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Athilea Majiri

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 2:38 pm


Okay, so I ran a tight fisted rp guild in World of Warcraft. I no longer play because my guild was letting me do all the work, but I had started an rp there with my Blood Elf. I'll use an example of my rp with Lacora, my troll, and then some with Athilea (I love that name) my Blood Elf.

Lacora Gin'Nalka, Voice of The Forge (From her time as a rogue, when she killed blood):

The time for the party was coming closer, night had fallen on the small village. For the past few days she had been watching the humans closely. Lacora’s orange eyes peered out over the soft cloth of the red mask, as she crouched down on one of the rafters. The Lords servants were busy with the preparations for the gathering. The troll assassin watched closely, and took note of the men and women below. If they were smarth they wouldn’t be harmed. She hoped they did something stupid.

Lacora wished she could have brought Khanu with her, but he was better off left at the house she had found. There was really no way she could have gotten him onto the rafters wit her. Finally the guests began to arrive, talking somewhat excitedly with one another. It was an angry excitement that seemed out of place for a party. She may not speak their odd language, but she did know that this behavior was odd.


After a time the Lord entered with someone, and extra that wasn’t on the list, that looked just as confused as her. It didn’t matter, it was probably a brother that was brought as a surprise, he would die with the rest. Everyone quieted and bowed before the two. No one spoke for a time, all attention was turned to the extra. Lacora decided that this would be the perfect time for her attack.


Carefully, she jumped down so that her presence remained unknown. The humans were so wrapped up that the didn’t even notice when she took the first one. She snuck behind a second human, a female, after applying more poison to her daggers. When she attacked the woman let out a scream of terror, just as Lacora had expected she would.


The assassin sprinted towards the Lord and took him down swiftly, and with a swift flick of the wrist she left one of her daggers in his companion neck. When she cut down the extra she was stopped short by a familiar voice. A voice that was out of place on the human lips, along with a language that they could not have learned. She felt hands grip and pull, trying to restrain her, dragging her from the fading image of a human.


With a roar Lacora threw them to the side, enraged at the site of her brother laying before her. The brother that she had just killed with very potent poison. Everything became a blur as she recklessly finished her job. She didn’t notice when a blade came down on her face, slashing from her lip and down her neck with a vain attempt to stop her. None of them stood a chance against the troll woman once she saw her brother.


She would take many souveniers from here, bits of bone that would become her jewelery. After she was finished she walked to her brother, and kneeled by his side. Growling to herself, Lacora took one of the bones from his ear, and placed it on her own. Then something in his hand caught her eye. She leaned over the unmoving body of her brother and took the small parchment from his slightly opened hand. Carefully she unfolded and red the all to familiar hand writing.


Your sister has been captured while trying to negotiate with a village of trolls. She was the only survivor, you have to save her. I have given you a potion that will make you look and talk like a human for a short time, as well as a map that will lead you to the village she is being held at. Get there as soon as you can, or they will kill her.

Athinal



She crushed the paper in her hand, “Joo will pay,” she roared. Then all went dark with a sharp pain. Standing over her was a human guard. He grinned to himself as he ordered the others to take her away. “Looks like you waited to long rogue.”

I'm post Athilea's in another one as not to cause any confusion.  
PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 2:42 pm


And this is from an rp we had going in game shortly before I left. Athilea was kidnapped and sold to an Amani troll to be sacrifieced. However the troll had come to care about the blind red hed in a way that bothered him. This is the beginning of the tale.

Athilea Brightfeather, The Unseeing:

Taken


She was afraid, terrorfied of what was going to happen. Desperately she tried to figure out where she was, and what was going to be done to her, but to no avail. The Forsaken taunted her, played with her feelings as though it were a game. Perhaps to him it was, but she could only try to get help.

Her hearthstone, others could hear Athilea's voice, confused and full of fear. Asking a mysterious voice questions, and her spirit in the inn reacted to her fear. Her friends resting within were just as lost as her fellow members in The Forge, completely taken off guard by the Blood Elf's change of tone, and seemingly delerious reactions to some unknown entity.

She could feel someone shaking her, and all she could get out was seemingly gibberish. Her blind white eyes glazed with the horror she was feeling, as she continued speaking, asking the same question in different ways. Then, with the feeling of a thorn cutting her neck, her spirit was ripped from the inn. Athilea fell to her knees, automatically raising a trembling hand to her throat. Her voice, though quiet, could still be heard clearly through the hearthstone.

Just as quickly she collapsed, falling into a poisen induced sleep. The audible sound of her body falling the rest of the way to the ground, and her hearthstone rolling across the floor were the last things heard.

Hours later she woke up, feeling a different surface beneath her. She sat up quickly, before she had time to think and stop herself. Panic took over, the next thing Athilea new, she had her back pressed against some wooden surface. No one was there, no one stopped her. All she could hear were the sounds of a whip cracking, and a horrible crying that followed it closely.

It took alot of effort, but her spirit managed to find her way to the inn, where Karu reacted quickly to her appearance. She was questioned very quickly, but had none of the answers. Pyrenus was asking her to focus, to figure out where she was. Then a voice filled her prison. Unfamiliar, but a troll by accent.

She pleaded for help. Begged the Amani to free her, but he wouldn't. The only thing he would do was send a letter. Before she could think she blurted out Meem's name, the first person that came to mind. And just as quickly as her company had come, they left her. Alone in the dark, with only painfilled screams to keep her company until the poisen took effect again.

Athilea gave way to the fear that had been building up. She pulled her trembling knees to her chest and sobbed. Everything had happened so quickly, and she blamed it all on her disability. If she could see this wouldn't have happened.

At least that's what she told herself, but could she believe it?  

Athilea Majiri

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anime_demongoddess

PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 4:21 pm


Okay, so I guess I'll try.

{place=woods time=noon, december]

Gwen turned around to look where the sound had come from. Noticing nothing she turned back to the snow covered trail. Your just paranoid, you lost your little brother in the woods, you have a right to be paranoid. She heard a low hum. "Jacob, is that you? If so, your not scaring me." She said loudly, then a painful, white silence came over her. "He's perfectly fine, he's just hiding from you." She quietly mumbled. Then, after a while, she realized he wasn't coming back. She felt her face grow hot as she fell to the ground. Tears ran down her cheeks as she sobbed loudly. Her messy hair stuck to the tears as she whiped her nose with her white glove. "No!" she cried out, making a small bird leave it's perch on an over hanging limb. She looked around as she stood up. Where am I? She thought to herself, as the realization of being lost flooded over her, her lip quivered as though trying keep her from crying again. Gwen turned around as though a sign would point her in the right direction. Just as she stopped she felt a small object fall from her pocket. She turned around, and with tear blurred vision she saw her pink razor lying in the snow. She wiped her nose as she picked it up calmly. She smiled as she flipped it open, btu her joy soon faded. She looked at how much signal she got. No bars where lit up on the screen.
PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:41 pm


Deep within the third floor, Haiden stirred from a night’s worth of nightmares, shaking away the last screams as they echoed through his head, reverberating through the halls of his mind, ending at last at the edge of insanity. Stretching, he threw off the sheets, revealing the form that was hardly human anymore.

Over the past six months, ever since the day of his parent’s murder, his body had been changing, becoming more feral to match the state of his mind. His hands were closer to claws than actual fingers, with fur completely hiding the skin underneath, his face somewhat animalistic.

Getting out of the sad excuse of a bed Fol had left him with, Haiden made his way into the small bathroom connected to his room, gazing out the barred and tinted window, into the silent streets of Seiki, devoid of much life except for those who had early morning jobs.

In the early days, before his transformation had begun, he had often spent all day staring out, longing to call for the aid of such a person, after which they could bring the police and save his sister from this living nightmare. Nowadays though, he resigned himself to his fate, waiting for the inevitable loss of his sanity, and rise of the demon passed on by his father. It was evident that the time was swift approaching, and only the presence of his sister had been able to hold it at bay.

It had been a month since he had last seen her, and her state had not pleased him. Fol had torn their life asunder, all because she felt she was in love with Blithe and that she could do anything to keep her love. A low growl escaped from his throat, an uncharacteristic thing for one who had once been an academic. But things change.

Looking into the mirror, he turned on the water and attempted to wash away the marks on his face, but it seemed they were there to stay, not fading in the least as the water passed over them. Sighing he turned off the water and returned to his room, laying his head to the floor in hopes of catching snippets of conversation from the lower levels.

------------

Intro to an old roleplay that died out when one of the main people left...

Anima Shadow

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Sabriel Phoenix

Rainbow Cultist

PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 12:06 am


((holy crap.

Well, I have my time-sucker for tomorrow! *mentally bookmarks thread for rating*))
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 2:58 am


Liquid fell to the ground, grasping his chest hopelessly. He had waiting all these years to defeat the great Solid Snake, to prove that he wasn't as useless as everyone had said he was every painful moment of his life... and he had gotten so close, too. He had almost tasted sweet victory, but it was not to be. The FoxDie virus was the only thing that had stopped him from reaching his lifelong goal.

His vision was starting to fade now, but kept fighting it, trying to keep his eyes open for the last moments of his life. He couldn't give up yet.. he just couldn't. He heard the rumble of a jeep running off in the Alaskan snow. No, he had to keep living! Liquid started to go numb. He was slowly loosing his grip on the tree branch of reality, staring to slip into the never ending abyss of the afterlife.

Before he had a chance to kill Solid Snake, a chance to create the world his father had wanted, his heart stopped.
--

RevolverHarkness


Krav3n88

PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 11:01 am


(the first metal gear, good one it was hard to understance where he was coming from, it jumped from the fighting on top of metal gear to the jeep chase seen to him dying by foxdie. hard to keep up. it was great the way he felt and all was shown)

That was it, I defeat the Boss and some how it doesnt feel like a win. She was my mentor for 10 years we lived and fought together and now its all over she lies there in the floor dying in a sea of flowers. With a expression of peace and happness on her face.

"Do now snake finshes me end it so I may pass on and be with the Sorrow once and for all." said Boss as the blood from her wound began to cover the the ground under her.

Snake pulled to trigger and send her away. As that bullet hit the Boss all the white flowers turned a blood red.
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 11:52 am


Zahth: Fantastic. :3 I cannot honestly make that better in any way. It would be an honor to RP with you. 100! ^3^~ xD

BandnerdCamilliolame:

Quote:
Axel sat on his porch steps watching his mother go off to work. He loved her dearly, and he also cared for his step-father. He listened for the usual alarm. "Dad, you up yet?" he called. Axel walked upstairs and heard the shower water running. Happy as ever, he called out to his father, "I'm off to school Dad. I'll see you after school." Axel walked downstairs and grabbed his bookbag along with a biscuit for breakfast. He hopped on his bike with the biscuit in his mouth, and the wind rushing through his red hair. The chains on the bicycle gave a sort of rhythm that caused Axel to start humming a song, his head bobbed along as he continued to drive. He'd rather ride his bike to school than drive the maroon Cougar his mother bought him a year ago. The leather interior had yet to have another person's bottom rest in it besides his own. The wind continued to blow, and Axel kept on humming.


Good style. :3 However, you could also add in a few more descriptive adjectives and adverbs. Don't go overboard, now. You want to keep it interesting. ^_^ And, this is probably only my being nitpicky, but try to fit the weather in somewhere. xD

xX-AquaticParadise-Xx: Beautiful. Absolutely stunning. I felt the sun on my skin, heard the songs you spoke of, and saw the scenes you described! Beautiful! RPing with you would be a pleasure.

Black Owltalon:
Quote:
The moon guided Venerah as she sprinted off into the night. "They're coming for me," she thought repeatedly in her mind. "Back to that St. Mungos place...But no. I'm leaving." Her mind was also racing with questions like, Where's my wand? Where can I get some Floo powder? Are they still following me? She stumbled, landing flat on her face. Venerah's Apparation license was chopped up into little pieces, but she could still leave, right? She stood up, thinking of the safest places to be right now. Hogsmead! Thats it! She concentrated on the old in called HogsHead. She snapped her fingers, and it felt as if she plunged into a neverending black hole. Then, the sweet smell of butterbeer filled her nostrils. I'm on the run now, she thought coldly to herself.


Interesting and entertaining, but I suggest you get a Firefox browser. It has automatic spellcheck. 3nodding

healing_rain:
Quote:
This wasn’t a good idea, Neva decided as he wandered the dark streets of Zamura.


Good! I'd say it's about a 95. wink It's very adventurous, and I laughed out loud at a few parts. I know I'm weird, but I did. xD So, good job, and I bet that story will be fabulous!

Ryoshin the King:

Quote:
"I need... I need..." His lips moved as he spoke the words, lost within the various sounds of his coming. He arched his back and, coming to his full height at last, the mammoth of a man at 6'4, arms stiffening and fingers curling, opened his jaws wide to scream into the night, the voice unintelligble as the call sounded out into the silence, echoing for forever until it reached his ears again, his entire body going limp again and resuming its former posture.


Wwwwwow. I'm not much for thrillers, so this one was pretty good.
For a thriller. xP
So, I'm sure that if you found someone who liked these types of things, they would praise you highly for it. You need to work on run-on sentences though. >_>

Athilea Majiri:
Quote:
The time for the party was coming closer, for night had fallen on the small village.

The Lord's servants were busy with the preparations for the gathering. The troll assassin watched closely, and took note of the men and women below. If they were smart they wouldn’t be harmed. She hoped they did something stupid.


You need to work on pargrpah structure a little more, as well. It's a good one, though. :3

Whew.
I'll finish later. Sorry for all those who were to far back to be in the Topic Review while I'm posting, but I have a weird computer so I can't get to you. sweatdrop

Sabriel Phoenix

Rainbow Cultist


Sabriel Phoenix

Rainbow Cultist

PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 12:28 pm


anime_demongoddess:

Quote:
Gwen turned around to look where the sound had come from. Noticing nothing, she turned back to the snow covered trail. You're just paranoid. You lost your little brother in the woods. You have a right to be paranoid. She heard a low hum. "Jacob, is that you? If so, you're not scaring me," she said loudly, then a painful, white silence came over her. "He's perfectly fine, he's just hiding from you," she quietly mumbled. Then, after a while, she realized he wasn't coming back. She felt her face grow hot as she fell to the ground. Tears ran down her cheeks as she sobbed loudly. Her messy hair stuck to the tears as she wiped her nose with her white glove. "No!" she cried out, making a small bird leave it's perch on an over hanging limb. She looked around as she stood up. Where am I? She thought to herself, as the realization of being lost flooded over her. Her lip quivered as though, trying keep her from crying again. Gwen turned around as though a sign would point her in the right direction. Just as she stopped she felt a small object fall from her pocket. She turned around, and with tear blurred vision she saw her pink razor lying in the snow. She wiped her nose as she picked it up calmly. She smiled as she flipped it open, but her joy soon faded. She looked at how much signal she got. No bars where lit up on the screen.


Work on your paragraph structure a little more. :3 Otherwise, I liked it. Sad as it was. emo

whitewolve202: Tis touching. I like it. However, you need to be a bit more descriptive. >_<

RevolverHarkness: Let's just say...meep. o_o It's grammatically correct, that's for sure. But it's a little bit... abrupt. >_> I guess. And I haven't played that game before. >_<

Kraven88:
Quote:
That was it, I defeat the Boss and some how it doesnt feel like a win. She was my mentor for 10 years. We lived and fought together and now it's all over. She lies there in the floor dying in a sea of flower, with an expression of peace and happiness on her face.


"Do it now, Snake, finish me. End it so I may pass on and be with the Sorrow once and for all," said Boss as the blood from her wound began to cover the the ground under her.

Snake pulled the trigger and sent her away. As the bullet hit the Boss all the white flowers turned blood red.

Once again. Abrupt. Last one: meep. This one took me about five minutes to interpret. x_x Please, please review your posts. I get tired and type weird too, but I tend to review when that happens. >_<
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 2:24 pm


Athilea Majiri
And this is from an rp we had going in game shortly before I left. Athilea was kidnapped and sold to an Amani troll to be sacrifieced. However the troll had come to care about the blind red hed in a way that bothered him. This is the beginning of the tale.

Athilea Brightfeather, The Unseeing:

Taken


She was afraid, terrorfied of what was going to happen. Desperately she tried to figure out where she was, and what was going to be done to her, but to no avail. The Forsaken taunted her, played with her feelings as though it were a game. Perhaps to him it was, but she could only try to get help.

Her hearthstone, others could hear Athilea's voice, confused and full of fear. Asking a mysterious voice questions, and her spirit in the inn reacted to her fear. Her friends resting within were just as lost as her fellow members in The Forge, completely taken off guard by the Blood Elf's change of tone, and seemingly delerious reactions to some unknown entity.

She could feel someone shaking her, and all she could get out was seemingly gibberish. Her blind white eyes glazed with the horror she was feeling, as she continued speaking, asking the same question in different ways. Then, with the feeling of a thorn cutting her neck, her spirit was ripped from the inn. Athilea fell to her knees, automatically raising a trembling hand to her throat. Her voice, though quiet, could still be heard clearly through the hearthstone.

Just as quickly she collapsed, falling into a poison-induced sleep. The audible sound of her body falling the rest of the way to the ground, and her hearthstone rolling across the floor were the last things heard.

Hours later she woke up, feeling a different surface beneath her. She sat up quickly, before she had time to think and stop herself. Panic took over, the next thing Athilea knew, she had her back pressed against some wooden surface. No one was there, no one stopped her. All she could hear were the sounds of a whip cracking, and a horrible crying that followed it closely.

It took alot of effort, but her spirit managed to find her way to the inn, where Karu reacted quickly to her appearance. She was questioned very quickly, but had none of the answers. Pyrenus was asking her to focus, to figure out where she was. Then a voice filled her prison. Unfamiliar, but a troll by accent.

She pleaded for help. Begged the Amani to free her, but he wouldn't. The only thing he would do was send a letter. Before she could think she blurted out Meem's name, the first person that came to mind. And just as quickly as her company had come, they left her. Alone in the dark, with only painfilled screams to keep her company until the poison took effect again.

Athilea gave way to the fear that had been building up. She pulled her trembling knees to her chest and sobbed. Everything had happened so quickly, and she blamed it all on her disability. If she could see this wouldn't have happened.

At least that's what she told herself, but could she believe it?


Good! Very! ^_^ You just need to learn how to spell poison. Unless you're British, and they have a different spelling of it. confused ANYWAYS, the paragraph structure for this one is better, too. :3 Very good.

Sabriel Phoenix

Rainbow Cultist


Athilea Majiri

Victorious Hunter

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 2:26 pm


Artist at Heart
Athilea Majiri
And this is from an rp we had going in game shortly before I left. Athilea was kidnapped and sold to an Amani troll to be sacrifieced. However the troll had come to care about the blind red hed in a way that bothered him. This is the beginning of the tale.

Athilea Brightfeather, The Unseeing:

Taken


She was afraid, terrorfied of what was going to happen. Desperately she tried to figure out where she was, and what was going to be done to her, but to no avail. The Forsaken taunted her, played with her feelings as though it were a game. Perhaps to him it was, but she could only try to get help.

Her hearthstone, others could hear Athilea's voice, confused and full of fear. Asking a mysterious voice questions, and her spirit in the inn reacted to her fear. Her friends resting within were just as lost as her fellow members in The Forge, completely taken off guard by the Blood Elf's change of tone, and seemingly delerious reactions to some unknown entity.

She could feel someone shaking her, and all she could get out was seemingly gibberish. Her blind white eyes glazed with the horror she was feeling, as she continued speaking, asking the same question in different ways. Then, with the feeling of a thorn cutting her neck, her spirit was ripped from the inn. Athilea fell to her knees, automatically raising a trembling hand to her throat. Her voice, though quiet, could still be heard clearly through the hearthstone.

Just as quickly she collapsed, falling into a poison-induced sleep. The audible sound of her body falling the rest of the way to the ground, and her hearthstone rolling across the floor were the last things heard.

Hours later she woke up, feeling a different surface beneath her. She sat up quickly, before she had time to think and stop herself. Panic took over, the next thing Athilea knew, she had her back pressed against some wooden surface. No one was there, no one stopped her. All she could hear were the sounds of a whip cracking, and a horrible crying that followed it closely.

It took alot of effort, but her spirit managed to find her way to the inn, where Karu reacted quickly to her appearance. She was questioned very quickly, but had none of the answers. Pyrenus was asking her to focus, to figure out where she was. Then a voice filled her prison. Unfamiliar, but a troll by accent.

She pleaded for help. Begged the Amani to free her, but he wouldn't. The only thing he would do was send a letter. Before she could think she blurted out Meem's name, the first person that came to mind. And just as quickly as her company had come, they left her. Alone in the dark, with only painfilled screams to keep her company until the poison took effect again.

Athilea gave way to the fear that had been building up. She pulled her trembling knees to her chest and sobbed. Everything had happened so quickly, and she blamed it all on her disability. If she could see this wouldn't have happened.

At least that's what she told herself, but could she believe it?


Good! Very! ^_^ You just need to learn how to spell poison. Unless you're British, and they have a different spelling of it. confused ANYWAYS, the paragraph structure for this one is better, too. :3 Very good.

Thank you thank you thank you. More of that particular little story, as well as the one before that is in my journal to ANYONE that wants to read it. I LOVE comments and constructive criticism. . . . .*fails at spelling*

Yeah. . .I didn't notice the typo. I haven't really read back through it like I should.  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:20 pm


That's okay. Happens to me, too. xD I suggest Firefox. :3

ALright, here's my go. :3

~*~

"No! You pounced to late!" hissed Hawkpelt. Pantherpaw shuffled awkwardly where the mouse had escaped from between his paws. The large, black cat's tail lashed in agitation, however, despite his awkward feelings. He had spent half a day looking for prey, but had yet to make a kill. "Do I have to show you again?" Hawkpelt added. Pantherpaw shook his head, closing his coppery eyes.
"No, Hawkpelt. I'm just not feeling well today." The apprentice spoke only half truthfully. "It's just that..."
"What?" the brown, oddly patterned cat pushed, clearly as frustrated as Pantherpaw.
"I have a bellyache," Pantherpaw continued, fumbling over his words.
"I find that hard to believe," Hawkpelt growled. "You don't look like you're in pain. Oh well. It doesn't matter. Go to camp. Maybe Silverstream has some harbs that will help." Hawkpelt shook his head.
Pantherpaw was always fascinated by Hawkpelt's fur. Especially when he shook his head. The way that his golden muzzle moved from side to side was mesmerizing.
Hawkpelt seemed to have been modeled after a bird, with a golden muzzle and sleek brown fur. His forelegs had strange, long tufts of fur that resembled miniature wings, and his hindlegs had golden paws and extra sharp claws. Even his tail, which fanned out as it got longer, seemed to be like a hawk's. One would almost believe it if he told you he could fly.
"Pantherpaw? Do you have a brainache, too?" Hawkpelt snapped uncharacteristically, breaking his revery.
"Huh? Oh, no." Pantherpaw padded off through the brush, his long tail sagging. His mentor was usually much nicer than this. Hawkpelt must have a hairball stuck in his throat.

Once Pantherpaw stepped into camp, he instantly saw how many cats were milling about th camp, preparing for leafbare. The leaf-fall scent was stronger than usual, marking that the maples had finally given up their leaves to the cold air that was setting in. Pantherpaw's greenleaf pelt was letting this cold in, and it would be a while before he was comfortably warm.
"Oy! Pantherpaw!" someone called to him. He turned to see Flareflower, a pretty, fiery red tabby with amber eyes, bounding towards him. "Where's Hawkpelt? And your freshkill?"
"Huh? Oh...I didn't catch any." Pantherpaw barely managed to duck a swat from the fiery-tempered Flareflower's claw.
"You mousebrain!" she spat, obviously as peeved as Hawkpelt had been that his hunting skills had taken such a tremendous dive.
"I...have a bellyache," Pantherpaw replied feebly. Flareflower shook her head.
"Pantherpaw...go get something from Silverstream, then. But when you get back, go out hunting again. The Clan needs all the freshkill it can get."
Pantherpaw ducked his head embarrassedly and padded towards the medicine cat den.
"Pantherpaw? Oh, there you are! I was waiting for - wait, where's Hawkpelt?"
"Still hunting," Pantherpaw replied, carefully avoiding why as he emerged into the medicine cat clearing. Silverstream was arranging some of her herbs in front of her.
There were many pretty she-cats in his Clan, but Silverstream was a true beauty. She was blue-gray with white stripes running off her back in the familiar tabby fashion, with pretty gray eyes.
"Ah. Good ol' Hawkpelt. So, what is it?"
"Bellyache," Pantherpaw replied shortly. All he wanted to do was get away from the camp and it's scolding. Silverstream nodded, seeming to understand his wish, and slipped into her den, reappearing with a few stalks of clover.
"Eat these," she commanded. Gratefully, the apprentice did so. "And would you give some borage to Littlerock? She seems to be running dry. I heard her poor kits mewling from outside the nursery. I hope this famine will be over soon..."
"Famine?" Pantherpaw asked in reply, promptly recieving a swat on the ear.
"Yes, a famine, you mousebrain! Hadn't you noticed?" Silverstream hissed. Why was everyone getting so uncharacteristically mad at him?
"Er, no..." He barely ducked Silverstream's swat this time.
"You toms! Get out of my clearing!" she told him. However, he could hear a note of teasing in her voice.
"What about the borage?"
"Oh yes, take that," she replied, nudging the leaves towards him. Pantherpaw grabbed them in his jaws and quickly escaped.
In the camp once more, the bumbling black-furred apprentice trotted quickly to the nursery. He ducked inside the bramble hollow gratefully, for it was sheltered from the cold and the sweet scent of milk mixed with that of the leaves.
"Littlerock?" he called timidly, not wanting to break the peace of the nursery that was so seldom found in the forest.
"Pantherpaw? Over here," a voice called. He turned to see a pale, small nursing queen in the corner. She pulled one of the kits, a smoky gray tom, closer to her belly. Another kit was crying hungrily by her cheek. She licked it's head softly, murmuring, "Ther there, little one, you will get your turn." At this particular angle, her two different colored eyes were clear to see. One was orange and the other blue.
Pantherpaw's heart plummeted. She didn't even have enough milk to feed her two kits at once. "Silverstream told me to give you some borage," he reported sadly, placing the herbs in front of her. Littlerock nodded and chewed on the leaves slowly.
When she finished, she touched her nose to his. "Thank you, Pantherpaw. Maybe my crying kits will be able to feed both at once now." Pantherpaw nodded in return, stepping back out into the chill breeze of the camp.
It was then that he noticed what Silverstream meant. Most of the cats in the clearing did not look as plump as they should be at this time of year.
This made him feel even worse about not catching anything.
Okay Pantherpaw! Get out there and catch more prey than everyone else combined! he told himself confidently, bounding back into the leaf-fall tainted forest.

Sabriel Phoenix

Rainbow Cultist


Zen Gentleman Lifeguard

PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:21 pm


He propped his feet up on the desk and took a neatly folded hankerchief from his pocket.

Damn, it's too hot, he thought always sweating like a pig in this office.

He lifted his arm and looked at where his holster had been sitting underneath his armpit.

His face showed disgust.

He angled the fan sitting on a side table a little closer so that it blew directly on his face and rolled his shirt sleeves up a little more.
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:25 pm



It was sunny enough in Paris to make Taelia's eyes burn. Her pale skin contrasted almost inhumanly against her black corset. Her gray hair swished in the wind and people looked only to see a young face. She saw a church steeple in the distance, and headed towards that direction. Her eyes had a red tint to them, and she was feeling slightly vicious. "I wonder where I can get a good, rare steak..." Taelia mumbled to herself.

When she finally made it to the church, she turned even more severe. She stepped into the confessional and closed the door tightly. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned," she began, her eyes squinting. He didn't say anything, and she decided that she should go into action. Ripping off the screen that separated them, she pounced on the priest and sunk her teeth in his neck, all movements silent. He died with his skin sticking onto his skin, his eyes open and his pupil locked onto the ceiling. Taelia wiped her mouth and exited the confessional; then she made her way out of the whole church, glad that she got it over with. She smiled as she heard the scream of terrified people who walked into the confessional and saw the
dead priest. She wouldn't be thirsty for a while now.

Teh Queen of Nerds


Sabriel Phoenix

Rainbow Cultist

PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:36 pm


Zen Gentleman: You need to work with your paragraph structure a little more. also, you overuse pronouns. Try something like "the man" or other things along those lines.

[PANIC!] of the NerDs': Interesting. o_O It's grammatically correct, but I'm not big for vampires. xD

Quote:
He died with his skin sticking onto his skin


That bit confused me, though. >_<
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