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Ok. I'm so not -something- I can't come up with the word right now. I just watched 27 dresses and cried at the end. Not because it was beautiful or saddening, but because it made me remember what I had and now don't. It sucks.

Drew you are right about that "touch" thing. My friends were trying to get me to actually hug someone today. I hugged Matt, it felt so amazing I needed it. Especially because he just asked me why Kevin wasn't around anymore.

He must have known already. He kept making these stupid excuses for asking, like "Well, I didn't hear anything so..." I don't know why he asked. I'm hoping it's because he likes me and wanted to make sure, but I don't know for sure. I really don't want to get my hopes up. Anyway he doesn't even date because he wanted to focus on school. That's what my friend Tara told me and she is like his only confider, they have known eachother for a while. She also told me some secrets about him, that she swore me not to tell or even tell she told me. (I don't think this counts) Especially him, she made me swear even if I end up marrying him or something. He is leaving soon though, he is a senior this year and I'm a junior. That complicates things even more.

I hate this my emotions are on such a rollercoaster. There is also this other guy, he has been my friend sinse like 7th or 8th grade, but I think I'm starting to fall for him. He gives me rides home all the time even though he lives in the opposite direction and he is trying to get me into World of Warcraft and is like taking special interest in how I fare in the game and such. He is showing interest and I'm just not used to that.

Then there is always the shallow fear that they are only interested in me now because I lost 40 lbs and actually care about my apearance. I think I liked being ugly and fat better things were simpler. I knew noone liked me and I was content with that, or at least I wanted myself to believe that. I must not have been because I did something about it.

You ever change something and wish you didn't because it wasn't as great as you thought it would be? Well of course you have, whats the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side," from.

Confusion. Caused by missunderstandings. Worsened by complexity. It is the fault in society and life. Understanding is everything, but the unknown is life.

And I will say this: For God's sake, whatever you do--do not start playing World of Warcraft. It destroys lives. domokun

Really, it'll suck you in and before you know it, you're staying up until 3 am building raid groups or questing for items.... Thanks to my gnat-like attention span, I managed to escape, but I fear that it is too late for my brother--the game has him.

Lol, what I thought was the least important part of that got the most attention. I like WoW it's fun, but my attention span is also gnat-like so I think I will survive. Plus the people I talk to on it I know in real life, so it's not like my life would be destroyed. I make fun of Jason for it, he is always sleeping in class and stuff but it's ok cuz he is smart. I'm awake, but I'm usually spaced, so I don't know which is better.

Oh, and Matt has become more handsy, like I hugged him and he wouldn't let me go. Then Cliff said something and he let go immediately, I didn't hear though, and they told me I didn't want to know, so I didn't press. Speaking of Cliff the perv, that is seriously what I call him 'Perv'. I had to sit between him and a very friendly dog, getting a ride home today. He has mono as well and his girlfriend broke up with him, so he was even worse than normal. With people around my school if I told them that, their reaction would be, "Oh God! I'm sorry." It's really that bad. Matt isn't like that though, he is cool.

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but Cliff is the friend of my friends' that I absolutely hate. I can't avoid him though because he is my firends' friend.

oh god... lol um I swear *backs away shaking hands and head* I didn't do it...

Too many thoughts fill my mind. I need to keep up on my meditation, get more sleep, exercise more, eye my diet more closely, and sort out my feelings. I need to figure out these twinges of regret that cut me shallowly but many times. I need to rein in even my subtler flirtations, and focus my heart not on expression but on industry. I need to keep closer tabs on my schoolwork and my social life. I need to resolve things before...before the opportunity slips away.

But above all, I need to take my own advice.

It seems like my advice to many others would perfectly fit my life. Among them, of course, are the pursuits of true honesty, compassion, and love, which I simply cannot forget, regardless of the occasion. But I think the summation of all my advice (for me) is my most recent advice. Hold tight to your virtues. Strength and Courage are two (and Henson believes them to be together the completeness of virtue), but certainly not alone. Compassion, Honesty, Love, Kindness, Generosity, Self-Control, Industriousness, and Openness are their companions, with many more surely that go unnamed.

All of my virtues, when I cling to them tenaciously, have never led me astray, though I have paid a dear price often for keeping them. And remembering them.

Now, Forgiveness and Humility claim large portions of my soul, and together, bend me to their united will, and the greater force that binds them to me. It is time I faced my hard truths. Time I confronted my dark side out in the open. People will have to be apologized to, and now there is neither time nor reasons left for ignoring apologies. I wonder which will be harder to rid myself of--my arrogance, or my stubbornness.

Hmhmhm. My stubbornness. Definitely.

Love and Vale, ready for Change to flow through me again,
-Andrew

Lost what? I just found the W0wz0RZ sword on this n00b!



God, but that's painful for me to type out....
-Andrew

yeah, i work in Retail so we're big in customer service... wear nice clothes, not too fancy but not your everyday normal wear. if they ask, customer service is making sure the customer has been helped, taking them to what they need, offering other services if you're out of stock of the item, such as .com or check the other stores. Basically making sure they're satisfied with their experience in the store.

just relax it will be fine.

Prom was last night. It was so much fun. I got my picture taken with Matt and we danced together, even though he wasn't my date technically. Another girl had the same dress as me, but no one really cared. Afterward, my friends and I went bowling until 2:30 am as part of the school activities.

We got a little silly and Chelsey and I were kind of being overly clingy to Matt. Then Nick would always pop out of nowhere and join in. I think there is some sort of love triangle going on now that I think of it. I think Chelsey and I both like Matt, and Nick likes both of us and Chelsey likes Nick, too and who knows whats going on in Matt's head. We were trying to get Matt to come inside and dance with us again, and our school officer came by and asked Matt what was wrong with him. "Two beautiful young women want you to go somewhere with them and you don't want to go?" We bothed looked to him for the answer, but he just came willingly.

The sad part was when they called for all the seniors to get together for pictures, I realized I was left alone. It was just a shocking realization that next year that's how it will always be. It might have added to the fact I was extra clingy the rest of the night, subcontiously I just didn't want to let go.