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 Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 10:16 pm
Just out of curiosity, *to both Lion and LD* are or have either of you been on a debate team in school?
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 11:05 pm
...No. I have no interest in offline debating. And besides..... Nope. Just wouldn't happen. Sorry.
-LD
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:57 pm
I was the captain of my high school's debate team. We won three debates with our neighboring schools but the teacher in charge of the debate club had to cancel the team for the year due to personal reasons and we couldn't find anyone else to support us. It was certainly fun while it lasted. I still remember the one debate that I couldn't believe my team one, it had to do with the pros and cons of abortion, we had the pros... That debate came down to tooth and nail, though I was smart enough to real back my overly enthusiastic team mates as the judging panel frowned against overly zealous debating. So I'm applying a little of the same logic here you could say, though there's no panel, I don't see any need to get into an argument.
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 6:00 pm
I respect that and won't push you two to argue, it is good when someone knows that going any further will not be of any benefit to either side.
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:53 pm
Artfully said, ShaDragon.
Love and Vale,
~LD
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:24 pm
Ok. I'm having a really hard time trying to think of what to say... And expressing myself in general right now.
First off, I'm going to admit, I've never judged the people I love. And I love a lot of people. But for me, love has always come very easily, I was never hard to reach, or anything like that. I'm caring and I know I can be naive...
But I'm also a fairly alright judge of character, because while I had no friends to speak of in real life for years (which were all the years everyone picked on me for being "fat" and a free thinker, and different, and intelligent), I've also studied people. I see personalities, and I even studied (and am restudying for Maroque) psychology and psychiatry. So I can pick out personality disorders, and disorder archetypes within a few weeks of having met a person.
I don't know where I'm going with this... I'm tired and getting lost in my own words right now.
I have this habit of seeing characters in books (or in Metalocalypse, like Toki, Nathan, Skwisgaar, Murderface, and Pickles) and seeing myself in them. I've made it a serious habit to pick out pieces of my own personality that match a character most specifically... I don't know why I ever started, but now I can't stop, I catch myself doing it all the time.
But with that, I also started to notice that I have a very unique personality in that I'm versatile, and have a lot of traits and beliefs, and even habits that are strange and unique to be seen all together in one person. And now I understand why I got picked on. When I was younger, I wouldn't speak up for myself, I just kind of let it happen. Then I started to get mad about it, and after a while I figured out how to take my emotions out of school life, and things were fine, because I basically went completely apathetic around people who seemed to think picking on me would be fun.
But the reason they must have started doing it is because of not only my intelligence, but the massive amalgamation of seemingly conflicting, and probably frightening, unique traits and habits and beliefs that I possess. Because I've always been they way I am, I'm just wiser and stronger now than I used to be. And the other children could probably sense the immense difference in my aura and the way I carried myself... And it frightened them. And the ones who didn't like to be frightened decided to try and take me down a peg, and gain control of the situation.
People either love me or they hate me. And a lot of people are afraid of me. I remember my mom told me recently that my first grade teacher was intimidated by me... I was 6 years old then. Imagine if she'd met me now.
This is why I don't have a lot of friends off of the internet. Its hard to see or feel my aura when you're only looking at words on a screen.
So, while you've been doing your study on love, I'd been forced at a young age into my study on personalities and people in general... Into observing, but never feeling I was or would be able to fit in... And now that I'm an adult, I don't care anymore. And once I finally stopped caring, I started making friends.
I just derailed my train of thought for the night... Maybe I'll make more sense in the morning.
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:37 pm
Tommy, Has anyone had a good time in school?Where to begin? I fear that we are far more similar than I ever thought possible, and I'd have half a mind to ask if you've gold skin and eyes as well, but for the fact that I've seen a picture of you, and you don't. Like you, I was picked on for being overweiht, and I defend my friends fiercely, and try to judge them as little as possible--their actions, on the other hand, are entirely subjective--I have...frightened a number of teachers, and from a very young age asked questions that they couldn't answer. The place where we differ is that I never got apathetic, just...mad. A lot. Even now, even as unfit and strange as I am, if I give someone a look they know best not to cross me. As a matter of course, though, I've become a lot more calm, and have almost stopped giving the look altogether. With that comes a lot more easy shrugs, and from that, easier smiles. Which means a happier environment, with a lot less negative tension. I used to--no, still do--occasionally put myself in people's shoes, though not for the reason I used to--like you and Lion, I used to assess others to see if they were a threat, or just for fun (even now I like to go to the mall and watch people)--but now I do it because when you put yourself in another's position, it becomes much more difficult to take offense at their words, or actions, most of the time. The rest of the time, I feel completely justified in giving someone a word or two, or a look, to rectify the situation. I don't take anything to blows anymore. And...I think you underestimate my estimation of auras. Words carry a great deal of power, Can, just as names do. Maybe more. I already see, from your literary works as well as our conversations otherwise, your style of phrasing, the way your words fall heavy onto the page, with kindness or confusion or another such emotion, and how well you can manipulate your talent to increase the power of your words. Just as I do, with mine, as they turn, like gold links in a chain, heavy with truth and personal feeling, in my poetry, and in my studies. Such as this one. And as I have stated, Tommy, you are not the only one to have such a difference to you, nor the only one to frighten some people. The real trick is learning how to make that gift of yours warm and welcoming as arms outstretched, to make the truth of you resound. And what better way to do that than with Love, and a passion for Life? Love and Vale, ~Leavaros Dapple P. S. I've another Entry in my Journal if anyone's interested. Feel encouraged to look, and to comment. This one is " On Love and the Self".
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 7:03 am
Haha... I don't tan, either... I burn like the Irish. Its really funny, because regardless, when the burn fades, I still have pale white skin, like a ghost.
I'm Polish-Ukranian-Italian-Swedish, so I have Russo-Scandinavian blood, which explains the pale skin and pale blue eyes, and I also have the large Italian frame.
I love how now its a terrible thing to be overweight, but back in Rome and ancient Grecco-Thracian Europe, it was a good thing, and a sign of wealth... An appearance that one was once revered for is now one that gets them belittled and stared at.
I also love that in a place of learning, my mother was told that I was too smart, and needed to be put on drugs... She fought that tooth and nail.
I only became apathetic to those who wanted to hurt me, because getting mad never helped anything. The thing with bullies is that the more you react, the more they pick on you. And as soon as I figured that out, I stopped reacting all together. Although there were times when that didn't work on its own and I had to break faces... I don't enjoy breaking faces.
Which is weird, because I love to spar, and I can sword fight, and I can use a staff, and Sai's, and other weapons... I'm even an okay shot with a bow and aarows... Not to mention the air pellet gun my mom bought... So its funny.
Its possible to underestimate someones estimation? Huh. Well, anyways, there are a lot of people who aren't like you, who can't read aura and emotion on a computer screen... My bible is a dictionary, and my vocabulary is pretty vast, so I'm never at a loss for words when I'm trying to express myself... Its just deciding which words to use that sometimes slows me down.
I knew I'm not the only one who's different in my way. I merely meant to state that those who are like me are few and far between... I was just so tired last night I couldn't think of what I was saying properly.
You switched from my avatar name to my real name and back again, by the way... Wasn't sure if that was on purpose or not...
Anyways, my dad is kicked me off, so I'll stop here.
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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:06 pm
Geez, Tommy, give me some ammo here! scream rolleyes smile
Yes, early Europe did favor heavyset people, because so many people were so poor they couldn't even afford food (And the same thing led to a mineral deficiency in Romans which left them several inchesc shirter on average than the average today.)
I had no problem with breaking faces, back then. It wasn't...a good time for me.
That's so cool! I'm terrible with all weapons but the pen, and in that, I'm very experienced and rather dangerous.
Haha, my bible is the Thesaurus! So together, what can't we do?
I'll never tell if it was on purpose or not, but will remark on how very odd it would be to edit a post twice and still miss a typo with a capitalized letter....
Love and Vale,
-LD
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 5:13 pm
sweatdrop whee heart
Mm, Romans are taller now that they can afford better (more) food, yes. My father's Italian half of the family is from around there. (One of my mothers grandparents was straight from Kiev, too! Go me and really important / historical places in Europe!)
Oh, I used to adore breaking faces... I went through a very dark time in my youth. I love to spar, and I love to use weapons, but I don't like hurting people anymore. I'm a lot less physically violent and a lot more psychologically sadistic now.
Heehee, Dictionary and Thesaurus! We're unstoppable! twisted heart
It would indeed be very strange to edit a post twice and not find a capitalized typo, yes.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 10:55 pm
Psycologically sadistic...? Tommy, you're too sweet to say things like that, really.
Love and Vale,
-LD
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 11:06 pm
I'm not kidding, Lea. When someone's hurting my feelings, and I know they're doing it on purpose, I can really twist what they're saying, and I can tear down their entire mind, slowly, and painfully. I taught myself to do that, instead of hit. It's far more effective, and does long-term damage.
I did that once to a girl who was calling me fat and disgusting, and didn't even know me, and was laughing because my stomach moved the same way as my boobs. What a mean girl. I broke her mind, I think... Made her start crying.
I'm not someone to pick on anymore. I can literally break someones brain, if they hurt me enough.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 11:19 pm
...I'm sorry, Tommy. You know...I was teased too, for that very reason. But nothing good ever comes of tearing someone else down, no matter how right it must seem at the time. And even though I can't blame you for that, because I can imagine myself doing the very same thing...
I can't help but try to smile at that, because if you can smile in the face of that kind of adversity, if you can smile, that sad, little forgiving smile that tells them that they can't hurt you, that they haven't hurt you, that their insults will always fall short of their goal, than you can really put an end to their reign of terror. And you wouldn't be giving them any ammo back.
In the end, that's all we can really do--expose the old pains like popping a boil and letting the puss run out. And forgive, where it would be easier to hold a grudge. And that pain, that pain that sears like fire as the sick flesh opens--that is a cleansing pain, and the benifits far outweigh the costs.
Love and Vale,
~Leavaros Dapple
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 3:11 pm
I haven't done (or had to do) it for a very long time, Lea. But I understand what you mean.
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 6:38 pm
And for that, Tommy, I'm very glad.
-LD
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