Welcome to Gaia! ::

[Loud uproarious sounds come from backstage and all sorts of wild beasts stampede onto stage. Satyrs start to play their shepherd's pipes loudly, Maenads scream their heads off, and in the center of it all a beautifully androgynous God enters the stage on the back of a leopard.]

PLATO: Please give a warm welcome to our next guest,

DIONYSUS! God of Wine and Madness!

[The audience cheers, whipped up into a wild frenzy.]

[Dionysus daintily steps off from his leopard, and takes the seat vacated by Ares.]

DIONYSUS:[In a sultry manner] Oh Plato, love, the pleasure's all mine.

[Titters from the audience]

PLATO:[Slightly taken aback] Oh um, yes, well, tell me Dionysus, how are you?

DIONYSUS:[Gives a wink to the audience] It depends, how do you want me?

[Giggles ring out from the audience]

PLATO:[Coughs in embarrassment, then goes off into next question ignoring the innuendo] Sooo . . . what have you been up to?

DIONYSUS:[Purring] Oh, I've passed the time by spreading rumor's about my male family members' sexualities.

[Gasping from the audience]

PLATO:[Interested] Really?

DIONYSUS: Oh yes, I love to get on Ares' nerves. Why, just the other day I was telling Athena how Achilles was his Eromenos.

PLATO:[Taking the bait] Was he?

[Audience is dead silent, listening for the incriminating answer}

DIONYSUS:[Dramatically offended] I, sir, am no common tart to whore out my family's secrets.

PLATO:[Disbelieving] Of course. Dionysus, your most famous gig is wine. In the past, you have been criticized for bringing wine's evil influences to Greece. What would you say to those critics?

DIONYSUS: Why, Plato, I wouldn't say anything.

PLATO:[Surprised, after all, gods are a touchy lot.] Come now, you must have something to say.

DIONYSUS:[Slightly disinterested]On the contrary, no comprehensible words would fall from my lips. I'd simply meet said critics, drive the females of their families' mad, and then watch on in glee as the laggards were ripped into tiny pieces for my enjoyment.

[The audience is shocked]

PLATO:[Wanting to get the god out as quickly as possible] Dionysus everyone! [Motions for security to escort Dionysus off the stage. Whilst escorted, Dionysus then begins to flirt with the guards.]

PLATO: Well, that was awkward. [Turns to audience] Well, we'll be right back, with Melpomene and Thalia, the Muses!



[A red-headed goddess appears on the stage, wearing a mask of laughter over her face. She wears an orange dress, and her hair flows long past her shoulders. The crowd erupts in laughter as she walks down to the couch, where she takes off her mask. Then, once the crowd settles, a raven haired goddess appears on stage, a mask of disappointment and sadness on her face. She wears a dark blue dress, and her hair goes to her shoulders. The crowd starts crying as she walks to Plato, where she sits far away from her sister, and talks off her mask]

PLATO: Well, folks! We have opposites, here! Tragedy and comedy!

MELPOMENE: [in a disappointed voice] This place smells worse than Pegasi poop. I should know, us Muses are always around him.

PLATO: Well, we do try to get some Aphrodite Body Spray in her once and awhile, Melpo!

MELPOMENE: Don't you dare call me that again, Plato. I know how to get this show off the air. [Her eyes draw closer]

[Plato and Thalia wriggle in their seats]

THALIA: You really just need to get used to her, P-man. I'm sure that she's just down because the Amphitheater is showing comedy today instead of that Socrates stuff. [Thalia brushes her hair from her face and draws her smile to the crowd, where everyone starts smiling]

MELPOMENE: You just don't understand that people prefer to get some emotion from a play than rather having fake tears

THALIA: You're just jealous because Mommy Mnemosyne loves me better. I make people laugh! [Turns to crowd and raises her arms, screaming comes from crowd]

PLATO: [his eyes are filled with lust]Ladies, ladies! I'm sure that you both are right in your choices. And I'm sure both of you will be fine with accompanying me to the Amphitheater tomorrow night?

[Both goddesses turn to each other, then look back at Plato]

THALIA: We have to preform for this sicko?

MELPOMENE: I think so, sis.

THALIA: I'd rather go with Hephaestus than this creep. [Thalia throws her thumb at Plato]

PLATO: HEY! I can hear you two! [Looks outraged]

[Both goddesses place their masks over their face]

MELPOMENE: I suggest we leave. This place is infested with rats, and it stinks of Ares' blood.

[They both get up and leave in the east wing.]