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 Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:49 am
Nope. Gonna need more details, 'cause right now you're just sounding like a whining, spoiled child. How are we supposed to pass judgment on your situation if we "don't know half the stuff going on" with you? Or do you espect everyone else to just sit there, nodding in agreement like bobble-head dolls?
Now, I'm not saying that you are a whining, spoiled child. I know some parents put their kids in crappy situations, and this may very well be true with you. I just need more information is all.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:03 am
honestly, I am somewhat spoiled. so much in a way that I'm kinda irritated by it, because sometimes I get made fun of for it. If you really want to know more, pm me cause I'm not going to just flat out post all the s**t I've been through.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:46 pm
I wasn't going to say this with Tommy--mostly because I knew that with her if she didn't want to talk about it, it would be...unspeakable, in a forum--but I don't mind with you, Nick. Elv is right--I hear you complain a lot about your life and give very few details apart from a brief overview of how much your job/family/school/condition suck. What's worse--I can never piece the picture together, which drives me nuts.
What am I saying? Post. Whine all you want--I certainly don't hold back--but don't half-whine.
-Andrew
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 6:54 pm
all right you asked for it
So first off I have this thing called DiGeorge Syndrome. I've been in and out of hospitals so much that right now I really wouldn't care if it stopped. My whole life I've lived in a shell life. I may look like a normal kid on the outside but inside I'm just not. My parents are controlling every little thing I do, I rarely hang out with any friends from HS the only time I was actually able was if they went to the same college campus as me. I maybe hang out with friends once every 6 months, which is pathetic, I want to be able to do more.
My family is disfunctional, yes I'll agree with that, I'm just looking for something more. It seems like they keep pushing me away right now they want me to be someone I can't and will never be. I'm not all that organized, but show me a teen/ young adult that is completely organized and nothing wrong with them. I've been depressed for a while, I have told them before, but nothing happens, they make it worst and then expect me to be fine.
I'm 21 now, still living at home, I work full time right now, part time during school and that's it. I don't go to parties, other than families, I don't hang out with friends that much at the mall, or anywhere else for that matter. I haven't been on a actual vacation for almost 2 years now. Basically I guess I just want them to lighten up, give me a little bit more freedom to do what I want instead of just what they want from me. I know I should help out and everything, but I do more honestly than my other brother that lives at home.
So, we have this agreement, as long as we go to college they don't charge us rent. I go to school my brother does not. They don't charge him rent and he hardly helps out around the house. He has more freedom than me, the only thing different is that he isn't home most of the time and has a better paying job. I mean yeah, I'm in my room most of the time, it may get dirty but if they'd actually let me go out and do stuff with my friends it would be about the same as my brothers.
I don't really know how to say it, maybe that I'm just pissed that they make my life harder than they did to 2 older brother's. I mean yeah I know they're trying to protect me cause I have medical problems but I want to be able to actually have a life, it's like they're closing me in a confined space of where I can and can't go.
Then my mom hates the fact that I'm online most of the time. Why? To talk to friends, RP and just do anything to distract me from my real pathetic life. If maybe I could go out and hang out, I'd probably wouldn't be online as much so really it's a win win for that part.
They're still controlling me like a kid. I'm an adult, I have my own job, I pay for most of my stuff, I go to school like they ask. All I want is to be an adult, I want to do stuff, I don't want to be trapped in a shell life. Like those people that live with their parents until they're like 40ish. No, hell no in fact, I never want to be like that. Honestly I don't know what else to say, if you really have a problem with that then pm me, cause that's all I can think of. sweatdrop
~shadow
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 7:57 pm
That sounds a lot like how my parents treat my brother, who is 20 and still living at home. I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with living with your parents while you're in college. Anyway, I'm a year younger than my brother, and I still live at home too. But I have way more freedom than he does. I can come and go whenever I please with no questions asked, whereas my brother... well, let's just say that my parents call to check up on him when he's out... and usually more than once.
My parents use to do the same thing with me. I hated it. So I did something about it. I wanted my freedom. I didn't ask for it. I took it. They'd give me the whole 20 questions thing whenever I'd be fixing to leave... "Where are you going? Who are you going with? When you will be back? Blah blah blah." They also have, or had rather, this thing where I was to call one of them as soon as I got to where I was going. For instance, one day I was going to the mall and then to the bookstore (which is right across the street from the mall). My mom wanted me to call her when I got to the mall, call her when I was walking out of the mall, call her when I got to my car, call her when I got to the bookstore, call her when I was walking out of the bookstore, and then call her when I got to my car. That was where I drew the line. My brother still has to do that. He complains about it, yeah, but he does it anyway.
So what did I do? My answers to their questions, "I'm going out. Going with people. I'll be back later." And then I leave. I don't call them while I'm out, and if they call me, I don't answer. If it's important, they leave a voicemail. So they leave me alone now and let me do whatever I want. My brother still lets them walk all over him. And instead of asking for his freedom, he still continues to ask for it.... or scream for it rather (If there's anything I hate more than being woken up, it's being woken up by two people yelling at each other... not a great way to start the day). But by his yelling at them and fighting with them... that just shows him that he's not ready to be treated as an adult. Because, in my opinion, that's not how adults act. That's not how you get what you want.
I'm rambling... sweatdrop
Back to the point... my question to you is, why are you letting them control you? If you want something in your life to change, you're the only one who can change it. I hear all the time, "They're your parents, they can control you. They have power over you." and other such crap. I don't agree with that. Yeah, they're your parents. Big deal. No human has the right to control another human's life (at least when you're over the age of 18, really I'd say 16, but whatever).
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:09 pm
no more of if I do something against them i'll a) loose the car privalage and b) have to pay more of my own,(i.e. school, books,... they have more leverage actually then what I want them to, and honestly it's annoying... and yeah i could leave, but I don't own the car, and I'm sure the hell am not going to ride my bike or walk when it's nearly 100 degrees outside.
and no I don't yell at them though sometimes I want to. I have a theory that yelling gets you nowhere and only makes things worst, and I sure the hell don't want it to be worst than it is. honestly they'd loose more than what i would if I left... i do errands for them, I help out in the yard, I pay for the internet and wouldn't pay for it here if I left cause that would be totally stupid.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:21 pm
I guess that's where your parents and my parents differ. Although, I do wish they'd take something away from my brother (they don't charge us rent, they pay for our cars, our car insurance, our gas, etc... and now they pay for my brother's school because he lost his scholarship). He takes advantage of them, and I hate that he does (and I have told them). I guess it goes both ways with them. He takes their money, they control his "freedom".
Of course, they always threaten to take things away from him (heck, my dad actually told him to move out once... in a not-so-nice way), but they never do. rolleyes
Have you tried talking to your parents about this and telling them how you feel?
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:40 pm
Nick...you need to retake control of your life. You are twenty one, have a job, are in school--you even help out around the house!--you've fulfilled your debt to your family. It isn't wrong of you, or selfish of you, to want to have a life of your own, complete with friends and entertainment.
When you need to get away, just say so, and leave. Go to a park, see a movie, go to the mall, hang out with a friend--whatever--just pick up the pieces and start over. It isn't easy--it never will be--but it beats the hell out of letting your family dominate your (<-key word) life.
Love and Vale,
-Andrew
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:42 pm
Talked to my dad a little bit yesterday when we had to go out and find a damn bag that would work for our vacuum.
Yeah, that's the other thing, if I ask to borrow money they're all NO... but if my brother's need some they just give it to them and expect them to pay it back. The one that's still at home does but the other they have to push him. I see that and I'm just all WTF?! Like I need/ want a laptop for school, my mom wont let me get one and I pay her back.
My brother, they let him get a freaking 42 in hdtv that's like 900 and did he really need it? no... I always get cheated out of stuff, though he did pay them back. he gets better stuff than I do... and yet he doesn't even lift a finger to help out, only when told to, I'm kinda the same way but honestly if I get bored off my a** I'll clean... or go do yard work or something to keep me sane...
It's like, I built my computer, ordered the parts and paid for everything. I have a 19in widescreen and his has to be better, but mine still kicks his in the a** in gaming, i have a better graphics card. Yeah I'm getting all geeky now. But my computer is, right now, my life... I plan on going into computer graphics, and right now, I'm the only one out of 3 boys that's actually making a DAMN effort to go to school to have a better life, and yet they seem to ignore that and just rush things on me.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:54 pm
Leavaros Nick...you need to retake control of your life. You are twenty one, have a job, are in school--you even help out around the house!--you've fulfilled your debt to your family. It isn't wrong of you, or selfish of you, to want to have a life of your own, complete with friends and entertainment. When you need to get away, just say so, and leave. Go to a park, see a movie, go to the mall, hang out with a friend--whatever--just pick up the pieces and start over. It isn't easy--it never will be--but it beats the hell out of letting your family dominate your (<-key word) life. Love and Vale, -Andrew I use to go to the library all the time when we didn't have internet and when I didn't have a job, it was actually nice but now I barely have the time to do anything, and on my days off i'm either working in the yard or cleaning the house. I like it better when I'm in school because I'm always out and don't have to BE home to deal with them.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:08 pm
Oh, nonononono, don't try to use the "I"m too busy to have a life and stand up to my parents' bullshit" routine. Been there, done that (And in the end, the answer is always, "I need to stand up to my parents and get my own life."). Why do you put up with it--really? No evasion, no lying---just truth. Why?
-Andrew
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:18 pm
cause they do so much for me as it is... a) I drive their nice car, not a crappy old beat up on, it's a good condition 2001 Honda civic. b) they pay about 1600 each semester for my school and part of the books. c) I'm covered under both their insurances as long as I'm a student. (i really don't know if they'd take that away if I moved out). That's what irritates me sometimes is they let me do all this and don't ask me... wait... maybe if I helped pay for my school they'd let up a bit, i could get a STIL (monthly payment plan) and pay it myself, then they'd only have to do books. And I may stay at Staples for a little longer because they're flexible with the schedule for school and they offer tuition reimbursement ... O.o
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:41 pm
Nick, sounds to me like your brother and you have a little competition war going on. Who's computer is better, who's the "favorite". Just be yourself and stop trying to outdo your brother. You reap what you sow, and your brother will reap his pretty soon from the sound of things.
I work for my parents in their office to pay off rent, while having a two year old and full time school now. Plus cleaning, cooking and making sure we both stay healthy. My brother is 22, lives with me and my parents, is in his room all the time, doesn't help around the house unless you nag him forever, doesn't have a job anymore (been two or three months now), owes me $155, doesn't pay rent. Drives us CRAZY! So I know where you're coming from and MORE.
Don't make it about other people. Make it about YOU and what makes YOU happy. Cause you're worth it.
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Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:45 pm
Tommy Cullen So, last night the guy I've been seeing for the last two moths or so and my friend Charlene and I were hanging out. The three of us went out to dinner, and while we were sitting together up on the Spirit Catcher by the lake, he reads the last page or so from Edgar Allen Poe's The Pit and the Pendulum Then he pulls out this little box and he whispers "Candies, do you want to be with me forever?" Then he opened the box, and there was this beautiful little silver ring. What else could I say but "of course... Forever and ever!" So now, I'm engaged! I just had to share that, I'm so happy!
Oh my god, congratulations! So happy for you! Pics of the ring, please! biggrin
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Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:57 am
crystalsmuse Oh my god, congratulations! So happy for you! Pics of the ring, please! biggrin Absolutely! As soon as I can get my hands on my brothers digital camera! I'll show you my man, too, he got a haircut last night. Heehee. <3 But yeah,pics, soon, I promise!
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