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 Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 8:58 pm
Work was being done on the sidewalks outside of Whitestone Used Books, apparently, and Kouyo had had to take a bit of a detour to get to the front door when he came fairly early in the morning. Even back in the storage room, the High Priest could hear the noise of the Gaian machines outside that he could not identify. He tried turning the volume of his music player up as loud as he dared, but was afraid of being too noisy... though the priest gradually became more and more certain that the machinery was much more disruptive than he could ever be. And there did not seem to be any customers coming in anyway.
Finally, he settled on just getting started with the sorting and alphabetizing. Kouyo tried to think of the latter like a sort of puzzle, since Master Whitestone had just recently taught him the proper letter-order for the Gaian writing system. It frustrated the High Priest to think about how long it would likely take to get everything in proper order, because, Lucid as he was, the Gaian written language did not come to him as easily as Porcelain characters did.
Though with the sheer number of books in the room, sorting them by Porcelain title would have been a time-consuming task, as well.
Trying not to be upset by the racket outside, Kouyo dug into the first boxes of books. And counted them. It felt distinctly wrong to take a book from one box and put it into a different box with different books, even if it was where it was supposed to be in order. The High Priest attempted to ignore this, and just do his work, reassuring himself over and over again that he was doing it properly.
... Kouyo felt an eerie tingling at the back of his neck as he sorted books in his storage room, as though he was being watched, and sure enough, when he looked back, Kumoru was there in the doorway.
Tensing, he told the necromancer, "Please come inside, or go away. It troubles me when anyone stands in the door."
"I'm going to join you for a while," he told the priest, stepping into the room and looking around before glancing back to Kouyo. "Aodhagan says no one is going to want to come in for the next day or so what with the workers digging the sidewalks up outside, so I'm supposed to help you back here for now."
The necromancer smiled and crossed the room to the Porcelain, stepping over the boxes piled all over the concrete floor. "You've done a good job back here, it looks like." He laughed once. "If nothing else, I can breathe in this room."
As the human came closer, Kouyo shied away, projecting his worry and uncertainty. "I think I will be alright on my own, thank you," he said softly, pointedly not looking at Kumoru. He curled his slender fingers around the spine of the book in his hands, gripping it tightly.
"Well, I am already here, and Aodhagan already basically closed the store for the day." Kumoru settled down on the floor with only one cardboard box between himself and the High Priest. He studied him quietly for a moment, something that was almost but not quite a smile on his lips.
"How about you take the beginning of the alphabet, up to 'm', and I'll take the other half?" he finally suggested, turning away to drag another box closer. "I'll give you any of the ones I find from the first half of the alphabet, and you give me the others, so we each only have to sort half. I think that will go more quickly."
The High Priest relaxed once the necromancer's blue eyes were no longer on him, and projected his agreement with Kumoru's plan. Then he slipped into mental silence, keeping his thoughts far from where the human might be able to hear them.
"You seem to be feeling better," Kumoru observed after they had been sorting and occasionally handing books to each other for several minutes without saying a word.
"Yes, a little," Kouyo replied quietly, keeping all of his projections to himself. Did that mean that Kumoru would deem it necessary to hurt him again?
The necromancer looked up at the priest as he picked up another couple of books and glanced at the authors' names. He set two of the books to the side and handed the third to Kouyo.
"Do you feel your magical strength returning as well?" he asked casually.
The High Priest tensed at this question, quickly taking the book from the human and then edging away from him. "Why does Kumoru ask?" he responded, still not even projecting his suspicion to the necromancer.
Kumoru turned away from Kouyo to reach for another box, and pulled to himself across the floor.
"Because I would be upset myself, I think, if I was trapped in a strange place and losing my magic to illness. I just wanted to know if you were feeling better."
Keeping his face calm, his anxiety walled away, and his chin up, Kouyo watched the human carefully. "I have not lost any of my magic," he told Kumoru, but made no comments on his sickness.
"So you will be teaching Jilan, then?" he asked, brushing his fingers through his long hair before starting on the next box of books.
Kouyo had not been expecting that question, but decided immediately that he would prefer to talk about the younger Porcelain's magic studies than about himself.
"Yes," he replied, smiling faintly. Kumoru handed him another book, and the priest took it, setting it in his lap for a moment while he took another several out of the box he was working on to make more room.
"Then he will be learning from us both."
"Will you be teaching him your necromancy, then?" the High Priest asked, revealing none of his thoughts to the human, though with the look of faint mistrust on his face, he did not have to. The concrete floor was uncomfortable, and he shifted his sitting position slightly.
Kumoru studied the Porcelain's face for a moment, then held out both hands to accept a stack of paperbacks from a set that were all from his half of the alphabet.
"Not unless he demands I teach him." He laughed softly at Kouyo. "I just plan to raise him into a proper mage, really, not a necromancer. I cannot make that choice for him.
"Why? Are you going to be making him into a priest at the same time?"
Kouyo shook his head, and brushed a few stray strands of hair out of his eyes. "Just whatever I can teach him to help him prepare for his Naming Ceremony and to satisfy his curiosity."
"Satisfy his curiosity?" the necromancer repeated. He stopped filing books for a moment and looked upwards, leaning a bit to stretch his back. When he looked back to Kouyo, there was a genuine smile on his lips. "In that case, I imagine he will be your student forever."
"Or at least until little Jilan leaves us to continue learning on his own," the priest replied. Though... he was willing to admit, even to Kumoru, that, should Jilan decide he wishes to become a priest, Kouyo would love to train him.
... Privately, he mulled not for the first time over how the child had turned out so apparently different from his Gaian father. Or perhaps not so different at all...? Though Jilan was reaching an age where he would have to find his own place; Kouyo was fond of him as he was now, and could only hope that the youth would choose to grow into a good Porcelain. Or at least a good Gaian.
Kumoru grasped an older book by the spine carefully, to lift it from its box, and winced as the pages started to slide out of the covers with a soft peeling sound of old adhesive giving up. "He adores you, so he may try," the mage murmured, taking a few of the other books out of the box first instead.
The High Priest indicated for the human to hand him the damaged book, wondering if perhaps he could mend it with his magic. And then he simply told Kumoru that he had spoken with Jilan about it briefly before.
Though he had to wonder if Jilan would instead try to become his father if he could not become Kouyo. And what the boy knew of Kumoru that Kouyo did not. If Jilan turned out as cold-hearted as his human father, he would likely lead an extremely lonely life among other Porcelain... yet the necromancer had won the boy's devotion already somehow.
Handling the book carefully, the mage handed it to the priest. He was not quite sure what he was supposed to say to Kouyo's comment about having discussed Jilan's studies with him before, but he had caught the ever-present inklings of mistrust that showed outwardly from the Porcelain's private thoughts.
"You think I am going to corrupt him somehow, or something." It was more of a statement than a question. "You'll have your eye on him the whole time if he is going to study with us both." His blue eyes flashed, a brief accusing look crossing his features as he stared down his nose at Kouyo. "And don't think for a moment that I will try to control what he can and cannot learn like my own former teachers tried to control me. I just ask that you do not do the same, High Priest Kouyo."
Kouyo met Kumoru's gaze unflinchingly. It was true, that he could not deny the scholar freedom to learn from his human parent as well. But the High Priest was still determined to keep an eye on him. The priest could not allow Kumoru to harm Jilan, though he hoped he was not being too optimistic in thinking that the man would not hurt his own adopted child.
And as for his studies...
"If he imitates us both in his learning, then I believe controlling his mind would prove no more fruitful than attempting to catch an entire summer rainstorm in a single bowl."
He watched Kumoru a moment more, then turned his attention to the old book, and focused his magic to see what he could do to fix it.
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 7:03 pm
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 7:04 pm
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 7:06 pm
Kouyo sighed with exasperation as he reread the note Master Whitestone had taped to the front of one of the book shelves in the storage room - after beginning to fill it with sorted books, now Kouyo was not only supposed to empty the shelf again, but also to dismantle it? The priest knew how to use all the tools, at least, from the shelf immediately beside the door. If only the store owner had thought to tell him a day sooner, before he started filling it with books gonk
So he started working on that, trying not to think about how much time it would take up. Filling the shelf had occupied the better part of his workday yesterday, since the High Priest was finally fairly certain the books were all in order now in their multitude of boxes. As he worked, he also observed spaces in the boxes he had filled with Kumoru's help, however, as though the occasional tome had been removed rather at random. Once Kouyo had found several such boxes - all of them now containing the incorrect number of books - he set about trying to fix them as quickly as he could, moving volumes from one box to the next up in the alphabet in order to fill in the spaces.
-- And then some books did not fit in the boxes where they belonged, and the High Priest began to get even more anxious. Kouyo had started to think of the storage room as his space, even though Aodhagan or Kumoru could trap him inside or sneak up on him there and this was an even greater concern now that the boxes were wrong. The red-haired Porcelain was grateful that Tetsuhi was not with him that day as he finally covered his head with his shaking hands and curled up on his side on the cement floor, gasping raggedly as he made an unsuccessful attempt to calm down.
He was... supposed to be... better... by now. Kouyo cried a little, but gradually began to relax. Knots remained in his stomach, though, as his worries turned instead to whether or not Setsushi would keep him from the other Silver World if he found out about this. Other, more terrible things still chewed at him, but the High Priest finally managed to force himself to sit up, take a deep breath, and return to the task of rearranging the books in the boxes. The longer he waited and left the books the wrong way in the boxes, the more likely he would be to bring harm upon himself, his obsessions told him. So first and foremost, Kouyo had to fix them....
After about an hour of shifting books in the boxes, the High Priest finally felt somewhat better, though his hands still shook and he felt vaguely sick to his stomach. He took a deep breath, then studied the shelf to be disassembled for a moment before getting to work on that.
Rearranging the books took longer than Kouyo had thought (it also did not help that it took him a bit to find the proper screw-turner in the toolbox) and he was only about halfway finished with taking apart the shelf when Kumoru came in for his shift of work. In hopes of avoiding notice, the priest kept his mind quiet while he continued his work.
Just as Kouyo finished with the shelf - discovering in the process that there was, of all things, a small window behind it that looked out onto the shadowed alleyway between the shop and the next building - Kumoru came back to check on him. The Porcelain man responded to this by plastering himself back against the now-bare wall, clutching worriedly at the cinder blocks.
"... Oh, you're finished with it already," Kumoru commented, glancing between the nervous priest and the pile of dismantled shelf pieces. "Sorry, I was going to offer to take care of that part for you so you could work more on shelving the books."
His expression was unreadable as he studied Kouyo a moment longer. Then he quirked one eyebrow before turning away to bend over a box of books. "Are you alright?" he asked as he lifted a handful out and started to put them on the shelf beside what Kouyo had already taken care of.
"Yes," Kouyo replied softly and hesitantly, feeling better when the necromancer was no longer watching him. After a moment, he stepped away from the wall and cautiously edged closer to the human.
"I can take care of these," he told him. Then added, "If you want, start from the beginning of the alphabet." The priest hinted in his projections that it would be much more of a help to the shorter Porcelain if the taller human took care of the books that were meant to go on the top shelf.
And then a feeling of relief rolled off of the High Priest as Kumoru showed his agreement with this plan by handing Kouyo the books he held, and moving away to the opposite end of the shelves.
"Looks like you'll finish this in no time," Kumoru observed after several long moments of silence between them. "It was good we sorted all of the books earlier so we don't have to worry about moving them all around now."
Kouyo projected something like a shrug and a nod.
... But then opened up a bit more, adding his sincere thanks for the aid in the task.
Then he asked, "What does Master Whitestone want me to do with the pieces of the shelf? If you know...."
The necromancer stopped moving for a moment, glancing upwards as though trying to remember. "I think he has the box for it up front behind the counter where I usually sit. He moved it yesterday before I left."
He pushed the volumes he was holding onto the shelf. "I'll bring it back for you, or you can come get it, I guess." A pause. "He was going to give it to you. Did he tell you that?"
Raising a brow, Kouyo looked over at Kumoru, who did not turn around. "Really?" he said, giving off a feeling of uncertain, then decidedly pleasant surprise.
"He took the books out of the collection back here for you last night. I guess you probably noticed there were a lot missing."
"Yes." Kouyo's voice was tense, and a shudder ran through him to his fingertips.
But... "They are all for me?"
The necromancer turned back to look at the High Priest and nodded. "Apparently that was the bonus he had in mind for you."
His attention then returned to the shelving task, and he added as an afterthought, "Let me know if you want a hand sometime taking them back to your house."
Kouyo picked up one of the now-empty boxes and set it inside another, slightly larger one nearby.
"I guess," he murmured. "Thank you. I am about to leave for a trip, though, and I may be gone a few weeks. I do not want to have to trouble Setsushi with the mess of them in my absence, since I may not have time to put them all onto the shelf before I must depart...."
And he did not say it, but the priest also would have preferred for Setsushi to come here to fetch the boxes with the books and the pieces of the shelf, rather than having Kumoru visit the house again.
Kumoru shrugged again. "I guess you can leave them here and pick them up after. It's not like Aodhagan has not already had them in this back room gathering dust for months already, so another few weeks should not make much difference."
His head turned towards the open doorway as he heard the front door's bell jingle, announcing a customer, and he quickly put the tomes he was holding onto the shelf with the others. "Let me know when you will return, and then we can figure out how to get them home for you from there," the mage told him, sparing the priest one last glance. Then he slipped through the doorway and back into the main store.
"Alright," Kouyo told him simply, and watched the human leave.
He found his strength, mental and physical, rather renewed at the thought of starting his own Gaian library. Though Kouyo was far from eager to take on another such task, particularly for the likes of Master Whitestone, he was at least pleased that the man had come through with a payment bonus that truthfully meant more to the High Priest than an extra handful of Gaian coins. When Kouyo returned from the other Silver World, he would definitely have something to do even after all of his puzzles were completed.
Just a bit more work to do first, and all those books would be his.
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 7:08 pm
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2009 7:26 pm
Kouyo, retreat to the Silver World
Renka resides in a small apartment very close to the experimental school at which he teaches. Though it is quite comfortable for a single bachelor and could perhaps accomodate a married couple as well, it will unfortunately prove a little bit crowded with four people sharing it -- small as two of those residents may be. Still, its location close to the marketplace means that it is easy to reach the shops and restaurants, and the nearby school entails a constant tide of children -- older children and younger youths -- and the senior and junior teachers.
Though Renka is not a magical or natural philosopher, he differs from many other Porcelain of the Silver World in showing a deep interest in the mysterious portals, and so he may prove a help to Kouyo in learning more of the nature of this place. ... Or perhaps he will just provide good company, being a man skilled in rhetoric and composition and interested, though not expert, in poetry? Furthermore, there are plenty of libraries, cheerful markets, and quiet, tucked-away restaurants for Kouyo to explore and drink too much of the tisane of freedom.
Kouyo is in the Capital City of the Silver World; it is Fruition of Toutei 1007. He is staying at the apartment of Renka, a schoolteacher at an experimental mixed-sex school -- at least for now, before he decides upon his long-term accomodations.
Kouyo may stay as brief as one year, '07-08 (age 17) to help Xiao Huo and Meirou adjust, or he could end up prolonging his stay or perhaps even fleeing home early.
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Imperial Princess Rika Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2009 11:56 pm
Along with the scant other belongings Kouyo had brought for himself in the Silver World, he also had a small package from Jilan, addressed to Genka and his wife Kinkyou, along with enough Silver World money for the postage - the youth had given it to the High Priest with instructions to mail it as soon as he could. So Kouyo overcame his worries and located the nearest post office on the day of his arrival, to fulfill his friend's request. The city he saw along the way terrified him with the sheer numbers of people... but they were Porcelain, and Kouyo could recall growing up in such a place what seemed like a lifetime ago. After the priest had returned to his tiny room in Renka's apartment to measure it before curling up in a corner with the Gaian books he had brought, he gradually realized as his anxiety faded that he could grow to love the place.
And so the next day, he held a hand out to Tetsuhi, and told the boy that they were going exploring together.
Once they were familiar enough with the surrounding neighborhood, Kouyo began to venture further on his own, requesting small shopping errands from Renka. He also sought out the closest libraries, of course, and started borrowing books as soon as he could. Tetsuhi accompanied him less and less often as he warmed up to Renka, but always remained willing to follow Kouyo on his shopping trips. Kouyo kept the vast majority of the details of his past in the Golden World a secret, mentioning no more than that he had been a member of the priesthood; keeping in mind what Jilan had told him about the priests of the false Silver world, however, Kouyo also located the nearest temples and visited them fairly regularly. He prayed, but also attempted to speak with the priests, to find out what he could ... and also to find out what he could about the High Priest of this world.
After perhaps two or three weeks, Kouyo finally felt comfortable enough to attempt to seek employment somewhere nearby. Though the apartment was nice and he enjoyed Renka's company, he felt bad taking up space there without paying for it. And he knew that as soon as he had money, he would be able to shop for himself....
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Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 8:21 pm
Toutei 1007
Fruition
For the most part, the people of this land seem amicable, treating Kouyo with friendly respect and polite disinterest. The only negative incident occurs when he accidentally bumps into someone while turning a corner who then sends a brief snappish feeling at him.
Submission
When Kouyo begins seeking employment, Renka directs him to the library as well as to the Court-House of the Judge of the Western Capital, their local district judge. Kouyo would find plenty of demand for someone to copy books, or for a scribe to proofread notes or to copy down testimony. While the latter job pays better, the former is quieter and provides more opportunity to learn the purported history of this land. And working on a Court-House may end up being too depressing.
Redress
Rika and Setsushi visit the Silver World to perform an investigation. Rika brings with her some of her magical energy storage devices and leaves them with Kouyo, for him to charge when he has nothing else to do.
Later in the month, Renka's neighbors, generally male and female teachers specializing in various types of scholarly arts, seem interested in befriending Kouyo; he is invited to a little community dinner held by a specialist in history, Fuuhou.
Extinction
Kinkyou gets in touch with the one who mailed Jilan's letter; discovering that he is a scholar, she offers to let him access the Palace libraries through her (though he can only go as her guest, and thus ought not to stray too far from her workplace.)
Toutei 1008
Quiescence
At the New-Year celebrations at the Temple, Kouyo can't help but feel something is off in the priests' service, as if they are leaving out some lines they are supposed to recite or as if some minor rites are being skipped, but it has been so long since he has participated alongside other Porcelain, he cannot figure out which they may be. Perhaps it is just his imagination after all...
Gestation
Kouyo loses one of the documents he had borrowed from work. Although it was not an important one and no one will punish him, it takes several days for it to be located.
Ascent
Renka invites Kouyo out to see the cherry blossoms. As they stroll, Renka begins having a very odd conversation with him; after a while, Kouyo may realize that Renka is trying to confess a romantic interest in Kouyo. But at the slightest sign of hesitance, Renka will drop the subject and run off to buy something in the marketplace.
Afterwards, he will not speak of the incident.
Sovereignty
Kouyo's employer compliments him on his productivity, clarity, and lovely calligraphy, and offers to promote him to a slightly better-paying position. This may be for naught, though, as Kouyo is due soon to leave.
Caesura
Kouyo discovers an injured bird outside the school -- perhaps struck by a stone by a malicious student, or perhaps having met some other type of violent fate. Though with nursing it might recover somewhat, its left wing is mangled beyond repair, and only magic could restore its ability to fly. ... Of course, perhaps Kouyo could spare that power or pay a healer for it.
And it feels good to see a once-ill and imprisoned bird fly free again. Doesn't it...?
All Year
Although it is true Kouyo does not reveal himself as a priest, he would find the priests at the Temple here unusually cool, uninterested in helping him and unwilling to let him access their archives or resources. They do seem to administer rites and spiritual treatments to the common people here, but it is quite unlike the Temples Kouyo knew as a boy...
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Imperial Princess Rika Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 3:21 pm
Excerpts from Kouyo's diary while in the other Silver World, Toutei 1007Kouyo ~Fruition~
I mailed Jilan's package today. The outing was quite an experience. The press of people and dizzying size of the city were exactly as I feared... but also much like I remember. I guess sometimes I forget from time to time that I grew up a true Porcelain, quiet and shy but accustomed to the bustle of the Capital City - it has really only been since I began living as the Sorcerer of Name off in my secluded tower that my discomforts with crowds turned to fear.
Renka's home is just as unfamiliar, so I do not feel better staying here. I must make this place familiar. And this home, this tiny room that Renka has so kindly spared for me, must become a nest, not a cage.
~~~
Little Tetsuhi and I went exploring today all around the school and the immediate neighborhood. There seem to be a lot of nice places to eat, and I have already located one library. Maybe this will not be so bad.
~~~
The people here seem nice enough. At worst, they only ignore me. I have been out to eat a few times with Tetsuhi, but I have been trying not to spend much of Renka's money. I must start seeking a job for myself so that I will not be a burden. He has been too kind already, taking in three of us. And I am the only one who can really start working, so I should do what I can.
I have located two libraries and the nearest temple, though I have not spent much time at any of them yet. I also found a forge, but they only make household goods; kitchen knives are not what I had in mind, but I suppose if I find nothing else, I will keep them in mind as an alternative.
~~~
~Submission~
I have not been feeling well recently. I mistakenly tripped someone one day last week, and she said something brief but harsh to me for it, and since then, I have been trapped inside by rain. I feel terrible taking up space in this apartment, even though Renka assures me daily that he enjoys my company. I think today is the day I should be going to the grocery for us again, but I do not feel like leaving the house.
There are some numbers written in the remaining space on this page, carefully on the rules like the rest of Kouyo's words.
~~~
I met Setsushi not very long after I became High Priest, and he has been the one person who has been a constant in my life. I have been thinking about him a lot recently, and I realized that I have not, since I met him, gone a whole year without seeing his face. True, there are numerous other people here in the other Silver World, so I am far from isolated as I was in my birdcage - but I am already starting to miss my dear friend. Renka is very kind and a very interesting man (I consider him a friend already), but Setsushi knows me as no one else does.
I want to get better so badly so that he will not have to worry about me so much. That is a big part of why I wished to come here in the first place. But my greatest fear is that I will grow too lonely without him. A whole year is such a long time. My heart already aches for him; did I become spoiled, seeing his face every day in Gaia?
Now that I am able to come and go freely, though, I must. Somehow. I must force myself. If not for myself, for him - I must not waste this time. I need to find a job, I need to run Renka's errands, I must at least get out of my room today.
~~~
Renka caught me measuring his house earlier, so I am hiding in my room now. I feel sick and do not want to leave. Renka was not angry or anything, but I am embarrassed. Why do I have to do this? Why does my supposedly Lucid mind want me to think that the rooms are trying to close in and suffocate me?
...
Renka encouraged me to come out and tell him a little bit about Gaia. I told him about my job in the bookstore, and some of the random little things I discovered while paging through the Gaian books there. I guess I feel a little better now. He also told me about a few places where I might be able to find a nice quiet job; I will look tomorrow.
~~~
Copying books sounded more exciting than transcribing testimony at the Court-House, and I think I was able to secure the job. The job at the library does not pay as much as the scribe work, so it will take me longer to save up whatever I will need to buy the gift for Setsushi, but I am more interested in what I can learn from the books I copy than in the crime of this district of the Capital City.
~~~
I am employed. Hand cramp, else I would write more now.
...
Holding a cup of warm tea helped to ease the soreness. My first book is a rhyming dictionary. I have only found one or two characters so far that have changed in form or pronunciation from the language I learned as a boy. I am no linguist, though - is this unusual?
~~~
~Redress~
I moved out of Renka's apartment today. I am glad that he will no longer have to tolerate me on my bad days, and I am also thankful that I will have more privacy. My new apartment is a single room with a bathroom, much like Setsushi's home back in Gaia, but a little smaller. I have a futon and cushions for the floor, and a low table, plus a folding screen, which is really all I need, I suppose. I do not want to spend too much on furniture since I expect Setsushi's gift will be expensive, and I am only staying for a year anyway.
I am not too far from Renka's house, at least; I could not move nest too far away with how I have been feeling recently. Renka is going to visit as often as he can - at the very least, he will come to my home once a week for supper, and I will visit him and the children just as often. I guess now I will have to do much more cooking for myself, unless I want to keep eating prepared meals from the vendors near the apartment.
~~~
Setsushi visited today from Gaia. I have been doing a bit better since I got my job to distract me, but my heart still ached to see him. He had not changed much - I guess I have only been gone a few days by Gaian time. Hopefully I looked a little stronger and sturdier to his eyes. It felt wonderful to walk the streets of the city with him, and show him around to the places I like to visit. I treated him to both lunch and dinner, and showed him my new home that I am renting myself, even though the room is a bit of a mess right now. For once, I had a hundred stories to tell him.
Imperial Princess Rika also dropped off some of the magical canisters for me to refill when I have time. A good plan, since even if I take my time with them, she will not have to wait long for them in Gaia.
I think tomorrow, Renka and I will treat both of them to a nice big supper out before they must return to Gaia.
~~~
Thoughts of Ranko have been keeping me awake. It is less uncomfortable now that I have a room of my own, but the room that is empty save for myself feels very empty right now. I feel the dull pain of being gutted by fire like a tree, all through my body, which hurts just as badly as when I feel arousal and desire for my wife, but I can do little about this feeling. Am I wasting my time here in this other Silver World, so long as I am not looking for her?
Sometimes I wish I had never permitted her to take my body and my heart. I wonder if I crave her company, her smile, her warmth, because it is the medicine I require, or if it is merely because hers is the hand that holds my chains. It is unfair and improper of me to be so desirous of Setsushi, and the thoughts I have of holding to him make me ill and upset, but I still cannot deny that he has been far more of a comfort to me than Ranko.
I make myself ill in a lot of ways. There seem to be so many kind and intelligent members of my own kind even just within the ranks of teachers at Renka's school. Why did I allow beautiful and exotic and encouraging Ranko to have me first?
~~~
Apparently several of Renka's neighbors have been asking about me - I only found out today because, between late nights working the Fifth Imperial Princess's task, the long days copying my latest history book, and the sudden turn towards colder weather, I have been quite sick for about three days. It is only because I have been too sore to move that I have not been going crazier in my apartment, unable to leave.
Renka told me when he came by for our weekly dinner, which I had completely forgotten about. And he brought another guest with him. Ah, such a shame that her first sight of this little bird is me, pale and shaking, wrapped up in a blanket, sipping half-heartedly at the hearty soup Renka brought. There is apparently going to be a dinner in a few days, though, with the scholars who live in the area, and they want me to join them.
The invitation has cheered me considerably, in spite of the fact that my joints and head still hurt. I will try to meditate to restore my health before I go to bed tonight to be sure I will be well enough for the gathering. I really want to go, though I am nervous. Most of the people I have at least seen around, though, so they are not total strangers.
~~~
My fever broke about ten minutes ago while I was napping, and I am just writing while I wait for the water to boil for herbal tea. I think this is the sickest I have been since before I was High Priest, just because I was kept away from illness along with everything else in my tower.
I hope there will be enough people at the dinner two nights from tonight that they will not want me to talk a lot about myself.
~~~
The dinner ended up being enjoyable for the most part. I tired quickly, though, and had to leave early, since I have still not fully recovered from my sickness. The other teachers and scholars are very interesting people, and I am glad I got to know them better, even though it took a good deal of courage to bring myself to introduce myself and speak to them. I already knew the hostess, Lady Fuuhou, which helped, since she came to visit me a few days ago to extend the invitation; she is a close neighbor of Renka's as well, so I met her back when I still resided in his apartment.
I was afraid that everyone would only ask me questions about Gaia. Everyone was curious to some degree or another, but for the most part, I was treated as a newcomer to the circle but not an alien curiosity. I found myself in a few small discussions and debates throughout the evening - the attention focused on me was exceedingly uncomfortable at first, but it was so refreshing to really stretch the wings of my mind in the good company of the scholars.
Renka also remained close by my side, which was a comfort. He is a kind man - he also left the dinner to walk me home.
~~~
~Extinction~
Today, I finished copying a local history of part of Bukoku (I feel I am not as familiar with the layout of that region as I should be), and found myself handed a copy of the same book of High Priests' writings that Jilan owns. I already know what it says about me, but this still feels very awkward. At least I have a good chunk of the book to get through first before I reach my own poems.
~~~
I received a letter from one Lady Kinkyou, which confused me at first until I realized that she was the one to whom Jilan's package had been sent. She had apparently heard through one of the others at the dinner last month that I am a scholar, and extended an invitation to me to access the Palace libraries as her guest.
I think the Palace library will be the furthest I have yet ventured from this neighborhood. Jilan spoke kindly of Kinkyou, so I am not too worried about meeting her. Well, no more than this little bird's usual fluttering worry.
~~~
It is a good thing I went to the Palace libraries yesterday, because today I copied the poems of my own that survived to appear in my current text. I am dizzy and sick with pain for Ranko, and I do not think I will go to work tomorrow. I had been doing so well these last few weeks.
I need someone to hold me for a while, but I cannot ask anyone here to do that. I hate suffering this alone, and I never get used to it.
~~~
I finished copying all of the poems of the last of the mad High Priests, and moved on. I do not think I will be able to sleep well again tonight, though. I borrowed one of Lady Fuuhou's thickest history books - some collection of biographies of Good Judges from the last two centuries or so - to keep me distracted if I find myself aching for Ranko again.
...
I suppose this book had a desirable effect - I woke up this morning curled on the cushions at my table, this book still open beneath my hand.
~~~
Another late night last night, but with Renka this time. After our weekly dinner at my apartment, our conversation strayed to the topic of poetry again. I am considering attempting to purchase the book containing my surviving works when I am done copying it to give to him as a gift, but the idea does not sit entirely well with me. I will certainly write something original for him, just as soon as my heart is ready to put fresh breath to the words, instead of the aching, stale, crypt-like air I feel there now.
~~~
~Descent~
Lady Fuuhou invited me to another community dinner she is hosting this month with the scholars. I am so excited. I am not going to be sick this time, either. Renka encouraged me to cook something and bring it along, too; I am a bit less sure about this. He has been kind in tolerating my cooking so far, and has offered me a few tips, but this is the whole local group of scholars. I believe that most of them will be nice because I am a friend, but I am still self-conscious about my abilities.
I will try to focus on looking forward to more lively discussion instead of what I will cook, at least for now.
~~~
I completed copying of the book of High Priests' writings, and opted not to give it to Renka. I am not certain I am comfortable with pointing out my pain to him; if I do end up discussing it with him, I think I would prefer to do so face-to-face, if I can find the courage. There are numerous other books of poetry I can give him, besides. I have hinted to my employers at the library that I would enjoy copying more poetry for them - if nothing else, I feel it would better suit my handwriting than ... I think my new book is something about early expeditions to Enkoku, but I have not made it much past the prologue and I do not enjoy this particular writer's style.
~~~
Oh my.
I remembered hearing somewhere that Husbands' Books often have bits of advice on extremely basic cooking techniques that actual cookbooks may neglect to cover, and so I set out to purchase one for myself - my mother had not thought it proper for me to have one before I was Named, and it was not long after my Naming Ceremony that I became High Priest and of course never expected to find myself in need of one after that.
So I never saw one of the ones that was in common circulation during my own time, but I am surprised in the, ah, thoroughness of the one I have purchased.
I am at least confident now that I can prepare rice without burning it. And if I do, I know how to get the grains out without scratching the pan.
~~~
After I realized my mistake in mating with Ranko and in my grief at realizing that she was not mine as I was hers, I spent many months cursing myself and wondering if there had been some shortcoming in my performance that had prevented my bond from being reciprocated. I felt that it had to somehow be my fault that it had happened - something I had left out or forgotten or done poorly. I know now that this is irrational, but the guilt still gnaws at me, and sometimes I still wonder.
Paging through the extensive sexual manual that takes up the better part of my Husbands' Book, I feel a bit better, I suppose. If I ever find myself tangled with her again, I will not worry about this. I like to think that I am a far better man in all aspects than I was when I first met her.
But that is a big if. I can smell her vanilla perfume in my mind, and it is very cold tonight. I hate hurting like this.
~~~
It snowed last night and today I frolicked in it.
Now to thaw my fingers and cheeks and nose by brewing some tea and cooking for the dinner at Lady Fuuhou's home. Tetsuhi accompanied me in rolling around in the snow, and he is here now begging me to get started so he can taste what I cook.
~~~
The dinner last night was extremely enjoyable, and I felt I got to know the other scholars better this time than I did before when I was struggling to rid myself of that illness. I brought Tetsuhi with me, since he needed to go back to Renka's house next door afterwords anyway. He seemed overwhelmed by the number of adults there, but I saw him head off under a table with Lady Fuuhou's little daughter Fuutou, and they played with their armloads of dolls in some sort of make-believe land all evening until they finally fell asleep.
Lady Fuuhou served us some sweet fruit wine with dessert "to warm us up", and (after much deliberation) I tried a bit. It was quite delicious, but I felt rather like I had been blindfolded and spun around, and so after Renka delivered the dozing Tetsuhi to his bed after the party, he insisted on walking me home again. We chattered away about nothing in particular over herbal tea once we reached my apartment, and Renka fell asleep and spent the night here.
I do not want to wake him too soon, but I am afraid he may cramp and be sore, since I had no more than a bunch of slightly battered cushions to offer him to sleep on. I think I will go wake him now. I am very thirsty and will need to step over him anyway to get to the sink....
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Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 10:58 pm
Excerpts from Kouyo's diary while in the other Silver World, Toutei 1008:Kouyo ~Quiescence~
I have taken some time off of work to attend the Temple services for the New Year. I have my own prayers as High Priest, so I figured I could perform my meditations in the Temple instead of alone at home for a change. And I will be able to see the public rituals for the first time since I joined the priesthood officially - how ironic.
Though I have been making fairly regular trips to pray at the Temple nearest to my apartment, I have certainly seen the strange behavior that Jilan mentioned. I have not found a single priest here who seems willing to really talk to me about anything, and I cannot access any of their archives.
~~~
I finished copying the book about Enkoku, which was rather dull work. Fortunately, I have a small book of collected "Imperial period" poetry to copy now - I read many of these poems when I was in school... and I wrote one of them. I think I may give this to Renka when I am done with it.
~~~
The New Year's rituals today at the temple seemed off somehow. I had been getting that feeling all along, but today in particular troubled me for some reason. I studied all of the rites in order to become a full-fledged priest, but of course the public ones have faded somewhat from my memory; I suppose I could be remembering incorrectly, or they may have changed in the three hundred years since my supposed lifetime, but something still troubles me about it.
Renka was with me today, but he did not seem to think anything was wrong. Apparently the rites were done exactly as they were done last year, so far as he can recall.
Still, I was still able to draw comfort just from being able to pray alongside the others. That is the one reason I have not returned to praying alone in my apartment.
~~~
I gave my completed poetry book today to Renka when he made his weekly visit for dinner, and he seems to love it dearly. He also mentioned that it was not a book the school had available; I think I will keep a second copy of it from work to donate to his school.
I could probably complete that copy plus the one for the library within the month, since it is not a very long book.
~~~
I made a few more inquiries as to where I could find a swordsmith, since I still have not found a forge that will produce blades larger than knives. Apparently there are some outside of the city, but not within it, which is strange. I remember there were several good sword makers within the Capital City, including one near where I lived when I was growing up. I guess this place is not an exact copy of the Golden World's capital.
I have been feeling much better recently, but the idea of venturing outside the city here intimidates me. But I would feel bad not returning with a fine Porcelain sword as a gift for Setsushi, since that is one of the things I really wished to do here. So I guess I will have to try to get out eventually.
~~~
~Gestation~
I completed the poetry book for the school last week, and I had nearly finished the one for the library, but something leaked from somewhere onto the pages one day after work. I brought all of it home to dry the paper magically, which was easy enough, but now a chunk of the pages are missing. I think I will find them as soon as I can move my book shelf, but I am not strong enough to shove it myself, so I will have to take some of the books off, first....
~~~
I have nothing to do at work really until I find the rest of those missing pages. I could keep copying, but I am so close to finished that I would need the ones I lost to turn all of it in today. I feel very bad about this, and not exactly excited about having to shove my furniture around to get the pages that fell behind. Maybe I will wait for my tea first, and then start moving books over onto the table to lighten the shelf.
...
I guess I could have just recopied those. I will just tell myself I did that for the workout.
...
How is one page still missing? I did not leave a window open in here or anything.
~~~
I went ahead and rewrote the last page. It was getting frustrating hanging around at home looking for it, and I have been feeling upset again recently. I think I will feel much better when I get back to working daily again.
They were not cross with me at work, which helped ease my worries about the delay. Apparently I work much more quickly and neatly than many of their other employees.
~~~
It rained today, which always makes me sad. I have been trying to write poems but the words are not coming to me today. I should try to cheer up because I am going to Renka's this evening, but I am not sure I will be able to.
~~~
~Parturition~
I asked Renka if he knew anything about any swordsmiths outside the city, and he laughed and said that he did not because he never had need to visit one. He said he might have time off later this month, though, from school, and that we might be able to make a day trip outside the city to look for one. I told him that would be nice; I would much rather go with him than by myself.
Renka also wondered what a member of the priesthood would need with a sword, and seemed almost worried until I assured him that it was a gift for a friend back in Gaia. I also intend to get a small blade for myself, but I think I have found a forge within the city where I wish to make that purchase - I can go alone to do that, and not risk worrying Renka.
~~~
My current book at work is about the priesthood. It is more of an overview for the curious rather than a guide for aspiring priests, so none of the information is really new to me. I took a look in particular at what was written on the New Year's rituals, but it was not really specific enough to either confirm or deny my odd feeling from two months ago.
~~~Miss Meirou came for a visit.(( ** in progress ** )) ~~~
Renka and I set out this morning with directions to one of the bladesmiths who lives outside the city, and a picnic lunch. It was sunny when we left, but it looked like it was threatening rain when we settled down for lunch not far out of the Capital City. The air started to feel absolutely electric just as we were finishing, and in the sudden downpour that followed, we decided that we should probably try again another day. It was just starting to hail on us, too, when we took refuge in the entryway of a candle shop. Renka and the shop owner both commented that they had never seen a storm like that so far outside of summer.
I needed new candles anyway, at least.
~~~
~Ascent~
Renka caught an illness, probably from when we got soaked in the rain last week. It does not seem to be anything major, but I went over to his apartment to make him soup and tea, and then took Tetsuhi to work with me so he could have some quiet resting time.
~~~
A few of the other things in that book about the priesthood and Temples struck me as strange, but I believe it may have been through omission of details than incorrect information. I think I will try to purchase a copy of that book for myself to bring back with me, so I can study it further. I would like to get hold of some of the ritual books and such written for the priests, but I have not exactly had any luck gaining access to the priests' archives. I have even been attending that temple for months. I am hardly a social little bird, but most of the other Porcelain in the neighborhood at least recognize my face by now.
~~~
Renka is not a poet by nature, as he has jokingly admitted to me on at least one occasion, but I hardly know him to be an ineloquent man. However today, as he walked with me to see the cherry blossoms for Cherry Fall, he seemed shy and hesitant as he quoted the ancient poets and added his own (slightly confused) metaphors to try to tell me that his feelings for me are beyond friendship.
And I, the poet, could not find the words with which to reply to him, either. I fear I upset him in my hesitation, as he lingered only a few moments while I stood there, and then he turned and hurried off to the market.
I am still not sure what to tell him. I want Renka to be happy, and I am loathe to disappoint anyone, but allowing him to pursue a closer relationship with me could be dangerous to us both.
In three days' time, he is slated to come here for one of our weekly meals together; I must to discuss this further with him then.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 10:32 pm
Kouyo could feel tension from Renka as soon as he opened the door to invite the other man into his apartment. The priest figured he likely appeared subtly nervous as well... and, like Renka, did his best to ignore it for the time being. Closing his eyes for a moment, he held the door open a moment longer to feel the slightly chilly breeze from the hallway before he shut it again.
In spite of the feeling of oddness between them, Kouyo was no less happy to see his friend than the previous week, though, and welcomed him warmly.
Smiling fondly but unable to meet his friend's eyes, Renka returned Kouyo's greeting before settling on his usual cushion at the low table. The weather had been getting chilly recently at night, he commented after a moment, curling his hands into fists to warm the tips of his fingers. But it also meant that the air was pleasantly cool during the day, too.
Ah, really? Kouyo had not noticed the temperature tonight, as this little bird had been perched over steaming pots for the last hour or so. Bowls, spoons, and cups were already neatly arranged on the table, and he bent over to nudge the pair of chopsticks for himself ever so slightly before going to the stove to fetch first a pot of vegetable soup, then a pot of rice, and finally a pair of small grilled fish.
While Renka served himself, as he always insisted upon doing, Kouyo filled his battered tea kettle and set it to boil on the stove while it was still lit. Then he returned to the table once more, and settled down across from the teacher, sighing happily as soon as he was off his feet.
... It truly pleased Renka to see how much Kouyo had changed since his arrival in this world, the teacher pointed out as the other Porcelain loaded the table with food. "When Kouyo first came here, he could barely boil water on the stove," he said with a soft laugh. Now Renka thought that Kouyo may have exceeded his own skill in cooking, and... hoping it was not too awkward at this point for him to say so, he had also noticed that the red-haired Porcelain had put on weight, and looked even healthier and lovelier than when he had first stepped through the portal to come here.
Kouyo blushed and thanked him shyly while he served himself and urged Renka to start eating. He ate more now because he was doing more, but he was still hardly a chef. Laughing faintly, he reminded Renka that, when he only had to feed himself, he did not prepare anywhere near this much food.
And the pair of them ate more or less in silence, save for the occasional question about work, or life, or shopping....
When the kettle whistled and they were about finished eating, the priest went to pour tea for them both, and Renka stood and followed him to the sink.
... He was pleased to see that Kouyo does not seem to be too upset after- after what happened a few days ago. Renka was terribly sorry if he offended. He understood if Kouyo did not feel the same way, or if he preferred to raise a family instead....
The larger Porcelain reached out with one hand for Kouyo's shoulder, but hesitated to touch him, instead watching his back as he filled the teapot.
Kouyo took in Renka's words as he poured the tea, then turned to face him, and gently grasped his outstretched hand in both of his own. He extended his mind to the other man's, showing him nothing but his usual kindness and warmth - Kouyo did not think any less of Renka at all. However,
"Renka must know that this little bird is already married," Kouyo told him softly; he wished to explain aloud until his voice failed him, as the priest feared hurting Renka any more than he already had to. "He lives alone as a free maiden in Gaia as well as in this place because he has not seen her in years...." And then he shut his eyes tightly, pressing one hand to his chest, and broke down sobbing.
Renka held Kouyo's other hand, feeling nothing but numbness and shock. All of these months and he had never suspected- His dear friend was sometimes moody, and the teacher had caught him once or twice in fits of deep frustration and upset where he would count his steps across the floor, back and forth, over and over again. He was shy, sometimes even timidly so, with strangers, but at the same time....
The brown-haired man had imagined a broken husband to be a miserable creature, so emotionally tattered that he was little more than a shell of what he may have once been, some wretched thing barely alive. And yet he had also seen Kouyo find a job in a new world in a matter of weeks, and explore the neighborhood alone, or with the young boy Tetsushi, who seemed to hold so much trust in him. He was kind even to strangers who made him nervous, and had endeared himself easily to nearly all of the local scholars. And he could pen such beautiful poetry.
Kouyo's fingers in Renka's hand were not cold and dead - he was very much alive. And Renka could only love him more. He was soberly impressed and, and angry, that anyone could do such a thing to another Porcelain, angry that this meant he could not have Kouyo, and angry in his own fear. The thought of becoming a broken husband had always terrified Renka out of his wits, especially since he had begun to realize as he grew up that he was simply not attracted to women - his greatest nightmare remained that, if he ever found himself with a wife anyway, through pressure of his parents or friends or some other source, that he would end up bound to some Lucid lady who would think him defective because he would not be able to love her properly. He had been so hopeful that Kouyo would understand how he felt, except he did and that only made things worse for Renka.
As Renka pulled him close and held him tightly, Kouyo reflexively let out a soft gasp of surprise, but went back to simply sobbing quietly as his friend gave no sign of letting him go. He was too upset to speak, and so the priest projected his apologies - he had not meant to deceive Renka all this time by saying nothing, because he had not realized that it would become an issue. It was something Kouyo tried to drive from his mind so that he could focus on living; he hoped Renka could forgive him.
There was nothing to forgive, the teacher replied, doing his best to keep his anger separate in his mind so that Kouyo would not think that he was cross with him. How could any of it possibly have been Kouyo's fault? Renka was impressed that his friend bore it as well as he did.
He felt reassured as the other Porcelain assured him that he loved him in return regardless, though that did not make it easier for Renka to banish his anger. He tangled his fingers gently in his poet's soft red hair as he held him close, feeling selfishly in need of comfort himself even as he tried to calm his friend.
And Kouyo half-sobbed and half-choked as the other Porcelain grasped his hair, radiating sudden fear and upset. Necromancer- holding his hair- had to get away- could not damage his only link to his wife!!
... Until, clinging to Renka's projections of both comfort and anger, Kouyo struggled to reassure himself that he was not in the human's claws.
Worriedly, Renka released Kouyo and just held his hands gently. Guilt coursed through him, too, at the priest's reaction - should Renka also be angry with himself for being unable to release his desire for the husband of another woman? Even if she did not want him? Privately, his mind roiled with further questions about his poet's situation... but of course did not want to ask them, certainly not with how Kouyo still cried. The logic that he knew so well, knew well enough to teach to Porcelain children at his school, insisted that the teacher would have to give up on his attraction to Kouyo somehow, however, lest he damage his dear friend's delicate heart and endanger them both.
Holding back a few tears himself, he thanked Kouyo for telling him now, and hoped that they could still remain friends.
Kouyo's hands still shook with anxiety as he moved one of them from Renka's hand to dry his eyes with a sleeve. Then he closed his eyes, smiling ever so slightly as he reassured the teacher that he certainly would not abandon him over this. Renka was his closest and dearest friend in this world, and Kouyo had no idea what he would do without him.
They would just have to be careful....
Reluctantly, he let Renka's other hand go, and picked up the teapot to carry it to the table. Kouyo was no longer sure he was hungry anymore, but some tea would help to calm him down. With a faint smile as he wiped his eyes again, he aso urged his friend to try to eat a little more before it got cold.
Trying to hide away his turbulent emotions as the priest seemed so easily to be able to conceal his, Renka followed Kouyo back to the table and settled down again. Then, to force lightheartedness, he inquired if he might be able to steal some of Kouyo's food, if he did not think he would be able to eat his portion...? Though Kouyo should try to finish; compared to Renka, the little bird certainly ate like one.
As they both finished, Renka kept a careful eye on Kouyo, and was only reassured as the other man seemed to gradually recover. He kept his own upset tucked away behind his walls, however, either unwilling or unable to fully let it go - Renka suspected that it would take some time. He wished he could do something to help him ... but also feared upsetting Kouyo again.
Finally, however, as they finished their meal and Kouyo was clearing the plates away, Renka ventured to ask, "What was her name?" For a variety of reasons, he did not think it likely that he would be able to exact some sort of revenge upon the woman, but he was still deeply curious about the one who could have thrown away someone so precious.
Kouyo stopped, glancing back at him, and only bit his lip and shook his his head. ... It was not that Kouyo did not trust him, but please not today....
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Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 8:08 pm
Excerpts from Kouyo's diary while in the other Silver World, T1008:Kouyo ~Sovereignty~
Things have been more or less comfortable with Renka since we spoke about my situation and the nature of our relationship a few weeks ago. We still talk about all sorts of things as we always have, and as we are close friends and nothing more, he is only cautiously affectionate with me in private.
I do love him as a dear friend in mind and in heart, but I cannot return his feelings in body. Being held has long been a rare and precious comfort to me, but the one I still truly need is Ranko. Renka and Setsushi both have kept me from going mad with the pain of being abandoned, but they are merely candles against the chill of my broken heart.
I only hope that Renka will not hurt himself wishing for me.
~~~
I purchased the knife for myself today. It is fine and very sharp, and cost a fair amount of money, but it felt like something on which I should spare no expense. I just finished sealing it in its sheath, as well, so that I should be the only one able to draw it. The only blood it will ever be permitted to take is mine... but if and when that time ever comes, I pray Ranko will not make that choice.
~~~
I received a kind compliment today on my work at the library, and my employer has promoted me. I had mentioned that I would only be here for one year, but I have a sneaking suspicion the Master Librarian is not willing to let me go so easily - in addition to the pay raise, my next book to copy is a text of courtiers' biographies that must be at least a thousand pages long. I will finish it, though, even if I must stay on a few more months here.
~~~
~Celebration~
Renka has been asking more about Gaia recently, and I have been telling him what I can. Once again, I somewhat regret not bringing more of my Gaian books with me here, but I lent him the ones I have. He seems to have picked up a bit of Gaian from somewhere or another, but he said he is still working on learning to read it.
One of my books is a play, and so I read some of it aloud to him. The story is very strange (at one point, a human is turned into a creature called a donkey, for example?), and some of the human jokes still escape me, but Renka insisted that I finish reading it to him the next time he visits for dinner.
~~~
I found some beautiful cut flowers in the marketplace today and bought them up along with a pot and some soil. After I coax them to grow roots again, they can come with me back to Gaia so I can plant them. I am sure Setsushi would like having some more familiar plants around his home.
I wonder how my hyacinths are doing.
~~~
It does not seem like many of these courtiers in my current book led very interesting lives. Perhaps that is a good thing for them, but it makes for a dull biography.
~~~
Lady Fuuhou is hosting another dinner for us all next month, since we will all have free time with the Mid-Year Festival going on. She mentioned that everyone wants to be sure they get a chance to see me before I leave, but I think I may stay here a little longer. To be sure I finish my current book.
~~~
~Caesura~
I have some time off of work for the Mid-Year Festival, and I have already been enjoying the festivities. The crowded streets are still a little intimidating, but I found a nice snack stand with chairs out front where I was able to rest and watch everyone while I had some candies.
In the afternoon, I ran into Tetsuhi, who was with Lady Fuuhou and Fuutou. The little boy has really grown much stronger-looking in the last year. He was eagerly showing off his latest doll, one that he just bought today.
~~~
My flowers have been doing well and taking to the soil well. I realized that I have done so, too. My stems were cut and I had most definitely been withering from being away from everyone and everything in my tower in the Golden World, but I feel that my roots are sprouting again, and I am once more able to draw strength and nourishment from others.
While I still plan to spend six more months here, I nonetheless ache to return to Setsushi. I cannot wait to tell him all that I have done here.
~~~
I just found a bird outside of Renka's school with a mangled wing. Poor thing was scarcely alive, but Renka was out, so I brought it back here to my apartment. I gave it some water a few minutes ago, and right now I am waiting to be sure it will be alright. It seems to be exhausted right now, so I want to give it time to rest before I go poking and prodding at it with my magic.
I hope it will improve by tomorrow. Lady Fuuhou's dinner is tomorrow evening, and, though I fear leaving the creature alone, I doubt bringing it to the dinner would be much better.
...
Renka is here now, done with his errands. He wanted to invite me out to the Mid-Year Festivities again, but is now urging me to stay here and take care of the little bird. I managed to get its feathers cleaned off, and now Renka is offering it some tiny pieces of fruit.
~~~
Renka suggested buying a fancy little cage for the bird, and then taking it along to the dinner tonight, but I told him I really did not like the idea. The little thing has been doing much better since I worked on healing it this morning. Its wing is still broken in a few places, but the work is very delicate, and I do not want to handle the poor bird too much at once.
It cannot fly yet, and is hesitant to jump very much since I only just restored its injured leg. I am going to leave it in a deep box with some water and a few more bits of fruit and some breadcrumbs. The pot with my flowers is low and will fit inside the box, too, so I guess I will leave that for the bird, as well.
I hope it will be okay while I am gone.
~~~
I have come to really enjoy the dinners with the other scholars, and I hope that I will be able to attend at least one more before I leave in six months. I would offer my own residence to host it, but I really lack the space, and my apartment is hardly the tidy with just me living there. I think Renka is the only visitor I have had, save for Meirou and Tetsuhi.
Renka has apparently been in touch with Gaia through the portal that brought me here with the two children. He mentioned that he had one or two rather random pieces of written material that had been given to him, in addition to the books I loaned him. Some of the other scholars were asking us both questions about Gaia, which did not bother me; for all that the place has been difficult for me, I have been finding that I miss it.
My friend seemed a little tense and nervous around me at the dinner, though, and so I asked him again to come home with me afterwords. He told me that, although most of the community scholars who attend the dinners look with favor or at least with interest upon the experimental school, there are a few who have voiced concerns and criticisms regarding the mixed-sex set up and curriculum. In particular, the opponents worry that the boys instructed there spend too much time studying subjects traditionally pursued only by girls at that age, at the expense of things other boys their age would be learning. And as Renka is one of only two male teachers there, he worries that his personal feelings may negatively affect the reputation of the school since there is already talk that the place turns out learned scholars but poor husbands.
~~~
For my birthday today, I have a little bird made whole again. After much thought, I borrowed a large wicker basket from a neighbor as a makeshift cage for the little one, but only because I fear it may hurt itself if it tries to fly around my room. I will only keep it here another day, I think, then take it outside to release it if it seems to be strong enough.
It seems more alert today, which is good, and is singing to me right now.
I will be going out in a few minutes to spend the day at the Festival, watching dance-drama and listening to the performers.
~~~
Renka must have told Lady Fuuhou about the little bird, because just as I was on my way out the door with the basket containing my tiny friend, I ran into her and her daughter, along with Renka and Tetsuhi, and enough picnic food to feed all of us and perhaps three more.
The cherry blossoms are long gone, but we released my bird to perch among the branches there, and ate in the shade. The bird seems to have accustomed to eating little tidbits from Porcelain fingers, but I noticed it also ate the bugs off of my potted plants, so I think it is still wild enough to feed itself. And if nothing else, the park is hardly a remote location - other Porcelain drop food there often enough, I believe.
Tetsuhi and Fuutou got into the pond and soaked themselves, but it was hot enough that Lady Fuuhou did not get too angry with them.
~~~
I am not leaving tomorrow to go back to Gaia, but I must go back to work.
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Imperial Princess Rika Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 10:46 pm
Toutei 1008
Fruition
One of the other young men working for the library doing copying work suddenly and inexplicably dies. Though Kouyo did not know him personally, the mood around the building is quite downcast for the entire month.
Submission
Kouyo begins seeing less of Renka, who is busy training a newly Named young woman, Hia, to be a teacher as well.
Kouyo collides with a young male secretary in the street; this appears to be the last straw for the stressed young man, who bursts into tears in public. Kouyo helps him pick up his belongings, and he thanks him, but wanders off distraught without telling him his name.
Later, though, the Master Librarian delivers a purse of coins to Kouyo, saying that someone left it for him "as thanks for a favor."
Redress
One night, after he had exhausted himself running an unusual amount of errands during the day, Kouyo wakes to find Renka kneeling next to his bed and peering at him. His friend is terribly embarrassed and explained that he came by to visit, but when Kouyo didn't answer his greeting he became worried and let himself in.
Extinction
When Meirou becomes sick, Renka asks Kouyo's help -- he can't stay home to care for her all the time and miss his classes. On the other hand, Kouyo has work as well, so he won't nag...
Kichiyo, the Geometer, invites Kouyo to dine, having heard of the poet through Renka. If Kouyo accepts, he will find his modestly-sized house exquisitely furnished and clean... and that the Lucid scholar is, very strangely, married to a Sleeping woman, Riyu (with one son, a boy named Kichiko.) Though Kichiyo is generous and accomodating, Kouyo gets a strange and creepy vibe from this family.
Descent
Kinkyou, with whom Kouyo is not terribly close but has spoken with now and then, asks Kouyo to sit her three-year-old daughter, Genkyou, one evening so that her parents can have some privacy.
Toutei 1009
Quiescence
On one of his visits to Kouyo, Renka expresses interest in visiting Gaia someday. Though by doing so he might miss months, even years of the life in the Silver World, he confesses that political issues within the school have him trapped in his current position so he doubts he will be able to rise much above his current station anyway...
All Year
In these six months Kouyo has stayed on, his friendships have been cemented even more, and people have gotten used to his face around the neighborhood and the Library. Many people will be sad to see the (slightly eccentric, true, but) kindly scholar go.
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:11 pm
Excerpts from Kouyo's diary while in the other Silver World, T1008:Kouyo ~Fruition~
I am trying to cook some sticky rice cakes for Renka for his birthday tomorrow. I have never attempted such a thing, but the mixture smelled good, at least. I really hope they turn out alright.
...
I am not sure these are supposed to be this sticky. I think I may just prepare a regular meal for tomorrow - Renka will appreciate it since he has to work.
~~~
Renka came over for his dinner, and it all went very well - much better than the rice cakes experiment did. Afterwords, he curled up with me and insisted that I tell him more about Gaia. He has apparently been in contact with the three young ladies who live with the Celestial Oracle of Gaia, and they have provided him with some information; Renka lacks a context for a lot of what the writings seem to be talking about, though, and I am not sure how much of a help I was in clarifying. I have no idea what Gaian "high school" is like, for instance, and I found the music that is apparently popular with most Gaians right now to be rather unappealing, so I know very little about that subject as well.
He also mentioned with a tone of worry that we are so close to the same age now, but would never be so again after I return to Gaia. Renka did not wish to meditate on it, and so I did not press him at all, but he is right. After I leave this place, must I watch his candle burn down and fade through the portals that link our worlds, while I will remain unchanged to his eyes?
~~~
Another one of the men working at the library where I am employed passed away rather suddenly earlier this week. The Master Librarian told us that we are permitted to take a bit of a break if we find we need to, but I have been going in to work every day regardless - having something to do to keep my mind occupied seems to help somewhat. However the mood is still weighing upon my heart.
Do the souls of the dead here truly cross back to some Golden World?
~~~
~Submission~
Renka did not come to dinner tonight. I hope he is alright.
~~~
Tetsuhi came by my apartment before I left for work this morning with a note from Renka saying he was too exhausted to come by for our meal together because he has been tasked with training another young woman to be a teacher. I am glad there was nothing to worry about after all, and I am sure Renka is quite happy to have been selected to train the apprentice. I know how important his work is to him, and so he must be overjoyed at the recognition as young Miss Hia's mentor.
Perhaps I can attempt baking again, or at least prepare something nice for them both.
~~~
The weather is mild again, although this summer was not uncomfortably warm. I have been thinking again about trying to purchase a sword for Setsushi, but I am still unwilling to venture that far from home alone. I wonder if Renka is free later this month to come with me ... perhaps Miss Hia can join us, and we can have another picnic before the weather turns too cold.
~~~
I ran into a young man in the street this morning on the way to work and we both knocked each other sprawling. The poor man burst into tears, which nearly sent me over the edge as well - I still feel terrible about it. I helped him gather the papers and things he had dropped everywhere when we collided and apologized and tried to console him as well as I could, but it was difficult with so many people staring at us. And then the young man hurried off without telling me his name, leaving everyone's eyes on me until I dusted myself off and went on my way.
When I dropped off my finished chapters for the day with the Master Librarian, she handed me a purse filled with coins and told me that someone had left them as thanks for a favor. I do not know if it was related to the incident this morning or not, but I suppose I cannot argue with a little extra money.
~~~
Renka is busy all month, and I do not want to stray too far from home alone, so I suppose I will have to find some other way to spend my day off. Perhaps I will visit the other weapon shops again, though I am still not sure a knife properly convey my intent. I wonder if I would be able to find a suitable bladesmith back in Gaia. (I think Master Akram said his sister is apprenticed to a blacksmith. Though he also mentioned a religious stipulation against carrying blades. I will have to ask him when I return) Though... I had really hoped to be able to purchase a proper Porcelain weapon for Setsushi.
I miss him dearly. It has only been a few weeks back in Gaia, at least. I will be able to make it a few more months here, but I am starting to really ache to return to Setsushi's side and to see all of our little displaced flock from the Golden World. I know I am much better now than I was when I arrived, and I will be deeply saddened to leave this place, but this retreat was supposed to be time for me to rest and study so that I can better serve when I return.
Leaving Renka behind will be painful, and I worry a little for his ability to let me go.
~~~
I spent today window shopping alone, though Tetsuhi joined me for a little while in the afternoon. By then I had finished browsing weapons, much to the little boy's dismay, but he forgave me after I bought him some sweets. He is really growing up strong - in some ways, I feel his great gains in physical stamina reflect my own mental growth in this place. I pray I will not lose this fortitude when I return to Gaia.
This morning, I found myself contemplating purchase of a bow. This would actually be for me, and not for Ranko like my knife, so it felt somewhat strange and taboo to consider... however I do only expect to use the weapon for target shooting, since Dame Tenkyuu offered her guidance. I still have a few months here, though, so I will think on it.
~~~
I cut my hair today, but only a little. I realized I had been allowing it to grow since I got here except for the occasional trim, and while that growth has been slow, the length has been getting difficult to manage. Now it feels uncomfortably short, but I suppose by the time I return to Gaia, it will have grown to about the length it was when I left.
Renka joked at dinner today that, apparently, the fashion in Gaia for concealing bad haircuts is a brown paper grocery bag over one's head. But this is not really bad, just different. Also, I am not sure how easy it would be to acquire such a bag here in this Silver World.
~~~
~Redress~
I am down to the last chapter of this book of exceedingly boring biographies. Unfortunately it is a long chapter, but at least this will probably be my last book to copy.
I guess that makes me somewhat sad. This job is quiet and dull, but I have come to enjoy it, I suppose.
~~~
I had a lot of errands to run today after work, and I just fell straight asleep after I got home. Renka came by while I was napping and let himself in, worried when I did not answer the door. I think the teacher was much more embarrassed than I was at catching me sleeping in just my underrobes, but I have to wonder how long he watched me drool on my pillow before he shook me gently awake.
I made some tea and heated some leftover soup for us both since I had not been expecting Renka for dinner tonight. He still seemed a little on edge and just made small talk, but seemed to relax after a little while. He never really said why he came over, but it was nice to see him since I know he has been very busy lately.
~~~
Since I came here in part to relax, at least, I have not been consulting with the Name all that often. I am not really sure if that means I am slacking off in my duties or not - I have been trying to find out what I can about this other Silver World through living here, and I think I will be better able to act as High Priest of Gaia now that I can survive on my own. There are some things I suppose I should try asking about. Perhaps sometime when I can expect to have a few days off, and so it will not matter if I am losing restful sleep to receive visions.
I have seen a few things some nights since I came here, but nothing that seems urgently important. Faces of Porcelain I do not recognize... I think they may be others who have been taken from the Golden World to Gaia. Perhaps I will seek them out and speak with them about the circumstances of their arrivals when I return, although I am sure Setsushi and the Imperial Princess and the others have also been doing what they can to find a way home for us in my absence.
Though I do strongly feel that I should be there, helping where I can, I am also glad I am spending time here, to learn and grow. I am of no use to anyone so long as I am crazy. Though I fear not all of the damage can be undone, or at least not in a year and a half's time, I am at least more confident that I can venture into the world and get along with my own people.
~~~
~Extinction~
Seventy five pages left in this book. A few of these biographies I feel I have copied before at least five or ten times. Where are the scholars who become known throughout the Isles as vicious intellectual rivals? Where are the Judges who ignore their local priests in their rulings and bring change? This makes me crave the mail with news of the Empire that I used to receive in my tower. At least there was progress.
~~~
Renka came by my apartment today after work to tell me that we would have to cancel our dinner together at his place because Miss Meirou is sick. He also asked if I might be able to lend a hand, but unfortunately I really cannot spare the time at the moment. I will prepare a good supply of soup tonight, though, and deliver it to the apartment tomorrow, along with some tea and perhaps a book or two, so the poor girl will have something to eat and something to do. If she remains ill for more than a few days, then I can go back and help further ... I feel bad about being unable to offer more time right now, though.
~~~
Kichiyo the Geometer invited me to his home to dine - he is a friend of Renka's who offers some time teaching at the school, but I had not seen him at the prior suppers with the community scholars. His home is a bit further away, though, so perhaps it is too far for him to come conveniently. He has a lovely home, rather than the apartments of both Renka and myself, and a small family of his own.
He is married to a Sleeping woman, who was very kind and sweet, and the pair have a young child. Something about the atmosphere bothered me somewhat, and I do not think it was necessarily because of the nontraditional arrangement of the family. The meal was hardly unpleasant, but... I do not know. Perhaps Kichiyo and myself are just not quite compatible people.
~~~
Tetsushi came by today to tell me that Miss Meirou is feeling better, and so I sent him home with some sweets under the condition that he share them with her. Hopefully that will make up for my inability to be there at least a little. I wish for Miss Meirou's continued good health while she is here, since I know she would hate to miss her time to study. I have to wonder if the poor girl became ill working herself too hard, though.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 12:04 am
"Kouyo?" Renka's brows drew together worriedly as he knocked again at his friend's door. The last time he had just let himself in when Kouyo had not answered, but that had also ended up tremendously awkward. Perhaps if, this time, he prodded his friend awake if he was sleeping right away, instead of taking the time to study his poet's peacefully dozing face...?
He curled his fingers around the handle to Kouyo's door, feeling his cheeks grow warm. Barging in on his friend, half-undressed as he was, and ruining his nap, too--
- But this time, Kouyo was expecting him. This night of the week was their regular time for a meal together in the little bird's apartment, and Renka could not even hear the faintest mental twitter in reply to his greetings from within Kouyo's nest.
And so he pushed the door open slowly and stepped inside, half hiding his eyes with a hand as he glanced about the room for his friend.
A pot rested on the stove, its contents raw and cold and the stove itself unlit; everything was prepared, though, and a few other chopped vegetables waited on a cutting board on the counter nearby. Kouyo had not forgotten dinner, apparently... just abandoned the effort halfway to completion? How very unlike him.
Then Renka found red-haired Porcelain on the opposite side of the screen that divided his home, not half-dressed and face-down in bed, but still fully clothed and seated upright but leaning back against the wall. The poet's face wore a faintly pained expression, and the fingers of one hand lightly grasped the fabric of his robes over his heart. Kouyo's eyes were only half-closed, but that meant Renka could see the other man's red eyes darting back and forth rapidly through the hazy membrane of his translucent third eyelid. Which, frankly, just unsettled the teacher further.
Asleep again somehow, but slumped against the wall like this? For some reason? Or ... some sort of seizure or something? He was still breathing, if very slowly, but... Worriedly, Renka prodded at Kouyo's mind, called his name aloud, but received no response. After several unsuccessful attempts to get through to him, the teacher hesitantly reached out and then firmly grasped the fabric of Kouyo's robes at the shoulders and hauled him forward, away from the wall, before shaking him gently.
"Kouyo...." Please wake up... gonk
Though the High Priest had received relatively simple answers to his questions, they had not all been the ones he had been expecting. And so Kouyo had asked more. Perhaps he should have been asking things of the Name since his arrival here... but he had stepped into this dream feeling calmer and more confident now than in quite some time. Perhaps he had just needed the rest, the time when he was not required to be High Priest.
And the thread of his thoughts inevitably returned to the subject of his wife. Though he still worried at the answer, Kouyo finally asked if the Name could tell him where Ranko was, or how he could find his way to her.
The Name had an answer only to the second question-- and Kouyo clung to it and committed it to memory-- but there was interference from outside now-- So much more to ask-- but Kouyo allowed his mind to release its connection to the Name for now-- Was there something else he should be doing--?
Kouyo remained limp and largely unresponsive in Renka's arms, and the teacher started to half-stand, wondering if he could leave the other Porcelain man long enough to fetch one of the neighbors, tell her to call for a doctor or something. He had no idea how long the poet had been like this before Renka arrived.
He settled on waiting just a little longer as he began to feel the faintest twitches running through Kouyo's muscles. Renka worked to keep his projections as calm and quiet as possible while he continued to reach out to his friend's mind.
Over the next several seconds as his sleep paralysis wore off, the little experimental twitches of Kouyo's body turned to a more coordinated effort to free himself from whatever was holding onto him. Then sudden panic drove him more quickly to the shimmering surface between asleep and awake as he felt the warmth of someone there, fighting back to hold him still.
Fear and confusion rolled off of the priest in waves as his eyes snapped open and he gave one final squirm ... but Kouyo gradually relaxed, the fear, at least, fading, as he felt Renka's projections. He was... sitting on the floor, and Renka was behind him. The other Porcelain had his arms wrapped around the priest to try to hold him still... and Kouyo thought he could feel Renka's breath lightly across the back of his neck.
... Wait, when did Renka arrive?
Not long ago, the teacher assured the little bird somewhat distractedly, instead focusing for the moment on the wisps of Kouyo's projections, scrutinizing them for any hints of pain or sickness, or anything else out of the ordinary. He adjusted his hold a bit on the smaller man, as well, no longer pinning his arms down. As Kouyo got his bearings, though, he seemed no different from any other man who had fallen asleep during the afternoon and rather unexpectedly slept until after dark.
Still somewhat worried, though, Renka gently asked Kouyo if he was alright. Was he hurting? He had looked like he was in pain before. And... what had happened, exactly?
Kouyo allowed Renka to hold him, and raised a hand to rub his eyes. Yes, he felt... groggy and still somewhat confused, and exhausted. There was pain, as well, but he was not willing to admit it to his friend. He shifted a bit to sit more upright, and pressed his palm to his chest again, taking a deep breath to see if that would help the ache there fade.
He had been asleep for far longer than he had intended, and realized with a sudden start that of course Renka was here because he was supposed to come over for dinner tonight, just like every week. And while Kouyo had had the presence of mind not to light the stove before calling upon the Name and dozing off for at least an hour or two more than he had hoped...
... That meant that dinner was still not ready sweatdrop
Renka placed his hand on Kouyo's lightly, over his heart, and assured him that it was fine. He had time, and they could chat while the soup simmered. He sat back a little then, holding Kouyo's shoulders gently, still a bit concerned he might collapse or something.
Calling on the Name, though? Renka was curious ... but was not going to press the issue if Kouyo was still not feeling well. Kouyo had told him he was a priest in his old life, before he found himself in Gaia, and Renka had to admit he was hardly the expert on priestly rituals.
Visions. Asking questions of the Name, and receiving answers through dreams. They always left Kouyo tired, because it was hardly the same thing as sleeping.
... Although he never really told Renka about that, had he?
Kouyo flinched slightly, and climbed to his feet, then bent double as spots danced before his eyes from standing too quickly.
Renka kept a hand on Kouyo's shoulder, ready to catch him if he fell. Though by now, the initial worry at finding his friend slumped against the wall had more or less faded. Though the things he was talking about still sounded strange, like something from a dream - the teacher had heard of those who could see the future and such through dreams, but had always understood them to be few and far between.
He mentioned this so that Kouyo could hear him, but also added that he did believe Kouyo to be a rare sort of person.... Smiling weakly as Kouyo straightened again, Renka moved to stand in front of him and fidgeted with the poet's clothes a little, in an effort to smooth the wrinkles that dozing off in a heap on the floor had left in the fabric.
There was even the last mad priest, who was also a poet and shared Kouyo's sounds if not his characters. It was those visions, most likely, that drove him mad, no? And drove him to burn himself until not an ash remained. Renka's eyes focused on Kouyo's clothing as he tugged gently at his overrobes to neaten them a little. ... Strange for Kouyo's parents to wish to see such a figure in their son.
-- Ah, wait, Renka meant no offense at all by his words gonk
Kouyo slipped away from Renka and walked away from him, to the wall, and finished straightening his robes himself as he measured the room, beginning with the private half and then walking over to the other side of the screen. He was quiet for a bit, preoccupied with his pacing, but reached out again with his mind again to Renka when he finished. The priest's projections were shy, perhaps a little nervous, though, as he moved back across the room to the stove and the unfinished pot of soup that sat atop it.
康与, High Priest, poet, and madman ... Perhaps like looking at a portrait in only three colors. With only that information, Renka hardly knew the man.
Privately, he deeply hoped this would be the best way to tell Renka. It was a strange thing, having to explain to a dear friend that he had not lied about who he was, he had simply not fully explained. Kouyo had been concerned for his safety upon entering this world, since he had apparently been important enough to save from death at his own hand in order to drop him instead into Gaia. And on top of that... anyone would have trouble believing that the man who was preparing his supper right now was one he had learned had died nearly three hundred years before.
Hesitating slightly, Renka responded with a soft confusion, and moved to kneel beside Kouyo in front of the stove as the red-haired Porcelain put fuel inside and then lit it.
So ... 光伃 meant to say that he was asking the Name to fill in the remaining colors? Sort of asking for hints regarding his own destiny? Or inspiration from his namesake? Renka was not sure he fully understood....
No, no, why would Kouyo need to know the colors of his own portrait when he could see his face in the mirror?
When the teacher simply gaped at him from his crouched position beside him, Kouyo reached out with both hands for Renka's and helped him up. Of course his friend would think him crazy, or still half-asleep. The poet chewed his bottom lip and studied the other man's face.
... Did Renka's eyes only see a portrait now?
Slowly, Renka shook his head, similarly scrutinizing the lines of Kouyo's face. His mind was trained to follow paths of logic, like cobblestones, and he could tread them in any direction to get where ever he wanted to be. It was difficult to fool him with a wrong turn, or trip him with a loose stone. However, 光伃's paths, lined with colored flowers, left Renka distracted, uncertain - hints like blades of grass seemed to point in the direction the poet's robes had brushed them when he passed through to lead Renka this way, but the conclusion that lay in that direction was ... simply absurd.
Did he see a portrait of 康与 before him? Renka was still fairly certain that the only thing he saw was 光伃 his friend, but.... was he now meant to understand that 光伃 before him was somehow the same man as the High Priest of three hundred years ago?
Now it was the teacher's turn to appear as though in a daze, like a man just awakened, as he moved away from the kitchen area of the room to settle on the cushions on the floor near the table. He rested his elbows on the table and his face in his palms as he privately considered: to claim to be someone from the past was certainly insane, but to come out so suddenly with such an outrageous lie was not at all like the 光伃 that Renka knew. At the same time, though, the similarities between his friend and the man from books of history and poetry had not escaped his notice, and he could not deny that he had, once or twice, considered the possibility that they were one and the same....
Perhaps the both of them were crazy.
Kouyo hovered by the pot of soup, stirring it far more often than it needed to be stirred, and glancing back over his shoulder at Renka. An anxious feeling settled into the pit of his stomach, even as he reminded himself again and again that he had hardly expected Renka to find this easy to swallow.
A long silence stretched between them, broken only by the sounds of bubbling soup and of nervous energy being spent tapping the wooden spoon softly against the metal pot.
... It had been strange and unsettling for Kouyo, as well, to come to this place, to read of his suicide in books, to copy his own poetry, he finally told Renka softly. After adding the remaining vegetables to the soup, Kouyo forced himself to leave the spoon on the counter and go join his friend at the table.
The teacher looked up as Kouyo sat beside him, and smiled weakly. ... He always knew Kouyo was crazy. And at the tiny pang of hurt from his friend, Renka shook his head and reached over to grasp the High Priest's hands.
He... just needed some time to wrap his mind around all of this, he supposed. Was he supposed to feel honored, at being such a trusted friend to a reasonably famous historical figure (... goodness, this was awkward)? Should he be apologizing for any improper behavior? ... Or embarrassed that he still held feelings for the red-haired Porcelain before him, even after all this time, and even now knowing that he was also High Priest?
A blush spread across Renka's cheeks as the last option appeared to win out for the moment, and he bowed his head a little to very intently study Kouyo's slender fingers. Yes, he would need a lot of time to mull over all of this in his mind.
Whatever Renka needs, Kouyo told him gently, projecting a faint comforting feeling to his friend and a stronger feeling of relief to no one in particular. Then, slipping his hands from Renka's he started to stand so he could be sure the soup was finished. Perhaps they would both feel better after they ate?
One knee hit the table, and the poet winced in pain; the resulting noise of place settings being jostled made Renka jerk his head up in surprise as well. Bubbling over with sudden anxiety again and rubbing the sore spot on his knee, Kouyo settled down beside the table again and used his other hand to rearrange all of the chopsticks and soup spoons and napkins that were now all misaligned gonk
Renka stared at Kouyo for a moment, and laughed, at once feeling very rude but also somewhat relieved, himself. Ah, he is terribly sorry, but... here, Renka will take care of the soup, and Kouyo can attend to his task here. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed gently before climbing (carefully!) to his feet and going over to the pot on the stove.
Kouyo felt better once he had started fixing the dishes and utensils. After a few moments, in a very shy but joking tone, he asked if Renka expected anything sane to come through that portal from Gaia?
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