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 Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:10 pm
Ugh.
I just want to...ugh.
I've been crying for
like three hours.
I'm so going to ruin
my keyboard.
Right now, I feel like s**t.
I can't make a decent avi,
I suddenly hate my
new profile {the same
one I was so proud of
yesterday}, I look in
the mirror and think
I'm hideus, I know I'm
going to embarrasingly
fail my math final exam
tomorrow.
All of my music irks me.
I just yelled at all of the
inhabitants of my house
{my parents, my sister,
the two dogs and a turtle}
I think I'm losing it.
And I feel like such a
brat, because I know
that there are people
that are much, much,
worse than me.
I just want to throw things
around and scream and stuff.
The worst thing is that I've
been feeling like this on
and off for the last few months.
Trust me, tomorrow I'll
be all happy and chipper
and loving life and stuff.
The day after, I'll be like
this again.
I hate the place where
I live. It's a stupid, ugly,
gray city. And I hate my
new school. Why oh why
couldn't my old school
have a preparatoria, too?
No, I had o go to the
stupid Tec where I had
to meet a stupid guy who
seems bent on slowly
destroying my sanity.
Stupid venezolano.
And you know what the
worst part is? No matter
what I keep telling myself,
Samuel is NEVER going to
like me. Ever. Not even a
little. And I have to get
over him. But I can't.
And I hate not being with
my old friends. Those were
people I could actually
confide in. Of course, I
can still confide in them,
but they don't know who
anybody is since they go
to a different school.
They're all "Yeah, wait,
who is Samuel again?"
So, yeah.
I've been biting my nails
like a crazy person.
I just want to go to
sleep and never have
to wake up or do anything
ever again.
I really need a hug.
I had this dream with Samuel
where it was just the two of
us on the grassy space in my
school. And he gave me a hug.
That was the entire dream.
Just him hugging me and it was
kind of windy and there was
nobody else around.
It was so beautiful.
When I woke up I was crying.
I hate dreams.
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:18 pm
*gives you a BIG hug and some tissues*
It is apparent that you are going through some tough times. We all go through that. Going to a new school, new/old friends, boy troubles, and maybe some stuff going on at home-it can all be stressful. It's a good thing that you are crying right now instead of letting it build up. It's even good that you're ranting about it to the PPS. Sometimes writing can help relieve stress.
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:23 pm
(If it makes you feel any better I like your profile.)
It's okay to rant every once in a while.
Sometimes we just break down, but that's okay.
Life can be stressful, and you just have to yell and scream and let it all out.
But the best part is after you've done that you feel better.
*hugs* It will be okay! =]
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:31 pm
Rawr-O-Saur *gives you a BIG hug and some tissues*
It is apparent that you are going through some tough times. We all go through that. Going to a new school, new/old friends, boy troubles, and maybe some stuff going on at home-it can all be stressful. It's a good thing that you are crying right now instead of letting it build up. It's even good that you're ranting about it to the PPS. Sometimes writing can help relieve stress. -hugs back-
It's mostly boy troubles.
Which have been going
on since August first, the
very first day of classes
when I just saw the guy.
Then I had to meet him,
so I did. And it slowly
went from "oh he's cute"
to something more serious.
I usually write when I'm
stressed or depressed, but
I just realized my notebook
has run out of pages. rolleyes
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:33 pm
Captain Katinator (If it makes you feel any better I like your profile.)
It's okay to rant every once in a while.
Sometimes we just break down, but that's okay.
Life can be stressful, and you just have to yell and scream and let it all out.
But the best part is after you've done that you feel better.
*hugs* It will be okay! =] It makes me feel
a little better c:
The other things
you said make me
feel better, too.
I wish I could
scream, but most
of the people in my
house are asleep,
and the whole pillow
thing has never
worked for me.
Oh, well.
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:38 pm
Aw, sweetheart. *Hugs*
For what it's worth, I like both your profile and your avatar. Honestly, all of your avatars are so original. You make items that seemingly don't go with anything look good. That, my dear, is a thing we call talent. Don't forget that.
It's perfectly fine that you're feeling this way, though; stress is a natural thing. Everyone goes through it. You do, I do, all of the girls in this guild do. Even the people you know IRL that seem perfect and like they have it together. Everyone has their off-days, dear. Yes, there are people that have it worse than you, but that doesn't mean you should scold yourself for being upset about something.
If your venezolano is one of the things stressing you out, maybe it'd be wise to talk to him less. You need to get rid of as much stress as you can, y'know? You owe it to yourself to be happy.
I sympathize with you on the "I have to get over so-and-so" bit. I wish I had some sage advice for you there, I really do. The best I can tell you is that if someone hurts you, they aren't worth the pain. Of course, I can tell you that all I want. It's ultimately up to you to decide who is or isn't worth your time.
I also sympathize about the friend thing. I know that it's not quite the same, but for what it's worth, PPS is here to talk to you. We're not concrete and there with you physically, but you know that we're willing to talk to you when you need it.
I really hope that your situation gets better. You're a nice person, Shindig. You deserve to be happier, so try to get rid of some stress, okay?
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:43 pm
The Shindig Rawr-O-Saur *gives you a BIG hug and some tissues*
It is apparent that you are going through some tough times. We all go through that. Going to a new school, new/old friends, boy troubles, and maybe some stuff going on at home-it can all be stressful. It's a good thing that you are crying right now instead of letting it build up. It's even good that you're ranting about it to the PPS. Sometimes writing can help relieve stress. -hugs back-
It's mostly boy troubles.
Which have been going
on since August first, the
very first day of classes
when I just saw the guy.
Then I had to meet him,
so I did. And it slowly
went from "oh he's cute"
to something more serious.
I usually write when I'm
stressed or depressed, but
I just realized my notebook
has run out of pages. rolleyes
mad Darn notebooks, and running out of pages. You saved a tree by typing all of this out, though. YAY~ for saving planet Earth! 4laugh
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 9:03 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 6:40 am
 Grin Evilly says: *hug*
Me and you sound EXACTLY alike.
I've been like that since September.
And I've started a new school, and I don't really know anyone either. D: So if you ever want to PM me, feel free.
We can rant about how we're crazy to each other. D:
As for a way to make things better... Maybe you should ask you parents for a day off of school to just chill for a day? And to relax and stuff? ♥♥♥
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 9:39 am
Shin, I give you a huge hug from deep in my heart.
I feel for you, and can sympathasize with those feelings. There's alot of times when I feel like I've crapped my life up, that I don't want to go on, that nothing matters and I don't want to do anything anymore, because nobody loves me or ever will, or that I've made those that one loved me hate me. I know that vast terrifying expanse inside the soul. I hate it. I've lost alot of sleep and tears over it. Most recently was over my overseas vacation. That was hell. I know this is just like hell for you now.
Please know, that If you wanna talk, I will listen. Whatever you'd like to say, I'll hear it. I can only hope that I can support you a bit, as much as one can over the internet.
The thing is, that in life when things happen and we have nobody to turn to, faceless people on the internet can be the best support we know and need. I hope that all of us here in PPS can be that help even if you know our faces or not.
I've recently been having cruel dreams too. They're really something that leaves a bad taste in the mind. ;;
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 3:40 pm
D= It'll all be okay!
-huggage-
I hate those days where you feel like suddenly turned the world into a bowling ball and threw it at your head and started beating you with.
Last year I was having this reeeeeeeealy bad day,
because I didn't get any sleep because I had a dream (actually I've had this dream at least once a week since then) about my grandpa,
and when I got to school my friends were being jerks, and I was tried so I yelled at them,
so then they wouldn't talk to me,
and I had no one to hang out with all day,
and the teachers just kept giving us more and more homework.
And finally I cracked.
In the middle of class I burst into tears and ran into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall for two hours and cried,
during my time in the bathroom stall I wrote a letter to everyone, about everything.
It was a pretty brilliant letter in which I basically bashed everyone I had ever met, and had some excellent points in there about the meaning of life,
but if anyone had ever read it I would most likely be burned at the steak,
so when I got home I went into the backyard, burned it and screamed at the top of my lungs.
I'd have to say that after that, I felt the best I think I've ever felt.
You should try it ^^
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:24 am
-huuuuuuug- <3
You know what? If you want to scream, do it. Let it all out. It helps.
Boy problems. Well forget boys, you don't need em.
Well.. I don't at least. :/
You're probably under a lot of pressure and stress with all this new school and stuff, so you should give yourself time to relax have have some time to yourself.
Don't work yourself too hard.
Feel better dear. (:
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 6:03 pm
First of all, thank
you all so, so, so
much. You made
my day a lotbetter.
I feel a little happier
today, and not so...
I don't know what.
But I think I can face
going to school
tomorrow and possibly
seeing him.
@Val: -hugs back-
Thank you. The day
I wrote that rant, I
was completely un-
original and spent
a good twenty minutes
just playing with my
inventory, but it
seemed like I couldn't
make anything work.
And all the lines and
stuff in my profile were
just giving me a head-
ache. But thanks for
saying that I have talent.
It made me feel special.
C : <33
I agree, I should try
to talk to him less, but
it's like he has no idea
about how I feel, so he
keeps hanging around
me. And I don't want
him to find out, so it's
not like I can just tell
him to go away or
sometihng like that.
Oh, well.
I think I've kinda learned
to deal with him a little.
@Rawr: inorite?
Guys are a pain in the butt.
Awesome, I'm an Earth-
Saver. Y'know, I planted
a tree the other day. It
looks like it would make
a mighty fine notebook.
Just kidding. wink
@Lady Kayura:
-hugs back. Tighter. -
@Grinny:
-hugs back-
Rant buddies, huh?
Sounds awesome.
About taking a day off,
well, I'm almost done
with the semester. As a
matter of fact, today I
didn't go to school, and
I won't be going on Friday,
either.
On Monday, Tuesday and
Wednesday, I have final
exams, but I'll only have
to go to school from eleven
untill I'm done with the
exam. After next Wednesday,
I won't have to think about
school again untill January.
C :
@pocky: Your
post actually made me
smile and cry at the same
time. You jsut described
exactly how I've been
feeling for the longest time.
Sure, some days are better
than others, but that's
basically it.
PPS has really been my
escape. I'd say Gaia in
general, but the only other
part of Gaia that I frequent
is the GCD and I don't really
know a lot of people there.
Just knowing that I can
rant my head off to PPS
whenever I'm about to
explode makes me feel
a lot better.
@Taka: -huggage back-
That's a great way to put it.
I wrote a letter once. It was
like three years ago. When
I finished it, it was about
sixteen pages long or so.
Both sides. I don't think I
burned it, though. Heh, if
I look hard enough, I could
probably still find it some
where in my room.
And once, when I still lived
near the beach, I went down
to the shore and just screamed
my head off at the water. I
said everything I wanted to say
to everybody.
It feels great to bash people
out. Even if you know that
they won't hear you / read
the letter.
@wb: -hugs back-
I don't need boys.
But I really want one.
I remember how it feels
to have somebody there
for you, in a way that no
regular friend or even a
family member can be.
But it sucks that the one
thing keeping me from
having that, is the boy
himself.
I'll try to feel better.
Thank-you <33
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