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Journal of ElfTech 722

Monday, November 14th, 2005 1:00 PM

You know that feeling you get when you are holding pocket aces and you see an ace turn over on the flop? Well, that is nothing compared to the feeling of joy and elation at starting work here at S. Corp! I can barely contain myself.
Of course I act all cool. Good thing elftech 247 gave me a good referral for this job. ( Not that he knows it sssssh. I faked it. hehe. ) It helps to have an edge like that. Always looking for that edge ... that's me. I can bluff my way into any job. Mrs. Claus wasn't easy to fool, but I think I pulled it off ok.

Mrs. Claus Wrote:

So, tell me a bit about your work experience ... have you worked on a project like this before?



I didn't know what to say because my only legitimate job was working as the "Amazing Elf" at Johnny K. Gambino's Gold Mountain. Card tricks and parlor magic stunts, ya know. Not exactly the qualifications needed for ... well, I have no idea what I will be making exactly, but toy construction is not exactly my forte. I can palm the ace of spades from the middle of the deck without even looking but my etch-a-sketch construction skills are a little weak.

Elftech722 Wrote:

Oh sure. Of course. Yes. I have worked on many such .... projects before. But then, what elf hasn't? haha ha!
Well, perhaps nothing of this scale maybe ... but you get the idea. Lots of BIG projects. Making a toy for every girl and boy is all in a day's work for me! I just buckle down and you would not believe how much I can do.
By the way, I heard that we will be working directly with Santa in the workshop. Is that true? I mean, what an honor! A real treat! To work for the big man himself is just a ---



She interrupted me:

Mrs. Claus Wrote:

Well, we need you to start right away. Follow Elftech013 into the next room and he will show you where to start.



Funny thing, now that I think of it, I haven't seen Elftech013 around since then. But then, this is a large scale operation so it is hard to keep track of all the new faces. It doesn't help that we all kinda look the same. hehe.

Journals of ElfTech 126
Monday, November 14, 2005 :: Sometime after 2pm.

doo bee doo bee doo! the life of an elf for me!

i guess lots of people must be reading my journal. when i got back to my room from my big first day, there was a big box of ticking packages on my bed, and a note from the security staff:

S Corp Security Screening Wrote:

due to the ticking nature of the packages in this box, all packages had to be scanned, xrayed, and opened by the S Corp Bomb squad robot. We're sorry for the troubles, all contents were left unharmed.

In the future, please inform your family and friends to not send any packages that 'tick'. Because of recent events, we are at a level three security alert here at S Corp, and all incoming mail and packages must be screened by the Security Staff.

and... to my suprise! watches! lots of them. all for me from my people who feel bad for me for forgetting my watch. the only problem tho is that even though the screening people said that the contents were undamaged, all the watches that people sent me are showing different times, and some of them are cracked. it's okay tho. the way i see it, people care about me, so i'm going to wear them all. i've got a pretty good chance of looking at all the watches and at least one of them being right, which is good enough for me.

today wasn't as much fun as i expected, but it being my first day on the new job, it's never fun, you know? lots of meeting the managers, a 'workplace ethics' video that i was forced to watch (some of the stuff that video had in it was gross!) and lots of forms to sign. something about an NDA or something. i was so bored by that point that i didn't even read it, i just flipped to the last page and signed it. what does NDA stand for? No Dropping Animals? Nine Different Assignmets? oh no! i don't want nine assignments. i probably shouldn't have signed that one.

...

so they put me in this lab working on the newest toys for this year. such exciting stuff. there's this pen, that writes, and talks to you and even teaches you languages and stuff! that one is really cool. i 'borrowed' one and i've been doodling with it all night, trying to get it to say silly stuff.

oh! and there's this really cute elf who works just around the corner from me! i was having a bit of fun playing with the doors with the blinky lights, and she saw me. i think she was staring at me. i'm going to have to wander over tomorrow and see if she wants to join me for coffee or something.

maybe we can take a nice moonlight stroll outside, if i can get 547 to show me how he gets through those doors. i heard something from the other elves how he like teleports through the doors or something. maybe he can show me how. then i can get outside... and play in the snow... mmmm... cold. snow.

i'll have to find a jacket first, tho. it's cold out there.

Journal of ElfTech 403

Monday, November 14th, 2005, 2:51pm

They're coming after me. I know it. They already got to 013. The other elves say he was laid off but I think he had secretly sent a high frequency signal to the constellation of Scorpio and he transported himself to Betelgeuse with masterful aligning of his chakra.

I can feel my chakra aligning too. Maybe if I hang up more banana peels for the great Sun God I'll be able to send out a gamma beam of peace and get out.

Today we had "Neo-Pizza" for food. One of the tomato slices on the pizza started talking to me in a mournful voice, telling me about how I had a XFE-4532 silicon wafer implanted in my foot. I was so appalled! This must be a sign from the stage-3 civilization on Betelgeuse.


I came up with a brilliant plan to remove the silicon wafer from my foot but I forgot about it. Sensing the paramount need for mitigation of this problem, I stared at the carpet for exactly 5603.33 seconds and an image of a Grand Squid came to form, and it told me to arrange the banana peels so that they faced East. That way, they would collect the cosmic alpha rays beaming in from the Steinn galaxy, deflect them at a perfect angle onto my foot and evaporate the nefarious silicon wafer.

I must be very careful about this, I might need to purloin more bananas from the pantry to execute this highly s3nsitive and sekr3tive operation. I don't think Mrs. Claus will be happy to know I have a tactical espionage silicon wafer installed in my locomotive appendage, as she has always been fastidious about meeting quotas. I must continue making toys as usual so that no suspicion is raised.

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Elftech369 gave me bananas.

BANANAS!!!

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I was so elated I started running around in tight circles!

Journal of ElfTech 404
Monday, November 14th, 2005
3:11pm

This just in, Manuel Cladriffe will be at the premiere! This is so exciting, I get to meet the real Larry Pottar whee . My password is... wait, some people are saying I'm being scammed. What's going on here? I know the first rule in Gaia which is don't send out your password EVER, no matter what. Kind of suspicious, but I want those tickets! Still, I think I should listen to the general public on this one. Darn talk2hand

Quote:
Hey Elftech404,

I heard that the man who plays Larry Pottar himself (yes Manuel Cladriffe!) is going to be going to the premiere in the North Pole! He will be in a private viewing room, only for VIPs! I have an in with the screening guy, and can bring one guest! I noticed you were a fan, so would you like to meet Larry Pottar himself? So not ONLY will you get free tickets if you write about your day, but you can also meet Larry Pottar! You only have to give me your password so I can send you the VIP pass!

Hope you can attend!

Journal of ElfTech 137

Monday, November 14th, 2005
3:44pm

Damn @w@

I had meant to keep track of my whole experience here at S-Corp since last year.. but things went into high gear when the spirited set hit as big as it did.

Now this year.. after what happened to Santa... it's just been a traumatic time for everyone here at the North Pole. Elves are on edge, and its understandable.. especially Mrs. Claus. She needs my support now more than ever.

And speaking of ladies.. I just can't seem to keep em off me :] Theres this one new girl who keeps staring at me. It's getting kinda creepy, but hey, at least shes cute 3nodding . My mom said that I'd have no problem with girls because I have red eyes. Elves consider red eyes very attractive sweatdrop

As one of the vetrans here at S CORP a lot of elves are turning to me for some reassurance. Many elves may feel I'm more durable than I am in reality. Deep inside past my tough exterior, I'm scared as anyone else that things might fall apart this Christmas.

*takes out butterfly knife and flips it open expertly* WHCKKLKKLAK~!

I'll just stay confident and do my best.

Journal of ElfTech 977

Monday, November 14th, 2005
4:45pm

a wise man does not try to create a wall of knowledge around himself:

whatever may happen .. allow it to happen .. then let it go .. empty your cup .. clear your mind .. by dying to the past one can live on in the present .. the here and now .. as if just born for the first time.

this is a proclamation of trust .. and i will go on trusting:

despite any experience .. if i am deceived .. i go on trusting .. the people that take advantage of that trust .. they are the ones i feel compassion for .. that which is truly mine can never be taken from me and in my trust i can never be corrupted.

the honorable Mr. Claus is a wise and noble man .. i know .. in the end he will see to it that all is made well .. his words have guided me in the past .. and his very existence inspires me today .. i would trust that man with my life.

Journals of ElfTech 126

Monday, November 14, 2005 :5:22pm

WOW. i'm so suprised by the generocity of others. it really makes me believe that despite santa's accident, christmas will happen after all. and everyone will be merry! yay! i received about ten jackets, and a bunch of scarves and hats from people from all over gaia! some of them got a bit mangled by our Security Dept, but i think that there are two or three that made it through okay, and maybe 912 and i can take that walk outside after all... now only to find the time. it's been soooo busy that i haven't even been able to post what's been happening in my mandatory journal!

247 came by and gave me my new assignment! i'm supposed to be making a self-warming coffee mug or something or rather... but the best part is that he assigned me to work with 912! we're going to be working together! maybe this will give me the chance to show her how much i care for her...

i'm a bit curious as to what's been happening down in the shipping department. they keep breaking open crates as they are loading them... the first one seemed like a robot arm or something... but, it was the robot-arm-crane that dropped the crate, so maybe that's the replacement! no more accidents! and then today, i guess they haven't replaced the arm yet, as another crate broke, with what looked like an arm-extension for the new shipping crane arm! cool! now my buddy elves down in shipping can use the extra-long arm to reach out into the bitter cold to get the crates without getting their toes all froze! santa's so nice to order stuff like that to help us elves.

today 912 and i start production on the self warming coffee mug, and she even brought some coffee to test out the mugs that we're making! what a smart idea! but... i guess asking her out for coffee seems silly now that we have lots of it in our workshop. hmmm... i'll have to come up with another plan.

Journals of ElfTech 138

Monday, November 14th, 2005
5:42 PM

For three years now (yes, three years) I've stayed in the shadows, lurked around corners of the factory's corridors, even hid in a refuse bin twice so I could see Him in all His masculine beauty in His natural surroundings, undisturbed.

I love His beautiful baby reds and the way He flips open that butterknife... He's oh so strong!

My knees get weak when I hear His name... 137... *fans self* Oh my, it's kind of warm in here.

But today, great tragedy nearly befell me: my cover was almost blown.

I was hiding in a box of C parts for Tickle-Me Lamos peeking out of two small eyeholes at Him while He was talking to Mrs. Claus. She was obstructing my line of sight to Him with her colossal height (5' 5"? How does one get that tall??). So I shifted my position a little in the box, but there was a lot of sawdust in the box, and in retrospect I probably should have hid in another box since my nose is tickled easily, because all of a sudden I AH-CHOOed! Mrs. Claus was just leaving so she probably didn't hear, but 137 looked in my direction and I held my breath and prayed He saw just a box and not an obsessed fangirl.

Thank goodness He only looked for about two seconds before He moved on.

I'm confident at this point that He did not see me.