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 Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:34 pm
I've had depression for the past few months following a seizure I had over the summer, due mainly to chemical imbalances that occur in the brain following that kind of thing, which sucks because there's no real reason behind it besides it being biological. But it's almost been six months since it happened, which will take me out of the 'high-risk' zone for having another seizure (woop.) The longer it's been since it happened the more it's eased up on me. Having a seizure is weird enough s**t in itself, ******** makes you question your existence in this consciousness. At least it did for me. But I've come to terms since then for the most part cool as far as life goes, you just gotta roll with the punches
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Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 6:56 pm
Dusty-Boy So I've decided to write this, this is a little thread to simply ask "Why" give me a good reason. The reason why is not to say "It get's better" it's to get you to understand that it's not that bad. I'm going through hell right now personally, and my only real means to escape it is to risk going to the hell of war... being 20 and in the debt cycle sucks balls. but i don't sit down and cry, I just look to fix it. Life isn't bad unless you keep going in those bad areas and let yourself succumb to them. much of your depression is an illusion that has been brought on you by fixating on something you had to come to terms with. something that isn't good or bad, it just is. But you are told it's bad by those who can't even do basic empathizing. ******** them, really. Do they matter? no. You just move on forward through life, get a job, get a degree, get a career. Get a lover, get a spouse, get a ******** house. Don't get a razor or a pill, and don't touch that gun if it's not for protection, sport. or hunting. Because that one pull of the trigger changes who the bad guys are. Because if you really want people to look at you rightly, and to remember you, or not hate you, you'll just keep walking. And if you think you are s**t, think of all the people you leave behind crying, that's the definition of a bad person. Be like me, be like countless others in all aspects of life, be them gay or straight, black or white, or just have some other issue. most people have bad patches in their lives, if you can get through this with a lesson in hand then you are all great. if people hate you for who you are... then what do they matter. if they physically attempt to bring harm to you, then fight them off and bring it up to someone. because ******** them, they aren't worth anything to anyone but trouble. just keep moving, keep going towards the future and loving the present. If something occurs that isn't quite so pleasant, then walk away. Someone sideswiped me yesterday on my way to class. I shook hands with her and we went our separate ways. someone told me i'll never be an officer, I told him "You probably wont see, but I don't really give a damned what you think" make yourself happy, don't do things that will intentionally bring negative things on others... just do what you want to be happy and have only restrictions based on your own morality. Be smart, not emotional. be free You wanna know why? I’ll tell you my reason.
I thought of suicide because I had no purpose. I had not defined myself existentially, and I was too young to realize that life was full of so much more… If I wasn’t enjoying life, why would I want to continue with it? If this is so bad, anything else would be better.
It’s true, I was fixated--- am fixated on something. Sure, there is always the promise of do want you want, be yourself, be who you are, do what you like, etc., etc., etc. But really, life is your will and everyone else’s combined. If you are to be someone in life, just enjoying it won’t do the trick. Enjoying life will help no doubt, but it won’t solve the problem.
Life is a gift, and you were given it. You can do what you want with it. End it, if you will. But why would you? If everything is so bad for you, why not try something else, something new? Life is an individual thing, and you use it as you see fit. Use it well. Use it wisely. Put it to use, now that you have it. This is reality, and a slice of opinion.
There is a question remaining, though… How do I get un-fixed on something? I know this is a matter of willpower, but I need a reason to do so. The fact that it’s not good for me, because I somehow think I’m just going the easy way out by ignoring some things I hold dear.
By the way, I think it's great you made this post.
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:51 pm
Geezus, I am so happy you made this post.
People who consider suicide don't really make sense to me...there's too many what-ifs. What if there's nothing afterward? What if it all turns out to nothing? What if it gets WORSE?
What if you could change it all?
And even if there is something, you're leaving behind a chance here. People crying in your wake, a lonely could've-been lover waiting for someone who's gone, a chance. Someone else would trade you for your life, I promise you. Some starving child or someone less fortunate would gladly take your place and use that life. You make your life- you make yourself. You make who you are, as much as you can control. You can change your life if you put your mind to it.
You can still salvage your life, no matter how bad it's gotten, because you can change yourself- and that's what YOUR LIFE is about. You.
Sorry about the rant, just had to let that out!
I'm sorry for all of you who are considering/have considered suicide. Talk it out with someone, remember that it's your life. Please don't throw away a chance.
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:18 pm
I want to address three points in particular: Quote: What if there's nothing afterward? What if it all turns out to nothing? Not everyone believes in an afterlife, you know. For many people who are contemplating ending their lives, the idea of "nothing" is just dandy. Quote: People who consider suicide don't really make sense to me Hmm. If this is the case, why should anyone who is or has been suicidal listen to anything you have to say? I don't mean to offend, but...you can't relate, or apparently even empathize, so how relevant is your advice? razz You obviously mean well, and that's sweet, but spouting feel-good platitudes in between layers of guilt-trip isn't going to be very effective. Quote: Some starving child or someone less fortunate would gladly take your place and use that life. There is always someone less fortunate. How exactly does knowing this fact cure a mental illness, or provide a solution to the sort of problems that lead to suicide? Statements like these are extremely unhelpful.
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:37 pm
Taeryyn I want to address three points in particular: Quote: What if there's nothing afterward? What if it all turns out to nothing? Not everyone believes in an afterlife, you know. For many people who are contemplating ending their lives, the idea of "nothing" is just dandy. Quote: People who consider suicide don't really make sense to me Hmm. If this is the case, why should anyone who is or has been suicidal listen to anything you have to say? I don't mean to offend, but...you can't relate, or apparently even empathize, so how relevant is your advice? razz You obviously mean well, and that's sweet, but spouting feel-good platitudes in between layers of guilt-trip isn't going to be very effective. Quote: Some starving child or someone less fortunate would gladly take your place and use that life. There is always someone less fortunate. How exactly does knowing this fact cure a mental illness, or provide a solution to the sort of problems that lead to suicide? Statements like these are extremely unhelpful.
If I could tip this post, I would.
Knowing people are worse off can sometimes put things in perspective and other times, it simply doesn't do anything. Knowing starving children are out there don't fix what problems I may have and switching places is impossible.
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:44 pm
Lady Kayura Taeryyn I want to address three points in particular: Quote: What if there's nothing afterward? What if it all turns out to nothing? Not everyone believes in an afterlife, you know. For many people who are contemplating ending their lives, the idea of "nothing" is just dandy. Quote: People who consider suicide don't really make sense to me Hmm. If this is the case, why should anyone who is or has been suicidal listen to anything you have to say? I don't mean to offend, but...you can't relate, or apparently even empathize, so how relevant is your advice? razz You obviously mean well, and that's sweet, but spouting feel-good platitudes in between layers of guilt-trip isn't going to be very effective. Quote: Some starving child or someone less fortunate would gladly take your place and use that life. There is always someone less fortunate. How exactly does knowing this fact cure a mental illness, or provide a solution to the sort of problems that lead to suicide? Statements like these are extremely unhelpful.
If I could tip this post, I would.
Knowing people are worse off can sometimes put things in perspective and other times, it simply doesn't do anything. Knowing starving children are out there don't fix what problems I may have and switching places is impossible.And to further the point in my own experiences, I've seen less fortunate people, and they WOULD want to take my place. But this doesn't help, because its not always my lot in life that makes me want to die. I'd gladly trade lives, but because I can't ending my own is the closest I'd get. And even if there isn't something past seat, that's certainty better than a lot of things I have to deal with to me.
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:22 pm
Ah, I didn't mean to sound like a douche lol It's just that there's always something you could do to make it better, so giving up just seems..I don't know. Maybe an accident could've happened, and you can't change it, but there's always someone hoping you'll stay around, even if you don't think so. As for the afterlife part, I just meant we have absolutely no idea what's over there. It could be worse, it could be better, why not stay someplace where we can control some of it? We may be in a whirlwind of a world, but we still have some choices. Sorry if I'm just making it worse X-x Apparently posting while you're half asleep isn't a good idea, who would've guessed?
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:26 pm
FoxyXNinja Ah, I didn't mean to sound like a douche lol It's just that there's always something you could do to make it better, so giving up just seems..I don't know. Maybe an accident could've happened, and you can't change it, but there's always someone hoping you'll stay around, even if you don't think so. As for the afterlife part, I just meant we have absolutely no idea what's over there. It could be worse, it could be better, why not stay someplace where we can control some of it? We may be in a whirlwind of a world, but we still have some choices. Sorry if I'm just making it worse X-x Apparently posting while you're half asleep isn't a good idea, who would've guessed? As much as we understand you're trying to help, it doesn't unless you really understand what's going on in our minds. I know you're trying to help, but it's not hittting the chords it needs to. Im sorry if it seems lik im attacking you verbally but suicide is a mental issue. The worst damage is in your mind, and unless you have truly felt it you wont be able to help much.
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:36 pm
FoxyXNinja Ah, I didn't mean to sound like a douche lol It's just that there's always something you could do to make it better, so giving up just seems..I don't know. Maybe an accident could've happened, and you can't change it, but there's always someone hoping you'll stay around, even if you don't think so. As for the afterlife part, I just meant we have absolutely no idea what's over there. It could be worse, it could be better, why not stay someplace where we can control some of it? We may be in a whirlwind of a world, but we still have some choices. Sorry if I'm just making it worse X-x Apparently posting while you're half asleep isn't a good idea, who would've guessed? No worries. I just wanted to offer a bit of perspective. Like I said, it's obvious that you meant well, and that's what's important smile I've encountered many people who've said most of the same things as you, just in different words. What they mean to say (it'll get better, I want to help, I believe in you, it could be worse, etc), and what is perceived by the person who is in crisis aren't always the same thing. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 5:17 am
FoxyXNinja It's just that there's always something you could do to make it better, so giving up just seems..I don't know.
See, comments like this just rub me the wrong way. Always something to make it better is as useless as saying it will get better. It doesn't actually have to get better. In fact, things could get worse.
And since you don't know my situation as detailed as I do (or anyone else's situation) how do you know it'll get better? You don't.
I work at a cancer hospital and there is one thing that good nurses/doctors/staff do NOT say to the patients. You never tell them that things will get better or they'll be okay because sometimes that simply doesn't happen. And to tell someone in a critical moment "you'll be okay" could very well be a lie to them.
And that's kind of how I see the original statement about things getting better. There's no guarantee that things will get better. So if you say that, and you're wrong, then what? I see that as a lie.
Could things get better? Yes, they could. But they could also get worse.
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 8:13 am
Lady Kayura FoxyXNinja It's just that there's always something you could do to make it better, so giving up just seems..I don't know.
See, comments like this just rub me the wrong way. Always something to make it better is as useless as saying it will get better. It doesn't actually have to get better. In fact, things could get worse.
And since you don't know my situation as detailed as I do (or anyone else's situation) how do you know it'll get better? You don't.
I work at a cancer hospital and there is one thing that good nurses/doctors/staff do NOT say to the patients. You never tell them that things will get better or they'll be okay because sometimes that simply doesn't happen. And to tell someone in a critical moment "you'll be okay" could very well be a lie to them.
And that's kind of how I see the original statement about things getting better. There's no guarantee that things will get better. So if you say that, and you're wrong, then what? I see that as a lie.
Could things get better? Yes, they could. But they could also get worse.
It seems especially wrong to me to tell someone that 'it will get better' when you don't know all the intimate details. You don't know how rough they have it, and you don't know exactly what it is that they're going through. It's not fair to say to someone that 'it will get better,' especially if their situation ends up getting worse.
Bottom line, there isn't always something that you can do to make it better.
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 10:15 am
No matter how hard someone tries to explain things to you to make you understand how they feel, it's simply never going to happen. Until you feel that pain, until you know what it feels like to be cornered, alone, and broken - you will never understand why. Making it seem like it is our fault and it is all in our head only further proves ignorance in the matter (not trying to be rude), especially if mental illness is involved. I personally did my time to get better, but not everyone is as lucky as I was to have someone save them, and unfortunately in today's society most people simply don't have the resources - no matter how hard they work at obtaining them. If it becomes about self-control and willingness to keep trying, then at that point you have to try and understand (at least) that not everyone is capable of seeing the light beyond all the pain and hopelessness.
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:32 pm
Sometimes ppl just bully me n Gaia. They stalk me, they put me down. They just don't listen and are nice, so I say, "so". Ignore them, and that'll drive them MAD. Bwahahahahah.
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 5:28 pm
I plan to kill myself around the age 35, I'm bored the enough with life as is to to jump from a beige but theres none near by so ill give this whole living thing 10 years to show me something truly worth while, if not the least i an do is leave a massive mess and/or take a few other with me to see what happens next
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Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:21 pm
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Reply
