Welcome to Gaia! ::

( ᴗ ˳ ᴗ ) zzzzzzzz….!

( ° U ° ) !!

Killian took a while to realize that they were in a strange place. There was no pain, no torment, nothing but blissful peace. It was wonderful, and yet…The door. It calls to them.

Why? They had wondered, but asking why they would call out to themselves, questioning whether they wish to return was truly something. They need to return right? To…

A pause. Oh right! Killian only stared at the door funny at the suggested of discarding burdens. What burden did they bare? A oddly cheerful smile appeared in response with a small tilt of their head. None. They have nothing to discard because everything had been wonderful (yes even the painful and scary moments). They hold no burden so what is there to give?

(＠^∇^＠) ….
……..
( ⊙ A ⊙ )
( Q A Q ) EVERYTHING HURTS. OW.

Killian was shocked at the sudden pain and in reflex, runs right through the door.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ( Q A Q )

WHAT DID THEY DO?

Maybe this was another false ending.

Again the void. Again the karmic nothing, the pleasure that comes of a lack of desire. In a place without context or motives there can only be silence.

But there was a choice to be made.

To forget his failures. The knee-buckling, painfully intense opportunity to shed the guilt and the burdens of a million and one bad choices. Taym tentatively felt out the option, weighing it back and forth, pushing the potential of a guiltless future around in the cluttered, spiky confines of his head.

What if, when he asked to shed his failures, it was every failure, all the way back to the beginning? What if it was every failure, no matter how tempered with pride and happiness? He had no way of knowing. He had no way of being sure what would be taken from him.

And his failures were many: the stupid teenager making bad decisions, the poor choices in friends, the needle, the women, the woman, the...

He thought about Tuesday. About the fact that at nineteen he'd brought a child into his life when his life was nothing but a series of hedonistic, miserable urges and a confused infatuation he'd thought was love. That at twenty he'd lost his grip on the child's mother; that at twenty-one he'd almost lost his grip on the child. That at twenty-four he'd had an offer made that would take him out of her life forever, and that he'd taken it because he'd been sure that was preferable. He'd made the decision to hurt her and become a forever-perfect abstraction, a "your father" told to her by people who loved him despite his shortcomings, rather than a real presence forever ******** up.

Tuesday was his greatest success. Tuesday was his biggest failure.

At the wall he'd remembered her and the memory had hurt but he had begged the Goddess to let him keep it. This was gone to him now, given to Excalibur, and unbeknownest to him he was making the decision again. A second chance to slough off the single most painful part of his life and the only part he felt was worth celebrating.

Hurting is important.

He made the same decision he had before.

He would leave nothing. He could leave nothing. They'd spent all that time in the wreckage of the Blue Rose and the heat of the Forge trying to remember who they were, to become more whole. Now, the legitimate test: was this a thing they wanted, truly?

He didn't want it. He wanted void. He wanted blank.

His entire life he'd chased after the things he wanted instead of the things he needed.

Not this time.

He offered nothing.

One memory, two memories.... memories were slowly fading out of her - and perhaps the others too - as the battle began. Sacrificed for a greater cause - but truly was it a cause she believed in? Shehk could feel the tug inside of her unbeating heart.

Colors bled across the sky, smashed into each other, one coming over the other over the other..... beautiful. She couldn't bring herself to smile, though. It was just beautiful.

Then everything seemed to shatter apart.


It was white.

If she just closed her eyes it felt like nothing had changed at all. If she kept her eyes closed it felt like she'd been there already before. A long time ago she'd felt like this - like there was a future, nothing could hurt her, nothing was wrong with the world. There was annoyances, yes, but nothing else. She didn't hurt, she didn't scheme, she didn't feel like she needed to fix the world because everybody else had failed her.

It was nice. She kept her eyes closed and wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them close to her.

Only a moment. She opened her eyes briefly, looking at the door then immediately looking away from it in shock. It was dominating - not physically, but it felt like it stared into her being and she could barely mask her heart from it.

Do you wish to return?

She shook her head. No. She was good where she was already.

Do you wish to return?

She pulled her legs closer to her and shook her head again, clamping her eyes shut. She didn't have anything to return back to. She'd purposely pushed it all away from her, gotten rid of everything. Everything.

But as much as she clamped her eyes shut and willed it away, the door remained. She shook her head, keeping her eyes shut. If she pretended it wasn't there, it wasn't there. Everything felt like it was being thrown out of keel, as if everything in the whiteness with her shuddered in the presence of the door. She opened her eyes again to look at the door - but the door was gone. Then she looked down at herself.

The door was imprinted on her - not physically, but metaphysically. It felt like it was there. Like she existed in it's place. She touched her fingers into where it was, sinking them into her flesh.

Everything hurt.

She didn't want to go back. Cautiously, she pulled her hands from the door, watching them crumble as they were exposed to the air. Gone. Pain cracked through her cold body, leaving small traces of light flickering into the whiteness and then into nothingness. Shehk couldn't even flinch as it continued to crumble, reminding herself that this pain was nothing. It was inconsequential.

She couldn't even pull herself up to her feet as she turned to dust, opening her mouth to speak into the emptiness, only to erupt into light and fog, leaving a crumbling, pained body behind.

What remained expanded, grew, glowed and filled the whiteness, leaving the door by itself as it pushed through those cracks - into nothingness.

She'd never felt more free than without that body weighing her down.

Had they done it? Xiu was relieved, but so very, very tired. She was ready to leave--ready to return to her home and to her friends and family.

Although the prospect of leaving behind her pain sounded tempting, Xiu hardly needed to even consider the offer before shaking her head. She would leave behind nothing, even if some of the memories that she carried were dark and heavy. Personally, she felt that even the worst of memories served to make her stronger, prompting her to strive to improve herself. Forgetting them wouldn't do her any good.

With a faint smile, she made her choice and stepped forward towards the door.

So much to fit into one core, one soul, one heart, or mind what was it all? What was she? Right now she was in pain her body wrecked and shattered by the ending and rebuilding.

Across from her stood a door and an offer floated through the air. All her guilt, her shame, her mistakes, it could all be washed clean. Free of the mistakes she had made and the guilt they left. She looked down at that blackened boned arm, a mark of shame and pride entwined. Two halves of one coin that was all the same person.

"I wouldn't remember, failing Red, Shehk, Siddie..." She flexed her fingers, "But they would, wouldn't they? Red wouldn't forget me. Not after what I did, she can't forget let alone forgive." Everything else, it was too much to give up, why would she give up those things? The few joys she still had.

Sammy looked to the door, her greed, her pride, and her shame. She would accept it all as she had done before. Slamming her hands to the door she pushed.

"I WON'T LET YOU TAKE ANY OF IT AWAY. I'LL CARRY ALL OF IT BACK!" She shoved harder the door rolling open her body bursting with pain like she had never known,

"I WON'T FORGET!"

Molan paused, staring ahead at the door. Silent. It was so peaceful here, did he truly need to leave? ...but certainly... he had things to return to. Even if every part of him screamed, willed him to leave it, to forget the pains and leg it be washed away with a fresh start. Even then, he had things to treasure. He'd left enough behind, forgotten far more than he wished. Or so he guessed, there were voids, somewhere, blanks, he couldn't know. Merely that such things were done and gone, lest that sword keep his word.

But he was busy. He had a world to repair, and he? He had to tear himself away from the pain, to move on... slowly. He trudged forward, his entire body screaming as he did. He refused it all, he'd lost so much. He wouldn't lose any more. He left nothing he he made his way to the door, pushing it open and through. There were precious things to remember, smiles, kind words. Silly acts. His brother's antics, Olivia's odd hobbies, even that stalker, and he'd made a few friends. Wasn't striving to recall them worth it? He couldn't let that all go just to avoid some pain, to let it all go was a sin in itself.

He couldn't and wouldn't.

He'd long since decided more than enough was done in this day. So onward, through the door he went, hangs, legs, head, heart, and body heavy with the ache of the world as he did. But still worthy of being kept.

Wilson sighed. At least, he thought he sighed. Everything felt peaceful now; it was almost perfect. Almost, and now he was ready to return. Yes, he wanted to go back.

But did he want to leave pain behind? The offer felt so tempting. He almost took it without a second thought, but something held him back. No matter how much he smiled or pretended, he was made up of pain. He was made up of mistakes and failures and sadness and confusion. If Wilson gave it up, what would he be then? Would he still be himself? The thought unnerved him. He held the painful memories close to his heart, and with a heavy sigh he gripped them tightly. He would leave nothing behind.

His face contorted with doubt and pain when he walked through the door.

It was nice. Calming, peaceful, perfect. Everything was wonderful and nothing hurt. She didn’t even need to sigh. It was simply perfect.

She didn’t look at the door. She didn’t like the door. It’s darkness, it’s aura…something about it wasn’t right. She avoided the door.

”Do you wish to return?”

She ignored the question. She liked it here. It was nice here. The voice in her head purred and it was nice and she was at peace. She liked it h—


She didn’t. Yet there was something she was beginning to notice. The door wasn’t right…and…neither was she. She was the door. How could that be?

”We can return. We can return, but you can still choose. We can return, but not as the same. We have been given this gift, the gift of leaving our pain behind. What part of our burden should we discard?”

She thought. Everything hurt. Her body, her heart. It hurt so much. She realized then that it hurt to move. Was that why she hadn’t tried before? It hurt.

It hurt and it mattered. Everything she’d done, everything she could remember, it was important. What would she leave behind? What could she leave behind? More memories? She knew she’s already sacrificed something, but she had no idea what. She didn’t want to lose anything more. She didn’t want to lose more of herself.

So she moved, even though it hurt. The weight and pressure of each memory, each precious piece of herself pushed back, but she wasn’t going to give anything up. She was going to leave nothing behind. She was going to keep everything she was, because it was important and precious.

So when Sherry pushed herself through that door finally, she was still whole.