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 Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 10:11 am
Why am I running? Not that many people are fully awake. Liran slowed down to a brisk walk. The cold and moist air was kind of chilling to him. Maybe running isn't that bad. At least I'll be warm. He looked down to the ground and saw that he was standing in the shade of the church. That's why it’s so cold and moist. I'm in the shade. I must be getting slower with every passing day. He side-stepped into the morning sunlight. A warm sensation flowed through Liran's body as he whispered a prayer of thanks. That is so much better.
The young scholar started again to leisurely walk towards the dining hall. He looked around and admired his surroundings. A smile covered his face. Joy filled every inch of him for the moment, even the areas of perpetual sadness. Relief flowed through him as well.
Nothing can kill my mood.
He stopped at once when he saw the whole in the oak door. Wow. That's some power to put a hole in a solid oak door. Wonder who did it. Liran continued to walk cautiously towards the door. He peered inside. A guy in white was sitting at the table. The blood in his hair sent worry throughout Liran. he opened the door. "Are you alright? Your head is bleeding." Questions were running through his head. Who is this man? Why is his head bleeding? Did he put the hole in the door? Is he another student of Anuir's? where did he come from? many more questions zoomed through his head. One question after another grasped his mind and attention. Why am I asking myself? Only this man and God know the answers to my questions. I should ask him. Then, the blood in his hair caught his attention again. After I ask if he's okay.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 10:12 am
As Aurak staggers into the grounds, he sees that some people are already there, training. Hmm, I guess these folks already know when to start training, Interesting... He continues to wander around the grounds, in search of a free dummy.
After a few minutes, he finally finds one, untouched by steel, magic or flesh. Examining it carefully, making mental notes at the dummies height, width and possibly how it was being propped up with its "Legs". Hmm, Is that it? A single post for legs? I have defeated SPIDERS more capable than this!
The dragon pulled his talon back and sends it into the dummy. The impact was hard enough to snap the single post in half, breaking the dummy free from its restraint. The dragon-kins Talon, just "Disappeared" Inside of the dummies torso area. Now it seemed that he has the dummy for a hand instead of the normal Talon that he had. He tries to shake the dummy off of his talon, but fails. Whispering to himself angrily; Blasted thing, these dummies are worthless! he gave a hard thrust to his right, the straw-filled dummy let free and soars into the air.
Looking to the direction of where the dummy was flying, the dragon realized it was heading straight for a man with raven hair, sitting beside his sword, staring at the abbey. His eyes widened as the dummy flew closer to him. Shouting the the man at the top of his lungs. HEADS UP!
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 3:14 pm
Edit: My post seemed to be missing something and... (Shudder) overly dramatic. Hopefully it is more toned down.
Deugaro was reminiscing again, whilst the younger folk bruised and maimed themselves upon inanimate objects.
He truely did not belong in this plane of existence, his real home being a scarlet tainted wasteland where any touched by the red sun became near invincible at the cost of all happiness. In that perverted reality he was repeatedly spawned, his astral being never failing to place itself in exact replicas of his living body.
Yet another thing that was stripped away from him.
Still he took up a responisbility from the first time he was actually born. That reason was to free all that were suffering in this blood painted world. Any direct contact with the red sun's light mutated the skin into a a sickening pattern of oranges, yellows and reds. Some mutations were severe, causing buckling of the skin and fluidic combustability. Others were impossible to even imagine. The reinforcement of their bodies allowed them to endure so much more pain, forcing them to survive dehumanization and become what he called "Giant torsos".
Their screams were so horrendous that even the sickest man would cringe in pity.
The knife man, Liran I think it was, was pondering over the swordsman that was here earlier. A snapping sound came from somewhere else on the training grounds and was dismissed as someone else training.
After a few grunts he identified the sounds as the dragon-kin.
'Why is he not just using his magic like earlier?'
"HEADS UP!"
'What is he yell-'
A mass of straw, cloth and wood collided with his head, creating an anti-climactic thunk and sent the assassin crashing into a state of unconsciousness.
"...Wake up Deugrashimbatekete."
The ethereal sound came from a decrepit and frail old woman, her skin blotched red.
"Wake up child, the Dark Sun's are to train you today."
Her mouth did not move but a form of telepathy sounded out from the eyes. A trait of all tortured by the sun.
His booted feet plodded over the white stones inside his building, an incredible corridor that wound around the planet multiple times. Lining the walls were both skeletons and unliving well tended to bodies. At empty spaces there were carefully folded clothes that were exactly the same as the ones he was currently wearing. His past lives, where the skeletons stood, were in front of unrestrained magnificent weapons ranging from god-like to simple weapons of amazing power.
"Remember!", she wiggled her red eyes back and forth at him while striding towards a dark room. "You still have to lead us to our doom!"
However one should feel at that moment Deugaro would never know. Leading your adopted mother and family to their deaths? They would be happy.
But the assassin would become overcome with grief.
Grunting, Deugaro pushed himself away from the ground, discarding the dummy laying on his back with a shrug. Burgundy ichor stung at the edge of his left eye, a stream coursing down from the side of his head and matting his hair.
"HEADS UP!"
"Aurak...", he spat while lifting himself into a sitting position. "You are going to pay for this hole in my head."
Although it was a good thing over all. His little flashback had reminded him of a powerful Dakoon.
"With blood stains on my tools.", the assassin spoke calmly, turning his head towards where the Dragon-kin should be. "Raiscyto, Rantan, Burikka, Nine Spiral, Vitae Chimes, Invictus, Red Suns, Stirenas, Sanbakuken, Lisefaf, Phobos, Myoncre and Sursuigi... my favorite weapons."
With his head reeling and fair certainty of a large splinter lodged in his head, the dark man began exploring the wound with his gloved hand.
'I'll be dead forever if I have piece of wood stuck in my head for the rest of my life... again.'
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:43 am
"Raoden, eh? Weird name. Anyway, do yeh know anythin' 'bout carin' fer horses? No? I didn't think so. Doesn't matter! Carin' fer the horses ain't my job anyhow, 'cept fer when my brother's sick er somethin'. He'll come by later an' care of 'em. WE'RE gonna be runnin' errands for my aunt. She helps out in the kitchen, not by cookin' though. Nope, she runs around figurein' out peoples needs, then tells me an' meh cousin ta get 'em for her. Hope yer used ta runnin', 'cause if ya ain't yeh'll be havin' a right hard time with eht." David's monologue continued as he led Raoden past the supply stall to a small door in the very back of the stables. It endured the trip across the abbey grounds to the dining area, seeming to pause only long enough for David to breathe.
Raoden was at a loss for what to do. For someone who was used to only anti-social street rats, David was the most astonishing person he'd ever met! Not to mention the fact that he seemed to have more to say in one sitting than Raoden had in a year. So he just listened, with the occasional incredulous glance at his newfound companion.
"... An' so I wen' an' got eht, but when I cam' back she--"
"DAVID!!" a shrill scream cut him off, making the talkative boy jump as though he'd been electrocuted. They were in the kitchen now, and it seemed to Raoden that they'd accidentally walked straight into another world. He'd been studying the fascinatingly chaotic bustle of the staff when a plump, red faced woman with frizzled hair had walked up to David and started screaming at him.
In return to her shill scream David seemed to shrink back, replying with wide eyes and a humble tone, "Yes Aunty?"
The woman, who Raoden now knew to be David's aunt, stopped. She'd just noticed Raoden standing there, staring at her as if she had three heads and a spiked tail. "What are ye starin' at, boy?" then, turning back to David, "You, you ungrateful boy, where HAVE you been!? Nevermind! That does na' matter now! But it had better not happen again!! Now. I need..." She went on, describing various supplies that needed to be picked up, along with many messages to certain personel in the abby, and some things that would need to be picked up, then delivered. Raoden watched David, noting that his face was scrunched up in concentration. Of course! David would be required to remember each and every task he was given, as he and his aunt were probably illiterate!
How odd... Most of the people Raoden had known were illiterate, including his adoptive parents, but for some reason the common thought on the streets was that people with actual jobs, and actual homes, were ALL educated! Now he realized how ignorant most of the thieves and worse scum on the streets really were...
This revelation had taken only a second or two to form, and Raoden had come back to the present to find David's aunt trailing off with the last admonition that David "go and be quick about it!". She then turned around, heading off to some unknown destination to find more errands that needed to be done.
David turned and grinned at Raoden, who blinked at him in astonishment. Was every day going to have as many new discoveries as this one was turning out to have? David laughed at the expression on Raoden's face, "Yep! Tha' was my aunt! Don't worry about feelin' shocked silly. She tends ta have tha' effect on people. Now come on an' don't lag behind! We've got a lot ta do now!"
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 4:50 pm
After walking for quite some time, Kuri spied a building that could only be the Garden Shrine. Her pace quickened to a jog and within ten minutes she had reached the large, ominous looking gate which was standing slightly ajar.
Taking a moment to admire the beauty of the shrine, Kuri pushed the gate open further and entered the grounds. She saw many different people in the grounds going about various tasks, but decided against asking directions for the moment, preferring to just explore by herself.
Straight ahead of her was a courtyard filled with practice dummies and an archery range, both of which looked well used. Kuri's fingers itched to hold a bow and arrow again and to feel the comfortable weight of a sword in her hands.
'I will find some-one later to find out where the practice equipment is stored' Kuri thought, before shifting her gaze.
Beyond courtyard was the abbey itself, a big, imposing building with a tower at one end, reached by a bridge from the abbey. Before entering the abbey Kuri first decided to explore the grounds, wishing she had a camera to capture the beautiful things she was seeing forever. She spent time just wandering through the field of flowers from which the Shrine took its name, breathing in their sweet scent and thinking of her home, before looking around elsewhere inside the walls.
Having explored every corner of the grounds, Kuri asked directions of a kitchen hand then took her bag up to the sleeping quarters on the second floor. After a quick wash her wanderings then took Kuri to the 3rd floor, where she soon lost herself in amongst the history contained in the books stored therein. Forgetting she had not yet introduced herself whoever was in charge here, Kuri curled up in an armchair with a pile of books on the small table next to her and stayed that way, engrossed in book after book for hours, until hunger pains forced her to cease and discover where the kitchen was.
Sadly she put the books back in their rightful places, there was a feeling deep in her heart that although she had spent many years searching for the Garden Shrine, her stay here would be a short one. Kuri took one last look around the grand library then disappeared down the stairs, filled with the peace of a mission successfully accomplished.
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Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:30 am
No_1_cares You Will Never Be A Man
As he hurried towards the dining area Takamura's head swam with the thoughts of the day. Anxious for a fight he often would clutch and release his katana, wanting desperately to engage in battle. Takamura ran across the grounds, seeming to float along atop the blades of dew soaked grass, not leaving a footprint, despite his 180 pound frame. He smiled as the crisp morning air brushed his face and whistled in his ears. Continuing to sprint Takamura relished the feelings and emotions the wind conveyed, every sense was heightened, every sensation intensified, it gave him a sense of euphoria. Unfortunately for him, he failed to notice that he was fast approaching the closed doors to the dining area and slammed into the solid oak surface, smashing a hole in the exquisitely carved door. Recoiling from the blow he rubbed the top of his head and peered through the hole, hoping desperately no one had seen him. Quickly he opened the door and made his way to the table, a small trickle of blood matting his hair around his wound. He ignored it and waited for someone else to enter the hall.
Unless You Are A Gentleman
Well, that was interesting. It was almost like one of those scenes where you see two people running in a field towards each other, but instead of ending in the other's arms, they hit heads and fall over. Very slapstick, but it did keep you from getting too full of yourself. That is good. You can't possibly take yourself too seriously and have fun. They just don't work that well together.
Overall it was a very good, solid post. There are a few things here and there that need to be examined though.Quote: As he hurried towards the dining area Takamura's head swam with the thoughts of the day. Quote: As he hurried towards the dining area, Takamura's head swam with the thoughts of the day. Quote: Takamura ran across the grounds, seeming to float along atop the blades of dew soaked grass, not leaving a footprint, despite his 180 pound frame.
Otherwise, good post, I like how this character is shaping up.
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Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:34 am
Squireof the son Why am I running? Not that many people are fully awake. Liran slowed down to a brisk walk. The cold and moist air was kind of chilling to him. Maybe running isn't that bad. At least I'll be warm. He looked down to the ground and saw that he was standing in the shade of the church. That's why it’s so cold and moist. I'm in the shade. I must be getting slower with every passing day. He side-stepped into the morning sunlight. A warm sensation flowed through Liran's body as he whispered a prayer of thanks. That is so much better. The young scholar started again to leisurely walk towards the dining hall. He looked around and admired his surroundings. A smile covered his face. Joy filled every inch of him for the moment, even the areas of perpetual sadness. Relief flowed through him as well. Nothing can kill my mood.
He stopped at once when he saw the whole in the oak door. Wow. That's some power to put a hole in a solid oak door. Wonder who did it. Liran continued to walk cautiously towards the door. He peered inside. A guy in white was sitting at the table. The blood in his hair sent worry throughout Liran. he opened the door. "Are you alright? Your head is bleeding." Questions were running through his head. Who is this man? Why is his head bleeding? Did he put the hole in the door? Is he another student of Anuir's? where did he come from? many more questions zoomed through his head. One question after another grasped his mind and attention. Why am I asking myself? Only this man and God know the answers to my questions. I should ask him. Then, the blood in his hair caught his attention again. After I ask if he's okay.
I have nothing to say other than
+1 rank, push to advanced rank low
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Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 10:14 pm
You Will Never Be A Man
Takamura turned to the man that he had assumed addressed him. He bowed low to the man, his brown hair flopping in front of his face. "Hello good sir, I am Takamura Kobayashi, but most people call me Taki." It was then the mans question registered in his mind. Oh dear, he must think I am badly injured, maybe I am. Oh my. he thought as he rose from the bow and lifted his hand to touch the back of his head. Feeling the congealed blood and matted hair Takamura simply sighed. "Another wound. It will heal in time my friend." He took in the mans dress, very unlike his own. He bowed again motioning towards a chair at the table. "Would you care to join me?" Takamura asked, his voice filled with concern.
He always put others before himself, no matter the situation. It wasn't in his nature to be impolite, nor wanting, for he often took far less than his fair share. Eyeing the hole in the door Takamura began to chuckle to himself, to some it would appear he was crazy, but he was far from it. "My head's harder than I thought." He rubbed the back of his head again before resuming his seat at the table.
Unless You Are A Gentleman
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Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 2:39 pm
.°·partnered to NekoOrbenn·°.
*Wipes the dust off.*
Classes will commence shortly, stay tuned.
.°·no one ever suspects the kittah·°.
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:41 pm
As she stood in the barren court yard, Aniur rocked back and forth slightly on her heels, hands clasped behind her back. Her armor rhythmically clanked in the in the fashion she was accustomed to, soothing her as a breath escaped and appeared as a wisp of vapor before her. The air was crisp with the first frost of the season covering the ground, which was hard and latticed appearing from the bits of straw pounded into it. She stilled herself and glanced around. With her back to the abbey, several training dummies made of bits of wood and some straw flanked her to the right, piles of straw bales to the left. Everything was well frozen over, so she was sure that if her students arrived in a timely manner they would receive a few satisfying cracks from their inanimate sparring partners for the first few rounds. Eventually the sun would crest over the eastern wall though and those cracks would turn to dull thuds. They would be on to other things by then she hoped though, so that didn't matter much.
With a small sigh, she steps forward, placing her feet at a slight angle. Her hand slides across her breast plate to the hilt of the sword at her side, well used, but just as well cared for. Aniur believed that as a swordsman, a paladin in the making, she was only as good as her equipment. So every night she unsheathed her sword, checked for cracks, cleaned it, then lovingly replaced it in the finely worked scabbard that her father had passed down to her when she was ready to go off on her own. She would then place it at her right side as she settled down to sleep. It was always there by her, readied for it's eventual use. Closing her eyes, she mused over these things as she lightly traced her fingers over the guard. While her thick plated gloves with their leather underside did not allow for her to have direct contact with the tightly bound animal hide that made up the upper layer of the handle, she was able to trace the contours and find the place that her hand fit so well by instinct. Gingerly, Aniur removes the sword from it's scabbard and brings her right hand to meet her left. Relishing its ring, she opens her eyes and levels her sights at an unseen enemy. Blade directly out in front of her, she brings it down swiftly allowing it to hover an inch above the ground. After a moment of letting it sit there, she brings it back up, rolling her arms to the side as she sweeps the blade across from left to right. These were movements her muscles knew well. Rather than using force to swing, she used the momentum of her previous motion to carry the sword through to its destination. Strength came in when she needed to stop the blade. At least in practice. In battle there would be a body to stop the motion and instead she would force the blade through as far as she could.
Nodding to herself, she repeats this motion several times as she waits for her students to arrive.
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Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 8:08 pm
As he watched his Sensei practice Takamura touched the handle of his katana, it's weight at his side unnoticed after years of carrying the now well used blade. It seemed so long ago that he was fighting the revolution in Japan, the Meji era was in it's upstarts, and the Tokugawa shogunate in it's decline. Takamura's mind drifted to those violent days, where a man could not leave his house without a sword for fear of being robbed not three steps from his door.
Mind still wandering Takamura smiled as he watched Aniur practice her style of swordsmanship. How she reminded the samurai of his first love. The two of them had met in battle, her sword, not unlike Aniur's though shorter in length and lighter by the looks of things, against his katana, it's long slightly curved blade the symbol of elegant death. She had challenged him, and after he had cut through her sword, departed. He saw her only once after that, when he faced her father, and inadvertently killed her. It was then he swore to kill only as a last resort.
Sahking the thoughts from his head he walked slowly up to his sensei, not wanting to startle her lest he receive cold steel to his face. smiling he crossed his arms as he stood just outside her peripheral vision. "You picked a fine time for training Tatsujin. I am eager to face the others that return in battle." he said softly as he looked out over the empty field, it;s contours giving no one person an advantage. nodding he looked at her, hoping she would turn to look at him.
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Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:27 am
If today was your last day, tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday? Watching that dummy, getting closer and closer to the raven-Haired man, it seems that time was slowing down to a crawl. Unfortunately though, he flows as fast as time permits, so he was slowed up as well. Once that mass of straw, cloth and wood made connection to him with the anti-climatic thunk, The dragon-kin winces a bit, like he was jumped by the sheer sight of the scene before him. It seems that his shouting didn't work. If he had ears like a dog, they'd be flat on his head with worry. Great, I think I just killed someone, and to think, I wasn't TRYING to kill something, I just wanted that blasted dummy off of my hand...The Dragon-Kin suddenly hears the man's voice in his ears; "Aurak...", the man spat while lifting himself into a sitting position. "You are going to pay for this hole in my head."
Although it was a good thing over all. His little flashback had reminded him of a powerful Dakoon.
"With blood stains on my tools.", the assassin spoke calmly, turning his head towards where the Dragon-kin should be. "Raiscyto, Rantan, Burikka, Nine Spiral, Vitae Chimes, Invictus, Red Suns, Stirenas, Sanbakuken, Lisefaf, Phobos, Myoncre and Sursuigi... my favorite weapons." Letting out a slight sorrow sigh, he stands his ground, just not in the brave mood that his father taught him in the past. It's only a matter of time now before that man would probably attempt on wounding Aurak, if not kill him. Then, it hits him like a freight train head on, He needs to get going to the Area of combat training. Well, If he can find it first. He quickly scampered from his spot before the raven haired man could do anything, except say what he said. Aurak wasn't being a coward, he was doing what needed to be done for survival. Each day is a gift, and not a given right.
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Posted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 1:15 pm
As he watched his Sensei practice Takamura touched the handle of his katana, it's weight at his side unnoticed after years of carrying the now well used blade. It seemed so long ago that he was fighting the revolution in Japan, the Meji era was in it's upstarts, and the Tokugawa shogunate in it's decline. Takamura's mind drifted to those violent days, where a man could not leave his house without a sword for fear of being robbed not three steps from his door.
Not a bad start to the new class. The post is solid, but you do need a bit of work. Try saying your sentences out loud to get an idea of where you should either place a comma or split off into an entirely new sentence. I know it seems silly, but I still do it myself. All my posts get read out loud before being posted and I still have plenty of errors.
“As he watched his sensei practice, Takamura touched the handle of his katana. It's weight at his side unnoticed after years of carrying the now well used blade.”
Actually the more I look at it, the better start I think it is. What you need to focus on now is the timing of what you're saying. You want the pauses in the right place so it flows and it becomes a joy to read. As for the use of sensei, I don't know if it's an honorific or not because I know nothing of Japanese grammar. So you may capitalize it or not. Also we're still sticking with the no comma before and, only when it's part of a list.
Mind still wandering Takamura smiled as he watched Aniur practice her style of swordsmanship. How she reminded the samurai of his first love. The two of them had met in battle, her sword, not unlike Aniur's though shorter in length and lighter by the looks of things, against his katana, it's long slightly curved blade the symbol of elegant death. She had challenged him, and after he had cut through her sword, departed. He saw her only once after that, when he faced her father, and inadvertently killed her. It was then he swore to kill only as a last resort.
Same thing as before, read it out loud so you get a better idea of where those pauses should be. If it doesn't sound quite right when you say it, chances are it doesn't read right as well.
“Mind still wandering, Takamura smiled as he watched Aniur practice her style of swordsmanship. “
Mostly just a case of misplaced commas. Otherwise not bad.
Sahking the thoughts from his head he walked slowly up to his sensei, not wanting to startle her lest he receive cold steel to his face. smiling he crossed his arms as he stood just outside her peripheral vision. "You picked a fine time for training Tatsujin. I am eager to face the others that return in battle." he said softly as he looked out over the empty field, it;s contours giving no one person an advantage. nodding he looked at her, hoping she would turn to look at him.
The last few bits are a tad sloppy. XP That can just be fixed by paying closer attention. Otherwise good. Kinda seems like you guys don't really need me anymore. *chuckles* Hopefully we'll get some fresh blood in here sooner or later.
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Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 12:45 pm
Watching that dummy, getting closer and closer to the raven-Haired man, it seems that time was slowing down to a crawl. Unfortunately though, he flows as fast as time permits, so he was slowed up as well. Once that mass of straw, cloth and wood made connection to him with the anti-climatic thunk, The dragon-kin winces a bit, like he was jumped by the sheer sight of the scene before him. It seems that his shouting didn't work.
Being as we're trying to get this up and going, I'm going to ignore the reference to “that dummy” because I have no idea which one you're talking about or if it is even one in the court yard. If that is the case you're there with myself and Taka, but spacing out? It's a good post, you just make no reactions to either him or myself which should be part of the point, length aside. We also seem to have a continuity problem here. While this is much better than you once were, you need to watch your tenses.
“Unfortunately though, he flowed as fast as time would permit, so he was slowed as well.”
or
“Unfortunately though, his movements flow only as fast as time permits them to, so he seems sluggish as well.”
Bear with me here, it's not early by any means. I am a bit off today so while my explanations might not spot on they should be fairly close. Lets see, I would also like you double check what you capitalizing before you post. I'm fairly sure “Haired” in that first sentence shouldn't be in caps. There are also a few instances of you using commas instead of periods. They are by no means earth shattering issues, but its sloppy. I do expect a bit better from you. Just a heads up, you can also go back and change these things later on if I haven't corrected your post yet.
If he had ears like a dog, they'd be flat on his head with worry.
Great, I think I just killed someone, and to think, I wasn't TRYING to kill something, I just wanted that blasted dummy off of my hand...
The Dragon-Kin suddenly hears the man's voice in his ears;
"Aurak...", the man spat while lifting himself into a sitting position. "You are going to pay for this hole in my head."
Although it was a good thing over all. His little flashback had reminded him of a powerful Dakoon.
"With blood stains on my tools.", the assassin spoke calmly, turning his head towards where the Dragon-kin should be. "Raiscyto, Rantan, Burikka, Nine Spiral, Vitae Chimes, Invictus, Red Suns, Stirenas, Sanbakuken, Lisefaf, Phobos, Myoncre and Sursuigi... my favorite weapons."
Letting out a slight sorrow sigh, he stands his ground, just not in the brave mood that his father taught him in the past. It's only a matter of time now before that man would probably attempt on wounding Aurak, if not kill him.
I don't know whats going on here, but sorrow isn't the word you are looking for. Or perhaps its the way you're tackling it.
“Letting out a sigh tinged with sorrow”
or
“Letting out an anguished sigh”
Though sorrow could be used in the same way anguished is if you just alter it to “sorrowed”. Otherwise the post is very good. You have grown quite a bit in your abilities, but you need to make sure to clean up the small stuff. It's all about paying attention.
Just as I told Taka, be sure to read your posts out loud. Each sentence. Watch your flow and timing. If it doesn't sound right, it probably doesn't read right as well.
Then, it hits him like a freight train head on, He needs to get going to the Area of combat training. Well, If he can find it first. He quickly scampered from his spot before the raven haired man could do anything, except say what he said. Aurak wasn't being a coward, he was doing what needed to be done for survival.
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