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[WON] Hirzael the Imp [ACCEPTED] Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2

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Kitomyx

Colorful Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 9:26 am


Chi Sohma
Alright, Chi. Think I have him filled out as much as he's going to be, unless I get crits to do more. Hit me~
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 6:29 pm


I have some pretty simple questions as per "crit". He seems very well thought-out, and I see that you want to leave some room for character growth which sounds good to me! I was just wondering:

-Does he have a family, or was he "created"?
-If he does, how did they feel about his mischievousness?
-Were there other rather mischievous imps ( I've heard of them being trouble-makers, or is Hirzael just especially annoying? )

Seems this makes 2 crits. :3 <3

bobaTJ
Vice Captain


Kitomyx

Colorful Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 3:16 pm


grasshopper pie
Thanks so much, Grass. heart It really means a lot.

Family: I figured he was 'created', perhaps as a manifestation of mischievousness or maybe the child of a soul transformed into an imp. I was leaning more towards the former because the latter rather reminds me of the way a ghost is created.

Ah, also, this may have had a subconscious role in my conception of the former, but Pandora's Miseries from Disney's Hercules the Animated Series take the form of colorful, small imps that grow depending on what they feed off of/what they are the embodiment of (such as Envy growing to huge proportions before consuming Herc's friend, Icarus).

Pain and Panic would be two better-known imps from the same series embodying...well, pain and panic, and Neurosis is the embodiment of neurotic behavior. These three, as imps are known to do, serve as 'minions' for Hades, Lord of the Underworld in that series. While I don't know how much of a connection there is between Disney's Underworld and Horror High's, I still thought the idea of imps having been created and serving in the Underworld fit rather well. I hope that creation source for him is sufficient and I'll add it to his profile unless anyone is otherwise opposed.

As to how others about him in the Underworld felt...he may not have had an actual biological family, but as there are numerous other spirits and subspecies of 'horned ones' down there, I assume they make up a dysfunctional family of sorts. After spending millennial together, I imagine they know each other just as well as one, too, and you know what they say - familiarity breeds contempt. XD

Not to say that they hate him, as I'm sure they all share a bond of sorts, having been in the same situation for decades. I just think that the imps - particularly this young imp - would likely be the biggest pain-in-the-a** as he plays the role of the 'youngest, annoying sibling' in the family, wanting to get noticed in the shadow of all his older siblings that he looks up to and admires.

Hahaha, which leads us to your third point! I didn't even realize that. rofl Yes, I'd imagine all imps are rather mischievous (please see above for references~) and I'm aware that kind of makes Hirzael somewhat stereotypical for his species, but that's how I tend to start my characters these days because I know that no matter how stereotypical they start out, as they develop, grow, and interact with other characters, it's almost impossible for them to stay within the boundaries of that stereotype.

I don't generally like to plan ahead too much with characters (because I have done so often enough in the past and they end up backfiring on me, as if to spite me), but for the sake of critiquing and ensuring that he won't remain stereotypical, I'll mention some developments that have gradually been forming.

Last night, he actually interacted a bit with Charmie's Nixie, Robyn over AIM (thinking about including that little script rp here, just for the sake of recording his development as a character), and he already started out nicer than I realized. That was already a deviation from my original intentions (as I mentioned he's supposed to be just as spiteful and not know when he's crossing the line, but instead he stopped and backed off when Robyn expressed growing anxiety at his close proximity). This is making me start to wonder if he's already growing a conscience, which he's not really supposed to have as an amoral character.

As with all my amoral characters, I like to see if I can keep on the thin line between 'nice' and 'mean', which is difficult in my opinion because they don't generally behave in ways that could identify with 'mean' or 'nice' unless they actually have mean or nice intentions behind them. I feel that the trick is to try to come up with reasons that they would do these mean or nice things, but for purely selfish reasons/self-interest (if only to make it seem like it is self-interest, when in actuality they might have ulterior motives). Er...that sounded like that made a lot more sense in my head. @_@

My point is that I mean for him to be an unpredictable mischief maker, but he already seems to have an admiration and appreciation for the kindness that Robyn the Nixie (grudgingly denied) showing him. I think what makes Hirzael different from other imps is that he took the stories he heard from Kiriel to heart.

Kiriel is a demon from a book called Repossessed that I originally planned to have as a cosplay here once I won Geek's art and noticed the similarities, but eventually decided to make my own imp instead.
Kiriel
"Don't call me a demon. I prefer the term Fallen Angel. Everybody deserves a vacation, right? Especially if you have a pointless job like tormenting the damned. So who could blame me for blowing off my duties and taking a small, unauthorized break? Besides, I've always wanted to see what physical existence is like. That's why I "borrowed" the slightly used body of a slacker teen. Believe me, he wasn't going to be using it anymore anyway. I have never understood why humans do the things they do. Like sin—if it's so terrible, why do they keep doing it? I'm going to have a lot of fun finding out!"

Obviously I don't want to copy that character, as he's actually really, really nice and not mischievous or mean-hearted in the least. Kiriel is much more mature (I feel) than an imp, which also make him less interesting (in my opinion) to play, since I like catalysts, instigators, and overall dynamic characters who start conflict. However, Kiriel's words (like his quote above) and story have been a great inspiration to Hirzael (ICly) and for Hirzael (OOCly as a character concept).

eek WOW, I didn't realize I typed so much. Sorry about that! But really, thanks so much for the crits and the points you made, Grass! Very much appreciated, especially how you mentioned what you liked as well as some things to consider. Sometimes I tend to get defensive about crits, even though I know it's supposed to be about the work/character and not me personally. I just end up forgetting that and taking things to heart sometimes. x_x Hope I answered everything alright!
PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:41 am


Updated his profile from here. Still thinking about transcribing his interactions with Robyn, but I think I might just do that to a journal when I get around to it. In any case, Hirzael's friends and family sections have been added to.

Kitomyx

Colorful Shapeshifter


Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:27 am


There is a lot of improvement in this, but I have two issues.

Kiriel, despite the impact he? had on Hirzael's life, doesn't get acknowledged until the second set of "extras". You should probably put him into the history, especially since there was such an impact on your character.

Also, your history is still pretty weak. You just added on sentences to the end of it so the flow's off as well. Now that you have some people that have impacted Hirzael's life, the history back be tweaked to show how they influenced him and what sort of life he had. I understand a large chunk of it was being an imp and doing his job, but that doesn't and shouldn't stop you from expanding him a bit more.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 3:59 pm


Ruyail
Thanks for going over it, Ruyail, but I really don't know what to put. What are you looking for? You say to add more, but I've added all I can think would be relevant.

How would I acknowledge Kiriel any more than I already have? I was pretty sure I mentioned him in Hirzael's history. I don't imagine they have much time to chit-chat since they're working a lot, but he told him about his experiences and I didn't think it would be relevant to put those actual experiences of Kiriel's down. Especially because although those are what inspired Hirzael, they take place in the 'Normie' world, which has nothing to do with the setting that Hirzael was introduced to.

The only thing in common that Kiriel's adventures and Hirzael's is that they both take place outside of the Underworld; nothing more. That's enough to excite Hirzael, though, because he's sick of the same environment. I thought I already made that clear. If not, what aspects did I forget to include in the actual history text?

I really can't think of how anyone might have impacted his life other than giving him a reason (or more of one, at least) to want to leave the Underworld and take a break from his job. I know you're thinking about a person and how they can't go through life without interesting things happening to them, but I can't imagine anything interesting at all goes on in the Underworld.

The way I pictured it, it's not like Monster's Inc. where they go home or come to work or have lives in between. The way I picture it is that they literally have nothing else to do but their job as a purpose for their existence, which is why I don't know how or why it would be necessary to include any more of a history than I already have. Did you see it differently? Can you give me an example as if you had a creature living in the Underworld?

I also wish you wouldn't be so negative, because it's hard to think of your critisism constructively without feeling like you're simply telling me what's wrong with it and not how I might be able to fix it.

Kitomyx

Colorful Shapeshifter


Ruyail

Malevolent Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:02 pm


You shouldn't take my crits personally, Dove. XD I'm a hardass and a little bit of a b***h, but if you come to me, I'm generally more than willing to help. I'm sorry if I've come off as harsh. It's just sort of the way I crit.

And I didn't notice Kiriel's bit in the history, that's my bad. And as for something more from your history, maybe his favorite job? It just seems a little flavorless to me. I understand he kinda just came into being as an imp, but what broke the camel's back when it comes to working? He worked all those years then suddenly someone comes along and is like "Yo. There's this place. It's totally awesome." and he runs off? What happened to Kiriel when he came back? Are there people trying to bring Hir back? There's a lot of options here.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:11 pm



Vice Principal Ghast

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