Welcome to Gaia! ::

Still a bit panicy about his missing item, Aurak closes his pack and tucks it in behind his right wing again. Looking around nervously at the others in the room. I don't know if I should ask these people here if they have seen a picture of my Fiance. They'll think I'm nuts or something! He starts looking around on the floor, His hunger was roaring at him, he ignores it. That picture was the only thing on his mind now, once he found that, he can relax and start eating.

((I have returned)) Finishing his practice Neo wanders into the woods surrounding the abbey. It was not that he didn't appreciate the warm beds, or the companionship of others, he was just more accustomed to traveling alone, and to him this was merely another stop in his journey. He quietly gathered low hanging boughs from the nearby pine trees and procedded to lay himself a bed, this was not the first time, nor would it be the last that he would sleep in such a manner. Neo enjoyed his solotude, the oneness with nature, he felt it was what made him human. As he sleeps his thoughts wander, they tended to do that quite frequently. So, it begins. Tomorrow I must be making breakfast for the students, it is my duty. He often stood on duty, it was th one thing that never changed. His duty often decided what he would do when faced with a decison. He always chose the honorable path, maybe it was that path that had led him here, to Aniur and her teachings. After he left he would return, he was sure of it. As Neo slept he dreamed horrible dreams, often of his parents, the fire that killed them, and the demon that caused it. He would toss and turn in his sleep, crying out, to whom he knew not. This was the first time his dreams had been this bad since he had left his village so long ago. His part in the restoration of the Meji shogunate weighed heavily as well. He could not escape the death that he caused. The small vial of blood beneth his kimono pressed against his body, a constant reminder of things long done, and still he slept.

The Next mornig Neo arose, before the sun as he usually did, and scattered his bedding, another habit he developed while travelling. He made his way to the dining hall to set the tables for the students. When he had finished that he moved to the kitchen. He didn't know each students past, or anything about them, save that one was a dragon-kin, but he didn't know what they ate. Deciding to go with a simple meal of bacon and eggs. He desperately hoped it would please both students and teacher. As he cooked the smells erupted from the kitchen like a volcano to waft through the courtyard and into the sleeping students beds. It would infect them like a disease willing them to gather at the Dining Hall. With sheer determination he cooked. Neo was going to cook this meal, and every other for the next two weeks. He felt it was his duty. ((Longest post ever yay ^_^))

Ah, first post. How wonderful. :3
Welcome to The Garden Shrine tutoring thread. Sorry it took me so long to get to your post, let's begin.

First glance you have a solid post here. You seem to have quite a few spelling mistakes, so heres a tip. The firefox browser has an auto spell check within it as you type. It is set on by right clicking and checking the 'spell check this field' option. If you don't have firefox, use microsoft word or some word processor you are comfortable with. This will catch all the little issues so we can work on the big ones. Now, let's get on to the big things.

A few rules for you to follow:
#1 Double space after every sentence. It makes it MUCH easier to read, giving a cue as to where each of your sentences begins and ends. Yes, that is what a period is for, but periods are easy to miss.
#2 Change of subject requires a new paragraph. This should be self explanatory.
#3 Make sure that you mix your sentence lengths up. While you're doing this though, don't fall into the trap of separating two bits of information that might work well together, which I will demonstrate next.


You have some needless sentences here that just make your information drag instead of being informative as it should be. Try this instead:

Now there are a number of ways to accomplish this. I have given you one. 'Still' was changed to 'calm' because still is not a feeling. Very simple mistake with a very simple fix. No harm, no foul.
Let's fix your appearance next.

To:

You have, some just, wonderful information here, but you just don't know how to properly use it yet. I'm a bit giddy at the thought of all the wondrous things you are going to write once I'm done with you. I would like to get the simple things out of the way such as the two spaces after each sentence so we can really work on your flow. Your creativity needs no work my dear, your execution of it does.
I'm going to stop here with your corrections and ask you to make another post right away with the things I have shown you. It doesn't need to be as long, just something with the changes. I will wait to assign your rank untill then because I believe it will be much higher than what I would put you at now.
:3
Questions, comments, bitchery? Post it. I can handle it, seriously. XD

You know the drill, let's go to it. There is nothing wrong with the following couple of sentences, it just feels like they're missing something...

I think I would have liked to see something akin to the following:

Okay, yes I got a little carried away there adding some punctuation corrections and what not, but the main thing you should be noting is that sentence I added in between those two. Now, while it might not fit your character and thus you would have to put something totally different, its the pause in between the two actions to evaluate your characters mental and/or emotional state that I would really like you to take note of. Depending on who you are, it might have been terrifying, annoying or frustrating. When you give your character's mental state to these reactions you really start to open up the inner core of your character to your fellow rpers. This also is good practice for other situations in the case where you would ask "what exactly would my character do now?" Well if they're the frightened type, they might wet their pants. It all depends on what they would do in these smaller situations. :3 NEVER miss an opportunity.
The rest is fine. Very good in fact. I can't wait to see how he reacts to your curiosity of his being. :3 ::Goes to read and correct it right now even.::

It's still a fine post though. D: What do I have to do to get you to stop capitalizing "he" after your quotes? Good god man!
D:
Must be trying to kill me.
Otherwise as per usual, its fine. Save the spelling errors, but you know about those already.

"Wait!" Van called after the man that had just saved his... Wait just a moment, why am I not i pain? If I didn't know a bookshelf had just fallen on me I would think that I really had no broken bones. Oh well, I suppose life goes on sometimes. Sometimes? Where did that come from? Still puzzling over the strange thought he walked after the Phoenican and felt himself plummeting. Oh my, I CAN'T FLY! Need wings, need wings now! he desperately called to every god and goddess he had seen in the shrine. He felt a strange power flowing through him and then his descent slow. Opening his eyes Vanyel looked around for what had saved him. Then he saw it, blood the had been dripping from a couple shallow cuts he received trying to push the books off him before was now flowing UP instead of the customary down. Following its trail up his arm he saw what had truly allowed him to avoid being smashed into the ground. Blood wings were forming at his back and they were growing every moment as more of the crimson liquid they were made of flowed into them. Wow, this is amazing. They gently lowered him to the ground and Van dashed after his savior from before. Without even trying, Vanyel had summoned up one of the least used powers that the Dark God could give, the power of creation.

The quiet man was less than twenty feet away from the wall when someone called to him.
"Hey! Guy from dining room. You feeling better now?”
He turned towards the voice and met the owner, that helpful man from the dining room. Deugaro took immediate note of a blade point sticking out of his clothing.
"He uses knives?", he thought, a voice awakening in the back of his mind.

"She used knives too, remember?", it reminded him, in an echoey voice, as though it was a vital piece of information.

"Who are you? What are you talking about?"

"I don't recall... Who were we talking about? Were we ever talking about anything?", the voice faded away, rambling on like a madman, into the recesses of his mind.

Only a few seconds had passed in reality and the man was still there. Should I give him a truthful answer, lie or completely avoid his honest question?
"I'm... average.", he said quietly, his voice rumbling.
From out of the corner of his eye he noticed someone plummet from the third story window.
"That fool...", Deugaro's thought was cut short as blood-forged wings developed out of Vanyel's back. The smaller male landed safely on the ground, surprise on his face, before recovering and jogging over to where he stood.
The assassin's eyes narrowed dangerously, his crimson eyes hardening into a look that would cause even battle tested soldiers to falter in their steps.
"As soon as he creates an undead he becomes an official necromancer... only then and not before."
He relaxed his facial features quickly, berating himself mentally for that moment of lost control.
"... What do you want?", the Phoenican asked Vanyel as he came into range, his voice still the same dark, monotonous tone.