Journal of ElfTech 403
Monday, November 14th, 2005, 2:51pmThey're coming after me. I know it. They already got to 013. The other elves say he was laid off but I think he had secretly sent a high frequency signal to the constellation of Scorpio and he transported himself to Betelgeuse with masterful aligning of his chakra.
I can feel my chakra aligning too. Maybe if I hang up more banana peels for the great Sun God I'll be able to send out a gamma beam of peace and get out.
Today we had "Neo-Pizza" for food. One of the tomato slices on the pizza started talking to me in a mournful voice, telling me about how I had a XFE-4532 silicon wafer implanted in my foot. I was so appalled! This must be a sign from the stage-3 civilization on Betelgeuse.
I came up with a brilliant plan to remove the silicon wafer from my foot but I forgot about it. Sensing the paramount need for mitigation of this problem, I stared at the carpet for exactly 5603.33 seconds and an image of a Grand Squid came to form, and it told me to arrange the banana peels so that they faced East. That way, they would collect the cosmic alpha rays beaming in from the Steinn galaxy, deflect them at a perfect angle onto my foot and evaporate the nefarious silicon wafer.
I must be very careful about this, I might need to purloin more bananas from the pantry to execute this highly s3nsitive and sekr3tive operation. I don't think Mrs. Claus will be happy to know I have a tactical espionage silicon wafer installed in my locomotive appendage, as she has always been fastidious about meeting quotas. I must continue making toys as usual so that no suspicion is raised.
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
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Elftech369 gave me bananas.
BANANAS!!!
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I was so elated I started running around in tight circles!