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 Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:44 pm
C e r e s We've been together for almost a year and that whole time we've been long distance. I wouldn't be in that kind of relationship with someone unless I really loved them. If it gives you any courage, my fiance and I were together about two years before we could move in together. It's hard, but it's so rewarding! Especially when I see other couples who have been together as long as we have, but don't know half the things about each other because their relationship started as something physical whereas ours started as confiding in each other and talking. As for love, love is what you make of it. I think it's a word that means so many things that in the end it doesn't mean anything. You can say the word in a room with a thousand people and every one of those people will think of something different. I also disagree that love is something that comes with time. When I first met my fiance, we talked for about five minutes and I knew he was the one. It had nothing to do with infatuation, it wasn't even sexual. I just knew that this was it and he did too. We just both got this feeling... and that was it. Five years and counting. Love is different for everyone.
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 2:08 pm
Here are a few simple steps to knowing if it's the real thing. I've learned a lot over the years, considering that I'm the rational person in my friend group that doesn't date, and yet everyone comes to me for advise.
Ask yourself these simple questions:
1) Do you ever feel uncomfortable around him?
2) Do you spend more time talking to each other, or kissing/something else?
3) Are you FRIENDS above all else? Do you put your friendship with him before your "romantic relationship"?
4) Do you share a lot of personal things with other, and you know his deepest secrets, and, likewise, he knows yours?
Answer Key:
1) No
2) talking
3) yes
4) yes
If you answered them all correctly, you may very well be in love. If you didn't answer any correctly... you'd better give it some time and/or change something in the relationship, because it's not going to work.
I should write a book. xp
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 2:13 pm
Oh yeah, and also... basically, you need to look at the big picture when going into a real relationship like this. If you don't think you can spend the rest of your life living in very, very, very close quarters with this guy, then it's not likely to succeed. You need to be more interested in personality than looks, for one thing. That's very important. You need to feel as though you really are THE SAME PERSON, with the same mind. If your boyfriend has habits that drive you crazy, you have to remember that these habits will most likely be continuing for the rest of your life with him. It's REALLY hard to change a person, and the person only really changes a very small percentage of the time. If you go into the relationship thinking that you can get him to change some "minor" details, forget it. Not likely.
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 2:15 pm
Malkut It annoys me that english doesn't have words for different kinds of love. I've gotten into so many arguments before trying to explain how my love for my friends is different from love for family is different from love for people I'm dating. And how I'd much rather marry a friend than someone I'm *just* dating. We should definatly NOT use the same word for "I love this song!" as we do for "You are the one for me forever, I love you." I see we're on the same track.
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 11:01 pm
ringwraith10 Here are a few simple steps to knowing if it's the real thing. I've learned a lot over the years, considering that I'm the rational person in my friend group that doesn't date, and yet everyone comes to me for advise. Ask yourself these simple questions: 1) Do you ever feel uncomfortable around him? 2) Do you spend more time talking to each other, or kissing/something else? 3) Are you FRIENDS above all else? Do you put your friendship with him before your "romantic relationship"? 4) Do you share a lot of personal things with other, and you know his deepest secrets, and, likewise, he knows yours? Answer Key: 1) No 2) talking 3) yes 4) yes If you answered them all correctly, you may very well be in love. If you didn't answer any correctly... you'd better give it some time and/or change something in the relationship, because it's not going to work. I should write a book. xp
3nodding Nicely put, and true. smile
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Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 8:02 pm
Yes, You'll have to know the person deeply, and still adore him and accept him despite all the annoying and gross habits of his.. You should never feel like you're "turned off" because of his imperfections and shortcomings.. 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 10:39 am
jellysundae i may be digging a hole for myself here, but in my personal opinion it depends on your age, when you're younger you can develop huge crushes on people, so bad that it hurts. but love is never an instant thing, it does need time to blossom. infatuation can go either way, it can grow into love, or just disappear like the morning mist. you'll only know over time if the feelings you have for this boy, and the ones he has for you will be of the lasting kind, but it can happen so who knows? all i can say is enjoy it, but don't do anything silly like get pregnant, if he proposes then get engaged by all means, but don't get married until you can afford to support yourselves. I agree with you. But instead of accepting the proposal (especially if you are still not sure), ask him if you could start out with a promise ring. A promise ring is a symbol that says yes, you would possibly like to become engaged and then possibly get married. The promise ring generally is something that allows either person to back out with no real financial loss (as they are supposed to be cheap $15-$100--some people get really outrageous with it!). Also, a promise ring is generally a elementary/high school idea. It has been studied and shown to be very true, that marraiges between the ages of 20 and 25 have the hardest time of all lasting. This is because this is the time of significant personal change! Our interests, hobbies, likes/dislikes, etc, change significantly! Sometimes that even includes qualities in other people not only your partner, but also your friends as well. Do you ever wonder why you don't tend to hang out/talk to/keep in touch with your high school friends? Its because, in essence, we grow up. Now this is NOT by any means an everyone occurance, it is a general case which will ALWAYS have exceptions. If you are REALLY worried about his or your feelings, then if he proposes say no. It is OK. Tell him that you really like him, but that you'd like to wait. You could also offer the option of a promise ring too. I hope things turn out. Good Luck!
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Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:21 am
Well... I realy probably can't say much on this subject sweatdrop I'm only 20, have barely dated one guy for a few weeks that i broke off because i wasn't comfortable with him in high school, and am not even dating a guy now, but a girl...
But i do know that this girl is(and has been) my best friend. We've known eachother for over 6 years, and cannot stand to be without the other - and it helps that all of our friends are friends with the both of us too - and the 'core' group has all been together throughout these past 6 years (going on 7 soon)
So I can at least know that i am certain in how i feel. Friendship came first for us, and we're willing to brave the odds (i know i am)
My advise - limited as it may be - is that waiting can be rewarding.
And as for how you know you truly love someone?
When you'd rather see them happy with someone else - just to see them happy - Mentioned already, and one of the most true things i know. She had a boyfreind a little over a year ago now... and i chose to never let her know my own rather confused at the time feelings... so that she would never feel guilty at all - that meant more to me than anything. They didn't last very long but... i was prepared to see her with him for the rest of her life if need be.
I am glad she chose me though >.>
Also our entire relationship is currently... rather long distance. So we're starting this out trying to make it work accross our state (she's up in colledge, and i neither of us can currently drive to the other on any sort of regular basis) But we have the phone, and gaia at least.
Things that don't take alot of work, and are just easy... versus things that you have to put a great deal of effort into can show i think, how serious you both are at least. Not that if things are 'easy' you should worry, it's just that it shows you that your both willing to work for this.
And the only ones who didn't get it were us >.> (all of our friends when we told them... (even the most reserved that i worried about?) pretty much all basicaly were like "About time!")
If you don't feel comfortable around them for any reason that's a big sign.
You don't need to go out, and make an anouncement to all the world (though you may want to - i know i did/do) But keeo in mind that even if you are worried about your famiy and friends accepting them- You should make sure that you never feel like you should hide the fact that your dating - as you said earlier - it's not bad i suppose if you just want to wait to let people know how serious you are... but it depends on where your coming from. Even if it's a deep buried subconsious thing - why wouldn't you want to tell your closest friends and family about him? Is your subconsious trying to tell you about your own feelings?
Um... anyways - i'm sorry if this is all rambling >< It's early where i am, and i guess i'm not too coherent, and not that old or experienced iether - but that's what i guess i could say on the topic.
And i agree with all the comments about the english language's restrictions on the word 'love' (though we tend to talk in limited other languages anyways so that tends to not be such a matter lol)
We need a more diverse language for such important things such as that. Definatly.
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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 5:47 pm
The first time I saw my boyfriend I knew he was different. I'd had two boyfriends before, and I never knew for sure if it was love, even when they told me they love me. I didn't date him right away, because he was interested in someone else. I knew though, that he was special and I had to try to stay close to him whether he liked me or not. I know it's love, because he's my best friend and my lover. We share everything and fight all the time, but it's never too bad to repair. He wants me to be happy more than anything and I want the same for him, so it works. I hope that helps...
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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 3:34 am
I had "boyfriends" in Jr. high and High school. Mosty it was just infatuation.
But I did have a boyfriend whom I knew was love. If we had met in univeristy we would have gotten married but because we were so young, it didn't work out. We both moved on with our lives.
Then years later I met a wondeful man, and I didn't "fall in love" as they say, I just knew we would be good friends. It was like meeting an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time.
Two weeks later we were talking about mairrage, and I just knew that I was ready and so did he, so we got engaged. Told the family, then six months later got mairried.
we have been together for almost 8 years.
So I guess what my long winded point is the same as everyone else.
love is different for every situation. Just follow your heart.
heart
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:13 pm
Totally wait for marriage. true colors don't show right away. Go through life a little together and see how it goes. U will learn things about him that you aren't going to be fond of. But, u always have to remind yourself "can I live with this my whole life?" I've been married for 7 years now. I'm so confused, we've been through so much. I married at 19, i wish i would've waited!!!!!
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