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| Who was the best comedian of Week 8? |
| Demonlady33 |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Charmed352 |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
| Silverfang the Cursed |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
| Cole1220 |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Marin1 |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
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 Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 3:22 pm
mydis mydis The winners will be anounced tomorrow for the best comedians of the week. Feel free to start your jokes for week 8 when you are ready. Edit: The winners of week 7 are decided by the poll and the best jokes I have read. Criticism will be listed in week 8. The winners are 1st - Demonlady33, 2nd - God-s Hitman, 3rd - Prillupop Another edit: sorry I wont be able to do criticism this time. I have too much going on this week.
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 6:36 pm
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
(yeah i'm really lazy this week.)
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 4:41 pm
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 4:43 pm
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note
on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a**.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 5:26 pm
so there was this blonde who just got fired from her job.
she needed to make money to pay her rent so she went to this wealthy neiborhood trying to do anything for money.
she walks up to this one house and rings the doorbell.
a guy answers the door and she says "ill do anything for 50 bucks right now"
he responds" how about u paint my porch?"
the blonde gladlyt accepts and gets her supplies.
the man goes to his wife and says "hey i got this blonde to paint the porch"
she says "how much do u have to pay her?" " 50 bucks" " she doesn't realize the porch goes all the way around the house?" he responds "no"
she gives an ok and an hour later the blonde rings the doorbell and the man asks "u finished already?"
she responds " yea but ur cars not a not a porch, its a ferrari."
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:26 pm
You've heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:09 pm
Demonlady33 Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. (yeah i'm really lazy this week.) I think you worded this one wrong demonlady.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:24 pm
charmed352 There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. I have actually heard this one before, but it is a good joke and it is not over-used so I have crowned you 3rd place
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:27 pm
Silverfang the Cursed A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a**. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" 12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. Outstanding silverfang, you finally got 1st and you deserve it. This was easy to understand and it didn't put me to sleep with too many jokes in one.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:28 pm
Cole1220 so there was this blonde who just got fired from her job. she needed to make money to pay her rent so she went to this wealthy neiborhood trying to do anything for money. she walks up to this one house and rings the doorbell. a guy answers the door and she says "ill do anything for 50 bucks right now" he responds" how about u paint my porch?" the blonde gladlyt accepts and gets her supplies. the man goes to his wife and says "hey i got this blonde to paint the porch" she says "how much do u have to pay her?" " 50 bucks" " she doesn't realize the porch goes all the way around the house?" he responds "no" she gives an ok and an hour later the blonde rings the doorbell and the man asks "u finished already?" she responds " yea but ur cars not a not a porch, its a ferrari." This one was funny cole but you had me more in aww than lol
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:54 pm
Marin1 You've heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!" Great Job marin1 I have to give you 2nd place but it is pretty funny.
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