regret not having her as my first, no. Would it have been nice, maybe. The fact of the matter is, its the sex you want to remember that will mean the most, not really your first time.
And seeing as you've done all this other stuff, it doesn't seem hat regular intercourse should be a huge deal.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:47 am
"Virginity" has a few different definitions depending on who you ask. However, you are not a virgin according to the vast majority of people and definitions of "virginity." After all, if you've been with women and have had a**l sex, yet still consider yourself a virgin, that would make all gay people virgins for life. That doesn't make sense. I say someone has lost their virginity when genital/genital or genital/a**l contact occurs. However, many people consider oral or manual sex to be sex too.
Personally, I don't see virginity as something delicate, but that's just my opinion. I do not associate emotions with sex in any way. As long as you feel ready, know about pregnancy, have birth control, etc., I say go for it. Like Niko, I don't regret my first partner even though we're not together or friends anymore. In fact, I don't regret any of my partners. I did what I wanted at the time. Nothing to regret about that. 3nodding
However, if you still don't feel comfortable having a p***s in your v****a, let your partners know. You don't have to explain why you feel that way. "No means no." It does not matter why you say "no," your partners still have to respect that.
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Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 9:37 am
although i wouldnt rush into anything i would like to point out there is no such thing as a "worthy" or "perfect" guy in any situation.
i mean we're not all bad but nothing is perfect so do what you feel up to doing gut reactions etc
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 5:57 pm
I would consider myself a part of a sexually active relationship, but I've never had intercourse. I'm kind of where you are - it'd be nice to finally cross that bridge and get it over with, but it's totally not necessary considering the encounters that I do have.
There's no need to lose your virginity. If you're not ready for the risk of pregnancy or various uncomfortable maladies that sex can bring, then don't worry about sticking to what you know. Most people are just happy enough to have a pleasant sexual experience, regardless of whether or not there's vaginal penetration.
As a frame of reference, I've been dating fairly consistently for almost 7 years, over the courses of 4 long-term relationships, and I haven't had a disappointed boyfriend yet. You can still give a lot without giving everything. Any one of them would've been worth giving it up, but that just wasn't right for me - and in the end, it's your needs and comforts that are the most important, not your partner's.
Personally, I'd say that if your partner can't live without intercourse, get a new partner. =P And if you really want to lose it, you'll find the time and place and partner. However, don't just jump into bed for the sake of losing it. Choose wisely.
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:58 pm
Thank you all for your wise insights. smile
I suppose I should have worded that first line differently - I meant that as more of a sarcastic opening line. I feel no innocence in my sexual relationships and certainly know I'm not a goody-two shoes.
You're all right on many levels, and I'll keep your suggestions in mind. I suppose I'm just bothered by this "restriction." Anyway, thank you all again! I appreciate the help. smile
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