Hey Shy! Her civilian looks good and well balanced - at this time though we still have some work to do to get her attacks matched up to shop guidelines!
At basic a ranged attack usually can not extend past 5 feet on aerage for ranged magic - also at this phase you will want to up to 2 needles for the bursts. Two or Three bursts are fine - though you will want them to have a delay of about 5-10 seconds. We'd also like to see how many times a day she can use it! 2 is fine, 3 is the common rule of thumb.
Super would be 2-3 needles per burst, with a matching delay between. You can add a burst as well, though ideally no more than one for balance! Usually uses are the same quantity as basic. Range may also increase 1-2 feet.
At eternal we ask Eternal attacks lean away from lethal - an inch in is too deep as if the attack hits right it may possibly kill a person. A good depth would be 1/4 of an inch, for safety's sake, as Senshi can not usually kill. Range would ideally be 8 feet away, with a 6 foot diameter for the whirlwind. For an Eternal it's alright to use a different, strong attack. If you use the whirlwind alone, a needle count is not necessary, if alternatively you upgrade the basic and Super, 5-6 needles is fine. I'm also wondering if there's any interrupt conditions for the spell. What happens if she's knocked off her feet during her ballet sequence? How about the Whirlwind; what happens when a target steps out of it? What is a non-target enters it?
Once you've modified her attacks, drop me a quote and we'll keep working together towards that stamp! If you need help at any time, don't be afraid to let me know and I'm happy to help solve any hurdles!
Nova, hi! >u< <3 Thank you so much for working with me toward my character concept fitting shop standards!
I edited her attacks again cx
Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2015 10:07 am
shyanimegrl
No problem!
We're in a home stretch, just three things-
Generally, number of times an attack may be used is on a daily basis, not per-battle.
3 times daily and twice daily for her eternal are perfectly fine and won't impact RP heavily - most people line battles up as an occasional thing via RP, so just the daily caps are fine! That's the only adjustment to use caps.
Her needle shot needs a bit more to the fail conditions of casting - she's usually going to be aiming for moving targets - maybe she might not need to lock on, so much as aim - especially since senshi have to rely dominantly on magic and creativity in a fight. A battle is a fast paced environment and locking on takes longer for the human eye - pointing and firing is fine as it allows a greater opportunity for failure but a good chance of success as well, both without impacting the delay between firing and impact.
The Eternal still has minor tweaks to get as well - the attack cannot suck anyone into it from the radius. It can miss and disperse, but not function in an inescapable manne. Generally attacs globally need a fair failure condition - most Area of Effect attacks once cast affect the area the target was or is in once cast - a good rule of thumb as the attack is reflecting her sphere is to leave them to scape, but still be capable of exiting. The only note is while bleeding is certainly possible, it is helpful to also note it 'may' occur, not that it is guarenteed - this is so players don't feel like they HAVE to have their character bleed if the attack hits!
Let me know once you've made changes and I'll be back! Don't worry, you're doing great getting ready!
Generally, number of times an attack may be used is on a daily basis, not per-battle.
3 times daily and twice daily for her eternal are perfectly fine and won't impact RP heavily - most people line battles up as an occasional thing via RP, so just the daily caps are fine! That's the only adjustment to use caps.
Her needle shot needs a bit more to the fail conditions of casting - she's usually going to be aiming for moving targets - maybe she might not need to lock on, so much as aim - especially since senshi have to rely dominantly on magic and creativity in a fight. A battle is a fast paced environment and locking on takes longer for the human eye - pointing and firing is fine as it allows a greater opportunity for failure but a good chance of success as well, both without impacting the delay between firing and impact.
The Eternal still has minor tweaks to get as well - the attack cannot suck anyone into it from the radius. It can miss and disperse, but not function in an inescapable manne. Generally attacs globally need a fair failure condition - most Area of Effect attacks once cast affect the area the target was or is in once cast - a good rule of thumb as the attack is reflecting her sphere is to leave them to scape, but still be capable of exiting. The only note is while bleeding is certainly possible, it is helpful to also note it 'may' occur, not that it is guarenteed - this is so players don't feel like they HAVE to have their character bleed if the attack hits!
Let me know once you've made changes and I'll be back! Don't worry, you're doing great getting ready!
Eep, sorry it has taken me this long to address this critique, Nova >w<;
I am really so thankful for how far I have come with my quest with your help! ;u; <3
Lizzy, let me know that there is a senshi of Needles now 8 D Is senshi of Injections okay for me to choose? ouo If so, I have edited my attacks endeavoring to address the three latest points you have given me cx
Posted: Thu May 28, 2015 6:59 pm
shyanimegirl
Injections is perfectly fine! Animal and plant stings are injections and syringes (the needles used) are perfectly old enough! Everything looks great- congrats on her civ and good luck with her powered! A GM will be by shortly to get a full stamp!
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Posted: Mon Jun 01, 2015 7:41 pm
shyanimegrl
Hey, shyanimegirl!
You have a really neat profile, so I want to try and get this stamped as quickly as possible! When questing for a powered character we usually ask that you link to the celestial body of their namesake (just so we can double check that everything works) so I just want to clarify that you are using this Altair? (If so, that's fine, just wanted to make sure!). The civilian side of this is totally fine, so I'm just going to focus on the powered side!
While Injections is a valid sphere—as, you could argue that in nature some animals have the ability to inject venom, or you could even argue that [while not actually performed until only a few hundred years ago], ancient Greeks and Romans considered injections for medicinal delivery several thousand years ago—the way the attacks are written does not feel like it necessarily reflects the sphere of injections. It still feels like the attack is written for needles, as it does not focus on any actual injection, only the method by which the injection would be delivered.
Before the powered side can be stamped, I feel like the attacks are going to need to more closely reflect the sphere—or, something being injected into the target rather than just being stabbed with needles. This could probably be easily resolved with some minor tweaks to the profile. For example, venom in nature is a common injection; perhaps she could use the attack you described but instead of drawing blood, her senshi magic injects them with a type of venom that makes the area around the injection either very itchy, or very hot/painful, or swollen—or anything else inspired by natural injections? These effects could last for a while longer than just the immediate stab—say thirty seconds?
Secondly, I had a bit of a difficult time understanding what was going on with the attacks (sorry, I know this is probably my own reading comprehension!) so I think it might help to cut out some numbers (and also improve your usage of the attack?
For example, for her basic and super attack, I don't think it's necessary that it should have to take 4 seconds to cast her attack or three seconds after casting for the needle to hit the target; you could say she aims at her target and fires immediately.
For the eternal attack, I'd like to also discuss a few things—like, how many needles can attack someone during this? Is there a way to ensure these needles don't do permanent damage (like, if they got someone in the eye?). This stage of magic would also need to have some sort of injection theme rather than just the barrage of needles.
I realize I have given you a wall of text and I don't mean to overwhelm you! You have a really neat profile but I just take a lot of words, so I am sorry for all of this! If you have any questions or concerns (or any comments or if you want to make any changes) please either quote me, or you can shoot me a PM if you want to keep discussing attacks! I will get back to you asap!
If you'd like, I can drop a stamp for her civilian side so you can start playing her (since you have the art) and we can keep working out details for the powered?
Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2015 2:42 am
Kyuseisha no Hikari
Hey, shyanimegirl!
You have a really neat profile, so I want to try and get this stamped as quickly as possible! When questing for a powered character we usually ask that you link to the celestial body of their namesake (just so we can double check that everything works) so I just want to clarify that you are using this Altair? (If so, that's fine, just wanted to make sure!). The civilian side of this is totally fine, so I'm just going to focus on the powered side!
While Injections is a valid sphere—as, you could argue that in nature some animals have the ability to inject venom, or you could even argue that [while not actually performed until only a few hundred years ago], ancient Greeks and Romans considered injections for medicinal delivery several thousand years ago—the way the attacks are written does not feel like it necessarily reflects the sphere of injections. It still feels like the attack is written for needles, as it does not focus on any actual injection, only the method by which the injection would be delivered.
Before the powered side can be stamped, I feel like the attacks are going to need to more closely reflect the sphere—or, something being injected into the target rather than just being stabbed with needles. This could probably be easily resolved with some minor tweaks to the profile. For example, venom in nature is a common injection; perhaps she could use the attack you described but instead of drawing blood, her senshi magic injects them with a type of venom that makes the area around the injection either very itchy, or very hot/painful, or swollen—or anything else inspired by natural injections? These effects could last for a while longer than just the immediate stab—say thirty seconds?
Secondly, I had a bit of a difficult time understanding what was going on with the attacks (sorry, I know this is probably my own reading comprehension!) so I think it might help to cut out some numbers (and also improve your usage of the attack?
For example, for her basic and super attack, I don't think it's necessary that it should have to take 4 seconds to cast her attack or three seconds after casting for the needle to hit the target; you could say she aims at her target and fires immediately.
For the eternal attack, I'd like to also discuss a few things—like, how many needles can attack someone during this? Is there a way to ensure these needles don't do permanent damage (like, if they got someone in the eye?). This stage of magic would also need to have some sort of injection theme rather than just the barrage of needles.
I realize I have given you a wall of text and I don't mean to overwhelm you! You have a really neat profile but I just take a lot of words, so I am sorry for all of this! If you have any questions or concerns (or any comments or if you want to make any changes) please either quote me, or you can shoot me a PM if you want to keep discussing attacks! I will get back to you asap!
If you'd like, I can drop a stamp for her civilian side so you can start playing her (since you have the art) and we can keep working out details for the powered?
Hello, Hikari! ^u^ I would be game to a stamp for just her civvie form first please.
Yes, that is indeed the Altair >u< I shall edit her senshi profile with the link ouob
Before I begin my intended modifications of her attacks' details, is it possible for her to be senshi of Syringe Sharps? Her attacks in terms of titles would be Syringe Sharps, Syringe Sharps II, and Syringe Sharps Whirlwind of Stabs. "There are remedies for you!" would be her challenge instead just to play off the medically related aspects of her character overall. x3
Edit: I can also add a note before going into her attacks individually that her sphere uses the needles of broken syringes (those that qualify to be disposed of in sharps containers in medical settings).
Unfortunately, I don't think Syringe Sharps is a distinguishable difference from needles ):
However! Senshi of Syringes would be possible, given that syringes (although not modern day incarnations) have been around for over a thousand years by Roman and Egyptian accounts. I might still suggest a little rewording of her senshi attacks for clarity (and to give a little more information on some of my questions, such as how to ensure that no one takes permanent damage/how many times could they be hit in the eternal attack/etc) but if you need help with that, I am more than willing to try!
I think the most confusing thing for me in the first two attacks is just the 'bursts'; based on how it is written it looks like she gets essentially 16 needle type hits for basic and 36 for super? (If each use of the attack has two needles per burst, three bursts, and three uses, 2x3x3=18; if each use of the attack has three needles per burst, four bursts, and three uses, 3x4x3=36?) This might be a lot to keep up with, so it might be best if you wanted to simplify the attacks so there is only one burst per attack, but more needles come out during the burst? For the basic, you could say instead of two at a time, three times, that she uses her attack and six needles shoot out; the duration could stay the same. If you like the bursts, that's all right and I won't force you to change it, so if you are attached to the idea please don't feel obligated! Sometimes attacks and battles can be confusing so I try to recommend the simplest version of the attack to ensure that your RP partner will be able to follow what is going on, but this is player choice and anything I mentioned in this paragraph is a suggestion only/will not affect you getting a stamp if you decide not to change!
Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2015 11:48 am
Kyuseisha no Hikari
Unfortunately, I don't think Syringe Sharps is a distinguishable difference from needles ):
However! Senshi of Syringes would be possible, given that syringes (although not modern day incarnations) have been around for over a thousand years by Roman and Egyptian accounts. I might still suggest a little rewording of her senshi attacks for clarity (and to give a little more information on some of my questions, such as how to ensure that no one takes permanent damage/how many times could they be hit in the eternal attack/etc) but if you need help with that, I am more than willing to try!
I think the most confusing thing for me in the first two attacks is just the 'bursts'; based on how it is written it looks like she gets essentially 16 needle type hits for basic and 36 for super? (If each use of the attack has two needles per burst, three bursts, and three uses, 2x3x3=18; if each use of the attack has three needles per burst, four bursts, and three uses, 3x4x3=36?) This might be a lot to keep up with, so it might be best if you wanted to simplify the attacks so there is only one burst per attack, but more needles come out during the burst? For the basic, you could say instead of two at a time, three times, that she uses her attack and six needles shoot out; the duration could stay the same. If you like the bursts, that's all right and I won't force you to change it, so if you are attached to the idea please don't feel obligated! Sometimes attacks and battles can be confusing so I try to recommend the simplest version of the attack to ensure that your RP partner will be able to follow what is going on, but this is player choice and anything I mentioned in this paragraph is a suggestion only/will not affect you getting a stamp if you decide not to change!
I searched around and would like to ask if senshi of Scapels would be okay instead? c:
^u^ I have also modified her senshi profile to address the critique you have given me for her, how is it?
Ahaha um and after wondering about it every now and then, I decidedly changed her civvie name to Elysha Cruz >u<
Edit: Thanks to the master list I realized Ashley is an existing name in the shop and opted for Elysha instead x D
I won't change her name anymore than this lol, like my character I'm a sucker for trouble or vice versa rofl
Scalpels are old enough to be a fair sphere; we usually do not allow weapon-themed spheres for senshi and while Scalpels are sharp and designed to cut I think they constitute as tools rather than weapons (so, this would work!)
The first two attacks also look good to me, so I just have one little thing for the eternal! When the weapons were needles that could pierce, this seemed all right, but now that these are bladed (although mostly dull) scalpels, these can only pierce the skin in a jabbing method rather than slice it? It seems like you've put thought into it to ensure that there's not too much damage being done (the attack lasting for seven seconds, plus most of them being dull/the rarity of drawing blood). (Also, I noticed the use of the word 'needles' if you wanted to edit that out and change it to scalpels/blades.) So--the only question I have before I can drop a stamp is just to clarify that the scalpels pierce rather than cut during the eternal attack?
Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2015 2:41 pm
Kyuseisha no Hikari
Scalpels are old enough to be a fair sphere; we usually do not allow weapon-themed spheres for senshi and while Scalpels are sharp and designed to cut I think they constitute as tools rather than weapons (so, this would work!)
The first two attacks also look good to me, so I just have one little thing for the eternal! When the weapons were needles that could pierce, this seemed all right, but now that these are bladed (although mostly dull) scalpels, these can only pierce the skin in a jabbing method rather than slice it? It seems like you've put thought into it to ensure that there's not too much damage being done (the attack lasting for seven seconds, plus most of them being dull/the rarity of drawing blood). (Also, I noticed the use of the word 'needles' if you wanted to edit that out and change it to scalpels/blades.) So--the only question I have before I can drop a stamp is just to clarify that the scalpels pierce rather than cut during the eternal attack?
^u^ Yes, they pierce rather than cut during it. The pain caused by her eternal attack comprises of the magical scapels delivering hits that are a mix of being blunt and piercing in nature.
