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What Was Meant to Be

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ShalomTheStargazer

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 3:42 pm


Story I wrote. Really sad, but I hope you like it.

What Was Meant to Be

WAIT.

I need you to listen for just a second, even if it means putting down your pencil and climbing out of the trance you have settled into, a state of mind where erasers are not needed and everything is perfect the first time you say it. I warn you in advance, I will not sound perfect the first time I say this. But I need you to listen, to tune your pulse into the frequency of the heartbeat I am sending you over airwaves. I need you to understand, even though my hands are trembling, my mind is unraveling, and my words are stumbling, tripping, falling flat on their faces. I’ll start by stating the facts: Yes, I heard you telling your mother you’re never going to talk to me again out in the hall. Yes, I know you are justified in being angry with me. And yes, your absence is driving me insane.

Are you still there? I hope that is your breath I hear and not just static. Please, just listen. I can’t stand the idea that you’re not still there.

I don’t know where to start, but starting isn’t even the biggest challenge. I think the biggest challenge is admitting to myself that no matter where I begin, it won’t change the ending. No matter what order I tell events in, this still isn’t a fairy tale. This is my life, this is your life, this is where they collide, like strangers milling about a silent room. This isn’t one story of “meant to be,” this is two stories that merge briefly and then split again. This is what wasn’t meant to be.

I remember you and I remember me. More importantly, I remember you and me. It seems like I never existed before I knew you, maybe because I didn’t—you were there when I was so little, when we chased fireflies through calliope nights into the dawn. Ghost stories, games of tag, camping in the living room within a fortress of blankets and pillows. That was where you first introduced me to your fairy tale: “It’s one I’m still writing, it’s about you and me, and we grow up and live happily ever after together.” You were beautiful to me, even back then with your knobby, grass-stained knees and your missing front tooth and your choppy bangs that I knew you cut yourself. In spite of all of your imperfections, or perhaps even because of them, you were the most beautiful girl in the world. You still are. And in your eyes, I was a handsome prince who was going to swoop by one day on a white horse and carry you away into that marvelous unknown, “forever.”

I remember being in sixth grade and walking to school with you the first day of middle school. You cried when someone started making jokes about your braces, and I got suspended from school for the first time in my life by punching him. Later on in middle school, your braces came off, and you were happy because it meant you could smile with your mouth open. I kissed you for the first time a little while later. Do you remember that? Do you remember in high school, at junior prom, all those years later? You were the most beautiful girl there, and I was the skinny little geeky kid who was head-over-heels in love with you.

Do you remember that night? You were running your fingers down the ridges of my back, observing: “You’re so skinny. I can count your ribs.” Later that night, you muttered in your sleep about how if you count every breath you’ll run out of fingers, just like counting stars. I was still lying next to you with my arms around your body, but it wasn’t innocent to me—there was only pain. Because by then, I already knew. But I didn’t want to tell you. I was lying there under the sheets next to you, and you were beautiful and sweet, and I was skinny and awkward—more than that, though, I was living a lie.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But what can I do now? You can’t take back something that’s already been done; you can’t unsay a word that’s already been said; you can’t reverse time. It’s not going to be long now. And I just wanted to call you because I know what you said to your mother. That you never want to talk to me again.

Please stop. I know what’s really going on—you’re scared, just like I am. It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you for trying to pull away. You don’t want to hold my hand while I die. But what else is there to do? I knew all along that I had cancer. I didn’t want to tell you, because I wanted to protect you from the truth. In the end, though…it didn’t make a difference. I tried to keep it a secret because I didn’t want you to leave me. But now I’m realizing I may have lost you forever. And I’m sorry. I was wrong, and it only hurt you worse.

I know, tell a story in any order, happy or sad. It won’t change the ending.

But I love you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry this fairy tale didn’t end the way you thought it would. I’m sorry I lied to you.

…hello?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 5:56 pm


I normally abhor tragic love stories. I now understand that is because they are almost always written by angsty teenager that are riddled with cliches and wretch worthy storylines. You have written something truly beautiful and heart-wrenching. Excellent job! You almost made me cry. crying

Night Kunoichi

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ShalomTheStargazer

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:46 pm


Night Kunoichi
I normally abhor tragic love stories. I now understand that is because they are almost always written by angsty teenager that are riddled with cliches and wretch worthy storylines. You have written something truly beautiful and heart-wrenching. Excellent job! You almost made me cry. crying
Thanks...I almost cried when I wrote the ending, just because it's so uncertain and I really had grown attached to both characters. It was painful, but I think it turned out...not well, seeing as it's pretty tragic, but different from other "tragic love stories" in its own way. Thank you. I appreciate your words.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 1:46 pm


That was fantastic. I probably would have teared up if I had been able to read it all at once (I kept getting interrupted, but that's what happens when you're at work.)

I am a big fan of tragic love stories (probably from growing up watching way too many chinese films,) and this was a great example. It reminded me of Sufjan Steven's song "Casimir Pulaski Day." (My favorite song of the last decade. try it out if you haven't heard it already.)

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ShalomTheStargazer

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:08 pm


Gnomes-san
That was fantastic. I probably would have teared up if I had been able to read it all at once (I kept getting interrupted, but that's what happens when you're at work.)

I am a big fan of tragic love stories (probably from growing up watching way too many chinese films,) and this was a great example. It reminded me of Sufjan Steven's song "Casimir Pulaski Day." (My favorite song of the last decade. try it out if you haven't heard it already.)
Thanks...I appreciate the feedback! smile
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:21 am


Ive written a similar story(being im one of those teeangers haha) and i always feel so sad when i read other peoples works. Now call me crazy but you had this all planed out did you not? For my stories theyre in pieces and the ending(last piece) always gets to my friends, im thinking of posting the stories but i dont know if i wanna.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 7:40 pm


This is truly beautiful, It touched my heart in a way that I cant describe
Well done, VERY WELL DONE
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:52 pm


im not a fan of romance..but that eloquent writing of yours just drew in. Almost cried at the end.

nice

GhostlyMark

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 12:01 am


This is beautiful. Oddly, I think I have read something similar to this on deviantART, but your style of writing is so different compared to what I had read before.

This piece really touched me. Amazing job. heart
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 2:07 pm


This is an amazing job. Good work! Excellent way to write, i don't have any words to describe what it made me feel...

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 7:43 pm


PandorasJackinthebox


I see in movies that next door neighbors/best friends like to use their walkie talkies to talk when they're not together. Like the movie Cop In A Half! I was wondering about the 'frequency'. 'static' and 'air waves'. Could he be talking to her over a walkie talkie? Or is it the phone?

This story... my god. It's beautiful, sad, beautiful, emotional.. beautiful XD This is your gift!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 5:11 pm


Wow, wow, and WOW! I really loved that. So touching and sad, it would be a great novel when extending more to chapters!
There wasn't much to say for me. It was something that could have readers to be engaged more into what will happen and make them cry. LOVE IT! heart  

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Romantic

 
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