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 Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 4:26 am
I have redone a few parts of my bio to make it a tad more belivable in this realm of reality.
Hope folks like it.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:06 am
Uhh.. Not to sound rude, but you need to do a spell check, m'kay?
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 1:35 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:00 pm
I haven't fully read your character yet, but just by skimming, he seems to be a pretty well developed charcter. I personally want to see how he'll react to the islanders when he arrives on it. >D *Sadistic thoughts*
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:24 pm
I like it. Just a few questions though:
Why is one eye larger than the other? Was he just born that way?
Would he really spend that long as an intern? I'm not familiar with the police system, but I thought that after passing whatever tests, they end up a rookie, tagging along in a squad car.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 7:37 am
Birth defect, yes, I have the same thing myself, its not a big thing, only a slight thing.
And with his problums with higher ups, then yes, he could be an inturn for that long.
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Posted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 3:43 am
Rawr...anyone got anything elese?
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Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 10:05 am
*attempts to read* ....nnngh. *falls asleep* U_U too much reading for morning....
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Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 6:44 pm
*laughs* Hey whend you invade bri?
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Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:43 pm
I like this character, I especially like his personality and background. Its very belivable and thats good. Personally I think I like the barn owl idea better than the dog because of the black circles and just the fact that it is an avian and might remind him of the incident in which he became traumatized
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Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:49 pm
Ah I forgot about his 'incident' when picking the animals, Im bumping that up to second choice.
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Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 12:55 pm
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 6:03 pm
Hmm it's hard doing the personality, but i'll have a shot at looking at yours biggrin
First thing is about his indpendance, how is he independant? What makes him so? Is he stubbern as well, refusing to ask for help?
You mention that he's laid back too often, try and reword those sentances to make one paragraph or drop a few.
Um not sure about hippy talk, it doesn't seem to match with his personality or the rest of him (I'm very laid back but I don't use dude, or groovy... man doesn't count.) Unless he's gone through a midlife crisis and wanted to be a hippy or something XD In your roleplays I've not witness these slang words either.
You touch on his dislike of authority but I think you need to go more into it. Not just he realises he's a pawn. Also if he's working in MacDonalds then he will have to do as he's told, someone who doesn't listen to the bosses won't get or hold a job for very long. You could just keep it as he dislikes the law, but again you'll have to elebrate on why.
Touch more on his anger, how to make him angry, ect. Merge the last and second to last paragraph, reword the anger bit, how it builds up then say how he's angry and how he reacts.
Umm that's all I can think of at the moment, it's mainly structuring your paragraphs to flow better.
Hope this helps!
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 2:26 pm
*pokeing this to show that Im not dead, but On a heiatas till my computer is fixed.
When comp is fixed profile will be updated and new pics will be added*
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 4:03 pm
HEY IT'S DEO!!!!!!!
Hope your computer stuff fixes itself...
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