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 Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:39 pm
Marin1 ((Thanks for the gift!!)) A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?" The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?" The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!" The seaman replies, "Screw you, sir!" The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!" Well done again marin. Perfect!
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:41 pm
Cole1220 A guy's in the bar when an alien from outer space walks through the door and sits next to him. The drunk thinks nothing of it, trying to maintain good inter- galactic peace, and all. The alien orders himself a drink. When he's halfway through with the drink, he licks his green finger, and then sticks the finger in the drunk's ear. The drunk's irritated, but again, in the interest of seeing there's no interstellar war, he says nothing. The alien pulls his finger out, finishes his drink, and then orders another one. Once he reaches the half-way point in that drink, he again licks his finger, then puts that finger into the drunk's ear. "Hey, Buddy, how 'bout let's lay off the ear pokin', what do you say?" Well, as you know, halfway through the alien's third drink, the alien licks and sticks once again. The drunk has forgotten his peaceful ways and says, as forcibly as he can, "Look, jerk, if you do that again, I'm gonna rip your balls off!" The alien orders one more drink. Stirs it for awhile . . . and, you guessed it, licks that green finger and again sticks it right in the drunk's ear. "DANGMAN!!!" the drunk roars, and reaches between the alien's legs to carry out his threat. But there's "nothing there". The drunk's a little confused. "Man, if you've got no balls, then how do you screw?" The alien licks his finger and sticks it in the drunk's ear. Understandable, funny and with a twist. Good job!
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:42 pm
Cole1220 is it alrite if i post another joke? or is it once per week 1 per week is correct.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:53 pm
Silverfang the Cursed Probably only one per week, it is a contest after all. What if Mother Goose had tendencies and propensities toward verbosity and prolixity? Jack becomes dexterous, Jack becomes able to attain high velocity, Jack forms a trajectory over the illuminating apparatus of ozocitereous structure. Mary was formerly the owner and proprietor of a pygmy Ovis aries, It possessed an outer wool covering which had the characteristic pallidness much like that found in the appearance of crystalline precipitation, And to each point in space that Mary would venture to, The aforementioned Ovis aries would participate with a high degree of certainty. Diminutive Jack Horner Was seated at the perpendicular conjunction of three planar surfaces, Ingesting his baked Yuletide pastry. He inserted his opposable digit, And excavated a specimen of genus Prunus, And remarked, "What a benevolent adolescent I have become!" Lilliputian damsel Muffet Was rested upon a squatty seating apparatus, Ingesting the lacteal substances in her possession. At this point arrived an arachnid Which inhabited the immediate vicinity of the maiden, And, true to the fundamental principles of stimulus and response, arose trepidation in the damsel with sufficient efficiency so as to induce the aforementioned maiden to change locale. Very hard picture right off, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt for trying something new, and this is funny in an intellectual kind of way. You also did not post way too many constant jokes, and that also gave you a plus in book. Over-doing is it is just as bad as under-doing it.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 6:54 pm
God-s Hitman There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo d**k.'" "So what's up with this voodoo d**k?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking d***o. The businessman laughed, and said "Big ******** deal. It looks like every other d***o in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo d**k, the door." The voodoo d**k rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo d**k, get back in your box!" The voodoo d**k stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special d***o and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo d**k, my p***y." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo d**k. She got it out, and said "Voodoo d**k, my p***y!" The voodoo d**k shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the d***o. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo d**k was stuck in her p***y, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo d**k, my a**!" Very nice comeback! god-s hitman. Perfect!
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