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 Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 3:16 pm
Well... this seems to step from another anime.... so I'm already not pleased with it, but lets see what I can do.
"Body adapted to heat"- what would that allow one to do?
"May consume heat to gain back strength"- What are the rules that this follows?
"Incredible Strength and Endurance"- What does that mean, exactly?
"Constant Use of Dragon Slayer Attacks Depletes Chakra Rapidly"-At what rate, and elaborate.
"Has Transportation issues"- What does that mean?
"The ability to produce fire anywhere on his body, or all over his body"- This cannot be a random skill, such a thing would need to consume chakra
jutsu
Dragons roar- This doesn't seem any different from half the fire jutsu already used.
Dragon's Wing attack- That doesn't make sense, explain how that works...
Dragon's Sword Edge- explain how this works. How does lighting myself on fire send people into the air?
Dragon's Gleaming Flame-I do not understand how this functions
Dragon's Flame elbow- This is a funny one, define "tremendously"
Dragon's Crushing Fang- Does this somehow allow him to auto hit if already touching a person?
Dragon's Fist- You cannot throw multiple punches in a post and say each has hit, which is what such a thing suggests. A punch also will not cause any sort of "fiery explosion", and certainly not multiple ones.
Dragon's Red Lotus Exploding Blade- Where do the blades come from?
Dragon Force- I want a real number on how powerful one gets. Can be held for 6 posts, then your out on the next. You can stay in longer- up to ten. But if you stay in longer than 6, your dead. I don't want something that is supposedly this powerful.
Make improvements and better explanations and perhaps it will be accepted.
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:04 pm
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:30 pm
Well half the things i asked for weren't talked about. You really didnt elaborate at all on the things thats i had questions about. The consume heat means what? You consume A rank katon and gain A rank chakra? Because that would need to be limited. Look back at the jutsu I've questioned and try again, this time more than comic book action sequences, if ya'd be so kind. My questions weren't really answered.
I want to know game play functions of things.
And for the dragon force one... i want to know the limits of the strength gains thing. How strong do you really get?
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:55 pm
Pic: Clan Crest/Symbol:Appearance.Name:Yottsu-Ude Vector of the Mikitali Clan.Description:A clan created in a medical experiment. In years long ago when the medical field was just beginning to advance a small group of scientists began to do their own experiments underground without permission from any of the great 5 nations. Innocents from all 5 nations were taken and used as lab rats. No one ever knew of the experiments that went on for many years, more then half of the innocents taken had died. Many different kinds of experiments had taken place, many failed and very few succeeded. During one of the experiments a man tried to make an escape and he did manage to get out of the grip of the scientists and he made a run for it. The experiment he was part of was incomplete and unstable. During his attempted escape he ran into another unfinished experiment, chemicals herbs and other experimental contents had fallen onto the man causing multiple reactions, in the end he fell into comatose. Weeks later it was discovered that an unusual emerald green diamond like X appeared on his back between his shoulder blades, generally where an angels wings would be. It seemed that the reaction with the other experiment had created a metamorphosis inside the body of the man who still remained in a coma. Curious more experiments were done on him for they wanted to know what this was and what it was capable of if anything. They tried to duplicate and recreate this unusual phenomenon and managed to succeed after much bloodshed and deaths. The man in a coma, the original possessor of the Vector Arms had died as well as many others who were involved. Finally after a year the scientists would get an answer to their question by a young girl who possesses the Vector Arms, for she managed to destroy them with her newly found power and abilities. Her body changed in a way that her eyes had turned from their original eye colour shade of brown to green and four strange wire like skeletons which where the same colour extended out from her back, out of the X on her back, it was deduced that those skeletons were made of pure chakra and another surprise was that the chakra skeletons grew a transparent cover int the form of arms and hands. These were later called Vectors. With this new power the young girl destroyed and killed nearly all the scientists, her and the other innocents escaped from the underground lab. All those containing the Yottsu-Ude Vector stayed together and created their own clan which is know known as the Mikitali Clan, which was named after the original victim the the cruel experiments that went on. They built their clan within Wind Country of Sunagakure. Over the years the people of the Mikitali clan have adapted and learned all or nearly all the secretes of their power. Rules:1. All members must have Green eyes and the Green X on their back as well as Green coloured Chakra.
2. All users must be from Sunagakure, Sand Village or a tie to Sunagakure.
3. You can not have more then 4 arms, and start out with only a 4 meter reach.
4. Must have Great Chakara Control, You can not be a Medical Ninja.
5. All Users can only have 2 Elements one must include Wind/Air. It doesn't matter what class you are or what rank your can only have 2 elements. You always start off with one at the beginning.
6. You can not amputate and pass on your vectors through medical means like the Sharigan and Byakugan can, if this is attempted both users die. Strengths:*Extended Reach makes them great for Mid range and Close range battle. The minimum and maximum reach for the Vectors are 4meters which is the minimum and 20meters which is the maximum length.
*Enhanced Strength, the users of the Yottsu-Ude Vector's can lift things using their Vectors that is 50x the users own weight. This does not increase their own physical strength, only the Vectors.
*Increased Chakra control and Reserves. The users chakra is relatively higher and stronger then normal, but not by much. But users of the Yottsu-Ude Vector can not become Medical ninja or expert users of Taijutsu. Also they can only master 2 elements no matter their Ninja class.
*Sharp Blade Technique. (Will Explain in Ability). This simple means that they can go against weapon users with equal advantage. Weaknesses:*Limited Reach, which means they have a disadvantage against Long range fighters as well as aerial fighters.
*Slow Healing: This only applies to the users Vectors. When an arm is cut it can be healed but it takes days even for a small cut to heal. If an arm is cut off then that arm is gone forever and their isn't anyway to get it back or create a new one. Also those of the Mikitali clan can not become Medical Ninja.
*Can cause Psychosis, meaning the user can become insane which can lead to them to become severely Homicidal or Suicidal.
*Most Members do not have a long life expectancy. Members generally don't live past the age of 38.
*Less affective Jutsu when preformed normally. Because the vectors move the chakara flow within the users body to the vector arms jutsu's that are preformed normally have less power and take longer to cast. High skill level jutsu's can not be preformed. When you cast jutsu using the vector arms, your jutsu is much stronger and takes less time but it lessens activation time. The higher the jutsu level the less activation time you have. To reactivate it'll take from 8 to 10 posts, Depending on your rank.Ability:Like most Kekkei Genkai the Vectors must be activated but their are no hand signs to do so, this is done by the users will. Once activated the users Chakra is enhanced and is mostly concentrated within the Vector Arms Skeletons. Because of this the arms tend to vibrate at a sonic speed thats so fast it seems as if nothing is happening, but because of this vibrating the arms are capable of cutting like a blade, this is called the Sharp Blade Technique. This cal also be activated by will so the arms are not always vibrating. A second note on this, when the arms are vibrating they lose strength.
The user is granted increased reach and flexibility with their Vector arms since their isn't any bone, so these vectors can move in all kinds of directions and they can all be moving different ways at the same time. It is all controlled by the will of the user. The outer layer is also strong like armor, but can by cut and injured. The user is also granted enhanced strength, again only the Vectors become can lift things 50x the users own weight.Bloodline/Clan Jutsus:N/A.
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 5:15 pm
I definitley like this concept and looks great. Unless recalled by the captain, this is approved
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 7:53 pm
alright just a few things I want you to change,
1. "All users must be from Sunagakure, Sand Village." I don't agree with this simply because it limits people in what kind of character they could have, I don't want people to be limited to certain villages based off of their bloodline or clan
2. "Must have Great Chakara Control, this means be in a class that allows this, you can not be a Medical Ninja." this isn't really a problem so much as it doesn't make sense for the guild the way you have it since we don't have a class system. You could have a shinobi type restriction like, "Must have chakra control as a shinobi type" instead
3. How much chakra does it cost to activate the arms, and how much chakra does it use each post when it is activated in combat
srry I didn't take a look sooner, i've been busy with both rl and guild related things
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 7:47 pm
Question? Do you already have to either be in a clan or something to do this, or is this a create a clan thingy too? Sorry, I'm just confused and don't feel like screwing up anymore than I already have... if you haven't seen my profile.
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 7:51 pm
this forum is to create new bloodlines/clans, and no you do not need to already have a bloodline or clan to do so
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 7:55 pm
Heh... stupid question, wasn't it? But thank you.
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 8:00 pm
There's no such thing as a stupid question, it's better to ask and then try and guess at the truth and end up being wrong about what you're supposed to do
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 8:16 pm
Lance Fulgurant alright just a few things I want you to change, 1. "All users must be from Sunagakure, Sand Village." I don't agree with this simply because it limits people in what kind of character they could have, I don't want people to be limited to certain villages based off of their bloodline or clan 2. "Must have Great Chakara Control, this means be in a class that allows this, you can not be a Medical Ninja." this isn't really a problem so much as it doesn't make sense for the guild the way you have it since we don't have a class system. You could have a shinobi type restriction like, "Must have chakra control as a shinobi type" instead 3. How much chakra does it cost to activate the arms, and how much chakra does it use each post when it is activated in combat srry I didn't take a look sooner, i've been busy with both rl and guild related things
1. If they choose to use this bloodline then they limit themselves to Sunagakure. Besides, I said they must be from, they can travel and live somewhere else as long as they once lived in Suna. It can even be that a family member was from Suna and moved or the mother ran away, leaves room for a creative bio.
2. It still tells you that you need something that allows you to have chakra control, if your character is a teijutsu user with hardly any chakra control then it wouldn't fit. Also Shinobi type and Ninja Class is pretty much the same thing, just worded differently. If your a ninjutsu type then your obviously going to gave higher chakra levels if your a weapons master (someone who only uses weapons) type then your not going to have a high chakra level.
3. It takes a lot of chakra, nearly all but not to activate but to maintain form. The outer layer which is solid is created by the chakra flow inside the vector skeleton. When a user activates them they are unable to use jutsu's the would normally take a fair amount, jutsu's or anything requiring chakra that don't need large amounts are still accessible to the user. Just to mention, the vectors themselves elevate your chakra level so when you cast a jutsu using her vectors, then you can use all your normal jutsu's it just lessens your activation time to I'd say at least 3 posts (only if you've used at least 3 high level jutsu's and 5 medium level jutsus). It would take about 10-12 posts to reactivate, and that would be for a short while, it all depends on the users rank.
Normally without any use of jutsu or chakra consumption, I'd say it would last as long as the user wants. It doesn't really consume chakra in the way jutsu's or any of that does. Instead of having your chakra flow all through your body it would just relocate into the vecotrs. Sorry, I'm really bad at explaining things so if you still don't get it or if this makes little sense I'll try describing what I mean better.
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Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:39 pm
Pic: Clan SymbolDoujutsu: ChijoukeiName: KyuuketsukiDescription: This clan was created out of a small number of ninjas who really didn't have much skills, and usually had trouble finding work or even making it past the Chunnin exams. This meant that they would remain a gennin forever, but since they did not want to harm their land's reputation in anyway, they left to join the the clan where anybody was welcome. But soon, the failure-ninja weren't the only ones making their way to the clan. Rogues began to join in as well, making the clan full of wanted criminals and the like. This greatly frightened many of the neighboring lands, and they began to siege attacks on the poor clan of wash-outs. But one of the strongest rogues began a training program. A program that would be called the Vampire Program, or Kyuuketsuki, because it involved taking a pill made from the purified enzyme of the strong rogue's sister, who had a strange power which resided in her eyes. Soon, all of the clan members had the same eyes, a bright yellow with the image of the black sky and full moon in the middle, like a cat's. Soon, the clan came to take on the name of the program that made it a very formidable force. Soon, the wash-outs that entered became stronger, and soon reached Jounin level much faster than the average. The only problem with the clan, is that the power is difficult to control, and can eat away at the holder quickly.
Rules:
1) Your chakra color must either be black/silver/ or a golden yellow-ish color. It takes after the Chijoukei's colors as well. (Don't worry, your chakra color will actually change when you receive the Chijoukei, so you may start off with any color you wish.)
2) You cannot have/apply/or somehow obtain any control over a demon, as it will be cast-out by Chijoukei, or your body will reject the enzyme and you will die. (Be forewarned, I would like to not kill any clan members)
Strengths:
1) Because all of the clan members have literally the same enzyme running through them from one original source, they are all linked telepathically. In short, their eyes can take on the ability of the rinnegan, and they all can see the same thing if they chose. 2) Because there are so many different types of ninja available, there are many ways to pair them up into teams, so the teams can match in skill-level and in jutsu. (Meaning: Water, Wind, and Earth may go together, but not Water and Fire since these two elements contradict each other.) Weaknesses:
1) The Chijoukei (Which means blood sight) can cause a clan member to actually lose control if they are not able to maintain complete dominance over the enzyme's power. They could turn homicidal, suicidal, depressed, extremely fixated or obsessed, or the Chijoukei could take over their entire body and leave the user in comatose. 2) Because all of the users are linked, that means that they can see everything that they can. However, that means that if something were to happen to any of the other users, like their eye is cut out or burned, all of the other users can feel the pain that the user is feeling but on a highly decreased level. It can still be a nuisance in the heat of battle. 3) Usually, because the Chijoukei is a doujutsu and is usually used for genjutsu and ninjutsu attacks, the Kyuuketsuki clan pretty much lacks greatly in taijutsu anything. Any member who has great taijutsu skills had very good knowledge of the art before hand, and rarely ever uses the Chijoukei. 4) Tying in with number three, the Chijoukei has very bad perception. You can't really pick up on flying objects until a little bit later, or you're watching your opponent throw the object at you, and light doesn't catch it at all. Small, thin wires are literally invisible while using the doujutsu (which can be turned on and off like Sharingan). Ability:
Clan Link: The ability to see what other members who are using the Chijoukei also see. However, you have to be blood linked, other wise it doesn't work. All squads are blood-linked, and one member from every team is blood-linked with all of the other teams as to avoid confusion. This member is usually very good at organizing, and has the ability to dodge, hide, and defend; not fight. That way, they can organize who's seeing what and where, and not have to worry about getting hurt. Bloodline/Clan Jutsus: 1) Chijoukei: Moe Ruyouna Chi No En Jutsu~ Blood Sight: Flaming Blood Circle Jutsu
This jutsu involves using Clan link, so only the four-man plantoons can really use it. The four members stand in the direction of the four directions: north, south, east, and west. From there, they spread their chakra around themselves, connecting and intertwining them with complex chakra codes that are nearly impossible to break. The reason why it's called Flaming Blood Circle is because the color of the lines and chakra codes forming the circle are blood red, and once completed, they burst into a huge dome of flames. If any of the targets try to escape, the other members help control the flames on that side to pierce their members. Because the chakra codes are controlled by different members, but they go all around the entire circle, every single member needs to keep control of what is happening in their teammates direction so that they can use their code to help obliterate the enemy. (Note: Takes considerable amount of chakra, takes about five minutes to recover, and takes a shinobi who is good at organizing and keeping track of things.) 2) Katon: Niji no Tatsu no Gijutsu~ Fire Style: Rainbow Dragon Jutsu~
Okay, the dragon isn't really rainbow. But it's easier to say than multi-colored. Anyway, this jutsu is a dragon created from chakra generated fire, which comes from flames. A match, a flaming letter bomb (which is unstable), or anything type of fire and chakra is enough to create one of these. But again, only Chijoukei can use it. They use their unique eye-technique to help them mold the flame into the form of a miniature dragon, pouring all of their chakra inside. Since the members of the Kyuuketsuki clan's chakra is silver, the flames interact with it, giving it an iridescent sheen. That's why it's like a rainbow. This fire jutsu is just like any other fire jutsu, it consumes almost anything in its path. (Requires a low amount of chakra, a flame, and the Chijoukei)3) Chijoukei: Burakkuchieri^ no Hana no Sakkaku~ Blood Sight: Black Cherry Blossom Illusion
Again, requires Chijoukei. This is a genjutsu that gives the target the illusion of being in a forest of cherry blossom trees. But the fragile pink blossoms die and become like black blades that cut and slice through the target. It can either knock the opponent out, or make the target go into a mental breakdown right then and there. However, this jutsu comes at a huge price. You have to be touching the target and have them look into your eyes in order to use the jutsu, and you can only use this jutsu using a considerable amount of chakra. Meaning, you're going to be pretty weak after you use it, although it may not show.
This is just one jutsu that is taught to every single member of the clan. It is so simple a wash-out can do it!
Mind Barrier Technique:
Using chakra and the mind, the user is able to create a force-field like shield in front of themselves that blocks most weapon attacks. However, if the attack is ninjutsu, then it would most likely pass through. Kunai barrages can penetrate this shield unless the user has been able to successfully use the Mind Barrier for almost a year.
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Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:04 am
((Hey, you should check our genjutsu list because the sly mind affect technique is actually up there already, and the other ones you have might be up there as well. Try creating unique genjutsu for this clan cause there would be no point in creating it if these jutsu already exist you know?))
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:51 pm
Understood, but do you think that I could keep those up there? I kind of like them.
EDIT: Never mind, I changed everything. All better? My translations may not be very accurate, so correct me if I'm wrong.
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Posted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:24 pm
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Reply
