|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 5:42 pm
Sorry about getting to these threads asking for advice so late. From what you said it sounds like you want to have some fun in your life and it sounds like he wants to have some fun in his life. See, when you go off to college there are a lot of people that party, do stupid things, and just try and have a fun time. If he's with you, that means he has to miss out on a lot of things, and/or he probably just doesn't want to feel tied down. He probably said that he still wants to be with you because he either feels guilty leaving you or really does want to be with you. It'll probably be the second one for a while but usually in this situation it turns into they just want to break it off. Honestly, I don't really think anything is wrong in this. I think there could have been a little more communication and discussing about things, but that's alright. It sounds like you didn't get much of a say or you haven't said how you feel. If you get new thoughts about the idea then you should tell him. If you don't want to be with him anymore, then you shouldn't.
I, personally, would break it off, because I think you're right. If he really did want to be with you he wouldn't want to take a break. Usually when someone wants space they don't want to be in a relationship and break it off. Going into college is going to be hectik enough and you being in high school only is going to make it more challenging. That's just me though.
You can do what you'd like. It's your choice. I think you should keep doing what you're doing though, thinking about it. For example, you just put down day 2 of what went on and what you realized. Just keep doing that. Also, you don't have to get over it right away, take your time.
Sorry, can't really type anymore my arms are hurting.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 9:58 pm
Sounds like everything's been said already (thanks to Chalda), but it does seem that he had his mind made up even before he went off to college. It's a pretty natural time to break things off, as one person is moving away (or both, as in my instance), but yes it does seem unfair to you. Guys have a tendency to take things for granted, and yes, he probably would have enjoyed staying with you, but there's that thrill of trying to see what's new and out there. Don't be surprised if he comes back in a few months saying what a dork he was and how much he's missed you. If you're into him then, then fine. Otherwise, he shouldn't have left you in the first place.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 12:42 pm
Soleq Sounds like everything''s been said already (thanks to Chalda), but it does seem that he had his mind made up even before he went off to college. It''s a pretty natural time to break things off, as one person is moving away (or both, as in my instance), but yes it does seem unfair to you. Guys have a tendency to take things for granted, and yes, he probably would have enjoyed staying with you, but there''s that thrill of trying to see what''s new and out there. Don''t be surprised if he comes back in a few months saying what a dork he was and how much he''s missed you. If you''re into him then, then fine. Otherwise, he shouldn''t have left you in the first place. Yeah i hope so... Day 3: I''m still pretty upset. I miss my ex a lot. I wish he never changed... but I suppose things have to be this way... it still just hurts... it''s confusing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 2:20 pm
Don't worry. We've all been there (at least the older bunch of us). While it does hurt, the pain gets replaced with happiness. Honestly, one of the happiest times in my life was when I was freshly out of a long-term relationship and realized the freedom I had gained.
Then I met my wife and *poof* goes the freedom.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:41 pm
Soleq Don''t worry. We''ve all been there (at least the older bunch of us). While it does hurt, the pain gets replaced with happiness. Honestly, one of the happiest times in my life was when I was freshly out of a long-term relationship and realized the freedom I had gained. Then I met my wife and *poof* goes the freedom.
Some of the happiest times in my life were hanging out with my friends back in high school. Good stuff.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 9:50 pm
If he wants to be with you, he has to put in the effort. If he wants to be with you he can't be with other girls. Did HE say that you cant do any better or do you assume, because if he said that he dosn't deserve you. He sounds egotistical.
You shouldn't allow him to do this, exspecially if you love him.
In my opinion break it off with him, you don't need him, exspecially if he can hurts you like this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:18 pm
D'aww, I'm sorry. *hugs*
But honestly? You can't blame him for wanting to start anew in college and whatnot.
You can't really do anything about his decision, other than just to do your best to get over it. Draw. Eat food. Hang out with friends. It's your senior year (god, I wish it was mine xd ) and you deserve some fun.
You'll find a special person someday. It just takes some time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 5:05 pm
skygraygirl1587 I know that most of you have probably heard these kind of stories before... and most of you say to just get over it. But, you see my boyfriend is in college, this is his first year.(I'm a senior in high school by the way) He started about two weeks ago.. he and I have been dating for a year and a half. He said he loves me.. and I know he does... we even wanted to be together and get married. But tell me if this sounds right please... Yesterday he said he needed time. He wanted space to just have fun in college.. and i understand that part. But he also said... that he wants to be with me. And that he knows we will wind up together. Because he doesn't think I'll find someone else. He said he isn't going to go and have sex with random girls while he has his space and he also says he isn't going to have a girlfriend.. but still. I love him and care about him and just thinking about him kissing another girl feels like betrayal. and what hurts me more is that he thinks I"m always going to be around... He wants me but he's leaving me... and even though this break up is "temporary" it isn't fair to me... my questions are: 1: does this seem right on his half? 2: does this seem right on my half? 3: does this seem right at all? 4: Have you ever had someone you loved and then they go and do something like this? I mean my point is.. if he loved me wouldn't he want to be with me? Wouldn't he not want to be with other girls? Even though he says he wouldn't have sex or have a g/f he could still... and because of this I feel betrayed. I know that the best advice comes within yourself... but i still would like to hear opinions. Right now.. it hurts me and I'm trying to be strong. I really really am. so don't think I'm one of those week girls who complain all the time about losing their boyfriend. It's just to me I guess my ex now... feels like he is my only love. And I fear that the love is gone now, because of this new decision. Opinions would really help me now.. thank you. Wow, that is harsh.. My boyfriend is also away at college, and having a long-distance relationship sucks more than anything, I know that much. I think that you should be honest with yourself; do you have guy-friends? Is he the jealous type? What kind of 'time' are we talking about, and what is he planning on spending this time on? I told my boyfriend that being far away and not seeing eachother every week was distance enough, and he agrees. Maybe you should tell this to your boyfriend.. if it is how you feel, that is. PM me if you are really lost and need to talk or feel some common ground with another. Is he the cheating type, has he cheated before? My boyfriend is extremely trustworthy, but.. sometimes he says things [similar to what your boyfriend has said] that really confuse me, and make me feel used and foolish. [hug] ...My offer still stands; write anytime.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 12:14 am
Chalda Sadly I think that if his mind is made up there isn't a lot you can do about it. He is taking advantage of you by trying to make sure you stick around while he goes on his marry way and have all the fun he wants. I know you love him but if this is truly what he wants then you are going to have to let him go. I would tell him that you won't hang around for him though. He can't keep you on a string and pull you back when he gets bored. If he wants to be free then he can have it but you won't be back. Maybe that will help him re-evaluate the situation. I don't think I could have put it better myself. When he says time apart, I'm guessing he just wants to still have you available, but have the option ready so that he can mess around with whatever girls he wants and not feel guilty, since you aren't technically "together..." stare That's the worst kind of guy. You don't have to put up with that nonsense. scream Is it right on his behalf? No, but - and now this depends a lot on the type of environment his college is - lots of college guys I know have the mentality that they're out on their own, free to do and try whatever they want, and shouldn't have to be tied down by anything, anyone, or any responsibilities. I don't go to a traditional college, so it's a bit different as far as it goes for my friends, but typically the college guys I have met from the universities around here? Party, drink, and sleep around whenever and with whomever they choose. I don't mean to instill something so downright loathsome into your thinking of this guy you've been with, but in my experience this traditionally is the case. If he says he isn't going to have "sex" with "random girls," I would question the definition of "random" and also what he considers "sex." Personally, if my boyfriend even so much as kissed another woman, we'd be finished. There are people out there who don't consider oral sex or a**l sex as actual "sex" sex, so you may want to ask that of him. Is it right on your behalf, god yes, I would think the same things that you are right now. If a guy tried to do that to me - as much as it hurt, I would leave him - that sort of thing just isn't worth any person's time. You never know, either, if you would end up sitting around waiting for him to come back to you, and in the meantime what if he found someone else to be with? That would just be wasted time and energy, on your part. While I know it really hurts, you should get out there and meet new guys. Not for dating, just friends or something. Or hang out with your other guy friends more frequently. You never know what might happen or what chemistry you might discover in the process. And, if your now-ex starts being more assy to you... you could pull the trick I've done, and just take some pictures of yourself with a hot guy friend, send them his way, and say "Oh by the way, me and so-and-so have been hanging out a lot lately..." wink Then let his imagination do the rest!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 9:39 am
Reivena Chalda Sadly I think that if his mind is made up there isn't a lot you can do about it. He is taking advantage of you by trying to make sure you stick around while he goes on his marry way and have all the fun he wants. I know you love him but if this is truly what he wants then you are going to have to let him go. I would tell him that you won't hang around for him though. He can't keep you on a string and pull you back when he gets bored. If he wants to be free then he can have it but you won't be back. Maybe that will help him re-evaluate the situation. I don't think I could have put it better myself. When he says time apart, I'm guessing he just wants to still have you available, but have the option ready so that he can mess around with whatever girls he wants and not feel guilty, since you aren't technically "together..." stare That's the worst kind of guy. You don't have to put up with that nonsense. scream Is it right on his behalf? No, but - and now this depends a lot on the type of environment his college is - lots of college guys I know have the mentality that they're out on their own, free to do and try whatever they want, and shouldn't have to be tied down by anything, anyone, or any responsibilities. I don't go to a traditional college, so it's a bit different as far as it goes for my friends, but typically the college guys I have met from the universities around here? Party, drink, and sleep around whenever and with whomever they choose. I don't mean to instill something so downright loathsome into your thinking of this guy you've been with, but in my experience this traditionally is the case. If he says he isn't going to have "sex" with "random girls," I would question the definition of "random" and also what he considers "sex." Personally, if my boyfriend even so much as kissed another woman, we'd be finished. There are people out there who don't consider oral sex or a**l sex as actual "sex" sex, so you may want to ask that of him. Is it right on your behalf, god yes, I would think the same things that you are right now. If a guy tried to do that to me - as much as it hurt, I would leave him - that sort of thing just isn't worth any person's time. You never know, either, if you would end up sitting around waiting for him to come back to you, and in the meantime what if he found someone else to be with? That would just be wasted time and energy, on your part. While I know it really hurts, you should get out there and meet new guys. Not for dating, just friends or something. Or hang out with your other guy friends more frequently. You never know what might happen or what chemistry you might discover in the process. And, if your now-ex starts being more assy to you... you could pull the trick I've done, and just take some pictures of yourself with a hot guy friend, send them his way, and say "Oh by the way, me and so-and-so have been hanging out a lot lately..." wink Then let his imagination do the rest! aw lets play fair now.. wink I do think it is a very good idea to hang out with male friends, and girlfriends too.. It really depends on the age; some girls have been known to get goofy around guys, so thats your call ... ahem.. back on topic... Youre very brave in my eyes to have Accepted that he has left you.. my boyfriend broke it off with me, and I could never accept it, and I ended up looking like a total doober, so to speak.. now were back as a couple, but he really shot alot of my pride down, I even question if pride can exist while in a serious relationship with someone. QUOTED: When he says time apart, I'm guessing he just wants to still have you available, but have the option ready so that he can mess around with whatever girls he wants and not feel guilty, since you aren't technically "together..." stare That's the worst kind of guy. You don't have to put up with that nonsense. scream [Yes, that could always be a possibility, but its really more of your call than ours, because you know him and what he is capable of more than we do. However, he could quite possibly feel guilty enough to come back later on down the road; this could be the next stage, especially if he has done it before, or shows signs of uncertainty throughout the process. My boyfriend was riddled with guilt and regret the day after he broke it off.. Know for sure if you would go back to him or not, and what it would mean as an outcome of Your life. [not just his] ...Firugre out if you are willing to accept him back, or if you had another in mind, if you would be willing to let that possibility go... Its all your call. An if you Do end up reuniting with him; this may sound mean, but make sure you pay him back tenfold for the torment you went through. [I bit my boyfriend alot after we reunited.. He took it, an it made me feel as if he was letting me in again; its a funny sort of payback, it kinda depends on the person, I guess...He also really listened to me and what I had to say/feelings I had. It was as if everything we wanted from eachother was right there again.] Silly Scorpios and our pain-inducing an open-feelings] Man.. I really feel deeply for you, and I wish there was more to say to you.. [hug] Need any hugs? PM for pixelated Hugs! ...Or to vent or update any information.. heart
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
