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 Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:09 am
StrawberryZ0mbie Hello. Thanks for submitting your character. Unfortunately, I can't approve her as is. I'm not sure if you're aware but your character is a very blatant Mary Sue. She is an overpowered, beautiful demi-goddess noble who valiantly shirks her duties and has a slew of mostly irrelevant flaws and happens to be the daughter of the most beautiful, coveted, amazing Immortal, ever. You also tend to use really flowery purple prose in your posts, something else that points to an issue with Mary Sueism. She would need a major overhaul before we could accept her into this guild. First of all, you'll need to demote her from demi-goddess status. Even if you note that she's half immortal, we'd prefer no references to her being a demi-goddess at all. In the past, many people have not played their demi-god characters properly and we've decided not to accept any more people with that title. It's simply been abused far too often. Second, you will need to trim her skill set....a lot. Really, she shouldn't have more than three skills. Her skill set is pretty large and some of these skills are fairly significant as well so it needs a major trim. She is brilliant at potions she is good with swords She can heal minor wounds She can cause minor plant growth She can cause moonlight to shine through her skin brightly enough to temporarily blind people She can use illusions She can become a ghost during full moons The other issue is her character flaws. Nearly all her flaws are somewhat irrelevant to this RP and guild. We prefer characters to have flaws that will actually show up in the RP. At the same time, having your character constantly angsting over things that none of the other characters are going to care about, is just silly. So here are my issues with her "flaws." -Often far too bossy for her own good. Okay, this can count as a flaw but I have a problem with modifiers like "often" or "sometimes" simply because many people use them as an excuse to not actually ever have this flaw show up with the character. -Weaker magic than most of her family. Okay, this doesn't count as a flaw at all, in any way, shape or form. It's a power limitation at best. But it doesn't even say 'she has only very weak magic.' It's modified by just being weaker than her family. It's...just really not a flaw. -Insecure about her magic/snaps at people who mention it. The issue is, no one is going to notice her magic is weaker than her family. No one in the RP knows her family. And no one is really going to care--lots of characters don't have magic at all. So she is going to spend time angsting over her magic for no reason, but since no one will ever mention it, it's kind of a completely irrelevant "flaw" for her to have. -Highly secretive/pushes people away. This is her only real flaw. -Bad liar. Not being able to lie is not a flaw. -Tries to lie about becoming a spectre during the full moon. Okay, the issue, again, is that none of the other characters are going to care. This is just going to cause needless drama because we have two characters that are spectres all the time. So when people do find out (as I'm sure they, inevitably will), they're going to just kind of go "Eh...okay. *shrug*" We just have so many characters with crazy powers that no one is going to care about her powers. I mean, we have another character who sometimes glows as well. So, really, this kind of thing is really irrelevant. What I've seen several times in this guild is that someone puts in a character who is all self conscious about one of their abilities, then none of the other characters care or notice the power but the new character still constantly angsts about it or brings it up. And it's just limiting and repetitive. -Tries to lie about being more stuck up than she really is. Again, this is kind of not a flaw? It's two virtues (not being able to lie and not being stuck up) that are trying to masquerade as a flaw. It's very contradictory and kind of silly, really. Finally, her personality section actually doesn't describe her personality very well at all. I can't tell you anything about what her personality is like from that section other than that she has a vaguely described "wild side" that entails letting her hair loose and dancing in the grass. Which, doesn't seem particularly "wild" really. You mention that she has a ton of personality flaws (but don't describe any of them, anywhere aside from bossing people around) but is still brave and noble and self sacrificing enough to run into danger to save people. Before I can approve this character, you would need to tone down her Mary Sue traits of being an over powered demi-goddess, and give her some real flaws that serve to balance out the character's many virtues. I would strongly recommend that you read our Mary Sue Thread, our Character Flaws Thread, our entire RP Do's and Don'ts thread before making your edits. After you've made the recommended changes, feel free to quote me so I can have a second look. Thanks! Sorry for such a shoddy character profile thank you for helping me out its been so long since I have RPed. I amended the errors and hope it is worthy of approval now.
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:27 am
No problem! Welcome to Rosentale. Vianca will be staying in Topaz Dorm for the time being. The school is on summer vacation through the month of August but you'll want to go ahead and choose a class schedule for her and post a thread in the Accepted Characters sub forum; then you may begin posting in the RP. There are characters in scattered locations from the dorms to the city, to the school grounds so you can find a recently posted in place and post there, if you like. Given that your character is highly stand offish, you may want to also post in the OOC first, to check around for people with free characters. It might be easier than just tossing her in blindly. If you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to ask. Most of the crew are on the west coast of the US so it's early, early AM for us at the moment, but we'll get to any questions as soon as we can. Thanks!
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Elen_Gilthoniel Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:37 am
StrawberryZ0mbie No problem! Welcome to Rosentale. Vianca will be staying in Topaz Dorm for the time being. The school is on summer vacation through the month of August but you'll want to go ahead and choose a class schedule for her and post a thread in the Accepted Characters sub forum; then you may begin posting in the RP. There are characters in scattered locations from the dorms to the city, to the school grounds so you can find a recently posted in place and post there, if you like. Given that your character is highly stand offish, you may want to also post in the OOC first, to check around for people with free characters. It might be easier than just tossing her in blindly. If you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to ask. Most of the crew are on the west coast of the US so it's early, early AM for us at the moment, but we'll get to any questions as soon as we can. Thanks! Thank you as well. I understand its very early in the AM for me too right now.
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:19 am
 Character Information:
Student RPer Username: M i n i R e d S t a r s
Name: Luke Cole
Species: Elemental - Water
Age: 16
Gender: male
Appearance description: Tallish, Luke stands to be 6 foot 4, he has a lean, muscular body (Even if you are locked up, you need to work out, right?). Pale. Not being outside for 16 years takes its tolls.
Personality:
- Secluded: Due to his background, Luke is quite secluded, he is not afraid of people, but is hard to socialise with.
- Laid-back: Not much will spark a worry to this guy, he will usually shrug it off and get on with whatever he is doing at said time.
- Kind: Luke is quite kind to people he knows very well
- Loving: You know when Luke is in love, he will try his best to be with that one person
Bio: Luke has no knowledge of his birth parents, he was found by a group of researchers under water, and he was still alive, the researchers found this interesting, so they took him back to the lab and did tests on him, for the whole time he was there. The researchers taught him to read, talk and write. The different tests that they did on him was, testing his blood, seeing if his powers can be transferred to normal humans. The researchers didn't beat or physically harmed Luke, they tested his blood, and kept him under observation, always, to see if there were any changes.
Luke grew up in the research centre, he had no contact with the outside world, and didn't have much people contact. Luke had 2 head researchers that acted as his mother and father, they were his mother and father figures.
One night, Luke managed to make a miraculous escape from the lab, even when it was armed with security guards 24/7, and he was always under the supervision of the researchers. He somehow managed to escape through a mystery port that was unknown by the researchers and the security guards. For the brief moment that the researchers and the security guards looked away, Luke managed to escape. He managed to make his way to Rosentale without having the people from the lab finding him again.
Skills and Abilities:
Breathing under water: Luke is able to breathe whilst he is under water
Character Flaws:
Gullible: If you tell him something, he will believe it, so be careful what you say to him
Lazy: As much as Luke may want something, if he has to do it himself, he will most likely not do it
Restless: Luke can not stand sitting down without tapping his fingers on a table, or doing something
Impatient: Luke can't stand waiting on someone, if they are late, he gets annoyed
Anti-social: So due to his infrequent contact with people, Luke has become very anti-social and finds it hard to socialise, and is hard to socialise with
Sexual Orientation: Pansexual
Status: single
Likes:
- Sweet coffee
- Water
- Strawberry candies
- Ducks
- Cream
- Sweet aromas
- Honey
- Feathers
- Soft things
- The beach
- Music - Rock
- Blue
- Rain
Dislikes: (at least 3)
- Dry areas
- Jazz music
- Sparkles
- Oranges
- Pungent smells
- Detention
- Fire
- Maths
- Alcohol
- Smoking
- Snails
RP Example:
A young boy walked through the hallways of the new school. His hands were in the pockets of his jacket and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was sitting over his face slightly, covering one of his yellow toned eyes.
As he walked his sneakers made a tap sound on the floor. Luke had a back-pack hanging over one of his shoulders. Luke raised his hand to his face and slicked away his hair to reveal his other eye. His skin was nearly white as paper. Not a vampire, sun deprived. Luke took his hands out of his pockets and stretched out his arms.
Luke turned the corner of the hallway and headed off to somewhere else.
((Hope that's enough RP sample))
Extra Information: N/A
Okay, so I have changed his personality completely, due to his bio. And added more information into the bio ^_^
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 12:30 pm
xLieselotte Hello! So I've taken a look at your character and there are a few things I want to discuss with you first before I could approve her. Her biography is kind of confusing to me. Right now, I'm assuming that she was originally human, but she went to go to a vampire bar thinking that nothing would happen, but something did and she's a vampire. So her family turns her away and she rages on them. However, this is me assuming and most RPers kind of want to avoid assuming things in case they are wrong and I could be wrong. Also, in the world she lives in, I've also assumed that vampires are normal because there's a 'local vampire bar.' So would that mean that vampires are allowed to live among the people but the people are still prejudiced against them? I'm also a bit confused about a few things that you've listed in the skills. First of all, what exactly do you mean about her needing only 1/16th of the light that humans need to see? Does that mean she could see in the dark, or does that mean that she is very sensitive to the light? After all, I imagine that it would stink to have that other 15/16th in her way. You'll have to be more specific about that. 8D As for the cat-like reflexes and inhuman strength, you'll definitely have to be more in depth with it and add on some limits. For example, without limits, you could be implying that she could land on her feet if she jumped off a skyscraper or could be an Atlas and carry the world on her shoulders. The same goes for the fast healing. I'm sorry, but this guild doesn't allow those types of extreme skills because that would be too overpowered. As for her flaws, we're only counting short-tempered, jealous, and smart alec as her flaws. The first two seem to just be details to her character or probably weaknesses that have something to do with her race. Character flaws are traits on a character's personality that would impact them negatively when socializing with other people. That's usually what we're looking for in the flaws section. Also, she's allergic to the sun? I'm not sure how you're going to RP her in Rosentale since Rosentale doesn't have the resources for such a student. We do have a vampire that would turn into ashes when in contact with the sun. However, he doesn't worry about it that much since he went to the potions professor and he uses potions to make him immune to the sun. However, I don't think that's what you had in mind when you made your character. So can you explain to me what you had planned so she could be roleplayed normally? When you've made your changes, you're free to quote me and I'll take another look. ^^ Adequate now?
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 12:36 pm
Yay! Good work! He'll be staying in the Serpentine Dorm and don't forget to put him in the Accepted Characters Profiles Subforum and make a class schedule for him! Right now it's summer vacation, which I'm certain you're already aware of! So you're free to send him out somewhere if you would like, but you could always check in at the Random Chitchat to see if anyone has free characters. =D
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:15 pm
Alright, it looks better now! However, there are still some limitation issues on her abilities. She's still very overpowered. With what you have listed, you can't hit her because she's too fast. She can pulverize you in one hit and she heals probably nearly instantly. Not to mention she could also do this in the dark. You're going to need some big limitation on these. After all, regeneration, super strength, and super reaction time and motor skills are all very strong powers and you'll need to really limit all of them so they all balance out. Usually we're okay with one really strong power and two not so strong powers, so if you want to keep all the powers, they all need to be limited accordingly. I also have a question about her smoking? Usually typical smoking symptoms are a smoker's cough or frequent or recurrent lung infections and other diseases, such as influenza, common colds, bronchitis, and pneumonia or a hoarse voice. If she just started smoking and hasn't been doing it for a while, these probably won't show up until later in the RP, but I was wondering if these smoking would affect your character at all? Also, you've implied that your character gets weak when exposed to the sun. It probably would be a good idea to add it in the extra information so we know exactly what we're looking at. ^^ Well, I think that's it. Just quote me when you've made the changes and I'll take another look. =D
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:34 pm
Okay, I've made some revisions. Smoking is just mostly an add on for her character. She's a hipster. As a vampire, it would not affect anything essential. (Or at least that she's aware of) cat_wink
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Elen_Gilthoniel Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:06 pm
Kiyoko no Mikazuki Okay, I've made some revisions. Smoking is just mostly an add on for her character. She's a hipster. As a vampire, it would not affect anything essential. (Or at least that she's aware of) cat_wink Hello! I'm going to take over for Lotte; I hope you don't mind. Your character is still very over powered, despite that you took out the healing. She can see in the dark, is super-duper fast, and still has Superman level strength. On top of that, she smokes but has no negative consequences, and also has no weaknesses listed anywhere on the profile. Basically, she's a total godmode character. On top of that, given her personality, she is probably going to be constantly butting heads with other characters and is positioned to always come out on top because she's so overpowered. You are going to need to limit her powers. I don't know how much more clear on this we can be. You took away her regeneration, which is good but she still can lift well over a ton and you've yet to define how fast "lightning fast" reflexes are. On top of that, she can also see in near dark. AND you still have no real weaknesses listed either. Regardless if she's a vampire, if she has no extra healing, smoking should still affect her in someway unless she's immune to smoking because she's technically dead; if so, you should consider adding in proper limitations and weaknesses based on the fact that she's undead. How does she function in sunlight? What about her blood cravings? Is she weak to water like a normal vampire? Weak to crosses or silver? Does she have to sleep in a coffin? If she's undead and you don't have healing listed as power, then she should probably heal more slowly than normal and have to watch out for rotting flesh issues. As a walking corpse, she should have SOME drawbacks. Normally we don't focus so much on weaknesses but since you're so intent on having her be overpowered, it makes us feel you need to assign proper weaknesses so we feel confident you will RP her properly. You've listed some super powerful abilities and seem hesitant to limit them, and you've not listed any weaknesses; hopefully you can understand why this makes us a little uncomfortable. =3 Speed limitations: 1. Should she get into a fight, you really can't have her dodge every punch. She should still at least be weak to surprise attacks and the occasional frontal attack. On top of that, she shouldn't be able to dodge fast-flying projectiles like: magic, electricity, fire, bullets, arrows or anything else that gets thrown at her. Objects thrown with some amount of force move a lot faster than a fist and she shouldn't be dodging absolutely everything. Many projectiles move faster than, or near the speed of sound. That is too fast for dodging under any circumstances. Strength limitations: Option 1. Limit strength to 2-3 times her weight. At the same time, having strong muscles doesn't make you impervious to being hit by things. She shouldn't be able to stop a moving car, or take no damage from being hit. She would still take all normal damage. Option 2. Limit her 10x her weight strength to ONLY LIFTING objects. She wouldn't be able to hit with that much force. And she still would take all normal damage from impacts. No stopping trains or cars or punches without being hurt. Basically, you really need to limit her power. Right now we have a SUPER STRONG character with no visible weaknesses or limitations. As mentioned in the rules and profiles, we don't allow godmodding or overpowered characters so we need to wrangle her down to something a little more manageable and suitable for the guild. Thanks for your patience and please quote me when you've edited her. <3
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:48 pm
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Elen_Gilthoniel Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 3:11 pm
Alright; your character is approved. I apologize for being such sticklers about some of the things but the guild has been around long enough that we've had our fair share of godmode characters and we just try to keep everyone on the same level to keep people from lording things over the other characters. That is so frustrating to deal with and we've had multiple RPers try to do it. Your character will be staying in Topaz dorm for the time being. You should choose a class schedule and post a thread in the character approval forum. Currently we're on summer vacation so there is no class in session. There are characters scattered around in various locations on the school grounds, off school grounds or in the dorms. You can post in an active thread, or poke the OOC thread to see if there's anyone willing to toss in a new character just for you. =3 Thanks for being so patient with us and if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Welcome to Rosentale!
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:21 pm
xLieselotte Yay! Good work! He'll be staying in the Serpentine Dorm and don't forget to put him in the Accepted Characters Profiles Subforum and make a class schedule for him! Right now it's summer vacation, which I'm certain you're already aware of! So you're free to send him out somewhere if you would like, but you could always check in at the Random Chitchat to see if anyone has free characters. =D Thank you!!
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 3:50 am
 Character Information:
Student RPer Username: Craft_Knight
Name: Maerchel Noirvestier
Species: Neko/Human/Shadow element (1/2 human, 1/4 neko, 1/4 shadow element)
Age: Seventeen
Gender: Male
Appearance description: Maer's height is 5' 7 ft and he weights around 168 lbs. In neko form, Mel has ebony black cat ears and tail. While in his shadow form, Maerchel's body becomes a shadow.
Personality: Calm, collected, carefree and always smiling are Mearchel's main traits in his personality. Kind yet cruel, insane yet sane, warm-hearted yet cold-hearted, good yet evil and also perverted, playful and eccentric are more or less Maer's other mixtures in his persona. To simplify, Mel is both good and evil with perversion, eccentricity, and playfulness in between. Mel can easily shove off insults or anything along those lines and has a long fuse before he could get angry which is really bad. However, if Maer gets angry right way, something is up (and a great example of this is when someone he cares about is in danger).One more thing, Maerchel has some innocent in him which will show if provoked the right way.
Bio: Maerchel's life was peaceful at the countryside, no need to worry trivial things all he needs to do everyday was to help his family. But everything changed as a group of people suddenly attacked the town where they live in. His mother and father was able to fend off every single of the people. However, both of them died and it was the same fate for every person in the village except him since Mel was sent on a delivery request to a nearby village. Hearing the news about his town, Mel rushed to his town with everything he got and as he got closer and closer. People he knew and friends with were dead, impaled, and drained of blood. When he arrived the city square, he found his parents dead, drained of blood but in pieces.
A sudden surge of anger, despair, fear, and madness filled in his mind while he was a few meters away from the people who massacred his family, his friends, and the people of the town. He fought with the group yet even though he was able to send a few to their graves, he cannot win. After all his enemies are vampires of pure blood. Maer knew his end was near and the only way he faced it was with a smile which really pissed off the leader of the group and was about to give the finishing blow.
However, a girl with a blond wavy hair and was around his age (Maer was twelve when this incident happened) punched the vampire and saving his life. Then, a group of people showed up and started to eradicate the vampires. Awed, Maerchel wanted to joined the group who call themselves as Kreuss but due to his kin, he wasn't able to join them and reason why he wanted to join was because of the girl who saved him.
After a week, Mel collected his things, some money, and after giving a last prayer for the townspeople and his parents. He went on a journey to find the girl and also to become stronger. In the years of traveling, Maer was able to learn クリムゾン 天 四肢, how to play the cello, becoming a good cook, meeting many people, and becoming a freelancing vampire hunter. Then, hearing about the girl who saved him attending Rosentale Academy, Maerchel went to the place and after a few things. He became a student of the Academy.
Skills and Abilities:
• Martial Arts - Maer is a practitioner of クリムゾン 天 四肢 (Kurimuzontenshishi or Crimson Heavenly Extremities). A type of unarmed and armed martial arts that concentrates in speed and power, pushing the through the limits of ones body. However, the weak point of クリムゾン 天 四肢 is that it has no defensive stance and the only way to prevent damage is via dodging. クリムゾン 天 四肢's techniques gives a large strain to his body enough to rupture his muscles if he overexerts his body.
• Shadow Manipulation - Being 1/4 shadow element, Mel can utilize shadows in many ways. One of these ways via shaping out a physical item from his shadow and mostly weapons, clothes and few miscellaneous stuff (rope, brush, etc.). Mearchel can also use shadows as a way to attack people. However, he can only use his shadow for this ability and what's more. The strength or the materialization of his shadows is based on his will and mental capacity. It is noted that even thought shadow manipulation is a very versatile ability, continuous usage can give Maer a migraine or worst. Temporarily paralyzes one of his body parts since shadow manipulation depends one his will and mental capacity. Pure darkness is one of shadow manipulation's weakness since without light, there is no shadow.
• Cooking - Maer living alone and helping at the kitchen when his a kid, he learned how to cook.
• Playing the cello - Mel learned this from one of his friends when he went around the world.
Character Flaws:
• Perversion
• Easily gets distracted
• Clingy
• Being playful
• And being carefree
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Status: Single
Likes: (at least 3)
- Coffee/ Tea/ Sweets
- A nice weather to take his catnaps
- Yarn because his part neko after all.
- The girl who saved him (Freayah "Ayah" Evans)
- Peace
- Reading
- Playing a cello
- Girls
Dislikes: (at least 3)
- People who touches his cat ears and/or tail without permission
- People who intervenes finding the girl who saved him
- Anyone who disturbs his peace.
RP Example: It was already night when Maerchel arrived at the city where Rosentale Academy stood. The moon was full and a gentle breeze passed him by when he walked to an alley. No nearby vampires. Yet, the city is filled with many races nyaa. Mel mentally noted after surveying the area. However, a group of vamps around six surrrounded Maer. Cursing as he knew this was a ambush and his the target. Inhaling and exhaling, Mearchel calmed himself and went the two who were behind him. He punch the first at his face and stomach and followed by a slash from his shadow as a finishing blow. Then, doing a twist. Mel kicked the other one with a reckoning force that it was enough to sent the bloodsucker flying.
One of the vampires attacked him from behind with a dagger. Luckily, Maerchel was able to avoid the blow to his heart via ducking. He plunged his hand to his shadow and pulled out a b*****d sword which he materialized and shaped with his shadow. Diagonally slashing as he stood up with a spun, cutting the vampire who aimed for his heart in half. After a few moments, Maerchel was successfully disposed the remaining three with a insane smile on his face thought, he was injured due him being distracted by a panty shot from one of the vamps. "Damn those vampires! Exploiting my perversion yet its a waste. One of them was really cute nyaa~." He muttered to himself.
A smile of madness yet again came over his face as another batch of vamps where coming to his way. However, instead of fighting him, the bloodsuckers passed by him as they were running for their lives. And what's more, their running away from their own kin. A girl with black hair, around his height, has fair skin and dark green eyes from the looks of it as she passed by Mel.
For some odd reason, Maer felt he saw the girl and her dark green eyes from somewhere. Shaking off the thought for later, he also joined the chase for the vamps and was able to corner them. Out of fear, three of the bloodsuckers straightforwardly attacked. Mel nailed the two to the wall and gutted them with his shadow while the other one was down for the count which was the work of the ebony haired girl. Smiling devilishly while a hint of insanity present . Soon as they finished the last of the vampires, Maerchel's cat ears and tail popped out as he surveyed the ebony haired vampire girl who slew her own kin. Then, a sudden click of gears started on his brain as he got closer and smelled her. The lilac scent with a mixture of blood, the scent of the girl who saved him. He instantly hugged her not wanting to be separated from her. " Churuine! I'm really thankful for saving me back there at my town nyaa~!" Mel thanked her smiling happily and glee filled his voice while his cat ears twitched and his tail happily swaying around.
Extra Information: Mel's birthday is August the fourth. Maerchel has two nicknames : Maer, and Mel. Giving catnip to him will be a bad move since he will becomes unpredictable after inhale or eating it. Maer acts more or less a cat most of the time and would always ends his sentence with a 'nyaa' or anything along those lines.
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:42 pm
Hello! You character is accepted! He can stay in the Limestone Dorm, but just for future references, being playful and being carefree aren't flaws. They're just personality traits and would be better off found in a personality section. ^^ Right now is currently summer vacation so you could try checking in the Random Chitchat if you need someone to roleplay with. Right now, the class schedules are under construction so it'd be best to wait until it is finished to schedule his classes. Don't forget to put his profile in the accepted character profiles subforum! ^^
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:51 pm
xLieselotte Hello! You character is accepted! He can stay in the Limestone Dorm, but just for future references, being playful and being carefree aren't flaws. They're just personality traits and would be better off found in a personality section. ^^ Right now is currently summer vacation so you could try checking in the Random Chitchat if you need someone to roleplay with. Right now, the class schedules are under construction so it'd be best to wait until it is finished to schedule his classes. Don't forget to put his profile in the accepted character profiles subforum! ^^ *salutes" Ma'am thank you ma'am nyaa~! For the tips and for not bapping me =w=
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