First, and I will only ever say this once. If you EVER post anything incomplete in my acceptance threads, you receive an automatic denial, your post is deleted, and I will BE SURE to take my sweet time ever looking at it again.
That's not just you. That applies to EVERYONE in this guild.
Second, your grammar is off. Fix it.
Third, physical strength and speed are NOT determined by this taijutsu style. They are determined by your shinobi types, rank, and talent.
Oni Headpoke: Specify the increase increment.
Flash Step: Denied. Remove it completely. If you look at the custom taijutsu styles, you will see that there is already a taijustu style featuring this EXACT technique. On top of that, E-Rank tai techniques allowing you to move faster than the eye can see? No. Absolutely not, and anyone who says otherwise is more than welcome to argue with me. The answer is no.
Blur Clones: D-Rank allows for three clones? No. The clones would also be clearly distinguishable to any shinobi possessing a sight-augmenting doujutsu. (Sharingan, Byakugan, Mind's Eye of the Kagura, Ranmaru, you get the idea.)
Genin Stage Description: So the Academy Stage allows you to move like lightning, but the Genin stage only allows you to move like a cheetah. No. Fix it.
Super Headbutt: Acceptable, I guess.
Utsusemi: Take it off. Same as Flash Step.
Windmill: Not only is your description unclear, but your grammar and punctuation make it nearly impossible to understand what this technique does. That being said, add a specific distance that the victim will be knocked back.
Iron Palm: A C-Rank that can effortlessly shatter armor. No. It can be used to pierce armor, but not "effortlessly shatter" it. On top of that, bring the rank up by one.
Flash Blossom: See Flash Step. There is literally no difference between the techniques that I have already said to get rid of. You just reworded the description a bit and changed the name.
Jounin Stage Description: Firstly, spell the word "Jounin" correctly. Secondly, I will point out the same inconsistency as I have with all of the other stage description.
Single Bone: No. Give a specific augmentation limit based on how much chakra the user spends on this technique.
Double Bone: Take it off or reword it. I refuse to grant ANYONE an "end-all" A-rank technique.
Also, a huge pet peeve of mine. Take off the sections that weren't filled out. A picture would be helpful, but isn't necessary. And if I see ANY of your techniques featuring descriptions that are only one sentence (not even decent-length sentences, in this case) you will receive another denial.
Things like this irritate me. You do not want me irritated trying to look over your customs, because I will chew you to pieces and spit the pieces into a bottle, stopping them with a cork and throwing them over the edge of my ship to rot at sea.
If you're going to create something, put more than 5 mins of work into it, or don't submit it at all. I'm sorry you had to be the one I made an example of, but if it wasn't you, it was going to be someone else.
Denied until further edits are made.
Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:05 am
Jiǎ-Ken Art of the Illusion Blade
___D e s c r i p t i o n:
The Jia-Ken is a heavy guarded Weapon Style past down to the head of the Yamamoto clan. Every year, the head of the Yamamoto Clan is entitled to take up a single student, so be it from the Clan or outside of it, and pass on the secrets of the style on to him. The Jia-Ken relies on the use of a sword and the user's natural energy [ chakra ] to fool the enemy and successfully land a decisive blow on the target. Using the natural energy from all humans, the user is able to cast illusions on himself, his weapon, or the enemy to gain the upper hand in combat, and bring down the enemy.
___N o t e s: - Users of the Jia-Ken must have Chakra Control as one of their Shinobi Types - Users of the Jia-Ken must have the last name Yamamoto and live within Kirigakure, or be taught by the Yamamoto Clan head. - Users of the Jia-Ken cannot have a bloodline or be in a clan. - Must be either Assassins, Weapon Masters, or Genjutsu users. - At the mastery of a Stage, the Jia-Ken user has a 5 CP boost. - Learning some techniques, or mastering specific stages give the user a natural bonus for a certain attribute, allowing the user to grow as they grow with the style. - All techniques dubbed as [ training ] only take a single post to learn. - Any technique that involves illusion costs chakra equal to the rank to learn, for example a technique that's dubbed as a D rank and involves an illusion, costs D rank chakra.
___S t a g e O n e [1] Kaku [ Draw ] Training :: Rank E The practitioner places both hands on the sheathed sword, one on the handle, the other on the sheath. By pushing on the hilt of the sword with the hand that's on the sheath, the user releases a sudden slash of the sword to catch the opponent off guard.
Shoten [ Focus ] Training :: Passive The practitioner learns how to focus chakra on to their blade and to use is as the medium for their genjutsu. Using focus adds on half of the chakra cost of a genjutsu to change it's catalyst. [ If a C rank Genjutsu costs 5 CP, by using Focus the user adds an extra 3* CP to the technique and the technique's catalyst is changed to the user's sword, so be it the sight or sound of the blade. ]
* Techniques who's cost is an odd number are rounded up.
___S t a g e T w o [2]
Nizhuan [ Reverse ] Illusion :: Rank D The practitioner focuses chakra on to his blade and once the blade is looked at, the target is caught on a genjutsu. The user then releases an attack on the target coming from top of bottom, but instead of this, the target sees the attack coming from the opposite side, from the bottom up, giving the user an edge to react and maybe even hit the target.
Quan [ Circle ] Melee :: Rank D When found in a tight spot, the practitioner grips the weapon tightly and spins while the weapon is extended in order to get some space between himself and any enemy that might be too close.
Renda [ Render ] Illusion :: Rank D The user focuses chakra on himself, casting a genjutsu on the enemy. This genjutsu makes the target see the user slightly slower than he truly is, allowing the user to land a blow with much more ease.
___S t a g e T h r e e [3] Ce Bu [ Side Step ] Illusion :: Rank C The user becomes the catalyst for this genjutsu by emitting a sound, so be it verbal or a grunt. The next movement done by the user is perceived by the enemy to go in the other direction.
Hiki [ Saw ] Illusion :: Rank C The user casts a genjutsu on his weapon, using it's movement as the catalyst. The practitioner then stabs at his target, using the genjutsu to replicate slashes around him, causing an illusion of three stabs instead of one.
Nobiru [ Extend ] Illusion :: Rank C Nobiru is an illusion skill that works by a sideways movement of the weapon as the catalyst. This illusion makes the target see the weapon being larger and longer than it trully is, making them normally react before the attack actually connects, giving the user time to react and alter the course of their attack.
___S t a g e F o u r [4] Tetsushu [ Flash of Iron ] Melee-Illusion :: Rank B Similar to the early skill draw, Tetsushu works by drawing the blade in a similar fashion. Only that in this weapon draw, the hand movement of the user pushing on the blade casts an illusion on the target. This illusion causes the target to see a glimmer of the metal as a Flash of Iron, making the judgement of the size and speed of the weapon hard, and tracking it even harder.
Shotsu [ Collision ] Illusion :: Rank B Before the user's weapon and his target's collide, the user puts chakra on his blade which then is released as the weapons clash, using the sound of the collision as the catalyst for the illusion. This skill makes its target feel more worn out, lowering their response time during their next post.
Tiao [ Jump ] Illusion :: Rank B Tiao is an illusion maneuver that works by focusing chakra around the user, and using oneself as the catalyst for the illusion. When the target(s) lay eyes on the user and the user makes a movement [ ordinarily a jump ] and the user disappears before their enemy while in reality they are airborne, giving them the element of surprise against their enemy.
___S t a g e F i v e [5] Shunpo [ Flash Step ] Illusion :: Rank A Shunpo is an illusion manouver that is used in the Jia-Ken. By covering their body in chakra, the user's movement becomes the catalyst. Once the illusion is active, the target sees the user moving in a flash, disappearing whenever he moves from where he is, and reappearing when he stops. The effect of this illusion lasts for 3 posts unless the skill is canceled by either hurting the target, or he being kaied.
Akki Hakku [ Autumn Hack] Illusion-Melee :: Rank A A straight forward attack combination; the user combines Tiao with two clones to make a deadly assault. The user creates two illusion clones and then the user himself seems to disappear. The clones approach the target while the user is airborne and crashes down at the target with the weapon just as the clones disappear in front of the target.
___S t a g e S i x [6] Shunko [ Flash Cry ] Illusion-Physical :: Rank S A stronger variation of the Shunpo, Shunko works the same way but it gives the user a real physical advantage. Unlike Shunpo which is just mental, Shunko boosts the user's speed by one rank for the duration of the technique, and it also wears out in the same way as Shunpo.
[ Raging Dragon ] Illusion - Melee :: Rank S To being this technique the user must sheath this weapon to activate the illusion. Upon seeing the movement of the weapon being put away the target sees the weapon surge in chakra. The user then unsheathes the weapon and what their target see is the weapon transforming into a dragon of chakra that covers the user completely. As the user approaches the target wouldn't be able to see him as he is covered by the dragon, but the dragon move with the user. Upon releasing the attack, the dragon lunges at the target the same way that the user attacks with the sword.
[ Twin Raging Dragons ] Illusion-Melee :: Rank SS The second excecution-style technique of the style, the Twin Raging Dragon takes the form of another early stage technique, and this time its Quan. By holding on to two swords instead of one, the user uses a sudden spin as the visual catalyst of the teachnique. Like the Raging Dragon before it, the target sees the user's weapon turn into a large dragon that hides the user's body. The user then runs at the target but all the target would see are two dragons spinning that then collide against the target when the user delivers the bladed attack.
___S t a g e B o n u n s e s
S t a g e 1 :: No Bonus
S t a g e 2:: Resistance to Genjutsu increases by .5 ranks
S t a g e 3 :: Power of genjutsu raises by .5 ranks
S t a g e 4:: The practitioner is able to use Genjutsu his rank or bellow without seals.
S t a g e 5 :: Genjutsu resistance up by .5 ranks
S t a g e 6 :: Power of genjutsu raises by .5 ranks.
In that case I've already looked at this and to be frank this seems like more of a clan centered around a weapon style rather than just a weapon style. I say this because you get six bonuses related to genjutsu through a weapon style, and that's unheard of. Kenjutsu/taijutsu styles usually give bonuses to physical traits you have, not your other jutsu capabilities. I mean, holding a sword doesn't make your genjutsu better, using genjutsu makes you better at genjutsu.
Also, the two final jutsu have seemingly nothing to do with the whole style. No where in the style is there a theme of dragons or animals, and the jutsu clearly isn't an illusion because illusions can't also be a melee type of attack.
You also never went into what an 'illusion clone' actually is, so I can only assume this is just the regular E-ranked bunshin jutsu.
You seem to have a few abilities in here that cause genjutsu just by the user pouring chakra over himself, or even just making a sound. This in itself is just a genjutsu and has nothing to do with the style since it doesn't even require the sword as a catalyst like some of the other techniques do and to be honest all of them should.
Also, Dangen seems to serve no purpose other than making the person one rank stronger once completing the style. Which is fine with me, but if it requires finishing the style, why is it in the second stage? Why not just put it in the final stage?
As a side note, Jade's Shunko taijutsu style already uses an altered version of your shunpo and shunko abilities, something that I'm noticing a lot of people (not just you) from guilds are beginning to do; porting bleach hakuda into the Narutoverse, or attempting to.
In the end, I'm going to have to deny this. Not because the premise itself is bad or anything I think it's interesting for sure, I just don't see it working as a kenjutsu style on its own. Now if you created a clan (Yamamoto) that was genjutsu based and they gained those passive abilities through rank as they progressed in the clan, and this just happened to be their clan's kenjutsu style, it would probably work better. That way the abilities that seem to be pure genjutsu would just be clan jutsu they have.
I do seriously hope you work on this as a clan though and come back to this idea.
Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 5:33 pm
Luo1304
Well the style boosts your genjutsu power because that's what the style is centered around; the use of Genjutsu to give you a combat edge. The same way some styles focus on strength or speed this one focuses on genjutsu.
As for clans, they require a tedious use of backstory, structure, some type of gimmick and I'm just not up for, nor good at, any of that. Plus, having it as a style would allow me to restrict the abilities to myself and anyone I want to give it to, something that can't be done if its a clan.
And it may have a lot of boosts in powers for genjutsu, but they are gradual [ boosting it up to 2 ranks at S rank I believe ]
The thing with the two final techniques is the fact that the user uses the two massive genjutsu to disguise his attacks, like many other things in the style. The flashier the genjutsu, the more chance you have to see your opponent react to something that isn't there; which further more gives you an opening to strike; that's what the two are for, regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with the style you know?
The style is basically using Genjutsu to further supplement well your Kenjutsu, similar to how Nintaijutsu works with the Kaiser Fist; an Armor or chakra to power you up; in this case a genjutsu to further make your attacks better.
I may add more as I get used to using the style and get some ideas, but until then this should be good enough for approval.
トンファー Tonfas (Universal)
The tonfa can be gripped by the short perpendicular handle or by the longer main shaft. In defense, if the handle is grasped then the shaft protects the forearm and hand while the knob protects the thumb. If both ends of the shaft are held, the shaft can be used to ward off blows and the handle can be used as a hook to catch the opponent's weapons.
In offense, one can swing the shaft to strike the target. Large amounts of momentum can be imparted to the shaft by twirling the tonfa by the handle. The tonfa can also be wielded in such a way as to use the knob as a striking implement, held either by the handle or by the shaft. One can also stab opponents with the shaft of the tonfa. By holding the shaft and the handle of the tonfa together, one can use it for holding or breaking techniques.
Tonfa are traditionally wielded in pairs, one in each hand. This is unlike police nightsticks, which are generally used alone. As the tonfa can be held in many different ways, education in the use of the tonfa often involves learning how to switch between different grips at high speed. Such techniques require great manual dexterity. As with all Okinawan weapons, many of the forms are reflective of empty hand techniques, and thus are almost always used in very close combat.
Stage One: Academy Student
When they first attain their Tonfa, the user is able to execute simple swings and punches, yet nothing truly fancy yet. They need to get more of a feel for the weapon before they are able to extend their chakra into the weapon. The user has learned the most basic forms, and has a very basic understanding of using Tonfa offensively and defensively, particularly against long range weapons such as swords, longarms, spears and staffs. Their learning at this stage mainly focuses on getting close for effective fighting. To gain this stage, the user must first train with their tonfa (and an experienced teacher) for five posts.
Stage Two: Genin
As the user becomes more accustomed to the Tonfa, they gain a much more versatile skill, particular with changing their hold of the tonfa quickly. The user learns how to use the long end of the tonfa to work from a greater range, also allowing the use of the handles like hooks to grab and redirect enemy attacks. At this point the user can use the tonfa more confidently. The user has also gained the ability to use chakra to give small boosts to their attack power. To gain this stage, the user must first train with their tonfa for fifteen posts, at least five of which with an experienced teacher.
Stage Two Techniques
Spinning Winds Rank D The user will spin the tonfa around to make the longer end face forward. The user then spins on one foot, using the increase in strength, as well as the momentum from the spin, to cause a high strength hit from the long end. This is a basic form and uses no chakra
Pushing Winds Rank D Using chakra to build up in the user's hand, their strength increases by half a rank. When swung, the power from the swing creates slight winds, used to uproot dust and to slightly move a small projectile off course(only a kunai or shuriken, able to be moved three inches at most)
Shockwave: Rank D When striking solid objects (rock, the ground, wood, concrete) and projecting chakra into the attack a shock wave can result. This sends pressure through the surface and creates a ring (2-5 foot radius) around the strike zone that explode outwards. Can be used to destroy weak walls and structures or to hit a target indirectly with up to the user's strength of force. Can also be used against targets wearing heavy armor.
Stage Three: Chunin
By this point in time, the user is able to better use their chakra with the Tonfa, and have become very fast with them, particularly when changing grips, or spinning the weapon from offensive length to defensive. The Tonfa is starting to feel a part of their arm, making it much easier to use, as well as maneuver while using it. The user, to attain this stage, must again train with the Tonfa, this time doing the training against a boulder, until it cracks. Twenty posts in total with at least five posts of instruction from an experienced teacher.
Stage Three Techniques
Weapon Stun Rank C By concentrating chakra into the tonfa the user can either hit or block an enemies attack. Upon contact, the force of the blow teamed with the burst of chakra forces the weapon to vibrate violently making it difficult to hold onto, and effectively stunning the wielding hand making it nearly impossible to use that weapon to counter or defend.
Boomerang Blade Rank C Using their ability to spin their tonfa, the user will spin the weapon quickly in their hands, using chakra to help with the spin. They then throw it, leaving a small amount of chakra attached to the tonfa. Using the ability to manipulate the chakra, after it hits, or misses and opponent, the tonfa will arc and come back to the user, like a boomerang
Crushing Force Rank C By focusing a large amount of chakra around or into the Tonfa, the user can now punch right through wood like paper, and crack boulders, after training. The strength increase is now around one fifth the user's current strength. The move can be used like Spinning winds, this time able to push back kunai and shuriken easily, now able to deflect ninjutsu of Rank D or lower.
Human Jackhammer: C Using a similar method to the shockwave attack, the user can strike a living target and project their chakra into the strike retaining it's usual power, but adding a shockwave that travels throughout the targets skeleton. This attack is excruciating to the target, as they feel it throughout their body and are usually stunned for several moments afterwards. The vibration only lasts for a few seconds. If the target blocks with a solid weapon (ex. sword) but is still holding onto it the effect will still work albeit weakened.
Stage Four: Jounin
By this stage the user has developed have a very strong understanding of the weapon and it has truly become an extension of the user's arms. The user can now learn powerful attacks which channel their elemental chakra into the weapon. By this stage, the user is almost a master of the Tonfa, as well as rapidly progressing in chakra control in combination with their weapons. Training takes a total of 20 posts which can be completed without instruction (to learn any of the skills one would still require a teacher).
Wind Barrage: Burst Rank B Element: Fuuton The user has gained the ability to channel their Fuuton into the weapon and matched with quick movement to create strong winds when they strike (though they can only hit at a maximum of B rank power). This allows them to effectively double their strike range and makes projectile weapons nearly useless and can push swords or other long weapons up to 3 inches off course.
Water's Rage: Storm Rank B Element: Suiton Using Water from a nearby water source, the water user will then punch forward, like Crushing Force, and the water will then continue forward, blasting right into whatever is in front of it. Since there is the same principal as Crushing Force, with the high increase in strength, whatever it hits will most likely be crushed, or pushed far back.
Lightning's Palm: Current Rank B Element: Raiton Using a current of electricity, the Raiton user will channel the current around or through the Tonfa, depending on what it is made of. When they punch, it will send a strong jolt of electricity through the object, or person. This effect is powerful enough to stun the person for a few seconds making a follow up blow easier.
Rock Cover: Hard as Steel Rank B Element: Doton Using the Doton element, the user will wrap Earth around the Tonfa, making it sharp or blunt at the end. The user will then have the ability to manipulate Earth through the Tonfa, combining it with other ninjutsu to make it a powerful attack, as well as to give the defensive capabilities of the tonfa a huge boost. Can take a maximum of A rank damage before the jutsu itself breaks and the tonfa are reduced to their original strength.
Fire Storm: Searing Strike Rank B Element: Katon The user's control of the katon element allows the user to coat their weapon in a small amount of fire. When they attack, this fire flares up to match the movement (even if the user's arm is in the way). While this forces the user to alter their technique to prevent burning themselves it can afford them it can be used to heavily burn a target without directly hitting them. Cannot be used with wooden tonfa and if the user's arms are not protected a hot metal tonfa will burn them.
Master: Blast Rank A Using a large amount of chakra in or around the Tonfa, as well as in the arm using the Tonfa, the user can launch the Tonfa forward, the longer end facing forward. A direct hit on a person can crush bones and even rip flesh.
Stage 5: Sanin
By this stage, the user is almost a master of the Tonfa, using it as more than a part of their arm, but as a part of themselves. They never have the Tonfa away from them, and can use it as if it were light as a feather. For this to happen, the user must be able to use Blast, to move on. Training takes a total of 20 posts which can be completed without instruction (to learn any of the skills one would still require a teacher).
Liquid Shockwave Rank A Range 5-10 feet Similar to shockwave, but rather than solid objects this strike targets liquid specifically. If used on a body of water it would create a shock wave all dimensions creating a sphereical blast (only were there is water) that hits with a force one rank below the user's own strength. The real power comes when used on a person however. This can be used to stop projectiles or push approaching opponents away. A Direct hit on a living creature, particularly the torso, could rupture organs. A strike directly over the heart would be as certain a kill as if a sword had plunged through it.
Blunt Force Rank S ???
Blunt Mass Rank: S The user channels their chakra into the blade causing a very light glow across the length, as well as a very slight hum. This gives the tonfa's defense a massive boost allowing them to defend against one S-rank blow by turning half the force of the blow directly back towards the target. (does not actually reflect attacks just their force meaning ranged attacks can't be bounced back onto the attacker or something silly like that.)
Edit: Added Shockwave, Human Jackhammer, and Liquid Shockwave.
The liquid shockwave may actually be overranked considering it only allows the tonfa user to do exactly what a blade user could with a simple stab.
Blunt force has been removed, it was really weak, especially for an S rank move. If anyone has any ideas please let me know (in PM unless you are judging the style.)
---------------------------------------- Here is the original version that is being fixed.
トンファー Tonfas (Universal)
The tonfa can be gripped by the short perpendicular handle or by the longer main shaft. In defense, if the handle is grasped then the shaft protects the forearm and hand while the knob protects the thumb. If both ends of the shaft are held, the shaft can be used to ward off blows and the handle can be used as a hook to catch the opponent's weapons.
In offense, one can swing the shaft to strike the target. Large amounts of momentum can be imparted to the shaft by twirling the tonfa by the handle. The tonfa can also be wielded in such a way as to use the knob as a striking implement, held either by the handle or by the shaft. One can also stab opponents with the shaft of the tonfa. By holding the shaft and the handle of the tonfa together, one can use it for holding or breaking techniques.
Tonfa are traditionally wielded in pairs, one in each hand. This is unlike police nightsticks, which are generally used alone. As the tonfa can be held in many different ways, education in the use of the tonfa often involves learning how to switch between different grips at high speed. Such techniques require great manual dexterity. As with all Okinawan weapons, many of the forms are reflective of empty hand techniques
Stage One: Genin
When they first attain their Tonfa, the user is able to execute simple swings and punches, yet nothing truly fancy yet. They are able to use their chakra, yet not with the Tonfa, due to lack of practice. They need to get more of a feel for the weapon before they are able to do that.
Stage One Techniques
Burst Shot Rank D Using chakra, the user is able to re-enforce their punch with chakra, to make it stronger. Though, the range of increasing of the attack is minimal. It can crack boards of wood, but nothing more. The range of increase it half a rank of the shinobi's strength.
Spinning Winds Rank C Again using chakra, the user will spin the tonfa around to make the longer end face forward. The user then spins on one foot, using the increase in strength, as well as the momentum from the spin, to cause a high strength hit from the end. Anyone hit by this will get a pretty bad bruise, and/or a cracked bone, but not a break. They will be pushed back about a foot, and anyone blocking it with a weapon will feel like they got hit by a baseball bat.
Stage Two: Genin
As the user becomes more accustomed to the Tonfa, they gain a much more versatile skill of being able to spin the tonfa in their hand, causing slight winds to build up. To gain this stage, the user must first train with their tonfa for a period of time[around fifteen posts only using the tonfa]
Stage Two Techniques
Pushing Winds Rank D Using chakra to build up in the user's hand, their strength increases by roughly 10%. When swung, the power from the swing creates slight winds, used to uproot dust and to slightly move a weapon off course(only a kinai or shuriken, able to be moved three inches at most)
Boomerang Blade Rank C Using their ability to spin their tonfa, the user will spin the weapon quickly in their hands, using chakra to help with the spin. They then throw it, leaving a small amount of chakra attached to the tonfa. Using the ability to manipulate the chakra, after it hits, or misses and opponent, the tonfa will arc and come back to the user, like a boomerang
Stage Three: Chunin
By this point in time, the user is able to wrap their chakra around the Tonfa, and can easily move with it. The Tonfa is starting to feel a part of their arm, making it much easier to use, as well as maneuver while using it. The user, to attain this stage, must again train with the Tonfa, this time doing the training against a boulder, until it cracks. [Twenty posts of training with the Tonfa and then hitting a rock until it cracks]
Stage Three Techniques
Crushing Force Rank C By focusing a large amount of chakra around or into the Tonfa, the user can now punch right through wood like paper, and crack boulders, after training. The strength increase is now around one fifth the user's current strength. The move can be used like Spinning winds, this time able to push back kunai and shuriken easily, now able to deflect ninjutsu of Rank D or lower.
Bladed Arm Rank B Using the chakra wrapped around the Tonfa, the user focuses it into an appendage to the side, or the front of the Tonfa. It can be either blunt, or sharp, and acts like whatever the object is, either crushing or slicing what it hits. The size of the appendage, depends on the user's chakra manipulation ability, as well as overall chakra level.
Throwing Crush Rank C Using the same technique as Crushing Force, the user will wrap chakra around their arm, and then throw the Tonfa. The force that it is thrown at propels it forward, slamming against a person or object. If it hits a person and it is not blocked, it breaks bones. If it hits an object that is not made of metal, it breaks. Sine the move can crack boulders, it's only natural that it can break bones.
Stage Four: Jonin
By this stage, the user can now break rocks, and shatter bones. The Tonfa is an extension of the person's arm now, and can be used like the user's arm. Now the user can use their own element with the Tonfa, greatly increasing it's power and range
Wind Barrage: Burst Rank B Using the user's wind chakra, the user can use their chakra to increase their speed, striking multiple blows at once and in a short period of time. This allows a better overall effect. The user can also use their chakra to allow a better effect of Bladed Arm, making their chakra to look like an actual blade.
Water's Rage: Storm Rank B Using Water from a nearby stream, or any other water source(even the water from the air), the water user will then punch forward, like Crushing Force, and the water will then continue forward, blasting right into whatever is in front of it. Since there is the same principal as Crushing Force, with the high increase in strength, whatever it hits will most likely be crushed, or pushed far back.
Lightning's Palm: Current Rank B Using a current of electricity, the Raiton user will channel the current around or through the Tonfa, depending on what it is made of. When they punch, it will send a strong jolt of electricity through the object, or person. If the user also has the Fuuton element, they can use both Burst and Current, hitting many places at once and still causing a large shock.
Rock Cover: Hard as Steel Rank B Using the Doton element, the user will wrap Earth around the Tonfa, making it sharp or blunt at the end. The user will then have the ability to manipulate Earth through the Tonfa, combining it with other ninjutsu to make it a powerful attack.
Fire Storm: Searing Strike Rank B Wrapping the Tonfa in fire, the user can either shoot a fireball, or fireballs, from the tonfa, as well as swing the Tonfa and having a fire wave to emanate out from it.
Master: Blast Rank A Using a large amount of chakra in or around the Tonfa, as well as in the arm using the Tonfa, the user can launch the Tonfa forward, the longer end facing forward, especially while thrown. The force that it hits something...is astounding. For instance, if thrown at a tree, it completely goes through the tree, but stops as the handle hits the tree. This shows that the longer end went cleanly through the tree, not breaking the tree as a whole. By this stage, the user is almost a master of the Tonfa, as well as rapidly progressing in chakra control. If it hits a person, it does the same thing as if it would hit a tree. It has the ability to crush through rocks, which says something. When they are able to do this, they are ready to become a master.
Stage 5: Sanin
By this stage, the user is almost a master of the Tonfa, using it as more than a part of their arm, but as a part of themselves. They never have the Tonfa away from them, and can use it as if it were light as a feather. For this to happen, the user must be able to use Blast, to move on.
Blunt: Blade Rank S Molding their chakra around the tonfa, the user can either make the end of the tonfa sharp, or blunt. Whichever is used, will determine what it can do. If the end is blunt, it will have the same effect as Blast, but the chara will act as an elongated end, doing it at a much larger reach. the chakra will attack not only the outer body, but if the jutsu is used by a ninja with very good chakra control, or a medical ninja, can attack the inside as well. If the end is like a blade, the technique will be able to cut through weak metal. This means senbon, or light blades. The chakra in this attack is much more difficult to use, which is why most go for Blunt, rather than Blade. But, if utilized correctly, the jutsu is the strongest of the style. This attack, if used by a medical nin or a nin with good chakra control, can make precise cuts into shinobi.
___Description: Every being follows a tempo that defines their life. Every being has a heart and soul that guides them and pushes them beyond limitation. These two ideals lead to the design of the Reijingu Tamashi no Ken style. The founders, a pair of monks, soon adapted the style to utilize chakra manipulation and control in order to increase its effectiveness. Now, by manipulating chakra and utilizing a shinobi's 'Inner Tempo' the shinobi is able to unleash devastating attacks in rapid succession while still covering their bases.
___Notes: • Techniques of this style come in three varieties: [Waltz], [Unleash], and [Unleash to Unleash] combos. [Waltz] techniques set up a rapid succession of movements meant to either position themself for an attack or evade oncoming attacks, [Unleash] acts as a 'finisher' technique that uses chakra to deliver deadly attacks. [Unleash] techniques require a specific number of pre-requisate techniques to be used before the [Unleash] can be used. The exception to this rule is if the shinobi enters Raging Soul. [Unleash to Unleash] combos are actually improvements and additions towards a single combo. At the height of the style, the shinobi can either use segments of the combo to reduce stamina drain or the entire thing at once. • Any [Unleash] can be used to null a Ninjutsu, Kenjutsu, or Taijutsu of equal rank if met head on. • The shinobi may move on to the next Stage after learning all techniques of the current Stage. However, regardless of class or learning rules, the shinobi may only learn up to one rank above their own. The latter limitation is lifted at Jounin rank.
___S t a g e O n e [1]
Uchigawa no Tenpo (Inner Tempo) Simple :: C-Ranked :: Passive This is the foundation of the entire style, and the ability to use it. Through meditation, the 'Inner Tempo' of the shinobi is found, and sets how fast or slow the shinobi moves. This 'Inner Tempo' will aid the shinobi in setting up combos and moving fluidly. (This must be learned for the Succession Stamina Reduction rule to apply)
Fowādo Warutsu [Forward Waltz] Simple :: E-Ranked [Waltz] The shinobi, after setting their tempo, rushes forward, either straight on at a greater speed, or in a zig-zag style that aids in evading oncoming attacks,
Kyū no Warutsu [Sphere Waltz] Simple :: E-Ranked [Waltz] The shinobi, after setting their tempo, uses a fluid circle motion to avoid and evade a basic, oncoming attack that is easy to prepare for.
Nefesh Ken [Nefesh Fist] Complex :: D-Ranked [Unleash] After using Forward Waltz, the shinobi positions himself in order to deliver a chakra-concentrated punch aimed for the opponent's stomach or chest.
Nefesh Ashi [Nefesh Foot] Complex :: D-Ranked [Unleash] After using Sphere Waltz, the shinobi spins to deliver a chakra-concentrated kick aimed for the opponent's back.
___S t a g e T w o [2]
Suteppu o Tenmetsu [Blink Step] Simple :: D-Ranked [Waltz] After using Forward Waltz, the shinobi can use Blink Step, a movement that allows them to immediately change the direction their moving at a speed that makes them appear to flicker and actually increases the user's speed for a few steps. This can also be used to avoid a precise, oncoming attack.
Kansha no Kuresshendo [Crescendo of Gratitude] Simple :: D-Ranked [Waltz] A follow-up of Stage 1 Waltz movements or Blink Step, the shinobi hurls themself into the air in a barrel roll to either position themself above the opponent, or to get away from said opponent.
Ruach no Supia [Raunch's Spear] Complex :: C-Ranked [Unleash] The shinobi using Blink Step to dash forward towards the opponent, the shinobi, with both hands concentrated with chakra, hits the opponent straight on, like a spear. Due to the Blink Step movement, this move can surprise the opponent due to the sudden burst of speed. *Must have used Blink Step before hand.
Ruach no Hantei [Rauch's Judgement] Complex :: C-Ranked [Unleash] After using Crescendo of Gratitudue, the user concentrates chakra into their heel and uses the force of gravity and their momentum to bring hell down upon their opponent. This move is strong enough to create medium-sized craters in its wake. *Must have used Crescendo of Gratitude before hand.
Ruach Suru Nefesh [Nefesh to Rauch] Complex :: C-Ranked [Unleash to Unleash] After using Nefesh Fist, the user follows up with a chakra-concentrated uppercut or back flip kick. Either has the power to send unprepared opponents skyrocketing. *Must have used Nefesh Fist before hand.
___S t a g e T h r e e [3]
Forōsurū [Follow Through] Complex :: D to C-Ranked [Waltz/Unleash] Normally, the shinobi only uses one [Waltz] technique at a time. However, having used the style for this long, the shinobi can utilize a [Waltz] and a succeeding [Unleash] of Stage One or Stage Two at the same time for one D-Ranked cost if from Stage One, or one C-Ranked cost from Stage Two. Is automatically learned after learning Nefesh to Rauch.
Bīingu no Fuzai [Absence of Being] Simple :: C-Ranked [Waltz] Stand alone or a follow up of Sphere Waltz, the shinobi using their momentum and light steps to avoid and evade by spinning, concentrating their 'hit box' and making off-center attacks miss completely while positioning themself in the optimum striking or evading position.
Neshamah no Aki [Neshamah's Fall] Complex :: B-Ranked [Unleash] A follow-up of Absence of Being, the shinobi concentrates chakra into their leg while going from a standing spin into an aerial barrel roll. The shinobi then brings their heel upon the evaded opponent, aiming for either their head or shoulder. This technique can also be done by crouching after the initial spin and by pushing off the ground with their hands, the shinobi can kick at the opponent's chin or their method of attack (Fist, weapon, etc.)
Neshamah Suru Rauch [Rauch to Neshamah] Complex :: B-Ranked [Unleash to Unleash] After using the movements in Nefesh to Rauch, the shinobi adds an addition attack: a chakra concentrated heel drop to the body of the airbourne opponent. (The entire combo, Nefesh to Rauch then the addition of Rauch to Neshamah, is treated as one technique)
___S t a g e F o u r [4]
Gōsutosuteppu [Ghost Step] Simple :: B-Ranked [Waltz] An upgraded version of Blink Step, the shinobi now moves in a flicker for upwards to ten steps. During this time, their speed is essentially ten fold for this short burst.
Chayah no Jikkō [Chayah's Execution] Complex :: A-Ranked After using Ghost Step, the shinobi unleashes a chakra-concentrated shoulder tackle on the opponent. Afterwards, the shinobi uses their elbow to hit the opponent's chin. Using the momentum, the shinobi finally performs a round-house kick on the opponent's head.
Chayah Suru Neshamah [Neshamah to Chayah] Complex :: A-Ranked [Unleash to Unleash] During the Rauch to Neshamah combo, the method of launch is altered for added damage. Instead of simply performing an uppercut or back flip kick, the shinobi drives their foot into the opponent, then bends back, placing the combined weight of their opponent and themself on their palms. This launches both combatants into the air. From this position, the shinobi performs a spinning push (a drill kick of sorts). With this change, the heel drop carries added momentum, delivering a more devastating attack.
___S t a g e F i v e [5]
Forōsurū o Shūtoku Suru [Master Follow Through] Complex :: C to B-Ranked [Waltz/Unleash] Normally, the shinobi only uses one [Waltz] technique at a time. However, having used the style for this long, the shinobi can utilize a [Waltz] and a succeeding [Unleash] of Stage Three or Stage Four at the same time for one C-Ranked cost if from Stage Three, or one B-Ranked cost from Stage Four. The exception is an [Unleash to Unleash] combo. Is automatically learned after learning Neshamah to Chayah.
Neshamah Suru Yechidah [Chayah to Yechidah] Complex :: S-Ranked [Unleash to Unleash] An addition to the Neshamah to Chayah combo, the shinobi ends the string of attacks with a divebomb. In this new developement, the mastery of chakra control within taijutsu is shown. Right before impact, the shinobi forms a sphere of chakra between his attack point and the body of his opponent. When the three collide with each other, the sphere seems to implode.... the explodes. This can be highly dangerous to both parties involved, as such raw chakra power can easily backlash on the user as much as it can damage the victim. (Roll six sided dice. Odd Number = Backlash, Even = No Backlash). The only way to prevent the Backlash effect, which completely trashes the user's body and will make the user remain unable to use chakra unless they stay within a hospital's medical attention for three full days (Real Time), as well as drains all but 10% of their current stamina., is to have activated Raging Soul.
___S t a g e S i x [6]
Sourureijingu [Raging Soul] Complex :: S-Ranked The ultimate technique of the Fist of the Raging Soul style isn't an actual move, but a mode. Having mastered their 'Inner Tempo' and 'Inner Soul' by coming this far, the shinobi can unleash both's power. Their body emits chakra crackles as five orbs appear behind them, representing the Five Levels of Soul. In this state, the shinobi is able to freely control their chakra within their bodies, and easily control their center of gravity. For a total of six posts, [Waltz] movements cost no stamina and double their effectiveness (Doubles movement of Blink and Ghost Step, Sphere Waltz and Absence of Being are performed instantly), and [Unleash] techniques can be used whenever, stand alone or following any [Waltz] movement. [Unleash] techniques and [Unleash to Unleash] combos are counted as one rank higher damage wise. As an added bonus, the user feels no exhaustion, no pain, no fear; they have found true inner harmony. Once the six posts are up, the user's body returns to normal, and all taxes that were not felt before rush the body. The user is left exhausted and defenseless, but chakra and stamina points return in normal fashions.
Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:14 pm
I haven't even gotten to the actual stages of this style, and unfortunately I already have qualms with it.
Firstly, taijutsu is not meant to be capable of nulling all ninjutsu, kenjutsu, or other taijutsu of equal rank. Ninjutsu in most forms are intangible forces of natural elements. What you are saying here, is that somehow your fist can stop a large fireball. Or that your kick could stop a bladed weapon from cutting. These are things that just can't happen. I mean I understand having thick skin as a taijutsu specialist or even in a taijutsu, but this is well beyond what anyone should be able to do.
And to top it all off, using a waltz decreases the cost for another waltz? I'm sorry, but the whole point of the waltz is to chain them together. Which means, apart from the fact that you're allowing this bonus to stack with any other shinobi benefits the person has, fighting makes fighting easier. This, does not make sense. This is like saying if my RPC used a suiton technique, it would cost less for him to use another one. Why? And how? It doesn't matter if the style focuses on constant motion because if anything after constant motion, anyone would be sufficiently more tired after each use of a technique. This would be like gaining stamina after running for two hours, it just doesn't add up.
If your style relies heavily on these two things, I'd suggest changing some stuff around. By those two factors alone, this would never see the light of day if Shaye was to judge over this.
Err, since I guess Somnis is still on hiatus demoted mind looking over tonfa too?
Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:51 pm
Luo304
If a ninjutsu of equal force can null an opponent ninjutsu, why can't an Unleash? The chakra consumption from the Unleash techniques don't come from them being chakra enhanced, but from the chakra explosion that comes at the end of the technique. This is not just a neglagible amount, but one equal to a ranked ninjutsu. It's not that you're using a fist to block a fireball, it's that you're using an explosion of chakra to meet the fireball head on and block it that way.
About stamina, it was meant for a literal stamina system. I figured POTS had one. The Waltz Stamina rule is null in POTS and I'll delete it now.
Throughout most of the ninja world most ninja use tools such as katanas and spears as their main weapons, and as a secondary option kunai and shuriken. Very few ninjas though focus on the use of precision strikes with fine and small objects. These small objects are called Senbon, preferred tools of assassins and medics. This style is a new one, created by a young Shinobi that concentrates in the use of Senbon in order to perfect the art of killing with these weapons. Unlike most small weapon styles, this style is actually used at close range, the optimal range for the style is at 5.29m, still has effects at around 22.36m if the target is caught off guard. The style focuses on quick, almost untraceable styles aimed at the target's weak spots such as the neck, joints, head and such.
Rules and Notes:
1) Must be a Weapon Specialist or Assassin 2) Because of the nature of the style, the user must be a Tactical Shinobi 3) Each Senbon weighs around 113.40g, or .25lbs. 4) Each senbon travels at a speed of around 22.36m/s or 50 m/h, the speed with which an average person can hurl a baseball, meaning that anything under 5.59 meters is a sure hit. The average reaction time of a person is a fourth of a second and that is the distance it travels in that time. 5) As it is said in the chakra coat for the senbon, the speed of it doubles, moving at 44.72m/s, making the sure hit range increase to 11.18m. 6) The average draw time for a senbon is 1.15 seconds 7) Both the crippled and Bleed Out Status remain on the target until medical assistance has been brought on to the target. 8 ) The statuses of the style are can be activated after each of the status givers are learned, but the status giving shots don't have to be used to activate them. In other words if a Senbon Shot is used and it hits the target in the wrist, [ Cripple ] is activated. Joint shot, Artery Shot and Nerve Pinch are only learned to give the user the ability to use the statuses. 9) Techniques that are branded ' Ninjutsu ' do not cost chakra unless stated.
Stage 1: D Rank
Required Growth: This is the introductory stage in which the user learns how to handle the weapon itself, as well as his own body to use the weapon in conjunction with himself
Technique(s) Learned
Senbon Fire Rank: E Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: 39.13m Description: A simple technique that teaches the user the most effective way to fire a single senbon at a time. Instead of holding it with two fingers like most shinobi do, the user is taught to grab it with their entire hand and do a quick throw of the Senbon.
Measurement Rank: D Type: Vision | Supplementary Description: Not really a technique, but a trait that the user learns as he practices with the first stage. The user learns different distances and how to distingush them using the amount of ground between himself and the target, shadows, and so on, which are important in the style, as well as the timing that it takes to get a hit under the human reaction time to ensure a hit.
Shadow Senbon Rank: D Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: 20m Description: In this technique the user grabs two senbon without the target noticing the weapons and throws them both at once; one above the other, using the first senbon's shadow to hide the first and achieve a surprise hit.
Wire Attatch Rank: D Type: Training | Supplementary Description: With this technique the user learns how to attack ninja wire to the senbon for use later on within the style in order to prepare more powerful attacks.
Stage 2: C Rank
Required Growth: In this stage the user begins to learn about the human body, not really focusing on the user's growth physically, but on the knowledge based growth. With this stage the user learns timing, weak spots, joints, and overall how the human body works in order to destroy it. In order to achieve the next stage the user must study at least two of the training techniques. These training techniques take three posts each, regardless of rank.
Technique(s) Learned
Twin Senbon Rank: D Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: 39.13m Description: The way to hold the senbon changes. Instead of holding a single senbon with the hand closed the user now holds two in between his fingers and then hurls them toward the enemy.
Body Study: Joints Rank: D Type: Training | Supplementary Description: The user begins to study the easier joints to hit with a senbon and studies over the basic bone structure of the human body, putting emphasis on the wrist, the elbow, and the knee. In addition he learns that by placing a senbon in this area the usage of the area in question may be hindered and even stopped if enough force is applied.
Body Study: Arteries Rank: C Type: Training | Supplementary Description: In this segment of training the user learns the number of arteries in the human body and where they are located at, in addition to this he also learns that by hitting these areas the target may bleed out in a couple of posts after being afflicted with these types of wounds.
Body Study: Anatomy Rank: C Type: Training | Supplementary Description: With this study session, the practitioner learns about basic human anatomy in hopes of learning not just how to strike the enemy, both with needles and with his own body, but also how to protect himself and learn what blows he can afford to take, and which he can't.
Body Study: Nerves Rank: C Type: Training | Supplementary Description: This is the last part of the basic teachings of the style. The practitioner learns the localization of the nerves in the human body and which are easier to hit and which aren't. Depending on where they are located is the effect that it'll have on the target. This effect can be something from an involuntary twitch to a temporary death.
Stage 3: C Rank
Required Growth: After studying the human body, the user now starts honing his skills in order to put what he learned into practice. This stage focuses in teaching the practitioner how to put the theory he learned in the post before into practice
Technique(s) Learned
Joint Hit Rank: C Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: 22.36m max range - 7m Optimal Range Description: Putting what he learned in the last stage into practice, the user throws a senbon aimed to hit one of the joints in the target's body. If the target is hit, it applies the [ Crippled ] Status on to him/her. What this status does is that it renders the joint that was affected unusable if the target is hit within the optimal range. If hit outside of that range the usage of that joint becomes slow, making it weaker. If hit in the arm, strength lowers by one rank. If hit on the leg, speed lowers by one rank. These effects may stack with any subsequent hit.
Artery Hit Rank: C Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: Optimal Range: 7m Max Range: 22.36m Description: Putting what he learned in the last stage into practice, the user throws a senbon aimed to hit one of the arteries in the target's body. If the target is hit, it applies the [ Bleeding Out ] Status on to him. What this status does is that it causes bleeding to the target unless something is done to stop it. With the senbon still lodged inside of the target they will bleed out in about fifteen posts, causing them their death. But if the senbon is taken out of the wound that count is lowered to seven posts.
Nerve Pinch Rank: B Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: Optimal Range: 7m Max Range: 22.36m Description: Putting what he learned in the last stage into practice, the user throws a senbon aimed to hit one of the nerves in the target's body. If the target is hit, it applies the [ Pinch ] Status on to him. What this status does is that it causes the target to lose some control over their body, depending on the area that is hit, and the range. At optimal range it can stop movement in an area, as well as feeling in it. When outside of the optimal range it causes high discomfort on the area and hinders the movement of the enemy.
Quick Draw Rank: C Type: Weapon | Supplementary Description: This is a trait that is developed through time in the style. The practitioner develops the ability to quickly draw a senbon from where they are stored in order to fire them rapidly. What this technique does is that it decreases the draw time of a senbon in half, or .57 seconds; a little over half a second.
Stage 4: B Rank
Required Growth: With the basics now covered in the last three stages, the user now begins to focus on making the techniques much more complex and intricate in order to cause more damage. This complexity is added by three factors: Movement, Chakra and Strings.
Technique(s) Learned
Chakra Coat Rank: B Type: Ninjutsu | Offensive Description: Unlike most chakra coats for weapons, the chakra coats for senbon has two effects. The first one is that it doubles the speed with which these projectiles travel to almost 45 m/s. The second effect comes when one of the three affliction techniques are used. The chakra coat makes the optimal range increase from 7m to 11m. The coat remains active for as long as the user keeps it active and the chakra is placed on each senbon the user touches. The user pays a C Ranked Chakra cost per senbon.
Tri Shot Rank: B Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: 39.13m Description: Much like the other two shot techniques, this technique teaches the user how to correctly throw three senbon at once. Though not practical, this works best as a distraction technique or to hit an enemy that isn't aware of the user.
Wire Shot Rank: B Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: 25m Description: Wire shot is a technique in which the user fires a single senbon that has wire attached to it. The purpose of this isn't to hit the enemy with the senbon, but to tie him with the wire and draw him in.
Curve Shot Rank: B Type: Weapon | Offensive Range: 30m Description: As the name suggests, curve shot is a technique in which the user fires a senbon at an angle in which to the target it looks like its going to miss, but the angle allows it to move at a curve to catch the enemy while he isn't suspecting.
Stage 5: A Rank
Required Growth: The user begins to capitalize on the use of chakra and the strings in order to capture or kill enemies with the Style's attack, making the strings and the use of Chakra an integral part of the battle style.
Technique(s) Learned
Wire Tap Rank: A Type: Ninja Tool | Offensive Range: 20m Description: The user grabs two senbon with the strings attached to them, both of the strings being around twenty meters long and throws them to the side in a way that they will arch behind the target and spin, capturing the target in the ninja wire, wrapping him up and restricting the enemy's movement.
Senbon Mirrage Rank: A Type: Ninjutsu | Offensive Range: 25m Description: Senbon Mirrage is an optical illusion learned by the user in which the user throws the senbon at an angle which it reflects the light of the sun, or any other source of light, causing it to meld with the surroundings and become very hard to see by the target, giving the user an edge in battle.
Suppressor Rank: A Type: Ninjutsu | Supplementary Description: As the name states, this is a technique in which the user throws the senbon in such a way that when it makes contact with the air it makes no sound, making it perfect for assassinations.
Wire Control Rank: A Type: Ninjutsu | Supplementary Description: The user focuses his chakra on a max of four ninja wire that are flying at an enemy. With this technique the user is able to control the wire at his will, allowing him to control the senbon's trajectory with the wire.
Stage 6: S Rank
Required Growth: Upon reaching this stage there isn't much left for the user to learn. He has learned about the human body, how to use the senbon, how to fight with senbon and there is only one thing left to learn, and that is none other than to control the senbons themselves.
Technique(s) Learned
Chakra Senbon Rank: S Type: Ninjutsu | Offensive Range: 35m Description: Chakra Senbon is a technique which the user learns in the last stage of the style because of what it does. In essence, it is a single senbon made out of chakra. Just like the chakra coat technique, it travels at double the speed of a regular senbon, but what makes it stronger still is that when it makes contact with a target the senbon erupts in a blast of chakra. The user must pay 7 CP for the creation of each senbon and only five may be created per post.
Senbon Control Rank: S Type: Ninjutsu | Offensive Range: 35m Description: Senbon control is the last technique in the style that the user learns. Senbon Control grants the user control over these ninja tools and allows the user to use them at his will by manipulating his charka and causing them to move at will. The control of these items lasts for 5 posts and this technique does cost chakra.
Created by iAkura-kun
Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:21 pm
Unfortuntely, noone is willing to look at Custom styles right now. I will give it a try, but know that my approval can be revoked later down the line.
Hikaro: You need to get someone who isn't you to approve it. Sorry.
iSuperKamiTenchi-kun
Simple Version: Overall I think I'll agree with Luo's decision that this cannot work.
Long Version:
Unleash: nulling anything is not possible except in very special circumstances (ex. Hand Seal Mastery benefit for professions). Otherwise you can maybe stop, or destroy a jutsu, but not null it (which would treat it as if it never happened). You wouldnt be able to null jutsu with a higher defensive ability, like many doton jutsu, and even many offensive jutsu wouldnt make sense for being stopped with taijutsu. Why would punching a fireball jutsu stop it? or even effect it? For comparison, a Ninjutsu tech might be able to stop it, for instance a water ball of comparable size would stop it mid-flight while the fireball would just fly through your punch unscathed (well it would be unscathed). Those jutsu which could be destroyed/blocked by taijutsu usually say so right in the description. Basically this ability is redundant in those circumstances where it would be valid, and silly in those where it wouldnt.
With Chakra explosions from your hands, there is a point where it g oes from being taijutsu to ninjutsu. Huge chakra explosions would be ninjutsu, and certainly not applicable to every "unleash" move on your list.
iAkura: I'm going to recommend Luo work with you on this one. His main RPC specializes in the use of Senbon, so he would have an interest in looking at this style personally.
Luo1304
Mind looking at Akura's style? It would be cool if you looked at mine too, I wouldnt mind i swear. <_<
@iAkura: Hey buddy. So, I really dig the style on a whole. There are some problems with it, but they aren't so numerous or difficult that I'm not willing to help you fix them. I'll start off with just some general things to do to make this a bit better.
1. Fix grammar/wording/spelling. It isn't terrible, but there are some points in there as far as jutsu go that make it difficult for me to even begin to understand the the goal is. I feel like it's staring me in the face, but I can't grasp it. So you can probably save yourself some flack from me about jutsu if you just ran the whole thing through MS Word or something, and just looked over some stuff. Not a big deal at all.
2. I like how you've incorporated the fractions of seconds it takes for senbon to travel in certain ranges. However, you've still got a give most of the speeds an actual rank. Like, if you see it being A-ranked in speed generally, but more specifically you'd put it at A.5 that's fine, just as long as I have an idea. Generally speaking, I see it being required of an opponent to have a matching ranked speed with some sort of reflexive/speed bonus.
3. In the rules, I don't quite understand why they have to be a tactical shinobi. I guess if you want to keep that it's fine, but I personally would add speed shinobi since the style clearly focuses on that very same aspect.
4. For [Bleeding Out], I don't think you ever explained what happens after the post count ends. Do you suddenly drop dead? Do you go unconscious? What's the end result of an Artery Hit?
5. Some of the jutsu in the higher ranks I honestly don't think should cost as much as they do. Like, throwing one wired senbon with Wire Shot is B-ranked. I've seen genin do stuff like that all over the place.
6. Just as a suggestion, I think some of the techniques warrant more senbon. But that's just me wanting to see it being just a little bit more awesome.
Work on this general list and resubmit it. Just pay attention to the jutsu wording and add some loose ranks to speed and stuff.
