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Warning: Loooonnnng post that has nothing to do with anything.

My Mammaw said something the other day that sort of hurt my feelings.
She didn't mean to, of course. She um... doesn't...
Well, actually, no one in my family (save for two people) knows that I like girls. So of course she didn't mean to hurt my feelings; she didn't even know.

But we were talking about these girls from my old school. Something like this:

Valerie: *Blahblahblah something about Deidr'e being bisexual*
Mammaw: Ew, gross!
Valerie: Well, no, I've hung out with bisexuals before. They're pretty nice.
Mammaw: Ick.

*Then we somehow got onto the subject of Crystal and Pam*

Valerie: Crystal's a bisexual, but she had a crush on me, so that was weird. Pam was a lesbian, and she had a crush on me too. But I really didn't like either of them like that.
Mammaw: Well, that's good. I'd hope for you to be normal.

Normal. My Mammaw, the person whose opinion matters most to me, indirectly called me abnormal. It stings, guys. It really does.

It's not the first time someone's said I'm not normal. My mom and dad talk about how not-normal I am, too. I don't care if someone's joking around, but Mom and Dad have talked about it seriously, and now Mammaw (indirectly) has too.

So maybe I'm not normal. So what? Why does everyone have to make a big deal out of it? I've never been normal, and I like myself just fine. I'm probably more comfortable with myself than any "normal" person could ever be with him- or herself.

Anyway, I just... ugh. I don't see why social standards are the way they are. I really don't. To be "normal," do you have any idea how many things would need to be wrong with me?

I've never drunk alcohol. (Aside from a sip of beer my stepdad gave me when I was little. It was gross.)
I've never done drugs.
I've never had sex or done anything sexual. (Not that it's bad to have sex; I'm just too young, in my opinion.)
I'm not violent.
I don't vandalize anyone's property.
I don't lose my temper unless I've got a REALLY sound reason.
I've got common sense.
I don't, never have, and (God willing) never will smoke.

People criticize me for some of those things. I don't get why, really. Just because I don't have bad habits that reflect on others, that means I'm game for ridicule?

I wear long sleeves and jeans in the summer.
I refuse to wear a coat in the winter.
Since I was five or six years old, I've been putting sugar on my fried shrimp. And you know what? It. Tastes. Good.

I've been moved around like, fifty times, so of course my social skills aren't all that. Why are people so fixated on the fact that I don't talk much?

I dunno, girls. I just needed to get some of that out.
But you know, I'm happy with myself.
I'm not normal. But I like myself, so what's it matter?

I don't freak out over boys, and I'm not constantly obsessed with who is or isn't in a relationship. I'm not even really all that concerned about whether I'm in a relationship.

I think I still love the girl that ignored me for a year and a half, anyway. That's not normal, I'm sure. But those are my feelings, and I'm not going to dismiss them just because they're not "normal."

I'm not going to just forget about her and date some guy because it's "normal." If I did normal things, I'd be lying, and I'm not a liar. Apparently, honest people aren't "normal" either.

PPS, I'm really just sick of people. Not you, of course; you girls are all very nice. Just... certain family members, and this guy from school that's been bugging me... and people in general, I guess.

H'anyway, there's my nice long rant. Feel free to ignore it if you want. I feel better just getting it out. XD

Sugar on fried shrimp? That sounds SO. GOOD.

Nobody's normal, everybody has their own quirks and weird ways. And people are naturally mean, so just forget about it.

But I don't think that was very nice of your Mom. So the next time it comes up, tell her that she shouldn't be homophobic, and that it's not okay. If she asks about why you're so defensive, tell her. You should be proud of your sexuality, and you shouldn't be afraid to tell people.

Personally, if somebody's happy with the person they love, then I'm happy. I don't care what your sexuality is, you just need to be happy. So tell her that if she just says ick or anything else like that again.

Cap'n Crunch: That's what they say, anyway.

DN: You really think it sounds good? Omigosh, I'm not alone. I didn't think I'd ever meet ANYONE who thought sugar on shrimp wasn't nasty. XD

But see, that's the thing with Mammaw. She's not necessarily a homophobe. =/ Her neighbors are gay, but she thinks they're very nice. But then she has the opinion that gay people aren't normal... I don't know if it's extreme enough to be called "two-faced."

And I would tell her... iiiif it weren't for the fact that Mom freaked out when I first told her. Convinced Mom I was straight, and then I told her again a couple of years later. She just refuses to acknowledge it now. Mammaw's older and more traditional than my mom, so I'm really afraid of what her reaction might be, y'know?

Lady K: My idea of normal is skewed? Well... maybe a little. XD In elementary and middle school, I was the kid who was teased all the time for being different. Maybe I've developed some type of prejudice. ._. I didn't mean to, promise!

And yeaaah... you've got me on the not-telling-the-whole-truth thing... I do try sometimes, though. I never deny it when people say things, but I guess I go around it in a sense that makes me seem like I'm joking... And I've tried dropping hints to both Mammaw AND my dad. I figure that if they figure it out, or at least suspect it, then it'll be easier when I feel like I should tell them. I mean damn, I ran off a list of things to them that make me sound like a lesbian. XD A stereotypical lesbian, yes, but still. I just can't bring myself to out and say, "I like girls." >_<

(I'm... I guess bisexual? I know that I'm attracted to girls waaay more than guys, but I get crushes on guys sometimes, too. Though um, those really seem to always been convincing myself of something... so maybe I'm a flatout lesbian. I dunno. XD)

Oh, Kiss Me~

Hmm...
Well, its good that you don't care that people think you're not normal.
I mean, WHO really IS normal, you know?
If there was a universal definition for normal,
Then we'd all worry, but there isn't, you know?
xD
Oh Gosh, I never make sense. ><;;

I hope, one day, that you'll tell your mom,
Eventually, not soon, you know?
I mean... if it inadvertently hurt you
It might become a problem you know?
'Cause you know those moments where we SNAP
And are all like YEASTFUIAMKAYZOMGIHATEYOUALL13U19431U9
Try to avoid those :]

But who cares, yea? :]

Zomg ><;

I have a confession, everyone...

I listen to Avril... I DO AND I LIKE IT...
hahahaaa... well her first two albumns

Check for all of those. smile Except perhaps the temper thing. I'm not very nice when I'm in the grips of PMS, and I have a short fuse then. And I've never had any alcohol whatsoever, not even sips.

It drives my sister insane that I won't taste alcohol. She thinks I am freaking nuts for wanting to wait until I'm the legal age of nineteen (I live in Canada). My father has teased me, too. When I tell him that, he'll say, "So what, you're going to run right out on your 19th birthday and get drunk?" Sometimes, it is hard for me to wait. I'd like to try those fruity drinks they have. But I'm very proud of myself for persevering. It's important to me that I make it to the "legal" age without trying alcohol, just because it's something I want to be able to truthfully say I did.

I've gotten teased a lot for being sensitive or for being a wuss (one example would be that I am petrified of heights. My sister likes to tell me that I can't be scared of heights if I've never been in a plane. I like to tell her that you don't have to die to be scared of it). A lot of the most hurtful stuff will come from within my own family, as it often does. When it does hurt, I get accused of being over-sensitive, so now I just try not to show that it hurts. I'll show them all... Make fun of me all you want, but I am [for the most part] happy with myself, and that is more than most people will ever be able to say.

Like you, I am bisexual. No relationships, but I am certain. I told my mother and for a long time, I worried she would tell others (she did tell my sister, and probably my father... and she wonders why I never tell her things...). Now, I don't even care. Sexual orientation is something so private that if someone has a problem with it, screw them. Life is too short to worry about s**t like that.

If you ask me, normalcy is relative. Worry less about being normal and more about just being you. Because at the end of your life, which will make you more happy? Knowing that you conformed to being "normal" and was miserable, or that you were happy with being thought of as strange?

(I love all my nick names! <3)
But no! It's true! Actually it has come to the point where being normal is actually weird and being different and original is awesome.

Being homosexual or bisexual is normal. People tend to think otherwise, since it was considered wrong throughout so many years in history. But it is not like being gay or bi is anything new. It merely wasn't spoken about often, because in some cultures it was considered to be wrong. HOWEVER, when speaking about homo and bisexuality in history, most people think of Europe and young America. As a matter of fact, in ancient Rome (or perhaps it was Greece...), wealthy or aristocratic men would have young male sex slaves for lovers. Even in some time periods in Japan, having and loving the same sex was certainly not looked down up. It was actually a fairly open topic. The Netherlands have always been somewhat open to homosexuality, too.

It makes me sad that some people think of being gay/lesbian or bi as 'abnormal', because half of the world's history says is is not.

Chips Ahoy? Where did that come from? xD
It's sad how no one can come up with anything original anymore, so the find a growing trend or cool thing and make themselves like it.
*sigh* Society has no originality anymore. They just follow the belief of the popular culture.
I'm sure that if most of the people who find being gay/bi/lesbian "not normal" really sat down and thought about it, they would find that they only think that because that is what society seems to think.