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o.O

Probably not the best way to phrase it...

Sorry but i really don't have much advice at the moment other than stay calm around you mother and just be true to yourslef. She might come to repect you more if you dont waver no matter what she says and does and dont try to shove your opinion in her face. Just be you, thats all i have. I'm so glad my mother wouldn't do that to me. *shes too comp. illeriate to figure out where my journal is anyway* mrgreen
*Huggles*

Heh, that does sound like fun.

Okay, for the past week I've been staying with my friend, Caroline. Things at home were getting to be too much and i needed a break. I hate it so much. Whenever my mom sees a gay person on tv, she makes a special effort to make a mean comment. Just, little things like that keep happening, CONSTANTLY. stare i. can't. STAND IT. and NOW she's been going on the computer after me and checking the internet history pages to see if I've been doing things like the GGSA. Not that she's found anything, I'm not stupid enough to leave the history un-tampered with. ninja But just the thought behind the actions, she's grating on my last nerves. It feels like I could snap if she keeps doing things like that. I am NOT looking forward to going back home this weekend, you have no idea.

I wish I could drive. There have been so many times when I've climbed out my window at night, just riding my bike around, blowing off steam, going into the woods behind my house and just screaming into the ground. I'm always keeping my bags packed.

I never want to see my mother again.

But I can't afford to give everything up just yet. We'll see about this stupid councellor. Maybe I'll just sit there and glare at her for every two-hour session, and not say anything. Waste my mother's poorly-spent money that would be better put to use paying our bills.

Enough ranting now, i guess. Maybe I have an anger problem.

...oh Lord. I'm sooo sorry.

That must be terrible.

My parents make comments about stuff like that all the time, too. But, they don't know about me. So I suppose it's excusable.

But honestly. That's absolutely awful. I feel sooo bad for you.

I apologize.

I wish I could say something more. But, i'm not sure there really is anything else to say...

But don't worry. Just try to keep calm, and soon you'll be out of there. ^_^

And about the therapy thing. I agree. You don't actually have to talk at all. You could just sit there for an hour and keep quiet. Or, you could like, keep changing the subject. Or, avoid all the questions they ask. Or something like that. ^_^;;

Anyway. Just try to relax and keep your cool....

Awe hun... *huggles* that sux. I'd help more but hey.... this is the internet and you could live in uta for all i know and be a 40 year old man. ^^. No, i was just joking. But seriously, if your only 15 and you have that much longer left, then you need to seriously think about whats going to happen. Are you going to be safe in your house? If you think that the answer could possibly be know, then you should set up some sort of phone chain or anything with your friends who know the entire situation where they call every day, maybe twice a day at the same time to check up on you and just to chat. Your friends are all going away and that really sux, but use it to your atvantage. Channel your angst or depression to do something that really means somthing to you. ANything. Even if thats just to lay around and mope. At least do that spectacularaly. ^^ From how it sounds its seems like there may definetly be fights with your mom, but try not to really instigate them, just stick to your morals and shut up as much as you can. *As i really am the age i put on my profile, this is a resent and valuable lesson*
Your first thoughts made me a little worried as they seemed like the first steps to being suicidle. I beg you to not go that route. How the hell would you ever spite your mom that way? Think about differently, to try to improve your mood a bit. Instead of thinking how much life sucks right now, think about how awesome it will be. How happy you will be one day, just being you, doing whatever it is that you want. By doing that you spite your mom and her ideals. You spite how much she wont accept you because youll accept yourself and so there! exclaim
What i'm saying might not mean that much to you since im just this random voice on the internet, but still, you seem to be and awesome person, and i have to say this, feeling as strongly as i do about the idea that noone should have to livelike that, and that the only utopia i would want for the world would be for people to get over themselves and not led petty predujices lead to hate and fear.
The caroline thing doesn't sound petty, but rather human. And thats what you are. Don't feel embarressed about that.
And yeah, depression sucks more than anything because its like this horrid little pit that you just seem to sink into more and more until suddenly your going in the opposite direction.
I hope i have made you feel a little better or at least not made you feel worse.
~ Megan

I know its really hard to understand right now but your mom is doing what she thinks is best for you. Youmay not agree with it but your mom is not trying to ruin your life. She cares about you she belives this is the best way. Try talking to her without getting mad juist have a nice civilized conversation and talk about things. It might help to show her you can be calm and cool about it so she doesn't think that your emotionally unstable or something.

Okay, hey everyone, it's been forever since i've been able to get on Gaia. I missed it. Thanks so much for all your support and advice! heart Nothing's gotten any better over here but i'm used to it now. I wish I was in England with Caroline right now. Six months away from everything would be lovely.

Off to join the I DESPISE VALENTINES DAY club.

WEEELLL... If things get too bad... There IS always emancipation.