Welcome to Gaia! ::

I just noticed a lack of posts from very many "Dads" here. So, here goes, and hopefully more will follow in suit.

I have a piece of advice for Dads of little ones (being mine is 14). Those first five or so years are so precious. You may not think much of it cause they are silly little kids and you are looking forward to doing more fun things with them as they get older. Believe me, take every opportunity to play with them, color with them and generally get down on their level. I cherish every memory I have of when mine was still "Daddy's little girl". She was so sweet and it gave me a new grip on reality. When she was little was the best time of my life. Take advantage of it before adolesence sets in. The bonds you make with that child will become stronger when they become young adults. And for God's sake, hug them and tell them with real words that you love them and how proud you are to have them as your child.

P.S. Don't tell my daughter...but she will always be my little girl heart

Just like Razor had mentioned, (don't mean to beat a dead horse), spend as much time with your kids. The more you pawn them off to someone else, the less they'll want to do stuff with you or when they get hurt, they'll go running to someone else. My daughter does this because when she was 1, I got deployed to Afghanistan. That changed our relationship. When I got home, she didn't want to do anything or let me help out. It's been about 7 months now and she's warmed up to me but still wants her mom for a lot of things. That's why it's important to do thing and be there for your kids.

Happy New Years Ceymore.

Well Woodlock my friend, that is the worry of just about any parent. Think back to when you were a teen and I am sure that there were times that your parents tried to warn you about things that might happen if you did something wrong. That was their way of trying to pass on to you the knowledge they gained from mistakes. We all have been in those situations and try like hell to help our kids avoid them, unfortunately kids don't always listen. The best you can do is give them the right advice and let them make the mistakes. They will remember getting the advice and only then do you gain some credibility with them. Don't rub their noses in it, just be there for them when it happens, and by all means let them pay the consequences for their actions. I do worry the same things though, and I pray that my daughter will stay away from the things that I got into. That's all I can do.

That's too bad that she's too busy worrying about being hated and not parenting because of it. Maybe you and your ex can have a meeting of sorts and form uniform standards that apply to your son no matter which house he's at? See if you two can't find something a bit more in the middle that she doesn't feel is too hard but you feel helps better instill responsibility in him? Because that has to be so confusing for him to have both parents teaching him completely contradictory things. It's hard enough in a home where both parents live to have a uniform policy, I can't imagine trying to do it with two households being involved.

And if she thinks you're just being a hard-a**, you could point out to her that we only strive to be as good as we are taught by our parents to be. So if your parents never expected much out of you, you get the message that you can't do any better and therefore will never aim that high for yourself in life. It's not an intentional message but it will still be there. Of course going too far and setting such high standards he can never meet isn't helpful either. But I think you two can find something in the middle that is obtainable for him and challenging at the same time. 3nodding Just explain you want him to have high standards and expect a lot out of himself and it would hurt to see him settle for less then his potential.

xd -removes her feminine presence-

I was afraid of the same thing happening when my daughter went to live with her mother, but that was a good and bad thing at the same time. She discovered that it was no party their like she thought it would be but then when she came back she stopped talking to her mother all together. It is driving me nuts cause the girl needs a mom. While I understand her being upset with her mother, I really don't think that it is something to disown her over. (She is mad cause she feels that her mother doen't spend any time with her)

I am sure her mother thinks I am letting her get away with this behavior, but I can't force her to talk to her mom, not even on the phone, unless I tie her up and tape the phone to her head. eek If her mother were closer we might be able to do more about it, but again, she is two states away. I am taking her for counseling and have assured my ex that we will be addressing this issue. I feel that it will do more emotional damage to my daughter to retain this anger than it will to get over it and move on.

Grrrrrrr, I feel so helpless when dealing with all these girl emotional issues. I don't know when to be harsh and when to back off. It is like how women usually win arguments, it is a battle of the wits, and the men are unarmed. xd

One of the biggest problems I see today is the attitude that kids are either an inconvenience/trophy or are some kind of "best friend". I have been watching my wife's dad/stepmom pawn off their daughter (who is now three) to a nanny so they can both work to maintain a luxurious lifestyle, and watched the stepmom's heart break when the little girl calls the nanny "mommy" and couldn't care less about her real mom. They parade her around for their friends, but when she's no longer fun or useful they want very little to do with her other than basic care. I hear "go away, I'm busy" way too often. And some of the stuff her dad does.... well, let's just say it explains alot of my wife's problems.

Of course, then there's the flipside parents who want to be friends with their kids. This is fine, as long as it doesn't replace being a parent. No human being ever learned to be a well-adjusted, productive member of society without working for it. That's one of the bigest problems with our public school system. A school is supposed to teach you to do a job, and prepare you to take a productive place in society. There are only two places I know of that work like public schools: cube jobs and prison. And just like prison, the teacher/wardens generally keep you fed, quiet, and as much as possible from killing each other. However, beyond that they can't/won't have much contact. This is not how children learn good values, work ethic (name one job other than teacher that gets summers off), and how to reach for their potential. Our entire culture is designed to equalize everyone and strip any sort of individuality or talent, effectively making everyone 'average' so no one "feels" bad about themselves, or "feels" the need to actually push themselves for greatness. This, unfortunately, is incompatible with any useful position in society.

Anyway, it's 6 AM and I'm babbling now, so I will retire for the moment.