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 Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:12 pm
Caramel Kisses Zephyrkitty TtheHero Ooh, Usagi is the name of one of my chars in the later season of my fanfic! She's a ninja.
It means "rabbit" Now for extra credit: why name Sailor Moon something that means 'rabbit'? I need to rewatch Sailor Moon if a cheap, legal, uncut way to get it becomes available. $200 per season is insane. *Would like to answer, but only scrunches face as she vaguely remembers an article or something about rabbits and the moon festival...*
Eh, anyway.
Scale of 1 - 10? Something about the Japanese seeing a rabbit in the moon, perhaps?
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:14 pm
*Jumps*
*Attacks the poster 3 posts from this post*
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:15 pm
Hmm... as I proofread my earlier stories so I don't make my character seem like a Gary Stu (Mary Sue), I'm wonder about clearing up some of the more fuzzier parts of the story.
In the first episode, four of the fighters join me and we become roommates at the end after having met me. The four are around my age and everything, so it's cool. In the original game they came from, they were mostly adults.
Now I come to this part of the story I am trying to edit now. I've already improved some of the lines, here and there, but what do you all think on the whole?
here it is:Quote: Later on, I left the stadium with my prize in tow, when I heard a voice.
“Hey, you!”
T: “Eh?”
I turned around and saw Eiji, Kayin, Sofia, and Ellis, four of the fighters I had faced in the tournament. They were each holding a smaller trophy; for being runner-ups, I guess.
T: “Oh! Uh, you guys aren’t mad that I beat you and everything, are you?”
Eiji: “No way man, you were great out there! We just wanted to congratulate you for winning. That’s all.”
T: “Oh… it was nothing, really. I kinda got lucky, I guess…”
Sofia: “Don’t be so modest, you were great.”
Kayin: “I knew you were as strong as you looked!”
T: “Well, thank you! You were all really great, too. I liked those cool projectile attacks you all did, even if they were aimed at me.”
Ellis: “Thanks! Well, see you later.”
T: “W-wait, where are you going?”
Sofia: “Hm, nowhere in particular, really.”
Kayin: “I don’t know, maybe we’ll go our separate ways or something.”
Hmm… but I had a better idea.
T: “WAIT!”
They all turned around.
T: “Why don’t you all stay at my house?”
Sofia: “What do you mean?”
T: “You all can stay at my house! It’s very big, and there are lots of rooms. It gets pretty quiet sometimes… lonely even… how about it? Roommates, I say! I mean… if you have nowhere else to go…”
After having said this, each of their faces lit up.
Ellis: “Wow, really, you mean it?”
T: “Of course, let’s go!”
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:18 pm
Phew. Safe from the Jump of doom. ninja
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:22 pm
 Rate Outfit. Fu! *weak and therefore KO'd by Deca*
@.X
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:26 pm
Decavolty has gained another level!
*speeds through the changes*
---
*Casts Arise on Caramel*
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:29 pm
Caramel Kisses Rate Outfit. Fu! *weak and therefore KO'd by Deca*
@.X
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:29 pm
TtheHero Hmm... as I proofread my earlier stories so I don't make my character seem like a Gary Stu (Mary Sue), I'm wonder about clearing up some of the more fuzzier parts of the story.
In the first episode, four of the fighters join me and we become roommates at the end after having met me. The four are around my age and everything, so it's cool. In the original game they came from, they were mostly adults.
Now I come to this part of the story I am trying to edit now. I've already improved some of the lines, here and there, but what do you all think on the whole?
here it is:Quote: Later on, I left the stadium with my prize in tow, when I heard a voice.
“Hey, you!”
T: “Eh?”
I turned around and saw Eiji, Kayin, Sofia, and Ellis, four of the fighters I had faced in the tournament. They were each holding a smaller trophy; for being runner-ups, I guess.
T: “Oh! Uh, you guys aren’t mad that I beat you and everything, are you?”
Eiji: “No way man, you were great out there! We just wanted to congratulate you for winning. That’s all.”
T: “Oh… it was nothing, really. I kinda got lucky, I guess…”
Sofia: “Don’t be so modest, you were great.”
Kayin: “I knew you were as strong as you looked!”
T: “Well, thank you! You were all really great, too. I liked those cool projectile attacks you all did, even if they were aimed at me.”
Ellis: “Thanks! Well, see you later.”
T: “W-wait, where are you going?”
Sofia: “Hm, nowhere in particular, really.”
Kayin: “I don’t know, maybe we’ll go our separate ways or something.”
Hmm… but I had a better idea.
T: “WAIT!”
They all turned around.
T: “Why don’t you all stay at my house?”
Sofia: “What do you mean?”
T: “You all can stay at my house! It’s very big, and there are lots of rooms. It gets pretty quiet sometimes… lonely even… how about it? Roommates, I say! I mean… if you have nowhere else to go…”
After having said this, each of their faces lit up.
Ellis: “Wow, really, you mean it?”
T: “Of course, let’s go!”
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:30 pm
*sits up*
*blinkblink*
Rate my outfit, please?
I've posted in my fashion guild,
but I want the opinion of others, too, nyo.
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:37 pm
TtheHero TtheHero Hmm... as I proofread my earlier stories so I don't make my character seem like a Gary Stu (Mary Sue), I'm wonder about clearing up some of the more fuzzier parts of the story.
In the first episode, four of the fighters join me and we become roommates at the end after having met me. The four are around my age and everything, so it's cool. In the original game they came from, they were mostly adults.
Now I come to this part of the story I am trying to edit now. I've already improved some of the lines, here and there, but what do you all think on the whole?
here it is:I really don't want to make it seem like the four of them were homeless or something... that is SO not my style... Any input, fellas? As a word of warning, I'm not familiar with the characters and can't make any suggestions regarding them specifically. To be honest, I'd say simply write them in character. If it involves lengthening the conversation(s) and maybe taking longer for them to join you, you should still go that route. It'll help your fic immensely, trust me.
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:41 pm
Zephyrkitty TtheHero TtheHero Hmm... as I proofread my earlier stories so I don't make my character seem like a Gary Stu (Mary Sue), I'm wonder about clearing up some of the more fuzzier parts of the story.
In the first episode, four of the fighters join me and we become roommates at the end after having met me. The four are around my age and everything, so it's cool. In the original game they came from, they were mostly adults.
Now I come to this part of the story I am trying to edit now. I've already improved some of the lines, here and there, but what do you all think on the whole?
here it is:I really don't want to make it seem like the four of them were homeless or something... that is SO not my style... Any input, fellas? As a word of warning, I'm not familiar with the characters and can't make any suggestions regarding them specifically. To be honest, I'd say simply write them in character. If it involves lengthening the conversation(s) and maybe taking longer for them to join you, you should still go that route. It'll help your fic immensely, trust me.
Oh, and the characters hail from the PS1 Game Battle Arena Toshinden. I think it was one of the first 3-d fighting games out there. I had the GameBoy version.
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:44 pm
Hey.
I have that game!!
My PS1's long gone, though...
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:45 pm
Zephyrkitty Caramel Kisses Zephyrkitty TtheHero Ooh, Usagi is the name of one of my chars in the later season of my fanfic! She's a ninja.
It means "rabbit" Now for extra credit: why name Sailor Moon something that means 'rabbit'? I need to rewatch Sailor Moon if a cheap, legal, uncut way to get it becomes available. $200 per season is insane. *Would like to answer, but only scrunches face as she vaguely remembers an article or something about rabbits and the moon festival...*
Eh, anyway.
Scale of 1 - 10? Something about the Japanese seeing a rabbit in the moon, perhaps? Ooh! I know I was born for this question mrgreen So in America its "man on the moon" but in Japan Usagi make onigiri on the moon heart The craters are where they pound the rice cakes heart Its much more exciting than man on the moon wouldn't you say?
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:46 pm
Caramel Kisses Hey.
I have that game!!
My PS1's long gone, though...
Who was your favorite character?
Note that some of them are named above in a previous post of mine.
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Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 6:48 pm
I_love_Inuyasha1 Zephyrkitty Caramel Kisses Zephyrkitty TtheHero Ooh, Usagi is the name of one of my chars in the later season of my fanfic! She's a ninja.
It means "rabbit" Now for extra credit: why name Sailor Moon something that means 'rabbit'? I need to rewatch Sailor Moon if a cheap, legal, uncut way to get it becomes available. $200 per season is insane. *Would like to answer, but only scrunches face as she vaguely remembers an article or something about rabbits and the moon festival...*
Eh, anyway.
Scale of 1 - 10? Something about the Japanese seeing a rabbit in the moon, perhaps? Ooh! I know I was born for this question mrgreen So in America its "man on the moon" but in Japan Usagi make onigiri on the moon heart The craters are where they pound the rice cakes heart Its much more exciting than man on the moon wouldn't you say? I knew about the rabbit, but not the rice cakes. That's a lot more exciting. So is that what the astronauts eat while they're on the moon? wink
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