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 Posted: Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:10 pm
fire on the water
"Hello?"
It was dark when he awoke. It had been dark when Joey had fallen asleep as well, but he had also been safe and warm and slightly drunk in Katie's... no... Betty's... no... Heather's bed.
This was not Heather's bed. This was not even Heather's trailer, nor was it anywhere near the trailer park Joey shared with Heather and Betty and Katie and his sister and nephew and best friend.
This was a strange room, a cold room misted with some sort of wet drizzle that smelled of fishy smells and Joey wasn't wearing anything but his boxers.
"Anybody?" His voice wavered and his arms involuntarily folded themselves across his chest. Joseph Taylor didn't do 'frightened and unsure' under normal circumstances, but now seemed as good a time as any to exercise an exception to that rule and call up those very emotions. At least he was indoors, wherever he was.
There was no response to either of his barely audible and incredibly vague queries, so Joey stood up and inched forward, making his way toward a faint blue-green light in the distance. As he got closer, he could see the source of the light had been covered by a large tarp. Maybe, he thought, the worst of the night's strange events were over and someone had left some usable clothing lying around. He reached for the thick black plastic, but instead of being confronted with a stack of comfortable sweatpants or Backstreet Boys t-shirts, Joey's hand was nearly seared off by a thundering column of flame. He began to cough, his eyes tearing from the heat and stench of the melting tarp. Before he could think to back away, the flames were gone, and all that remained was a large glass tank filled with eerily placid greenish water. Joey continued rubbing at his face, distracted just long enough to miss a shadowy figure as it pranced away and out of sight. The next thing that registered was a thin squeal emanating from the formerly flaming tank. Had there been something in there? Whatever it was, it surely wouldn't be alive long after all that.
Joey squinted in the direction of the sound. The stagnant water rippled. Something was trying to climb out of the tank. Against his better judgment, and even his baser desire to stay as far the hell away from the wiggling gray blob as possible, Joey approached the side of the tank. The thing squealed again as it wormed over the edge and fell, dropping into Joey's shaking arms.
The thoroughly naked toddler blinked up at his nearly naked rescuer and began to cry.
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Posted: Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:11 pm
the magnificent
The light trained on Joey's face wasn't causing him much discomfort, but the fact that he had been up for nearly seven hours straight when he should have been sleeping definitely was. The flame-born tank toddler squirmed in his lap, but didn't make a sound. In fact, the child hadn't made a sound since he had stopped crying, six-and-a-half hours before.
"What did you do with Jonah the Magnificent?" the most acne-afflicted of his three captors shrieked, slapping his palm onto the table between them. It turned out this place was a leading aquatic mammal supplier for zoos and circuses and other similarly exploitative ventures, and Jonah the Magnificent had been one of their most prized performing manatees. He had been scheduled to take off for Sea World Tokyo two hours from now, according to the clock across the room, but it didn't look like he was going to make it. As far as Joey could tell, the child in the Smiley Burgers t-shirt poking at his thigh with a stubby finger was Jonah the Magnificent. He had said as much at first to get the kid off of his hands, but the teenage brain trust hadn't believed him. Joey sighed.
"Look, I told you. I got hammered and broke in here on a dare." It was a flimsy lie he had concocted two hours into his questioning that really only explained a handful of his circumstances but Joey wasn't overly concerned. "I didn't steal any manatee. Where would I put it?" A very large part of him still wanted to scream 'YOUR ******** FISH IS RIGHT HERE,' throw the toddler at them and run for it, but some other part deep inside winced at the thought of leaving a child with these people, now that he knew them better. "Can I go? I think if you keep me here much longer it's, like, kidnapping or something." He stood, managing to suppress the groan of strain that threatened to burst out of him. Damn, this kid was heavy!
"D...Don't go far!" the lone female of the group stuttered. "We're going to need to question you!" Man and manatee both pointedly ignored her.
It was with a large helping of ridiculousness that Joey and Jonah the Magnificent made their way out of the circus supply warehouse that early Tuesday morning. If Joey had known that leaving would have been that easy, he would have stood up hours ago.
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Posted: Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:13 pm
cute
Once they were outside, Jonah the Magnificent began to squirm in earnest.
"Stop!" Joey grunted, suffering several kicks to his unsuspecting underbelly in an attempt to keep the child from splatting on the pavement. In addition to the kid's Smiley Burgers shirt, Joey had obtained a pair of too-small khakis and a hoodie emblazoned with the words "I heart SHAMU" for himself. Neither of them had shoes, and it was, while not tongue-stuck-to-pole cold, still pretty shiver-worthy. Jonah the Magnificent kept up his wiggling, sliding down Joey's body until he hit the floor.
"Walk!" the kid barked, standing up on wobbly legs and toddling off down the street.
Joey stared at him, then hurried after. "When did you learn how to talk?"
"Know how," Jonah the Magnificent said. When Joey reached out a hand to help him, Jonah the Magnificent's brow furrowed and he snarled. The child's chubby cheeks shook with the effort and Joey grinned. "WHAT?" Jonah the Magnificent shrieked.
"You're a cute kid," Joey answered. "Like a little pissed off dwarf-thing. Frodork or Dickolas or whatever." He chuckled.
Jonah the Magnificent ceased his forward stampede. He hadn't understood half of what the skinny dumb thing had said or he might not have been so willing to stop, but he understood cute and he knew what a smile meant, plus he was tired and hungry and sick of being damp and cold. He raised his arms toward Joey and said, "Pick," in the nicest voice he could muster, which still sounded a bit rough.
Joey obliged, lifting the child without complaint for now. It was time to find a place to stay, at least until he could figure out what the hell was going on.
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Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:26 pm
playing to our strengths
It was dark when he awoke. It had been dark when Joey had fallen asleep as well, but he couldn't exactly remember much more than that at the moment. A small, slightly moist hand came to rest on his forearm, and when he looked in its direction, he could just make out a bald midget as it lobbied for his attention.
"Wha?"
"Shhhhhh."
With a suddenness that bordered on nauseating, Joey remembered. He remembered waking up in a suburban sea life warehouse, he remembered his surprise introduction to Jonah the Magnificent, he remembered Trish, the recently widowed, very enthusiastic trophy MILF lying next to him. She snored, as if to let him know she was still there. s**t.
By the glow of the hallway nightlight, Jonah the Magnificent edged back the way he had come, first stopping to silently instruct his new guardian to follow. Joey did as he was told, rising slowly from the bed to prevent it from creaking or bouncing and grabbing the Shamu hoodie to tie around his waist. Wherever Jonah the Magnificent was taking him might not be nudity-friendly.
In the next room - also a bedroom, from what Joey could make out in the near darkness - there was a pile of clothing on a chair near the door. Jonah the Magnificent indicated it with a wave of his hand. Joey picked up the item on top, a shirt, and held it up to his chest. He pulled it on. It fit! Joey looked down at Jonah the Magnificent as he tried a pair of pants the child had picked for him. The manatee's eyes twinkled wetly. Was the kid some sort of mystical tailor?
Once Joey was fully dressed, down to a dead man's socks and a pair of shoes he clutched in his hand for the sake of stealth, Jonah the Magnificent beckoned him down to whispering level. "Go," he said, pointing toward what Joey assumed was the exit. He nodded and padded back into the hall, unlocked the door, and the two made their escape, leaving Trish the former soccer mom to her snoring.
Later, Joey would curse the fact that he hadn't thought to take some money or food on their way out, but at least for now they were warm.
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:47 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:49 am
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Posted: Mon May 17, 2010 8:24 pm
Quest time!
There's such a thing as a natural disaster and a fashion disaster. But what of a natural fashion disaster?
Jonah has received tickets to the grand opening of an animal exhibit in which, lived and stuffed, the most interesting of animals are on display. The only catch is that the tickets are being sent out by a study group who want feedback at the end of the day from all participants. Included is a flier that describes what is needed from any participant at any age category. What it asks of Jonah is that he pick his three favourite animals, draw them on the provided cardstock, and write three facts he learned about each of them.
The major problem? This exhibit specializes in the most horrendous, hideous, absurd beasties on the planet, some of which would inspire many horror movies and nightmares alike. Natural fashion disasters, indeed!
Zookeepers and handlers are available at every live animal station, and the stuffed displays have attendants crawling over them, looking to help you and answer questions. Feel free to play this out however you'd like, with whatever outcome!
Good luck standing it in there, little one!
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