|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:02 pm
Wait--you have a throat infection and he's giving you pills? Seems like that would just make the pain worse...
But yeah, about a year and a half ago I did this whole thing where I got really sick, and I had to take these GIANT vitamin things for a while after that. Bleh. I'm fine with normal pills, but anything bigger then, say, a publix lemon drop and I'm DONE.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:27 pm
So, LD, Lion, and everyone else,
i just pm'd muse, she said she's doing good, and in a new place. She's busy setting up here room and moving in so she can't be on too much right now and told me to let ya know she's alright.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:36 pm
All right, so I've finally decided to do it. Tomorrow I take the first step, and hopefully, within the year, I'll get some where. Though I'm not entirely hopeful, I have some hope, which is more than I normally have. God only knows how it will turn out, but I figured I should tell people, just incase something does come of it and then you folk aren't caught on the back draft.
I know you're all wondering, what the hell is he on about?! Well, a little history for you, I'm adopted. At 8 days old, fresh from the womb, I was in a cradle that wasn't bought by the missy and fellow whose blood flows through my veins. I don't believe I've made that public knowledge, but it is now. And let me tell you all, its been a screwed up, melodramatic roller coaster ride for me. I want to be a big family guy, despite me actually being "big," I don't consider the people I'm to call family, family. Truth be told, if they died tomorrow it wouldn't bother me much in the slightest. Cruel, probably, true? None the less.
So for the past year I've been searching for ways to get actual information about the people who forged me and I've had no luck until today. I found a site that led me to a web site that is run by the Ontario government. They had all the info I need, plus they have forms to print and fill out then send to them to put your name on the registry. The problem I see if that for anything to happen, my birth mother or father needs to register as well, not to mention they can enact a "no contact" order which means I can't find them at all and if I do I'll be charged fifty grand because I'm breaching some bullshit law. So you can imagine why I've been hesitant to really do anything.
Now some may be wondering what I aim to accomplish by finding my real parents. Well, first off, medical history. I plan to have kids some day, I want to know how biologically inept they are. Secondly, I just want to meet them. Can anyone blame me? I don't harbour any ill will towards them, its been 21 years, I'm sure they had a good reason for trading me off like a common Pokemon card. And thirdly, I want to know who they are what they're like. If they're anything like me, or if I'm the way I am because of self-determination. And I want to know if I have any brothers or sisters, I'm close with my sister Katie, but that's friendship, not blood. Even if they didn't want anything to do with me, I still want to meet them. My girlfriend is so retardedly hopeful that they're already on the registry that its only me whose slowing the whole thing down. Obviously that's one possible outcome, but I've been dealt some bad cards, and that hand just doesn't seem like one I'll be getting.
So tomorrow, I'm going to print off the forms and mail them out to the Registry and for the first time since my dad died I'm going to pray something happens that isn't just cupping my hands together and feeling like an idiot.
I don't really know what else to say about the matter. The woman keeps telling me all her stories that she hears at work from customers and employees who've been adopted and found their parents and family. Tell you all the truth it gets me pretty depressed. I just don't see it happening for me. I have this feeling I'm going to be one of the many suckers whose birth parents have requested the government enforce a no contact order and the only thing I'll be able to do after that is request an immediate medical request, which forces them to tell me all their medical s**t.
I know those who end up reading this might be inclined to say things like, don't get so down, they might be looking for you, you never know what might happen. Frankly I'm tried of hearing it. People have been trying to pull my spirits up for years, and when finally I get up the gull to the outcome just shatters it. Like blowing glass and then smashing it against a wall. But on the same note, I get all these nutty ideas about finding them and they turn out to be nice people and of course my cynical side cuts that down pretty quick.
We'll see what happens I guess, all I can do is hope for the best, whatever that is. I don't even know what I'd say to them. Something stupid probably, or offensive. What would one say to parents that gave them up a week after being born? Sadly she's probably hyper religious, the only thing I know about her is she hid the pregnancy, which means it wasn't even considered to keep me. ******** god and his damn religion. ******** people and they're being hopelessly ******** stupid. Some times I wish this vast well of anger and malice would run dry for once.
Anyway, on another note, those who frequent youtube should note that I've changed my account. I'm now under the alias CDNKvetch. Kvetch for those who don't know is the Yiddish/German word for complainer. Only one video up so far, I plan on doing a series of comedic entries about recent Canadian news that I find amusing or just down right stupid. The video I have posted is about Afrocentric schools.
Well, I'm off to drink more protein, take care everyone.
the Lion
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:43 pm
O.o wow, long post *rubs eyes*
Lion do you what you want to do, don't let someone push you into doing it because they think it's the "best" you and you alone know what's the "best" for you to do right now, so just stick with your gut.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:48 pm
You know, Justin, I can't really say much. It sounds like you know what you're talking about.
I'm glad you still sound sane, of course, and that you've found your courage, which frankly, in my opinion, is more important than finding your parents. I'm glad that you have a girl there beside you as you do this, because I have a feeling you'll need someone by your side. And know I'm only a PM away, and that your often on my mind, and always in my heart.
I know this is hard for you, so I won't upset you by telling you exactly what you know I'm thinking. But I will tell you that I love you with all my heart, and that your parents would be fools not to recognize your worth and try to get to know you.
I'm going to PM you, okay Justin? It's important, and I don't think you'd want me spewing it all over the Cafe.
Love and Vale, always and forever,
-Andrew
EDIT: I owe you one, Nick. Thanks a million.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:19 pm
I missed you guys so much!
If you need to talk to me Lion, PM me and I'll give you my cell number.
Seriously. biggrin (MSN: be_like_ruth at hotmail.com)
Well, I'm here in San Diego, my room is almost all set up. Got my computer desk all set up, besides my speakers and web cam.
Love you guys!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:38 pm
Oh, Muse! I'm so glad you're back! How's San Diego, if you don't mind an old friend being nosy? Okay, guys! I'm going to let you have free reign on this one: Virtues of Democracy? (ala Leavaros). It hasn't gotten any posts yet, and to be honest, I don't expect it to. *sigh* I guess I was hoping a little too hard. It is set up to deter the brainless, but really.... -Andrew/Leavaros
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:34 pm
Its not anything to do with physical inability, Drew. I just have mental issues regarding pills and medications. You see, when my cousin Brian was getting registered for school years and years ago, the Catholic school board refused to let him into the school unless he was medicated. And my Aunt, instead of taking him to a public school, said sure, dope him up!
They told her that the medication would have a side effect like Tourettes Syndrome, then, a year later, they said he HAD Tourettes Syndrome, and stuck him on ritalin, which made things worse. After that, they just kept giving him this drug and that, and he and I never got along on the level me and my brother do. When we were five, he bit my toe. That was right after they stuck him on the first stuff. After that, we'd have patches were things were good, and then he would say or do something that hurt my feelings, and I wouldn't want anything to do with him for the rest of the time he was there. He was on Valium when he was 8.
By the time we were fifteen he had to go to a real hospital for something, and the doctor there said he was amazed my cousin wasn't dead, because he was severely over-medicated. After they weened him off everything, he was a completely different person. We get along so well now, its insane. He's so calm and collected now.
So my mind has always associated his erratic and terrible behaviour with the medications he was on... And because of that, anything that comes in pill form, including aspirin, antibiotics, penicillin, etc. makes me angry, and the thought of having to swallow any kind of pill for anything makes me want to hurt someone. Except birth control... For some reason I can take those pills without problem. But those are like... Tiny little nothing pills.
I don't even really trust any doctor because of it. I never go to hospitals, and I'm even hesitant to go to the clinic unless I'm like... Spitting blood or something equally as unsettling. The last time I was in a hospital for me, I can't even remember. The last time I was in a hospital in general, I was sixteen, and my friend Leah had a miscarriage, and I was bringing her clothing so she could go home.
---------------------------------------------------------
Lion, not to force my opinion on you or anything, but I have always been of the mind that family doesn't have to be about blood. You remember when I was talking about my friends, and how honest we all are with each other and such? Some of those friends I consider to be family to me. Like Twiggy, he's my brother, and Hollywood is my sister, and Minion, he's my brother too. But there's no blood, it's spiritual. Family can be spiritual AND blood. Or it can be one or the other.
Like my Aunt Tanya... Legally and by blood she is my aunt, but I don't at all consider her family. And my Uncle Brad; technically, because my Aunt Gini-lynn divorced him, he's not my Uncle anymore. But I still call him UNcle Brad because he's not only a better parent, he's a better family member in general than her, because as much as I love Aunt Gini, she's a perscription drug-popping flaky woman who shouldn't be allowed to live alone because she's going to end up killing herself by accident, and almost has a few times. Those are Brian's parents, by the way.
The same as goes for Tanya goes with both of my grandmothers. There's a blood tie, but as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't mean a damned thing one way or the other, because I don't consider either of them family. But Linda, who is about 53 by now, I do consider to be family, and she is a grandmother surrogate for me, spiritually. Because she's there for me, and we're close like that. Its all a matter of opinion when it comes down to it.
Legally, I'm technically disowning those people as family members, but it doesn't matter because we never really get along and our values are so radically different. And even though their blood runs in my veins, I'd just as soon as forget such information and focus on my surrogate, spiritual family. But that's just me, and everyone is different.
I certainly don't blame you for wanting to find your real parents, if I were in your situation, I would want to as well. So you do what you have to do, but just because your "sister" doesn't have a blood tie doesn't mean she can't still be your sister, especially if you're close friends. I guess that's my main point.
Look! I didn't say anything you said you were sick of hearing. Heh. >.>
---------------------------------------------------------
Arrow, yeah, penicillin. She said it would kill the infection. And they are small pills, and they don't hurt going down... Because I swallow them with water. But I still hate them, for reasons stated at the top of this ridiculous post. They are helping though, I do feel better. So, y'know, I can't technically complain. Even though I do, a little.
---------------------------------------------------------
Muse, welcome back! Hope you're adjusting well to your new environment! I kind of wish I was where you are, but I don't think I want to live in the US. I'm totally moving to Europe, as soon as I get a chance. Haha.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:19 pm
Wow, what a post! I'm just going to touch on one thing.
Family has never been less about blood for me than right now. With Mama's passing, I have no one in my blood family that I can consider as close as any of my close friends. When I say I love you, to you or to Justin or to anyone, it means that I'm overlooking (or disregarding) distance and age and time and relation and establishing a new relation with each and every new word. Each time those words are spoken, those three perfect words, we find a new depth....
Later, I'll post more. But not now.
-Andrew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:56 pm
Haha, no Tommy you didn't, congrats! Thanks though, everyone. I know Tommy what you're saying and that's how I feel about my sister and friends. I just need to know what's going on in the past, and if I can't then I'll leave it at that since there won't be anything I can do. But I have to try, if only for me, maybe a little bit to spite the mother, but 99% of it is for my own peace of mind.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:38 pm
Leavaros Wow, what a post! I'm just going to touch on one thing. Family has never been less about blood for me than right now. With Mama's passing, I have no one in my blood family that I can consider as close as any of my close friends. When I say I love you, to you or to Justin or to anyone, it means that I'm overlooking (or disregarding) distance and age and time and relation and establishing a new relation with each and every new word. Each time those words are spoken, those three perfect words, we find a new depth.... Later, I'll post more. But not now. -Andrew What I had started to say was that Tay and I hung out yesterday night at the bookstore, and there was this beautiful quote that she showed me from a book that almost made me start crying, which I can't find now on Google. If I find it, I'll put it up here, okay? On that topic though, it's been a long time since I've felt so free to be myself with a person. We argued and debated and discussed, we laughed and almost cried, we read magazines and poetry and excerpts from books, and had a grand time of it all. And I realized something. Taylor and I are very different people. Shocker there, right? I mean, yes, there are many similarities. But there are also many more differences than I had originally thought. Our last discussion was on the meaning of friendship. Had we had it two years ago, I would have been very upset, because she considers me a close acquaintance rather than a friend. But I realize now (and then, too), that Tay operates differently than I do. She doesn't feel so sharply as I do, and it makes a lot of things different. While I see Whimsy in her so clearly, there is a side of her that craves discretion, too. That wouldn't be so terrible, but...with her it seem kind of a waste. She has this wildness of spirit and this wit that can make even the most stony-faced person crack a smile and belt out a laugh. Her effect on me is simply freeing, like there is no distance at all between the words I speak and what she hears, that I can just look at her and say nothing at all sometimes and carry on a conversation with her just the same. I realize that for her to even say that is a stretch for Taylor. I think she likes to keep people at a distance, as if that makes it any less easy to be hurt. Believe me when I say I know what I'm talking about here--no one can ever be as cruel as the self, or hurt you worse than yourself. And to know that, and know that I survived that...it makes it incredibly easy to become closer to others, because they could never hurt me as well as I could. That pain is indescribable, and so, the other is nothing next to it. Still, I had to be honest with her. Had she not been driving, I would have taken her hand and held it close. I told her that she knew exactly how I felt, that even if I was only her close acquaintance, I could accept that. But that she would always be my friend. I know she understands what I meant, and she nods; now if you ask me, that's half of friendship right there--acceptance and respect and understanding and limitless care and affection all wrapped up in a single word. The other half is 'mutual'. *sigh* Taylor knows this without me ever having to say it, but...she has earned herself a place in my heart forever. I think I will always love that girl, that sweet little vegan girl under that tree, hugging me, and being there for me exactly when and how I need her to be. But I didn't say that, in goodbye. I didn't need to. KiyoKyo was right, in a way. Compromise is key to every relationship, but not in the way that he meant at the time. It isn't propriety that needs compromising; sometimes its simply definition. ------- Funny how Fate hits you on those days when you most feel free of its constraints. I'm in Latin class having a pretty good time for the most part, and suddenly Joe, the boy that had been a casualty of my flirtation that one time, suddenly exclaimed, "Drew predicted this all along! Drew, you're a prophet! You're a prophet!" I know he was probably just being...well, Joe, and that I shouldn't have taken it too seriously. But he caught me off guard with that; every muscle in my body tensed, and every hair on my neck lifted as a chill ran up my spine and down my arms, pebbling my skin. I looked at him hard, eyes sharper than they've been in a very long time, and in a very harsh voice said, "Don't ever call me that again." Henson immediately looked over to me. I think he thought something might be wrong. He looked at Joe, who repeated...that vile word, and it all clicked for him. He just carried on, and no one else really said anything about it, although I asked Henson to find out what Joe had meant. We actually got into an argument today, and I laughed when I realized how upset he was when he didn't understand me exactly. But I laughed and smiled warmly at him, and said, "I think I like this Henson better." Truth be told, I just liked to see him a little riled up--it isn't too often that he loses his cool, especially with me. I think he mumbled something, like "Yeah, I love you, too." It sounds exactly like something Mama would have said, in the perfect inflection. He's something else, you know? ------- Guess that's it for now, guys. Thanks for kicking up the post count you guys, on VoDaL. It means a lot. Love and Vale, -Andrew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 10:38 pm
The Great Lion Haha, no Tommy you didn't, congrats! Thanks though, everyone. I know Tommy what you're saying and that's how I feel about my sister and friends. I just need to know what's going on in the past, and if I can't then I'll leave it at that since there won't be anything I can do. But I have to try, if only for me, maybe a little bit to spite the mother, but 99% of it is for my own peace of mind. I can understand that, Lion. I just wanted to say what I said, not only to make sure you understood what family can mean as opposed to dictionary definition, but because if I didn't, I think I might honestly have burst. So I wish you luck in your endeavor, one way or the other. And Drew, you're welcome. I always enjoy a good political debate. I'm liking Dionen, we seem to be on the same page. Different paragraphs, but still the same page.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 10:42 pm
It's good to be back in familiar territory. I missed it. Sounds like the usual drama with you guys. wink
J/K
(Oh, anyone can add me on MSN... Forgot to say.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 6:01 am
... What's wrong with the word prophet?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:46 am
One day, I promise, there will be no need for me to avoid that question. But for now, I'm only going to say that I'd rather be called a 'f*****t' than a 'prophet'.
And Muse, yep, it's just more of the same. We'll be seeing more of you, right?
-Andrew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
