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 Posted: Sun May 02, 2010 6:46 pm
Solo #8 - Still Me
"'Cos tonight we're gonna party till we see the break of day..."
There were often times when Cordelia found herself forgetting that when she was wearing her favorite pair of headphones while dancing around her room to the beat blaring from the mp3 player clipped to her hip other people could still hear her singing. The sound of her voice had once been a rather familiar thing on weekends, especially before outings with friends, but lately... Lately she had just been so busy that she had almost forgotten what it was like.
Today? Today was different, though. Today it was almost as though the Cardens had their daughter back. That thought was enough to make Candice Carden smile as she paused outside of her daughter's bedroom for a moment before nudging the door open just a little bit farther so that she could peer in.
Cordelia just hadn't been herself lately. At first the elder Carden had wondered whether it was because all of her 'school friends' had graduated the year before, but her little butterfly had always made new friends quickly enough so she had brushed that off. She had worried even more after her daughter had reported the mugging, and continued right on with her concern with how much Cordy had been staying in on weekends.
Now she was catching a glimpse of the girl she knew well enough to know just how flustered she would be when she interrupted her by clearing her throat.
Cordelia's eyes went wide as she yanked her headphones down, heart skipping as her face flushed a soft rose. "Mother..."
The elder woman's brow furrowed with mock sternness as she leaned against the doorway. "Don't you Mother me. I was just stopping by to let you know that your father and I were leaving. We'll ha--"
"You'll have your cell phones on if I need anything and you've left the number of where you're going to be on the refrigerator, just in case. I know, Mother." She sighed, making that face that only teenagers who had been told the same thing over and over again since they were old enough to be left alone for the first time made.
Pushing away from the door slowly, she stepped into her daughter's room, pausing for a moment before reaching out to tuck a strand of raven black hair away from her daughter's face. "I am glad that you're going to have friends over today, dear. I think it will be good for you. Good for the house." She nodded slowly before stepping back, the intimate motherly moment fading.
"Your father and I will be back around seven. The menus..."
"Are in the drawer by the kitchen phone." The teen smiled as she stepped forward to give her mother a hug, shaking her head slowly as she stepped back to shoo the elder woman away. "Go on, or you're going to be late. You know how much you hate it when you're late... And don't worry about me Mother. I'm still me."
Candice Carden paused halfway out the door, turning to glance at her daughter once more. A dozen pictures played through her mind. First step, first words, first recital, first dance... "I know, dear. You're just... Growing up."
And with that said she made her way out into the hall so that she could join her husband downstairs, leaving the run of the house to her daughter and the friends she had invited over for the day.
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 10:55 am
Solo #9 - Comfortably Numb
It would have been an understatement to point out that Cordelia Carden hadn’t much been herself lately. For all that she had thought getting to that next level of senshi power, finally bursting her way into Super, would make things better, might somehow make things easier, it hadn’t. If anything, life had just gotten more complicated; both as a senshi and as a teenage girl just trying to make it through day to day life in Destiny City.
Ever since the first night in Elysion, Cordelia found herself feeling more and more that she spent too much time getting knocked around and not nearly enough time doing the knocking herself. It was a downside of her senshi abilities, yes, but it was one that she had been almost positive that she had worked around. She had been doing fine as Sailor Coruvs, hadn’t she?
Obviously not if Super Sailor Corvus couldn’t make it through one blasted battle without getting herself brained… And standing around carrying on a normal conversation with a Negaverse agent while he was that close to a chibi senshi? Clearly there was something wrong with her. Clearly. Somewhere between Super and Sailor, Corvus had lost her way and she wasn’t entirely sure how to go about getting it back.
Gabbie and Hammie had taken off somewhere for some sort of quick, romantic get-away after the last mess had ended. She couldn’t really blame either of them for wanting a bit of time off, but she missed both her friends and teammates desperately. Getting the occasional response to a text back from Gabbie and the rare, nearly-naughty picture messages of the two of them from Hammie wasn’t nearly enough to make her feel like they were still within reach. It was often all she could do to keep herself from asking when they would be coming back; from begging Gabbie to just… Come home already.
She still had Erik, though, and that certainly counted for something even though she often felt horrible for burdening him with her ‘troubles’ and had lately actually been avoiding calling him as a result. While she knew that Eridanus, the Senshi of Ink, was always there for her as her partner, and that Erik, the Meadowview boy with the strong, broad shoulders and the bright, charming grin, was always there for her, she just didn’t know how to explain any of this to him without making him feel like he was less than he was… Or without making things more awkward than they already were between them to begin with.
This had been why she hadn’t wanted to get attached to anyone in the beginning; why she had wanted so desperately to stand alone. If you stood alone from the start you didn’t have to worry about losing friends. You could try to stay detached, try to keep your distance. You didn’t have to worry about all of the silly little things as she was doing now; trying so, so very hard to find her balance… To remain comfortably numb.
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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 7:36 am
Solo - Beneath it All
There was a glen in Destiny City Memorial Park that some people found themselves passing by on a chance. It was out of the way, located on a path that not too many frequented. During the fall it was covered in leaves; the winter, buried in snow. No one seemed to pay it much mind at all, even now in the late spring when all of the trees surrounding it were still lingering in bloom.
For all that they were missing out, it was probably a good thing that no one made their way down that little winding path. It meant that those who did follow that path were granted a reprieve from the hustle and bustle of daily Destiny City life. They were left alone, for the most part, unless someone seemed to know that was where they had gone and were looking specifically for them.
No one had come looking for Cordelia Carden today. No one who knew that Cordelia Carden was also Super Sailor Corvus came looking for her alter-ego either, which was something that she found herself thankful for. It had gotten harder to hold up face; harder to push herself to be that ‘hero’ and ‘leader’ that she had been trying so very hard to be, the very same one she hadn’t wanted to be at all when she’d first started out on this path.
The sapling that she and her comrades had planted had grown faster than an average tree. They had watched it sprout up beneath their tender care, coaxing it to life in the strange, new world it had started to blossom in. It was one of the few good reminders of everything that had happened that night; of everything that had served to change and mold her own particular view on the way things were.
She lay now at its roots, wondering if this was how the children of the Tree had felt when they were near it; if they had once upon a time found comfort in lying on the cool grass as it tickled their skin, imagining that they could feel the very pulse of the earth beneath them. Their tree had been much larger, though, and it had also had a voice; a voice capable of offering comfort in times such as these, even if it had remained silent to them for so long…
Yes, Cordelia still thought about that night. She thought about that night and many others; times spent alone and time spent in company. She thought of Eridanus, of Saiph and of Alshain. They were her friends. They were the people she had come to rely on. They were her weaknesses.
Her hand curled into a fist against the grass, eyes closing tightly as though that would do something to help stop the flow of burning hot tears spilling slowly down her face, causing her to sniffle softly before the effort became too much and she broke out into a sob. The feelings welled up, choking her as she curled in closer to herself.
“I don’t want this anymore. I don’t. I just want to be… I just want to be a normal girl again.” She murmured, not really expecting any sort of answer from the tree that remained as silent as always. “That’s all I want…” So softly again as she closed her eyes, flexing her fingers against the blades of grass to stroke them gently as her fist unclenched. “Is it too much to ask?”
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Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 8:05 pm
Solo - Feed the Rain
A light mist of rain washed over the field giving everything the sort of atmosphere that you only thought you would see in a movie; a horror movie in which the girl who lived, currently played by Cordelia Carden, paused by the graves of those who hadn't made it out. Her umbrella was out and open as though she expected the light drizzle to become something more at any moment. That was how these things worked, after all, wasn't it?
Cordelia had stood there in silence for some time, revisiting the lingering traces of old wounds and unspent emotion. Although they had been her friends, Cordelia had not attended the funerals. She had not trusted herself to be stable enough in front of others to go; couldn't risk exposing herself in the event of a complete and utter breakdown. Flowers had been sent to the funeral home on her behalf, though; a card of condolences delivered to Gabrielle's aunt...
This was the first time that she had seen them since then; the first time that Cordelia Carden had come to visit the graves of her two fallen friends.
Finally she released the hold that her teeth had on her lower lip, opening her mouth as though getting ready to begin some sort of speech before pausing again, glancing down. Things like this... They were supposed to be easier once time passed, weren't they?
"I don't hate you anymore." She murmured eventually; softly, almost grudgingly. "I did. For a long time, I hated you. I hated you. No, not just one of you. Both of you. I hated you for leaving me... And him for not protecting you. Honestly? I think I even hated myself.
"The thing is... I think that maybe because the two of you are dead it was easier for me to let go of the overwhelming feeling of absolute loathing that I had because you left me behind. It wasn't... It wasn't that easy to stop hating myself. I still do every now and then; hate that there wasn't anything I could do to save you, hate knowing that there's nothing I can do to bring you back.
"I miss you. God, I miss you, Gabby. The holidays are coming around again and I don't... I don't know who I'm going to shop with. That's..." She paused for a moment to let out a laugh when she realized that there were hot tears burning their way down her cheeks. "That's probably the most shallow thing I've said in a very long time. Me. Cordelia. I've said so much worse....
"I've been to space. I've seen the world from so many different angles. I've met other senshi. I've fought alongside them. I've seen civilians sacrifice themselves for us just like the Tree and it's made me think more about what I am, who I am, who I've become.
"They came back this time, you know. The civilians did. The Space Cauldron, or the Surrounding, or whatever the hell it was this time... It gave them back." Once more the raven-haired teen paused, eyes closing for a moment as she heard the rain falling just a bit harder against her umbrella. "I wish it would give you back too..."
Cordelia fell silent once more after that, listening to the rain falling; the cool droplets from the sky a stark contrast from the warm ones rolling down her face from the corners of her eyes. "I miss you, Gabbie... Hammie... But I'm not going to let it hold me back. I can't, not if we're going to win this fight. I'll come by; keep you updated, if I can... And hope that somehow, wherever the two of you are, you're looking out for me even if..." She swallowed as she turned, holding her umbrella just a little bit tighter. "Even if I couldn't look out for you..."
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 2:43 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:00 pm
Space The Final Frontier... [ x] [Arsinoe] Home Away from Home (Corvus & Arsinoe) January 15th - [ x] [Corvus] First Time in Forever (Corvus & Arsinoe) January 22nd - http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=25077689January 29th - http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=25080545Gala LogA month had passed since the events that had landed her in the hospital-- not the Destiny Star Hospital, but a hospital just the same. She had spent a few days under the watchful care of kind nurses and doctors until they deemed her fit to finish recovering at home. A week she had spent at home, letting her cousin check up on her while Arin offered to spend a night or two on her sofa in the event she found herself needing anything during the night. She'd eventually sent him off with a list of things that she did need to spend time healing the rest of the way in a different home. When Cordelia had returned from her 'trip' it was to find an invitation buried beneath credit card offers, weekly grocery store circulars and an invoice for the bills that hadn't been covered by her insurance. She'd looked it over with a furrowed brow-- it had been resealed, initially addressed to another Carden. A note had fallen out along with the invite. You used to enjoy attending galas. Your mother and I won't be back for this one, so maybe you can attend instead. It had taken a considerable amount of thought before she'd finally RSVP'd, checking her bank account before giving in and doing the unthinkable. Cordelia took the 'emergency' credit card out of the lock box and scheduled a day to treat herself, leaving the resulting bill as a memo to her parents and a confirmation that she was fine and she would attend the gala in their place. For the first time in what felt like forever Cordelia booked an appointment to have her nails done, removing all of the home polish and decals in favor of a professional paint job along with matching toes. She'd gone to pick up a dress; simple, but elegant with a flattering bust line and just enough flow to the fabric and a light shimmer when the light caught it just right. When the night arrived she stuck with minimal makeup, lining her eyes and touching a bit of gloss to her lips before taking her hair down from the rollers to leave it loose with a gentle wave, checking herself once more in the mirror before heading out the door. While she hadn't seen Fritz since she'd returned from Corvus, she had gotten a text that confirmed he would be at the gala somewhere... At least she thought that was what the text had confirmed. The letters had formed words close enough to it that she hadn't asked for clarification, instead slipping into her Uber to let someone else act as her chauffeur for the night. It was difficult not to fidget during the ride between her apartment and the gala, thanking the driver when she arrived only to pull her invitation out to check the time. Another softly spoken 'thank you' was given to the young man at the door who checked her invitation before allowing her to pass inside. How long had it been since she'd played the part of the socialite? How long had it been since she'd actually cared about events like this? "Too long," she muttered softly to herself, adjusting her grip on the silver clutch that she'd picked out to match her shoes, fingers holding on just a bit tighter as she made her way in to the event. "Far too long..." ------- Fritz's parents, great lovers of the humane, had always been generous in their donations, and while neither of their sons had inherited their like of going to extravagant events, at the very least, their sons were as like minded when it came to humanitarian aid.
Fritz himself was neither rich nor capable of large and extravagant funding, but he'd been a patron of the arts long enough that he'd had connections all over, even if it was just through various festivals and such that he'd attended as an artist. Even if he didn't paint anymore, some still knew of him, though it had been years.
Fritz was relatively sure that he was just on the mailing list for the happenings in Destiny City, and that was how he'd received his invitation, but it was a nice reason to get a little dressed up and go do things, even if that was hard nowadays.
Easier. Slowly, perhaps, but steadily easier.
Rhys wasn't here to be a buffer - not that he needed much of one, but it would have at least taken some of the edge off of Fritz's nerves. He didn't feel so much out of place as he just felt slightly overwhelmed by the sheer number of people in the room already, Fritz slowly making his way past the throngs of gathering guests, easing out of the path of anyone who he might come into contact with.
Breathe. Everything is okay. You came here to have a good time. You came here to have fun. You came here to...
Fritz's thoughts abruptly tailed off, because he'd passed a group of laughing youngsters and standing a few feet away was Cordelia.
Except it didn't...look like Cordelia. It did, and it didn't, because she wasn't in her normal, every day clothes, which admittedly, had always looked nice on her. This was something sleek and elegant and long, the blue dress the perfect shade to match her dark hair, the hemline reaching the ground without it being a trailing tail. Elegant, impressive, and dignified.
And breathtakingly, overwhelmingly beautiful.
Fritz felt his chest constricting and tried to remember how to breathe properly. He'd known Cordy was coming to the gala as well, but he had not expected...this. Something inside of him was twisting, his stomach fluttering, and for a moment he could do nothing but stand there, forcing himself to remain calm.
When he'd managed to get his breath back, he straightened his shoulders and carefully made his way towards her, Fritz tucking his hands together behind him. He stopped just near to her and peered around, his expression a little shy.
"Good evening, Cordy."------- Good evening, Cordy. She heard his voice before she saw him and the familiar warmth, even through the shyness, brought a light flush to her face accompanied by a gentle smile. "Fritz!" She turned on her heel towards the sound of his voice, leaning in to brush a chaste kiss to his cheek before settling back on her heels to actually look at him. " Oh." Her lips had parted in soft surprise, eyes wide and bright as they drifted over her friend. Fritz St James generally looked rather well put together, even when frazzled. He presented himself, usually, with neatly pressed slacks and an assortment of sweaters that always looked so comfortable that she'd been tempted on more than one occasion to ask about borrowing one. He always had that air of a finely polished gentleman and now... Now? Now was no different, except for the fact that it was completely different. Cordelia's hand moved without thinking, fingers ghosting up to almost, but not quite, brush against his lapel. Her fingers twinged, drawing back reflexively before she could actually touch him, remembering that it was Fritz and... "H-hello Fritz." ------- It was hard to stop looking at her.
It was equally as hard to stop thinking about how the brush of her lips had felt against his cheek, a confusing and tangled mix of a desire to both pull away instinctively and also to lean closer, so that he could feel her warmth once more, Cordy's smile making something in Fritz's chest ache. He tried to push it aside, tucking it away firmly, even as she was looking at him with a slightly startled expression on her flushed face.
Her fingers fluttered over his suit without touching, for which Fritz was grateful. His stomach was still in knots, twisting itself up, and this was Cordy.
She was one of his closet friends, if not the closest one that he had, and he didn't - couldn't mess that up, in any way, shape or form. He'd already lost so much in the past because of his own inadequacies, he was not about to continue that tradition.
"You look...very beautiful," said Fritz softly, a smile tugging at his own lips. "I've never seen you dress up before."
He stretched out a hand of his own, almost as though he was going to mimic Cordy's gesture, then pulled his hand away, tucking them both against the small of his back.
"I like it. It suits you very well. How are you enjoying your evening so far?"------- "Never?" There had been a time where Cordelia Carden had lived for events like this. She had jumped at each and every opportunity to attend galas and benefit dinners with her mother and father, and eventually with friends once she'd reached the point of being old enough to go on her own. Sometimes she forgot that Fritz had never known that Cordelia-- that the only Cordelia he knew was the young woman who curled up on couches with her hair swept up in a messy pile, loose sweater sliding off of her shoulder and leggings. Fritz knew the Cordelia who wore glasses when her eyes were too tired to see with her contacts on. He knew the Cordelia who hadn't cared about fancy dresses or A-lists in years. Suddenly she felt incredibly self conscious and she stepped back just as he pulled away without even realizing that he had moved closer. Her fingers curled against her clutch, pulse thrumming in her fingertips just as it pounded in her chest. Her dress was so simple, she hadn't done anything with her hair, her makeup... Beautiful. Fritz had called her beautiful. "I..." Crystal blue eyes lifted to look at him; to look at his face and tune out everything that wasn't him. It was easier to think that way-- easier to breathe. She smiled as she shifted on her feet, standing a bit taller. "It's been slow to start, if we're being honest, but I'm enjoying it. More so now that I've such a charming, handsome gentleman to keep me company... Even if I've a feeling he's trying to flatter me." ------- "No," said Fritz, because it was true. He was used to seeing Cordelia in jeans and teeshirts and leggings and sometimes the occasional skirt or dressy thing, which had always been cute and pleasing - but he had never seen her like this; in a full on, black tie dress that fit her so perfectly it was almost like he'd stepped into another world.
Focus.
His head was not wanting to focus. Everything in his chest ached in a way he wasn't used to, in a way that frightened him, because he didn't want to understand what it meant, his pulse too fast in his veins, his heart pounding too hard against his ribcage. Cordy's flustered reaction was endearing, and he traced the lines of her flushed face with his eyes, watching the blush deepen with a warm, affectionate expression on his face that he wasn't even aware he was wearing.
A laugh escaped, Fritz shaking his head. "I never flatter, only tell the absolute truth," he said, smiling. A glance over Cordy's shoulder saw a familiar white haired girl fluttering about, but Fritz's attention moved back to Cordy almost instantly.
On a breath, without knowing what he was even doing, he said,
"Would you care to dance?" ------- "If you're offering, it would be my pleasure." Her answer came quickly-- Too quickly? Cordelia had become used to giving Fritz a chance to reconsider his words and actions when it came to situations that put them in such close quarters. It had become so important to her to be mindful of his aversion to nearness and touch that she was hyper-aware of how close they were now. Could he hear the way her heart was pounding in her chest? Did it echo in his ears the way it was in hers? Would he just know the precise moment her pulse skipped when their eyes met again? Breathe. Had she stopped? Was there any chance at all that this was just a dream? Her eyes searched his face for some sort of sign that she had misheard him over the voices and the music, that he had asked anything else at all. He hadn't. He had laughed and it was wonderful. He had smiled, still was, and the gentle warmth of it made her heart ache in a way she hadn't thought was possible anymore. She was in over her head and instead of running away Cordelia Carden held out her hand. "Shall we?" ------- ]What had he just said?
The words had left his mouth before Fritz's brain could clearly register them. He wasn't a dancer. He'd danced at parties and galas and fundraisers sure enough while younger, but it had been a long time, and most importantly, Fritz did not do well at all with close physical contact. He could hardly handle touching someone's hand, let alone dancing with them.
But this was Cordy. And she'd been respectful of his boundaries from day one, never pushing him, never forcing him into something that he wasn't comfortable with, always maintaining a careful line between them, even with the little accidental things that had happened. Some days it was almost unbearable, and some days all he could think about was the too light sweep of fingertips against the back of his hand.
She was giving him an out now, he knew. Fritz swallowed hard, his chest feeling tight, his eyes flickering to the offered hand.
Breathe.
After a moment, he lifted his own. Gentle fingers slid along Cordy's, a light grasp, but still touching nonetheless, and a ripple of mingled, twisted emotions fluttered their way through Fritz's stomach. He carefully led Cordy out to the dance floor, not looking at her just yet, face a little flushed, trying to figure out what he was doing, why he was doing it, what on earth was happening.
A breath. Another few steps.
They were on the dance floor now. Fritz turned, letting go of Cordy's hand long enough to shift the positions of their fingers, and then, very hesitantly, placed his other hand on her waist, ignoring the automatic and instinctive desire to yank away and run off.
"Shall we," he said softly, and it wasn't really a question.------- The moment that passed between the second she'd held her hand out for his and when his fingers slid along hers felt like an eternity. When his eyes drifted down she half expected him to decline, just as stunned by his own offer to dance as she had been. She didn't even realize that she had been holding her breath in anticipation until she felt the warmth of his touch against her own hand. It wasn't the first time that Cordelia had been in a situation with Fritz that made her feel as though she were in a movie-- or in this case, a fairy tale. She imagined that this would be the very moment when the camera panned out to an aerial view of the dance floor, following as the love interest took the leading lady gently by the hand... Love interest? Too forward. Not Fritz... They paused and she thought that would be the end of it, a walk to the edge of the dance floor and nothing more. Too much too soon, but he turned and took her hand again. Their palms pressed together-- was that his hand that trembled or was it her own? She pushed the thoughts down, knowing very well that she had faced things far more frightening than a dance with someone who left her feeling enchanted. Her hand came to rest lightly on his shoulder as his settled on her waist, eyes drifting to his face searching for something. Please don't be a dream. Cordy nodded to the statement that wasn't a question, giving Fritz's hand a gentle reassuring squeeze before letting him take the lead. ------- He was nervous.
It could be seen on his face, in the uncertainty of his eyes, in the slight tremor of his fingers on Cordy's waist, in the cautious and careful way in which he held her hand. He hadn't done this in years, and couldn't remember the last time he'd been this close to anyone, disregarding his own brother or Hitch, and Fritz did not count either of them.
This was far, far different than a casual embrace from Rhys or even one of Hitch's outrageous and intrusive bear hugs. Fritz swallowed hard, trying to stay calm, trying to keep his breathing under control. The orchestra wasn't playing yet, but there was still music; light, floaty, airy music that fluttered everywhere and settled into Fritz's chest.
His foot moved back of its own accord, pulling Cordy with him to follow his lead. A step to the side, and then back again. Two steps left, one step back, one step right, one step forward, two steps back again, and then repeated.
His hands held hers a little tighter. Fritz pressed his lips together anxiously, ignoring the painful pounding of his heart, the feeling that the entire world was tilting under his feet.
"Okay?" he asked quietly, as he stepped back again, falling into a routine.------- Cordelia was so focused on trying to mask her own nerves to notice his for the time being and she thought she might have been doing rather well at it up until he took that first step. Her fingertips pressed against the back of his hand as she held on to it, mind reeling through a dozen 'what ifs'. She could step on his foot. He could step on hers. She could trip over her dress. She could-- It didn't matter. Nothing could happen on the dance floor that hadn't already happened on a skating rink months ago over the holiday break. Holding his hand now was no different than it was then. If lost her footing he would still be there. There was no need for to fret because it was Fritz and she trusted him utterly and completely. She trusted him. A different realization started to settle in and it was only the sound of his voice that drew her from another round of anxious thoughts. "Yes," she murmured, nodding for additional confirmation. If that wasn't enough Fritz had only to look at her to see that she was absolutely beaming. Her smile brought light to her face, any traces of her own worry replaced by a simple radiance. Settling for 'okay' was probably the biggest understatement of the evening. "More than okay... This is perfect, Fritz." The words fell breathless from her lips, smile warm and eyes shining. They could be standing perfectly still and she would still be in the clouds. -------
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