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 Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 11:31 am
[Journal Entry #001 Classified] [Takes place right after Seth's exit in A Rude Awakening] "Behavioral patterns are still erratic. It fluctuates from being calm and passive to extremely violent, as you've seen, sir. We're still trying to fix this, but manipulating the mental processes of a legendary Pokemon are easier said than done." Seth frowned as he listened to Allen prattle on while following him to the containment area where his, and he wouldn't let anyone tell him otherwise, Pokemon was held. "I would have figured you'd check in sooner." Allen's voice holding a slight edge of disdain as he glanced over his shoulder at his superior. Seth snorted. "That couldn't be helped. After the last time my Pokemon and I were ordered to take a break." He still had the scar on his forehead from the incident. "Then the raid happened." "Ah yes, of course." Allen naturally knew of the botched raid. The room they entered was large and spacious just as the one before. It was obviously meant to hold large Pokemon as several huge steel crates were lined up against the far wall. One of them was labeled and had active tubes and wires coming from it that were hooked into the monitors nearby. A screen projected the Pokemon's heart rate and brain wave patterns along with other vital information. Naturally a the Pokemon would usually be kept in a ball, except that this one was still being worked on. Seth walked up to the crate that easily dwarfed him in size. There were only a few slots, a foot wide and a couple feet long, that allowed a view inside. It was dark inside and the little light that filtered in didn't offer much of a view except for some dark skin. The elite reached a hand through one of the slots and placed it on the nearest patch of skin. The touch seemed to elicit a response as a red glow then appeared, followed by a deep rumbling growl. "Careful, sir. Even though its heavily sedated, it is still unpredictable." Allen's voice chimed in from beside the monitors. Seth huffed and withdrew his hand to instead approach the monitors and leer at Allen. "Haven't you made any progress at all? What have you monkeys been doing since I've been gone?" Allen frowned and turned to face the elite. "A lot considering it and your Pokemon trashed our battle room. This is delicate work, and I'm sure you would rather have us do our jobs correctly. As tough as it may be, sir, I must ask for your patience." Seth folded his arms and grunted, glancing at the crate once more. It was true though. The first couple times his Pokemon went up against the brute it had been manageable and had been beaten by his Tyranitar in the end. The last time it had gone out of control and not only beaten his Pokemon, but injured his team as well as the elite himself. Allen then continued. "We're attempting to curb its aggressive tendencies enough so that it will be completely loyal and obedient to its trainer. Its a shame we didn't get all of the research notes from that spy. Completely shutting off emotions is a tricky ordeal. We're hoping we might be able to get it to form some sort of bond with you, but again that's easier said than done." Again there was a growl from the crate. "Sir! Its coming around!" A roar filled the air, reverberating inside the crate, along with the squeal of claws against metal. "Quick, give it a heavy tranquilizer. Knock it out comple- AGH!" There was a sudden force that seemed to stab painfully at their very minds. Everyone in the room ducked and clutched their heads at the pain, Seth included. The elite gritting his teeth as his gaze lifted towards the crate. The beast inside started to thrash around, but after a few moments it slowed and started to calm. A thunk against a metal wall seemed to suggest it had been knocked out. "There, that should keep it under for a few hours." Allen said with a sigh. Seth rose to his full height again and glowered at the tech. "I am not impressed. Your team better get their acts together, or I may have your supervisor do some reassigning. I want this Pokemon functioning perfectly, and soon. I'm getting impatient." Allen paused, clearly trying to control himself as his facial muscles twitched a bit. "Yes, sir."
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Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:20 pm
[Journal Entry #002 Classified] [Takes place some time after Make Up or Break Up?] It was early morning on the 19th of November. Not many Rockets were awake or around at this time, and it was something he was certainly glad for. Few knew of Miss Volkov's daily visits to the pool, but one elite knew quite well. However, this time he had no intention of actually going swimming. Still, the sound of boots echoed purposefully in the hallway on the recreation level of the Team Rocket HQ. He had one goal in mind. Enter, make a drop off, and leave. All without being detected ideally. He had little desire to get caught red handed in this secret excursion. Some might call him a coward, but Seth did not wish to confront Nadja right away. As he passed the large glass windows that looked into the large aquatic area, he paused for several moments to watch as a certain red haired woman swam laps in the olympic sized pool. He carried something in one arm, and with his purpose renewed, made his way for the door. In an attempt to be as quiet as possible, and not draw attention, Seth slowly opened the door and eyed the bench next to it which held her towel. Again there was pause as blue eyes shifted from the towel, to the owner of it. In silence, he deposited his cargo on the bench. Then there was a sudden 'splurt!' sound as a short jet of water shot out from the pool and slapped Seth in the face. There was a surprised gurgle and gasp from the man, his eyes going wide at the unexpected attack. His hair now soaked and dripping onto his uniform shirt. The look of surprise quickly turned into a glare, which was shot in the direction of the Kingdra. The Pokemon's head visible just above the water's surface for only a moment before it ducked back down again. He murmured under his breath as he cursed Ophion's lineage and potential future offspring into the seventh generation, before ducking back in the door again. His work now done, Seth grabbed a towel from a nearby rack and dried his face off. The man taking his leave at a brisk walk after tossing the towel into a basket. His jaw was set firm, and he wore his usual grim expression, leaving no tell tale sign of the act he had just committed. What was left behind on the bench was a vase full of twenty beautiful long stemmed red roses which were mixed in with purple hyacinths. There was also a small wrapped box that was next to the vase, which contained a lovely necklace with tear drop shaped pieces of Russian amber on a silver chain. While the gift was simple, it held meaning and Seth had gone to great lengths to acquire them, especially since hyacinths were long out of season. Seth was a man of action, especially when it came to matters such as this. Verbally apologizing was not in his nature, thus this was his method instead. Whether Nadja would accept it or not, was up to her. The ball was in her court now. This was his attempt to make amends, if it didn't work, then it was over. He would merely await her reply, if there was one.
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Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 3:05 pm
[Journal Entry #003 Classified]
[Takes place before the last journal entry.]
It had been a week since the incident in Nadja's office. An incident in which he had planned to make things right between them, and had gone horribly wrong. He remembered everything, and after he had recovered from the astounding low, and physical affects of the huge caffeine dose, Seth was deeply humiliated.
As one can imagine, this led to an incredibly foul mood. He had rampaged through the tech division for the past week, spreading his anger and causing everyone else around him to feel miserable. He almost took a sick pleasure out of it all.
This had then led to him holing himself up in his office, working on his own projects in silence while those under him dared not to disturb unless absolutely necessary. Hayes was the bravest of them, but he also worked directly under Seth and had to approach him more often than most.
Sitting at his desk with pieces of his most recent project scattered across the top, he merely stared at them in contemplative silence. This also gave him a time to think, and reflect on everything that had happened. His anger was subsiding and falling into a deep sense of shame.
You're just like your step father, and that's how he wanted it.
Seth growled to himself. He was loathe to think about the past. He was always adamant about putting it behind him, but lately it seemed he couldn't escape it. Everything had been going downhill since he had gotten shot in that one raid. From that to the incident with 1337's stupidity, then losing a Pokemon battle to Nadja, and then this last event. Not to mention it was affecting him tremendously. Usually he could shrug things off and focus on his work.
The thought of being like his step father though, it frightened him. He hated the man, and yet, he was turning out just like him. He had denied this for many years, and there were many aspects about himself that were very different from that man, but he could see it more and more as he got older.
With a sigh, Seth sank lower into his chair, feeling miserable. The sense of emptiness and loneliness that had permeated his thoughts before the incident in Nadja's office had returned full force. She was such a damn, stubborn woman. A real pain in the a**. But he... missed her. The way her sultry voice spoke with the slight hint of Russian accent that few people noticed besides himself. The way they light reflected off her red hair. And most importantly, the way she kissed him and ran her fingers through his hair. Despite their obvious differences and the way they clashed, he was attracted to her. And no it wasn't just her appearance.
Now he was close to losing her. He had messed up, he'd acted foolishly and made an a** of himself. Not completely intentionally, but still. He couldn't bring himself to face her, not yet. He needed to do something that was out of the ordinary for him. Something that would get her attention, in a positive way. Verbally apologizing was not something he practiced, but he could through actions.
Blue eyes shifted to the computer screen, and he sat up enough to take the mouse and pulled up Nadja's personnel file. He glanced it over, looking for one particular piece of information. There. Her birthday was the 19th. Which reminded him, his own birthday had been a few days ago. He'd almost forgotten that he was 27 years old now. He hadn't celebrated his birthday since he was a child, but at the very least... he could do something for hers. Perhaps if he put enough effort behind it, he could gain Nadja's forgiveness.
But what should he choose? Well there were the obvious things like flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals... TRP was the type who liked stuffed animals, but Nadja not as much. Chocolate maybe, but flowers... perhaps that would work.
He then called up a floral site and started scanning through their options. Roses of all colors, iries, lilies, sunflowers, you name it they had it. He grunted irritably at the selection. There were so many to choose from and he wasn't sure what would be appropriate. Then he remembered that flowers held certain meanings. This led him to a website that expounded on the meanings of flowers, their color, and even the count. His search first led him to roses, the obvious choice. Red roses were so cliche, but none of the other colors were exactly... suiting. Passion, Love, Respect, Desire... Seth's finger tapped lightly on the surface of his desk. What did he feel for this woman? She obviously meant something to him if he was going to all this trouble. He wrinkled his nose at the thought of it then turned away from the monitor and stood.
He paced the floor of his office, growling to himself. He couldn't be falling in love with her. No, that was simply ridiculous. Then why was he doing this? Why did he even care? She had simply amused him at first, and a casual fling was what he'd expected. But then things became more complicated and now he was considering buying her flowers? What the hell was wrong him?!
Seth stopped his pacing and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. The last time he had feelings for a woman, she never returned them. His life had been filled with little more than rejection, disappointment, fear, and heartache. He had almost everyone in his life at arm's length... so why should he change now? He glanced back at the computer screen and paused. He knew the answer, even though he didn't want to admit it. He cared about her.
Eventually he managed to make himself sit down again and continued his search. None of the rose colors meant what he wanted to say completely. Thus he turned his search to other flower types, and after a few minutes of search, came upon purple Hyacinths. 'I'm sorry', is what they meant.
Seth pulled out sheet of paper and a pen and wrote what he wanted. Red roses and purple hyacinths. Yes, that would do. But how many? He happened to notice there were meanings to the number of roses, to which he now scanned. Some of the numbers and meanings were simply ridiculous. Who in their right mind would give anyone a thousand and one roses? Plus this wasn't meant to be a marriage proposal. Hell no. After going back and forth about a few selections, he decided on twenty. 'I'm sincere towards you', is what they meant, and he wrote that down as well.
There was a popular florist in Camphoreon, and he would give them a call. Seth had noticed that Hyacinths were out of season, but he would get them no matter how much it cost or what it took. This was serious and he would make every effort to get exactly what he wanted for her. But flowers were not enough. Those were meant to be his apology, and he still needed an actual birthday gift.
He then found himself scanning the internet for hours, particularly sites that specialized in Russian gifts. He didn't know much about Nadja, but he had a decent sense of what her tastes were judging by what she wore and what decorated her office. The peal drop earrings especially came to mind, and this caused him to search jewelry. He hummed to himself as he came across some lovely Baltic Amber pieces. Some of them were outright gaudy, such as the strings of large stones. The more simple and elegant pieces seemed to fit her best, especially the ones with teardrop shapes.
Then he found it. A necklace with a chain of sterling silver that held a beautifully designed silver setting with pieces of drop shaped amber. It was the one. With a few clicks and a quick entering of his credit card number and post office box address, it was ordered.
Seth sat back in his chair and smirked at his screen. He was rather pleased with himself. He would order the flowers closer to the actual date. All that really remained, was for her to accept it. The way he gave it would have to be discrete. Breaking into her office to leave them there certainly wouldn't go over well, nor just shoving them in her face. He would have to place them somewhere she'd be sure to find them and he'd be less likely to get caught by nosy Rockets. Perhaps by the pool during her morning swim. Yes, it was set.
But would she accept them? He could feel the tendrils of nervous fear creeping into his thoughts. What if she outright rejected it? And him? Then it would be over. This was his last attempt to make amends, he could only hope that it would please her.
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 4:31 pm
[Journal Entry #004 Classified] [Takes place directly after Fragments] The door to Nadja's room clicked shut, Seth's hand hanging onto the handle as he stood there with his back pressed against it. Despite the voices on the other side, and the people passing in the hall, he closed his eyes for a moment to compose himself. You knew something like this would happen, but you did it anyway.Eyes opening again, Seth let go of the door and marched down the hall, his face creased in a tense expression and hands balled into fists. He managed to catch the doctor's eye, for Julia Reyard looked up as Seth was passing. With the calm and no-nonsense tone of hers, she addressed the elite. "Sir, did you-" But she was cut off by a glare and an angry voice. "FIX HER!" He shouted at the medic. "I don't care how!" She was use to the elite's gruff and harsh tones, but this time it caught her off guard. This time it was different. Almost a sort of desperation. Julia stared at the man, dumbfounded. Once composed, she pushed up her glasses and fixed the elite with a perplexed expression. "Sir?" But he didn't answer and continued his flight out of the infirmary. Seth made a beeline for the elevator, not so much as looking back or apologizing when ran into an agent's shoulder. "Hey! Watch where you're-" the agent, a woman with brown hair, started to say. But quickly stopped when she saw the backside of the easily recognizable elite stalking off. He at least was thankful when he managed to secure an elevator all to himself. A slim digit punched the floor number for the elites and the car started to move. He leaned against the back wall and folded his arms, again closing his eyes, immersing himself in his own thoughts. You knew she would hurt you. That look on her face. She wasn't seeing you. She was seeing another man, a man she loves. Several agonizing moments later, the door opened and Seth stepped out. The elite strode down the hall and finally retreated into his own office. The door was pushed open and then forcefully slammed shut. He stood there for a minute, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists tightly. Then with a well aimed kick, sent a chair across the room to land with a thud and clatter against the wall. His wrath was then turned on the desk, and with a sweep of his hand scattered papers and other objects onto the floor. Muttering a few choice curses, Seth sank into his chair. Elbows providing support on the desk as his head went into his hands, fingers gripping his hair. She'll never look at you like that. After several minutes of sitting there like that, he suddenly remembered something. Sitting back, Seth reached into his pocket and pulled out the broken amber necklace. Blue eyes stared at it for a few moments, his expression one of disgust.
Why should you care anyway? You don't need her.Fingers curled around the necklace in a tight grip, before he pulled back and slung the jewelry across the room. He would just bury himself. Bury himself in work, just like he did before.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:52 pm
[Journal Entry #005 Classified]
The promotion had taken him by surprise, and while some may argue whether or not he deserved it, Seth wasn't entirely sure himself. Yes, the fact that they had captured Lance was a big deal. The man was one of Team Rocket's biggest foes, and now gave them an edge against the league. But he couldn't say with certainty that he was entirely happy with being bumped up in rank.
Standing before a mirror, Seth looked at himself while sporting his new standard uniform. It looked good on him, there was no denying that. And with it came a new degree of power. The crisp white against the black suited him rather well.
He had always been ambitious and strove to rise in the ranks of Team Rocket, but now as he reached Executive, there was a feeling of emptiness. Perhaps even a loss of freedom. He stared dully at his reflection while in deep thought. A familiar voice coming to mind.
You're a good man, Seto.
Blue eyes lidded as these words crossed his mind. At first they had perplexed him, but now he couldn't bring himself to believe them. He was an executive agent in Team Rocket, an organization that was considered anything but good.
He'd heard such words from very few people in his life, mostly due to his less than savory attitude. Nadja had simply been the most recent.
Be a good boy, Seto. Take care of your little brother for me.
You're a good brother, Seto. We'll always be together, right?
Seth sighed heavily, banishing these inner thoughts and demons from his mind. It was all in the past, and didn't matter anymore. He had given all of that up, upon joining Team Rocket, and yet... he hadn't joined the team because he had wanted to. Rather... it was out of necessity, to protect his own life.
Now at the rank of executive, there was no way he could bribe his way out and return to the life he once had. He was almost certain that Lucere had this in mind when promoting him. That man had more control over his life than Seth cared to admit, and it was only recently that he had been able to see the face of his dictator.
He had surrendered willingly, and now whatever shred of dignity and free will he had, was lost with this new rank. Yes, he would rub it in the face of the executives that had always hated him... but what kind of life would this leave him now? He was little more than a dog that was kept on Lucere's tight leash. He could already feel the strangle-hold it had. It was no different than with his step father.
He had simply gone from one prison to another. The only difference was the scenery and his captor.
Seth then snorted to himself. Now he was starting to mope and this would not do. He was stronger than this, and he would continue living, no matter what happened. His father wasn't able to break him, and he be damned if he let Lucere do it as well. Seth was his own man, even if a dog. He would continue to do his best, and simply wait for whatever opportunities came. He wasn't beaten just yet.
Satisfied with his appearance, the former elite turned from the mirror without a second glance. The lights went out and he left, heading for another day's work which included moving his office to the next floor up.
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 6:05 pm
[Journal Entry #006 Classified] [This takes place during the ORP Those Who Remain] The nurse led Seth down the hall and to the mortuary. That's where Aila's body lay on a lonely table in the middle of the room. Her body had already been identified by her fellow Rockets and Seth too knew the tiny frame that lay there so still and silently. As he stepped up to the table, the nurse quietly excused herself to let him be. He said nothing and simply stood there to look at Aila's body in silence for several moments. Her tattered and smudged Galactic uniform disgusted him. She would not be buried in that, he would be sure of that. She deserved to be laid to rest with dignity. Eventually the Executive drew a sigh, his mouth turning down in what could be considered a sad frown. "What a waste," he murmured to no one in particular, since nobody but himself and a corpse was there. "Stupid girl." As if insulting the dead would do anything. Blue eyes looked her over, seeing wounds but from his standpoint, they didn't look severe enough to have caused her demise. But then he wasn't a doctor, and perhaps it had been internal. "Who the hell gave you permission to die?" Despite his words, his voice wasn't at all harsh, but rather melancholy. Eyes fell on her belt of pokeballs. They hadn't come to do the autopsy yet, thus everything still remained as it had been when she died. A hand reached forward, but he hesitated, not really wanting to do this. But he only hesitated a moment before he unclasped the belt and draped it over an arm. "I expected better from you," he continued. Those Pokemon would have to go to other people, and she likely had more. He also noticed the infiltration kit on the side. A brief glance inside revealed lock picks and the sort, even a glass cutter. Heh. This reminded him of the first time he'd met her. "I didn't bring you here so you could throw your life away. You showed such promise, I watched you all this time, and this is all you have to show for it." Next he searched her pockets, and pulled out an ID card. This would have to be disposed of. Also there was a Rocket Dex, which would have to be reprogrammed and put back into inventory until someone else got it. "You've disappointed me." There seemed to be nothing else on her of obvious importance, thus he moved towards her head and leaned over to look at her face. That's when he saw something glimmer in the dim lighting of the room. Just a small portion of a chain showed from underneath her collar, and Seth pushed it back to lift up a necklace. Setting the other things down, he then reached behind her neck to unclasp the jewelry and held it in his hand. This must have been important, especially if she had worn it during a mission. Staring at the glittering necklace, Seth was silent again for several moments, until his blue gaze rested on Aila's face once more. He then placed a hand atop her head like an older brother would do to a younger sister. "But I'm still proud of you." With that he picked up all of the belongings he'd removed and turned away to head towards the door. A soft click of the door signaled his exit. And from an adjoining room there was a soft sigh from Dr. Reyard who'd heard everything.
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Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 5:00 pm
[Journal Entry #007 Classified]
Everything had been take care of. His offices had both been packed and stored, and the things he needed from the quarters he shared with Nadja were now in suitcases. He'd received Lucere's approval and now it was about to go into motion. He would be getting what he'd wanted for the past several years. Finally, it was time.
But then, why did he feel so empty? Why was there this cloud of doubt hanging over him? This wasn't like him at all. Even though it seemed that he'd gotten everything squared away, there was something looming over him. Nadja. He hadn't gotten to speak with her before leaving. It was the single most important thing, the one thing he'd really wanted to do, before leaving. But she had yet to arrive back at base and he couldn't postpone this any longer. Thus, Seth had set himself down and wrote out a lengthy letter for her to read when she returned.
Sitting at the table in the apartment they shared, he stared at he long and hard for several moments. His fingers twitching as he grasped a velvet covered box. He had wanted to give it to her himself, but he didn't know when he would see her again... if ever. Thus, he set it next to the letter.
There was a sigh as he rose from his chair and stooped to pick up a brief case. The executive was dressed in a fine suit, black with a white shirt and blue tie that complimented his eyes. Eyes narrowed cooly as he thought about the task at hand. He had to be strong, for they would see through any weakness. He couldn't let even a hint of doubt or fear show.
Steeling himself, he took one last wistful glance at the letter before turning away and heading out the door. His brisk stride carried him across the halls, to the elevator, and then through more halls. Eventually he came to the garages where a sleek black car was waiting for him. A grunt stood next to it, and at Seth's nod, climbed into the car after his superior had.
As the engine roared to life and pulled out, the blue eyed man watched as the building faded into the distance. Its destination was Camphoreon City, and when they entered the city, the car stopped in front of a tall skyscraper.
Entering the car, Seth had been an Executive, now as he stepped out and stood before the building, he was once again and Elite. Taking on his most cold and calculating countenance, he walked into the the building that was marked as Kaiba Corp.
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Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 11:40 am
[Journal Entry #008 Classified] Confessions
A letter was left on the table in Nadja and Seth's quarters, for the former to find. It was placed in a blue envelope with a floral stamp placed upside down. It is addressed to Nadja with elegant scrollwork and the scent of Nadja's favorite tea has permeated the paper. Next to it sits a velvet box, holding a ring inside.
Once opened, it would be seen that the letter was neatly folded and hand written beautifully. The paper itself is also blue with flowing white designs along the borders. The culprit of the smell is found to be a tea bag tucked away in the folds of the paper. The date it was written was placed on the upper right hand corner.
My Beloved Nadja,
By the time you read this, I will already be gone and unreachable for an indefinite amount of time. I only wish I could have said this to you directly, but instead this letter will have to do.
I have felt this way for some time, but the truth is I didn't realize it until you were gone. I didn't fully appreciate you until you were no longer with me. These past several months have given me time to reflect about the feelings I have not had the courage and ability to express until now. The fact of the matter is that I'm in love with you.
This is not something I can take or say lightly. Even now it is difficult for me to put into words. I have never felt this strongly or put so much trust in anyone until now. My experiences in life have taught me to rely only on myself, and to keep everyone else at arm's length. However, as time has passed I have discovered that I can rely on and be open with you.
The first time I knew I cared for you, was that night in the desert, when I felt like I could be myself in your presence. Since you've been gone, I have sorely missed your company and realized that I am no longer whole without you. You know that I am not good at expressing my emotions, and I can only apologize for the times I have hurt and angered you. I have taken you for granted, and I swear that this will change. I wish to change, not only for myself, but for your sake as well. I no longer want to live the life I have before, and I want you to be in it. That is why I have left you this ring. Think of it as a promise. Not only to return to you, but to become a different man.
The reason I'm not here to tell you this myself, is because I have been sent on a mission to Camphoreon. I will be taking back my father's company in the name of Team Rocket. I won't lie, it will be a dangerous mission and there's the distinct possibility that I may or may not return from it. However, I will do my utmost to make sure that I do, if only because I wish to see you again.
Now that this has been said, I hope you can forgive the awkwardness of this letter. Just know that I love you. Despite our distance and time apart, my thoughts have never strayed far from you.
Forever Yours,
Seto
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:18 pm
[Journal Entry #009 Classified] Devastation
After the scouting mission, Seth had returned to his office on the Elite floor. What he found was this:
A ring box on his desk, and under it, a letter.
He stood there for several moments, his breath catching in his throat. Seth recognized the velvet box he had left in the quarters that he and Nadja had shared. She must have placed it there while he had been out. This could only mean one thing.
Eventually willing himself to walk forward, he stepped up to his desk and picked up the letter that had been neatly tucked underneath it. He didn't want to open it. Didn't want to read it. His fingers trembled slightly as he unfolded the paper.
I'm sorry. I can't accept this.
Were the first words he read. Not surprising considering the box was there, and yet he had hoped it wasn't true.
Something changed while I was gone. It could have been me. It could have been you. Maybe it was seeing a place I hadn't been in years. Maybe it was the e-mails that were more like business memos than personal letters. Maybe it was having the time to think, the space to step back and look objectively at things and evaluate where they're going, where they could go.
Seth's brows furrowed at this. This only made for more questions in his mind. He knew he had changed, but he thought he'd changed for the better. Didn't he explain that in his own letter? Dashing away those thoughts he continued to read.
There is no good time or gentle way to say this, so perhaps swiftly is least cruel.
Least cruel?
I care about you, and I still believe you're a good man at heart, but somewhere along the way I fell out of love with you.
Seth felt his chest tighten, as if a shard of ice had pierced it. The letter fell to his desktop once again. The final words that were left on the paper didn't need to be read.
I think it's time we saw other people.
The elite agent sank into his chair with an expression of disbelief. He felt numb and was in a state of shock. After everything, even after his own confession... this? He could hardly believe it. Why the sudden change? Why?
Leaning forward he picked up the letter again and read it over once more, to make sure he'd read right. He had. Quietly and carefully he folded the paper again, holding it one hand while the other held his forehead. He sat like that for several moments, not a sound except for the ticking of the clock on the wall.
Eventually the silence was broken as his back heaved in soft sobs. His eyes shielded by his hand as tears fell down his cheeks. For the first time since he was a child, Seto wept.
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 4:59 pm
[Journal Entry #010 Classified - Takes place a couple hours after #009] Shattered
A couple hours after reading her letter, Seth was still in the same place, slumped back in his chair and staring dully out his office window. The darkness of night shrouded the desert, and he couldn't help but remember that it had been on a night like this, that he'd first fallen for her.
A half empty bottle, filled with an amber liquid, sat on his desk. An empty glass in a hand that hung loosely from the side of his chair. His normally bright and clear blue eyes were glazed over, bloodshot, and tired looking. His face slightly flushed.
He hated drinking. Seth didn't like how alcohol impaired his mental functions. Instead he liked to stay alert with a clear head. But this was an exception. If it would dull the pain, he didn't care what it was. Even if it was that Russian crap they called tea. What was it called again? He couldn't even remember. This only made him think about her again, and Seth turned his eyes back towards his desk where the box and the letter still lay.
Why? Why had this happened? He had poured out his soul to her in his letter, and yet it didn't seem to mean a thing. He had sought her out since his arrival, and he hadn't been able to find her. Then she left this on his desk. Had she been avoiding him the entire time? Was he really that loathsome that she couldn't face him? To tell this to his face. Or was it simply cowardice? Why hadn't she said anything until now? Was he just not good enough? ... That was probably it. And how could he argue? She deserved better than him. And yet he had still hoped... that she might have felt something for him too.
His brows furrowed slightly as he remembered her words. She said she still cared for him. But that seemed rather hollow when she had said she'd fallen out of love with him. Had she ever loved him to begin with? Probably not. Why would anyone love -him-. It had all been lies. She had been using him, just like everyone else.
Just like after his parents died, and his relatives took everything and left him and his brother in an orphange. They didn't care about them, only the money left behind by his father. He had been used.
Just like when his stepfather had adopted him, to take the place of his deceased son and become heir to his company. All the terrible things he'd put him through. Again he had been used.
She was no different. As soon as he was of no use to her, Nadja had dumped him like yesterday's garbage. She didn't care about him, nor consider him a good person. If she had, she wouldn't have done this. Especially not like this.
Gritting his teeth, Seth then hurled the empty glass at the nearest wall. It shattered instantly upon impact, but it did little to appease him.
People were not trustworthy, especially women. He had always known this, and yet he'd let his guard down. He allowed himself to trust someone again... to love someone again. And look where it got him. A heart that was just as thoroughly shattered as that glass. He had been careless and made himself vulnerable. He knew he wasn't perfect, and he knew fully well that most people didn't like him. But when it came to Nadja he had tried, genuinely tried, to become a better man for her. Now that was all meaningless.
Slumping back in his chair, he realized that he probably should have someone to talk to about this But there was no one. He was alone. Who would lend a sympathetic ear to someone like him? Who could he trust? Nobody. He could only trust in himself, just as before.
He had brought this upon himself. But that wouldn't happen again.
Pushing himself up to stand, Seth picked up the letter and the box, before walking on unsteady feet to the door. He stumbled down the hallway, and eventually dropped the box and letter in a random garbage can.
A bit more stumbling later and he'd reached his room. There he fell face first on his bed as he passed out.
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Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2012 12:53 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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