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 Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:44 pm
Journal 4 December 2009
So back again to the journal just because it can help me get ideas down. It doesn’t really help all the time and most of the time I don’t need it, but sometimes it’s nice to write in here when I can’t ******** think. So when I was sick I imagined the shadows or something. I get that now. But there’s no way I imagined that world. Is that where Shanna – where everyone she helped went when they died?
And how did I get there? Or back? To get there…I was almost impaled. To come back…I almost starved.
Do I have to almost die all the time? Or is there more to it. I wish I had some ******** answers. I’m kind of afraid to go or to try to go back. I mean what if I can’t figure out how to get back? But then again, whenever I’m not expecting it, something makes me think about it. Something makes me want to know more. Shanna said I was alive. My body was there. So as long as I’m full when I go there, I should be okay. But how do I even get there.
----
I’m scared shitless, but I want to try to go back. I just don’t know how. When I went there last time it was because I almost died. Maybe I need to almost die to go there and then again to come back. I’m afraid, but I want to try. I want to go back.
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Posted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:45 pm
Rapidashtrainer A delivery for Lucia!  Quote: To Lucia, Merry Christmas Lucia! This little stuffed toy reminds me of you. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas! From, Xiu.
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Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 7:00 pm
 Back to the Future Spirit WorldWho: Domevlo, Xan, Yuurei, Lucia Where: Barton Center When: Just after nightfall Weather: Cold and cloudy but no snow yet Lucia convinces Domo to help her go back to the spirit world as Xan and Yuurei ice skate. For the raevans it's all Christmas Lights and Death.
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Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 9:57 pm
Back Again Lucia’s long eyelashes fluttered and she let out the breath she had been holding. The virus was gone, but she still managed to get back. She hadn’t even felt the impact of the car against her body. Had she been hit? Was she alive or just a soul? The frei bit her lower lip and pinched the skin of her right hand with her nails. The sharp pain made her release her hold quickly. She wouldn’t have felt pain if she was dead. Lucia was sure that Shanna had said something like that last time the cat had been here.
Shanna! The cat looked around, actually able to take in the area more this time, but not seeing the girl anywhere. The trees were all birch – their white bark contrasting greatly with the dark sky. The three moons above her head were each slightly advanced from her first visit. Lucia landed in a different area this time: the shrine and wall full of doorways was right in front of her. The frei smiled, remembering which doorway she was led through.
Lucia’s head whipped around and she felt her body convulse in a jump as a shrill shriek went through the air. ”Holy s**t!” she had forgotten about them. Why were those people in there? Her purple eyes stared into the darkness of the cave, trying to penetrate the blackness she saw there. What was going on?”Oh! You’re back!” Shanna smiled as Lucia jumped once again. ”Sorry! Didn’t mean to frighten you. When you disappeared, I figured you got back okay.” The brown eyes were warm and calm. The moans from the closest cave were so natural that she didn’t even hear them anymore. Why had the raevan come back again? At least she was okay. ”Shanna! I was going to look for you!” the cat replied after being scared to life twice in a row. Purple eyes flicked to the spirit’s face and a smile played on her lips. ”I’m still alive…right?” she asked holding her breath. When Shanna nodded, Lucia let her breath out in a large long sigh and smiled at the soul.
So how had she come here? She though she was going to die…again. But even then she had still seen the headlights approaching. Then she didn’t want to die. But still the headlights came closer. Then she held her breath and knew she would die. And there was nothing she could do, but it would be okay. Maybe…just maybe, that was how to get here. She looked up, coming back to her present and smiled sheepishly. ”Sorry, just thinking” she said to Shanna.
The cat’s purple eyes flicked back to the cave, but before she could ask about them, she was interrupted. ”So is your wrist okay?” Lucia’s grin faded as she looked at her still splinted wrist. Her little run-in with Prajna required another hospital visit with Dr. Proto and another 4 weeks on her splint. The splint was supposed to come off soon as long as she didn’t screw it up anymore. ”It’s fine,” she said dismissively. Her wrist would heal with no problem.
Floating up, she wrapped her arms around Shanna in a hug. ”I don’t know how long I can stay. The guy who made me said that when I was sick – when I cam here last time I mean, I had some extra strength. But show me around! I want to know more about this place!” The frei slipped her hand into the crook of Shanna’s elbow and hugged the arm closely to herself.
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Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 9:58 pm
Shanna led Lucia over towards the wall of doorways. Lucia was still overwhelmed and taking in this current environment. The ground was mostly hard packed dirt and rocks. All around were white birch tree trunks that went very high up and ended in leafless branches. The forest they were obviously in was fairly spaced out and Lucia could see to the mountain from all places she had yet adventured in this world. The mountainside had dark caves where the screams originated.
The stone wall went up three stories with empty doorway cutouts fairly evenly spaced apart. Lucia knew, though, that those cutaway weren’t just natural decay of stone. Nor if one ventured through a doorway would she arrive at the back of the wall. The sky, every time Lucia had come thus far, had been in a perpetual state of night. ”Well the Woods is where everyone shows up. Sometimes people from the doorways greet them and other times people from the caves do. It kinda depends on who they knew and what they did. That type of thing. It’s not heaven and hell like in Christian religions.” Shanna looked at the wall of doors and a smile played on her lips. ”This is the Wall of Doors.” She examined each of the doors, looking way up high to the third level where she couldn’t reach. ”So far as I can tell, the doorways go different places. The one we went through last time goes into the Halls. My Nana met me here once you helped me see my brother. She took me through that door” she pointed at the one they went through last time, ”and I got to see my Papa and Uncle Ralph.” She walked towards the doorway on the far right. ”This one goes to the ancients. We’re not supposed to sneak into other doorways, but I did once. I went there and met tons of people from Greek and Roman times. It was pretty cool.”
Lucia nodded, taking it all in. She was beginning to feel tired already. The power boost from the virus was gone. ”I’ll be back soon, but I need to figure out to get home. I have to –“ The cat took a deep breath and smiled at Shanna. ”I’ll see you later?” ”Sure! Have a good trip home.”
Lucia took another deep breath. Last time she had almost died to get home. Just like she had almost died to get her. But there had to be more to it than that. Lucia had it in her mind that facing and accepting and not fearing death was how to get to this world. So what would be the opposite of that to get back? Fear of death didn’t make sense. What about fear of life? No. Desire to live? When she was dying here before, all she wanted was to live. Maybe that was it. Lucia closed her eyes and her world went black. She pictured herself in the pet cemetery in her back yard. She wanted to be there. She wanted to live.
-----
Before she opened her eyes Lucia could feel the chill of the wind. She could smell the rotting leaves and the winter smell. Pine, dampness. Shivering, Lucia opened her eyes and a smile played across her lips. She was home.
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Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 9:59 pm
Journal Entry: December 17
I got there and back again. Again. Yuurei was pissed that I left. And that I didn't tell her everything. It seemed Domo told her about what happened. She knows I go to the spirt world. I had to tell her a bit about it. But she only knows I can go there. Nothing else. And I called Domo so he knows I'm okay.
I guess I kind of figured out how to get there and home. Accept death -- or something -- and want to live. Pretty basic. I want to know more about it. More about the doors. More about the caves. What did those people do that made it so they had to be kept away from everyone else?
I almost forgot to mention. It seems I did well taking care of my arm because we went to the hospital today and I got the splint off! I was so psyched. My arm feels a little weird because I didn't get to touch it for so long, but I'm excited to be able to stop wearing the weird sleeves. I don't know how Meli deals with them.
Ugh. Sammy is in here. I guess I'll get back to this.
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Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2009 10:00 pm
Playing the Feet Do you have your license?Who: Eiry and Lucia Where: The Deleran House and the road When: Afternoon Eiry and Lucia have to rescue Isi! So they decide to DRIVE?! Hopefully there will be no screeching siren and stern voice asking, Do you have your license?.
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Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:01 pm
I like Eiry and how he speaks. Heathcliff canNOT drive though. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:59 pm
Lifting the Veil (Un)Like a FairytaleWho: Rivener and Lucia Where: Yuurei’s house When: Midafternoon Weather: Snowing light soft snowflakes that melt as soon as they touch anything The set up was perfect. Lucia was having Rivener over for what could amount to a very romantic evening. But what happened was just so (Un)Like a Fairytale.
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 2:00 pm
Lucia slept. She didn't know what else to do. The gift she had given Rivener was still in her home, but was hidden in the back of her closet. She didn't know what to do. She still cared for him...
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Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 2:49 pm
 Romping Rolling New Years Eve PartyWho: ORP Where: Gambino, Shade Residence. When: Around 7pm. Weather: Cold, crisp, clear night. Might be a bit of snow on the ground as well. Lucia sees Delia and Vyn at Ebony's party!
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Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 2:21 pm
Lucia didn’t know how she felt about that. She thought about what she’d leave behind. Yuurei. Rivener. Vyn. Zul. Pasha. Delia. Lucia shook her head. She didn’t want that to happen. But she knew what happened after someone died. She knew Shanna was okay. She knew she was with her family. She knew that Shanna was okay.
Her eyes flicked to her closed door where Sammy was scratching at it from the other side. If she died, she’d be fine. She’d just have to wait until her friends could join her. Lucia smiled. Dying wouldn’t be that bad. Whenever she died, she could handle it.
Suddenly, her world transformed and Lucia “sitting” on a tree stump by the Wall of Doors. A smile flickered across her face. Now, before she was too tired, Lucia floated up. She wanted to explore some of those doors. The frei wondered what was behind the doors, especially those way up on the third level. Going through the doorway on the right, Lucia floated, not to the other side of the forest, but to a field like those in the normal world, but with three suns, all giving off a varying degree of light. There were endless rolling hills covered with green grass and lakes with fresh water.
All around her were animals. Far to her right was a closed door, in the middle of the field, that lead to another area. Behind her was the open doorway she came, though, but she could float all around it. This section of the hall was full of dogs of all sorts. One small puppy streaked by her as Lucia floated further into the hall. She was looking at the different packs of animals and a smile spread across her face. They seemed so happy. Lucia floated over to a pretty husky with sky blue orbs and reached out to pet him. Stroking his hair Lucia sighed contentedly as the dog nuzzled into her. The same puppy streaked by running the other way. The Kitten watched the dog’s small legs as they seemed to move incredibly fast.
The frei floated down to one of the lakes and saw some Labradors swimming in the water. The puppy streaked past again, going at a ridiculous speed. Lucia smiled, enjoying the exuberance of the dog that seemed to almost be following her. Lucia floated above the water and reached down to pet one of the Labs. ”Ah!” she cried out as her hand went right through the dog’s head. Like when Eiry floated through her. Like when Shanna’s hand couldn’t touch her.
Turning around Lucia saw the puppy streaking towards her again. Getting a better look at it, the baby dog, she realized, was a young German Shepherd. The puppy was running straight towards her. ”You’re gonna get wet!” she called out to it with a smile. Lucia’s eyes widened in surprise as, at the edge of the lake, the Shepherd kept running and, instead of running down the slope into the water, he ran on top of the water, across the lake and directly towards her.
I guess Jesus isn’t the only one who can walk on water she thought as she opened her arms, ready for the Shepherd to jump at her chest and into her arms. The dog jumped, leaving not even a ripple in the water. Lucia braced herself for the pounce, but rather than hitting her, the puppy went into her. And didn’t leave.
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Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 9:02 pm
The frei grinned brightly, more wide than she typically did. She flexed her fingers. Bent her elbows, moved her shoulders, and titled her head. This is different. No legs. No tail. But it could be fun!!! I still have cool ears! The kitten zoomed off, over the water, up the hill. Wow! There’s no legs, but there’s also no friction. It’s fun! Fuuuuuun! The frei zoomed high into the air as she spun in spirals. The entire time the atypical grin was splayed on her face. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD!!! THIS IS HIGH!!! What the hell?! I’m not doing this! WHY CAN’T I CONTROL MY BODY!!! Lucia floated above the field and then dove down skimming the lake water and then diving swiftly into the cold lake. This is water. I bet I can actually drink it in this body. Lucia’s mouth opened letting in the cold water Lucia’s mind, on the other hand, was screaming. Noooooo. I hate water! I hate water! Ihatewater! Ihatewaterihatewaterihatewater. Wait. This body is alive?! I’m alive again?! I’m alive! I wanna live!Lucia was suddenly in another world. It was night. But it wasn’t normal. It wasn’t where Lucia would have taken herself if she could control where she was when she got back to the living realm. Oh wow! This is amazing! I haven’t done this since I died! Lucia rolled around in the restaurant dumpster full of old food, wet splushing sounds with every movement, and bags of trash. Neck deep in something that smelled and felt like a mix between chicken soup, clam chowder, and spaghetti with sauce, Lucia’s mess of dark hair, only half out of the gook helped her blend into the dark. The kitten felt squashed. Not because of the grossness of the dumpster. Well, not only because of the grossness. She was being pushed out of the way, blocked by a stronger object. She could see everything, hear everything, feel everything, smell everything, but she had no control about what she did. Occasionally, there would be a high-pitched, quickly delivered thought that wasn’t her own. Whoever, whatever was making this thought had control of her body, her actions, her everything. She didn’t know what was worse: this squashed feeling accompanied by the loss of control, or her location. Ewwwwwwwwww!! This is so gross! So gross! GIVE ME MY BODY BACK!!Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! The puppy’s spirit, now controlling the frei’s body had heard Lucia too. Come on! Come on! Let me play! I’m gonna play. Lucia’s body fully submerged in the dumpster and, eyes closed the whole time, she licked her lips. Oh. Yesssss. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Shush up! Shush up! You live all the time. Let me enjoyyy this.----- Lucia was thoroughly disgusted before she managed to get the puppy to take her home. She had licked things she couldn’t imagine. She didn’t know what half of it was. Some mixture of sauces. A combination of juices and milk. If the girl had control of her body she would have gagged. It’s right here. Lucia stopped in front of her house. She was covered head-to-toe in nastyness. Some sort of foul smell was radiating from her that could only be that of garbage and vomit mixed together. Yuurei looked up as the front door opened. Leaning back on the couch, she saw Lucia floating through the door. ”Wow! What did you get into?” She was a mess! Normally the frei was spotless. She was a little OCD about dirt. Now Lucia was covered in something. And reeked. Lucia glanced up, a broad grin on her face. Ooo who’s that?! She smells good! That’s Yuu, my guardian. Please tell her what’s going on so she can fix this! Oh, Shush up! Shush up! Let me have my fun. ”Hi Yuuuuuu!!! Hi Yuu! I found the most amaaaaaaazing place earlier. But I gotta get cleaned up now. I’m going to go take a bath.” He spun her body in a circle of excitement. The blonde’s eyebrows raised. Lucia wasn’t acting like herself. She was covered in s**t, super energetic, nice to her, and she wanted a bath. Lucia never bathed in the traditional sense. She didn’t lick herself clean, but she insisted on giving herself sponge baths and referred to it as her cleansing. She never fully submerged herself in water. She would wash her hair, but it was over the tub with the shower hose. Oh well. Maybe it was a new year’s resolution to act more normal. ”Okay. Have fun!” She turned back to the television that was blaring some movie. You TWIT! You can’t tell this isn’t me?! What the ********> Lucia was squashed into the back of her mind and was unable to control her actions. She was sickened by what that animal was making her do. And Yuurei said to have fun. Christ. Lucia floated upstairs, past the green guest bedroom, and directly into the bathroom. She turned the water on cold full blast and plugged up the tub. Not MORE water?! But hey! Not so cold! The puppy had her reach over and flick the hot water on slightly. There. Happy?! Do you have an off switch because I’m just here to play. I don’t want to hear your complaining the rest of our lives. Don’t even PRETEND this is going to go on forever!! Lucia tried to use her mind to do anything. Blink. Move a finger. Anything. But she kept being pushed back in her head and stuffed into a corner. GET OUT OF ME NOW!Shush up! Shush up! There’s not much you can do about it. Now stop fighting. When I’m done I’ll go. Until then, deal.
When the tub was full enough, he turned off the faucet and plunged her body into the water. HOLY s**t THAT’S COLD!!!! I TOLD YOU TO TURN ON THE HOT WATER!Quit complaining. Lucia laid back in the cold water, goosebumps erupting all over her skin. The gunk was sliming off of her and making the freezing water an orangey color. This is gross. At least drain the water and turn on the shower so you can get this crap off of me. Sighing the puppy flicked the switch to the drain and the water started getting lower and lower. He flicked on the shower, this time all the way hot, and floated up to be under the water and ignored Lucia’s protesting thoughts as she now complained that the water was too hot. All you do it complain. First it’s too cold. Now it’s too hot. First it’s gross, so I wash you off and then that’s gross. Deal.----- After the scalding shower, Lucia went into her room and went to bed. It had been a long day and the puppy was tired. It took her a little while to fall asleep. He was excited, picturing everything he would be able to do. Her body, on the other hand, was red and puffy, slightly cooked from the hot shower he had her take.
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Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 5:49 pm
Life as a Puppy
Day 1Lucia woke up as the sun hit her room. She bounded out of bed and floated downstairs and outside. The puppy, Marty as he had been known before he died, had big plans for today. He wanted to sniff again. He had loved to sniff. With this body he could. Where can I go where there are other dogs? Lucia was grumpy. Though her body had been sleeping, cramped in the back of her head, her mind had gotten no rest. The puppy had tuned her out enough to sleep, but Lucia felt more tired than ever. Though with that time to think, the Kitten had resolved to make the stupid dog happy so it would go back to the spirit world. Alright. Listen. If I help you find fun things to do for a full week – seven days – will you go? The puppy thought about it for a second. Seven days wasn’t much. But with Lucia’s help he could do everything he wanted. Everything he could. Okay. As long as you do your best! So where can I go where there are other dogs?
The kitten was relieved when he agreed. She would put her all into it. Just to get him out of her freaking body. I think there’s a dog park in Gambino. There’d be plenty of dogs there. Just get this over with.Lucia floated towards the bus stop, the puppy controlling her body while Lucia’s mind lead the way. Floating on the bus, Lucia coached him on the correct change and then they settled into a seat by the rear door. Wow this is great! There are lots of smells here! He had her sniff the air. He leaned her towards the nearest person, a man in a business suit with a briefcase and sniffed the air by him. His glances didn’t deter the puppy and he moved a few seats down. You can’t smell as good as I could. But this is good enough.As they approached the right stop Lucia had already been embarrassed three more times: one when Marty had floated up, spun around, and sniffed the seat where she had been resting, another when he had slipped down and sniffed the floor and even went as far as to lick something that smelled tasty – like gum with some beef and garlic in it, and lastly when it had been standing room only and Marty, relinquishing Lucia’s seat, had sniffed from person to person until Lucia was shoved into a seat. He then proceeded to smell the air at butt-level. The Kitten’s embarrassment continued at the dog park. Marty used Lucia’s body to run around: chasing the other dogs, tackling them, and being yelled at by owners. ”GET AWAY FROM MY DOG!” yelled an angry balding man as Lucia shoved her nose towards his dog’s a**s. ”Huh? Deal.”I can't believe I'm doing this.Marty continued to sniff. You smell pretty good, dog. Stupid man, he thought as the balding man grabbed his dog and left. It pretty much continued like at for the rest of the day at the dog park. Lucia would sniff, owners would yell and eventually leave with their animals. As the sun fell, Lucia tried to get Marty to leave. Come on. It’s dark! Let’s go. We can…go back on the bus. Lucia sighed internally as her body bounded back towards the bus stop.
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 11:25 pm
Life as a Puppy
Day 2Lucia woke up the next morning and the puppy immediately was excited again. ”Today I wanna fetch. Who can throw stuff?” Lucia groaned, but replied, Well I have thumbs. You can throw it and then fetch it. This day would hopefully be less eventful than yesterday’s.Marty grabbed a pink Frisbee that was at the bottom of the coat closet to fetch and Lucia told Marty how to get to the park where she and Pasha had their picnic. This day, Lucia was thankful, was much less embarrassing. She would throw the disc as far as she could – Marty’s arm got better and better as the day went on. And then Lucia’s body would go bounding after it. The sole embarrassment of the day came after one hard toss that sent the pink disc whirling across the field, over various people’s heads, past the playground and landing right before the road. Good toss ---Ahh! Lucia cried out as her head whipped back as Marty slammed her body towards the ground, bundled up and then sprinted towards the Frisbee, her hands helping propel her towards the goal.Lucia ran over a blanket set out for an intimate picnic. She knocked over the cooler sending ice and a bottle of wine tumbling down the hill. Without pause Marty ran Lucia through a game of red rover, busting through one of the walls. At the playground, she ran over the sandbox, knocking over little kids, tossing babies to the side and pouncing on the Frisbee. I DID IT!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! I am GOOOOOD!!! Grabbing the Frisbee in her mouth, Marty floated up and sauntered back through her demolished path, ignoring the screaming mothers, crying children, yelling red roverers (did she strain that kid’s wrist?), bickering couple and back to her spot. Spitting out the Frisbee, she yelled, ”OH YEAHHHHH!!!” I AM AWESOMMEEEEEE!!!If Lucia could have, she would have put her head in her hands. I can’t wait until this is over.
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