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 Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 4:39 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 10:10 am
A guy wants a job a circus so he goes up to the ringmaster, who is in the big-top, tell him about his dream. The ringmaster laughs, "We already have enough acts, but if you show me something new I'll consider it." The guy smiles gleefully and prepares to start his act.
He jumps up high and as he is falling back, he suddenly flaps his arm and starts to fly. He fly all about the big-top, does a few loops around the high-wire., sweeps the empty stands, and finally fluttering himself down next to the ringmaster . "So what to you think?", he says breathlessly.
The ringmaster is speechless and is silent for a moment before speaking. "That's all you have to offer is BIRD INTIMATIONS!?"
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 1:12 pm
Three very-pregnant women are waiting to see their doctor. The first says "I'm sure I'm having a boy this time, because my husband was on top, and I always have boys when he's on top." The second one says "That's interesting; I guess I'll have a girl, then, because I was on top. The third woman begins to cry, and the other two ask her why she's crying, and she says "I think I'm having puppies!"
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:47 pm
Sex is like a gas station.....
Sometimes you get full service,
sometimes you have to go and ask for service,
And sometimes you have to be happy with self-service.
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:50 pm
4 Husbands
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it)
She smiled and explained,
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:22 am
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:26 am
Did you that William Tell had an actical published about him in the American Medical Journal?
William Tell had a very rare eye condition, they called it Tell-evision.
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 8:47 am
It has been a few days ....I think it's time to post another funny 3nodding
Goodbye Grandpa
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God
bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?' The little girl
said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the right thing to
say." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange
coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and
good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy Moses" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up
at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all
day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt
safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he
stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at
his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived; he
breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late.
What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day
of my life."
She said, “I’m sorry to hear that. By the way, did you hear that our
former milkman died today?”
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:33 am
Leon was an old man. He was sick
and in the hospital.There was one nurse
that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk
to him like he was a little child. She
would say in a patronizing tone of voice,
’And how are we doing this morning',or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry?'
Old Leon had enough of this
particular nurse. One day, at breakfast,
Old Leon took the apple juice off the
tray and put it in his bed side stand.
Next, he was given a urine bottle
to fill for testing.
So you know where the juice went!
The nurse came in a little later, picked
up the urine bottle and looked at it.
'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today. '
At this, Old Leon snatched the bottle
out of her hand, popped off the top,
and drank it down, saying,
'Well, I'll run it through again.
Maybe I can filter it better this time.'
The nurse fainted!
Old Leon just smiled!
DON'T MESS WITH 'OLD' PEOPLE!!!!
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:44 pm
Hear about Issac Newton's brother Figbie? Where Issac is was know for gravity, FIgbie was know for his cookies - the Fig Newton.
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 5:55 pm
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/307943_610286895667434_1087523288_n.jpg
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 12:48 pm
The Pope is going to resign and to be honest I don't blame him.
I'd leave my job too if my boss never showed up.
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:07 pm
How many versions of pokemon are there? Times that by a hundred pokemon and you'll see why I gave up
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:38 am
Pink Fregia Three very-pregnant women are waiting to see their doctor. The first says "I'm sure I'm having a boy this time, because my husband was on top, and I always have boys when he's on top." The second one says "That's interesting; I guess I'll have a girl, then, because I was on top. The third woman begins to cry, and the other two ask her why she's crying, and she says "I think I'm having puppies!" good one! like it!
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:38 am
Nei1 The Pope is going to resign and to be honest I don't blame him. I'd leave my job too if my boss never showed up. thumbs up! biggrin
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