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 Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:26 pm
Lois: I haven't felt this strange since the time I was a massage therapist.
(Goes to flashback of Lois massaging the Android cripple dude. He seems to enjoy it very much. He eagerly types in a response on his monitor.)
Android: Push me, and then just touch me, 'till I can get my satifaction.
(The last word keeps repeating itself a few more times before it stops.)
Android: Sorry, sometimes it gets stuck.
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:55 pm
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yung weezy rolled 5 10-sided dice:
2, 6, 6, 2, 1
Total: 17 (5-50)
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 7:35 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 8:43 pm
CHRIS: I haven't been this confused since I was friends with E.T.
(Flashback) Chris and E.T. are riding the bike and they fly infront of the moon. A spaceship hovers over them and beams E.T. into the ship. Chris and the bike topple to the ground.
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 4:47 pm
not sure if i did it correct
brian sits on couch and watches t.v.
louis comes in and says-brian i thought u were working
brian-no im not doing that anymore
meg comes in and says-hey guys im working for adam sandler now
peter comes and says-hey look megs the new brian and brians the new meg
chris comes and dances and says-yaaaaaaaa megs the new brian and brians the new meg!!!(over and over again)
meg-ya brians the new meg and im the new brian!!!
peter-SHUTUP MEG
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Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 10:39 am
The family goes into the kitchen and all the food's gone.
Chris: Where's the hot dogs?
Lois: Where's the butter?
Peter: *holding two massive buns with a tiny patty* Where's the beef?
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Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 2:27 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 8:28 pm
Meg is pregnant and wants an abortion.
Meg: But Moooom!!
Lois: No buts, Meg. You are not getting that abortion.
Peter: Meg, don't let Lois force you to keep that kid. Like when it happened to that one couple.
*cuts to ALL IN THE FAMILY*
Archie: YOu ain't getting no aboition, little Goil.
Gloria: But Daddy... *cries*
Mike: Arch, a woman has the right to choose.
Archie: It's killing a human life.
Edith: Aaaaachie, my cousin Maude had an abortion and...
Archie: Edith, can you stifle yourself? *Back to Gloria and Mike* Youse twos are keeping this baby.
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One Winged Angel101010-_-
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 4:42 pm
okay i think i hav one.
oh NO!!!!!!! i just drew a blank!!!!
Chris: Meg guess the word i'm thinking of. And I will give you a hint. It's not kitty.
Meg: Is it dog?
Chris: NO!
Meg: Is it car?
Chris: NO!! Give up?
Meg: Sure.
Chris: IT WAS KITTY!!!!! HAHAHAHA
*A while later*
Chris: Meg guess the word I am thinking of. And this time it is NOT kitty.
Meg: Is it kitty?
Chris: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 4:06 pm
(Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg, Brian, and Stewie are sitting in their usual places, eating breakfast)
Peter: Excuse me, but I believe there's a squirrel in out bird feeder.
(Peter grabs a shotgun and pumps it, then goes outside)
Peter: That's for the BIRDS dammit! (fires shot)
(The shot goes to the birdfeeder, where Sally Acorn dodges the buckshot from behind the feeder, then returns fire with an Uzi)
Lois: Chris, go help your father. Meg, stay in front of Chris.
(Chris grabs an AK47, and using Meg as cover, goes outside and joins the firefight between Peter and Sally; eventually, Chris gets a goot shhot on Sally and she falls.)
Sonic (from the street): Way to show that b***h!
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 8:28 am
Mysterytrip The family goes into the kitchen and all the food's gone. Chris: Where's the hot dogs? Lois: Where's the butter? Peter: *holding two massive buns with a tiny patty* Where's the beef? hehehehehe... rofl rofl rofl I mean, seriously! That should be on an episode! How'bout this one (to recover from my last bomb) (Detectives Tutuola (Ice T) and Munch, from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit knock on Quagmire's door. Quagmire opens the door, and screams.) Tutuola: Mr. Qua- (Quagmire slams the door) (After hearing footsteps pound, Quagmire takes off in a rocket escape pod.) Munch, yelling: We just wanted to know where Dunkin Doughnuts was! (The escape pod lands on the lawn, and Quagmire opens the door to the pod) Quagmire: It's two blocks that way (points down Spooner Street) Munch: While we're here...(Quagmire closes the door of the escape pod and takes off again)... I guess I could pee behind his house. A little long, I know, but it's definitely Quagmire!
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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 7:36 pm
Peter: You know what really grinds my gears? Canadians. I mean, ok, they invented the sport hockey, so why the hell do they suck at it? I mean, it's like KISS started the metal generation, yet they suck, but they sure as hell don't. And another thing, what, what the hell is up with Celene Dion? I mean, does she seriously think she can sing? And, and that version of her's of ACDC's You Shook Me All Night Long, god if I wanted to listen to a crappy version of ACDC, I would go to the Drunken Clam on karoeke night and listen to Quagmire try to sing Ballbreaker. And that America, is what really grinds my gears, Dianne.
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Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 12:35 pm
I don't think mine is as funny as y'alls, but here it is:
* Peter and Meg are shopping for new clothes for Meg *
Meg: How about this one? * points at a plain pink shirt*
Peter: Too expensive.
Meg: How about this one? * points at a pair of plain jeans*
Peter: Too expensive.
Meg: And this one? * points at some cheap shorts*
Peter: Way too expensive.
Meg: Why can't you buy it?! It's dirt cheap!!!
Peter: Shut up Meg and choose what you want.
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 2:48 pm
If there is ever another chicken fight peter should be in a life threatening position when he reaches into his pocket and grabs a rubber chicken. Then he uses it as a vudo doll and pokes it w a needle in the heart!!
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:37 pm
lol i actually said this once to my mom!:
me: Mom, y do u find dad attractive? he's bald!
mom: women think that a man being bald is one of the sexiest thing a man can do!
me: mom, bald ppl have cancer. and is can cancer sexy? i think not!
rofl
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