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 Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:31 am
Okay... well... in April, my girlfriend broke up with me. She's a serious workaholic and even missed seeing the Dalai Lama in person to study for finals. She broke up with me because it was unfair to me, she said. Anyways about a week after the breakup we began studying together... and left off before the summer with we still love eachother we miss each other but oh s**t I'm going home tomorrow.
Over the summer contact was limited for various reasons. But when we did talk it'd be for hours and we were so looking forward to seeing each other again. And it seemed like there may still be a shot for us.
But she's so swamped with work she has almost no time for anyone or anything. We have spent time studying together but virtually no fun time. It really is frustrating because I'm right on this cusp of being over her. Not completely though. I could go either way.
Part of me REALLY wants her back... and part of me thinks that IF someone comes along, that'd be okay too. And I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean... it'd be nice to be a priority to someone.. but I don't think I ever will be. So.. I'm stuck.
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Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:52 pm
I had this very dilemma, actually. Back in February, I was dating this way cute guy, Ares. Neither one of us could have a lot of contact for various reasons. It felt to me like I wasn't on his top ten priorities list, and that, really didn't so much bother me. But it bothered him a lot. He reminded me, "You told me that you were tired of loving halfway. Well, so am I."
Essentially, that was it. The timing wasn't right. The coupling wasn't right. But I wanted to hang on. He was wrong, I knew that he was wrong.
You see, today's world worships the individual. I've seen people say to others not to be so conforming, but unable to list a reason why not to be. Army wives are told by others that they should not sacrifice so much for their husband's career, housewives are told to put on the pantsuit and get a job. Everything, society tells us, must be equal.
But that isn't the only way to love. True, it probably is the most fair, but it isn't the only way to carry on a relationship. As for me, and for many others, if I meet someone, and fall in love, and believe in their dreams so hard that, in a way, they may become mine, I could set myself aside for them. I don't give myself over to him--I give myself to love, to hope, to the possibility of sweet dreams and real morning light.
And I suppose, if I et someone who fell for my dreams, who believed in my golden revelations and my poetry and my stories, who saw my characters like I do, as people, my morals and ideals as attainable things.... Well, then who am I to tell them "No, these are my dreams, go find your own." That isn't how love works. And if someone wanted to devote themselves to me, and I to them, both to our work also, in a way unique to us then who the hell can say that it isn't right.
Wow...I guess I got off track. The bottom line is you have to do what's right for you. Do you think this girl is worth it? Are you in love with her? Can you truly give your heart to someone else? Do you need to move on? With who? Are you ready? Are you receptive to the advances of others? Should you look for love elsewhere? What is your style of love? I can't answer these questions for you. Only you can do that. But I can and have provided them.
What do you think? Have I helped? I hope so.
Love and Vale,
-LD
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 4:36 am
Right now, there's no one else I'm interested in, not in having a relationship with anyways. And as far as I know no one is interested in me. It's a personal confusion right now really... and surreal...
See... Eleanor and I had at least been somewhat intimate since... maybe two months max after we met? So we were kissing and cuddling well before we were officially a couple... and now not having that is kind of strange... I miss it. I want it back. And there's no one else I feel as connected to.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:15 pm
You shouldn't date someone out of comfort, or because they're "available". You're a smart girl, you know that. Only you know what to do.
-LD
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:29 pm
Leavaros You shouldn't date someone out of comfort, or because they're "available". You're a smart girl, you know that. Only you know what to do. -LD I know that. I would only date someone if I was into them, and currently... not into anyone... save for her
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 5:04 am
I ammend that first post. I suddenly got hit with the hormone attack... and being near her just as a friend is slowly starting to drive me nuts.
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