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The Grimoire of ElfTech 571
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005; 10:43am

I'm rambling; I'm in shock and I can't figure out what the frack to do next. I've gone back to my room because I feel sick to my stomach and I'm dizzy. But it wasn't what I ate for breakfast this morning.

I saw the hard suit when they brought it back after the fight in Barton. That thing was in a million fracking pieces; yet somehow, I'm supposed to believe they patched it up in a week and it was standing right there behind the podium as if nothing had ever happened!

Given the work that went into making that (don't ask; I'd have to kill you if I told you, and I AIN'T gonna do that) I don't see how it could possibly have been repaired, let alone come marching in that room all fine and dandy...the power packs alone took six months of work, and the electrical shorts when the suit crashed completely fried them...

But let's say that Second Crew did get it repaired and working; after all, they handled the final details of construction...that only leaves one glaring question. Well, two, actually.

How could they have repaired it so fast? Or was there a second hard suit made? If so, why? Did Herself have one made as well? But that doesn't make any sense...how could there be another construction crew we didn't see? Or was the first hard suit only a prototype for a more advanced model? Either way, most important (and disturbing) of all, who the frack was in that hard suit?

Everyelf's saying Santa's fine, they're all glib about it; everyelf goes on and on about it...but they're forgetting that none of them have actually SEEN Santa.

And I've seen Herself marching around here lately...as hateful as she's been, as cold as ice she's been, it's as if she's about to explode, like something terrible is welling up inside her...she marches around with her face set, not a muscle moving, like she wants to scream and cry and fly apart...and yet she's got this icy calm about her, holding it all together...

...Scary...

I have the greatest respect for Herself.

Whatever she's hiding must be terrible. I do hope Santa's really all right. I don't buy all these too-glib explanations flying around. It really could have been him in the suit; if he's not as well as advertised and is recovering from injuries, that hard suit is really the safest and best place for him, healthwise.

Things that make ya go...hmmmmmm...

Journals of ElfTech 138

Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
11:02 AM

I think that I am blessed somehow. redface Maybe I had good karma from a past life, because on some mornings when I wake up, there's a present for me at the foot of my bed. It's like Christmas almost every day! They're usually small things like pencils, mugs, candy canes, toy parts, and I never know where they come from or who gives them to me, but I always find some use for them. Today's gift to me is a notebook! I'm so lucky!

I'm a bit of artist, you could say. I've always been good at stacking things and I used to be nuts about Clay-d'oh! as an elfling. I had been out of practice for a while but when I saw 137 for the first time, I started dabbling in it again.

It's a way of coping with my undivided adoration, I guess. crying If one were to look inside my closet, one would find a mini-shrine I've erected in His honor. I have two spacial pieces I've finished already. One's a bust of Him made primarily of penne noodles and slices of neopizza preserved in formaldyhide formaldehyde (I have no idea why the facilities carry formaldehyde when we're a toy factory). The little mysterious presents I get always add a unique touch, like the red marbles I received. I used them for His lovely eyes. Rubies would have been more appropriate for a man of his calibur, but honestly, I can barely pay my bills with my current salary here.

I'm not completely demented, really!

My other piece is a painting of Him in a toga on top of highest peak of the North Pole la Zeus atop Mount Olympus. I don't think I need to elaborate further on this one.

For my latest creation, however, I've been painstakingly applying bits of my gifts to build a statue of Him flipping His butterfly knife with one outstretched arm. I want to capture the grace and agility He applies everytime He flicks His wrist out without a care in the world.

I think I'll be using the paper from this notebook to make paper mach.

Journal of ElfTech 977
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
12:59pm

if one focuses on the external one is prone to judgment .. trapped in the illusions of the mind .. do not look outside for what is real .. instead look inside.

Mr Claus spoke to us today .. i still feel empty and afraid .. perhaps i will seek council with him this evening .. if only he wasn't so busy.

Journal of ElfTech 912
Tuesday, November 15, 2005 ~ 2:24pm

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!!!! i LOVE that song! 3nodding i should sing it together with the elf chic from outer space...maybe i should give her the bananas from my fruit snack too... .... .... SPEECHES ARE KEWL!!!! i LOVE Mr. Claus' speech today. it almost made me cry crying ...ok it did....it was so inspiring and touchful!!! i'm gonna try to be a really good elf today and not forget anything...what time is it? ooh, i LOVE my blinkin blue watch....I HATE JACK the butt crack!!!!!!!!! evil i wonder how everyone is doin? where'd i put my CANDY?!?!

Journal of ElfTech 404
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
4:19pm

Larry Pottar! Larry Pottar! Larry Pottar! Come on everybody, say it with me! My tickets came in the mail. Oh yeah! Looks like I have a mysterious benefactor, but who could it be? Whatever, there's only 3 more days until opening night! I hope the other elves didn't get jealous when I told them I'm going to meet Manuel Cladriffe, I mean I probably shouldn't have bragged about it but it's so exciting.

I take it you all heard the announcement this morning. I wish I could chat it up with the Big Man just one more time like we used to do. He was always my number one supporter. He used to help me with research in the other corner of the room. We'd take shots of vials and just lose track of time. If it wasn't for Jack he'd be down here right now telling Mrs Claus to take a chill pill. Then Mrs Claus wouldn't be pushing me around all the time gonk . She's so mean, I wish I could teach her a lesson or two, that would be the day.

Journal of ElfTech 247
Tuesday November 15, 2005
5:41 pm

Authorization: 247
Password: ********
Encryption: text/plain

Current Mood: Favorable
Current Music: "7 Days a Week" by The Teabulls

We're so behind! Christmas is a month away, and we're short on manpower, short on information (someone has to keep track of who is naughty and who is nice), and we are lacking innovative new toys for this year's Christmas. So now here I sit, starting at a list of our current staff. It's time to get busy, I'd say. Mrs. Claus tasked me with making sure everyone is busy, so I've started grouping everyone into three primary categories. R&D for toy development, NoN for Naughty or Nice Recon, and Manufacturing of toys that are in demand. The challenge is who to put where...

R&D:
I know for a fact that I'll need to be on that end. While I won't be working on toys, I will be repairing Santa's suit for the long winter flight he does. Need to seal up some of the cracks and test the heating unit. To help, I'll probably pull 101 into the department, since I can count on him to fill out forms, pick up shipments, and ask questions of others all without asking questions of his own. I will also need 137 there, he's dependable, and I know he'll do what I ask of him. If 137 comes, so will 138 since she seems to be eager to be around him. We shouldn't need more than five people right now since we're gearing up for the manufacturing push.

NoN Recon:
For going out of the north poll, 571 comes to mind. He needs to get out of the labratory a bit more since he's been here night after night. I think some fresh air in Durem for a day or more would do him well. 909 seems to be growing tired of building and manufacturing, so I will likely ask that he go to Barton for a day. I am also thinking of sending 977 to Aekea and 403 to Gambino. Once we get all the information, we can check the list twice for Santa. He's far too busy this year to check anything himself, so it's going to require the support of the entire elf team.

Manufacturing:
Finally comes the toys. We've got a few toys we need hundreds of and fast. To speed up the process, I am going to ask Mrs. Claus to do teams on some of the more complex projects:
722 to produce a CoKi Kitty. Coco was popular, Kiki was amazing, why not use the R&D from the past four weeks to put the two hottest trends together?
126 & 912 to produce the Self Warming Coffee Mug. It's popular with the morning crowd, that's for certain!
404 & 369 to create the Larry Pottar Chemistry Set. With the movie coming out this Friday, we already know there will be a huge demand for this item come the holiday season.
003 to produce Moon Shoes. Research shows that they are popular on many kids' wish lists.

Additionally, we will need to make the following adjustments for efficiency:
062 should oversee the manufacturing room floor. It's his last Christmas with us, and seeing the final "Christmas" is a sight worth seeing.
123 to manage Food Services for the company.
957 will handle our Janitorial Services during the night shift.

That should do it. Now all I have to do is propose this to Mrs. Claus and make sure we stay on track around the clock to make the best Christmas possible. Everyone around here is certainly in the spirit!

Journals of ElfTech 138
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
6:27 PM

Lately 909's been humming "Pa rum pum pum pum" incessantly while he puts together parts C, F, and H and it's driving me bat sheet!

I was just about to tell him how I feel about his musical ability when suddenly a voice came over the loudspeaker and told us to convene in the auditorium. Santa Claus gave an outstanding speech and we all went mad with excitement! I'm so glad the Big Guy's okay after rumors went around that Jack took him down. We shouted "SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!!!!" a good fifty times or so after his glorious speech.

But more importantly, after the big meeting I learned from 247 (a workaholic if I ever saw one) that I've been reassigned from manufacturing to R&D. I heard it's a really demanding department and I'm not sure I'm up to it, but I'll give it my best.

Maybe they'll actually increase my salary so I can afford to buy a good set of binoculars for...um, birdwatching. sweatdrop

Reassignments

Dear Elves,

We are nearing the end of the year crunch and we need to step up production in order to meet the needs of the people of the world. As such, Santa has ordered a reassignment for each Elf to better suit our production needs.

Please report to ElfTech247 for your reassignments. Carry on.