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 Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 11:00 am
Name of weapon: Wired senbon
Who owns the weapon: Kir, and Yuu
Where it was found/Who made it: They were made in the village hidden in the clouds, specifically formutlated for holding a charge long after the charge has been placed.
The Range of the weapon: Medium
Weakness: THey can be nulified by having the electric current blocked by something. They also have a one post reloading time. They can be cut fairly easily, but if the weapon used is capable of conducting electricity then it sends the shock at the enemy.
Description: They are senbon that have wires attached, capable of holding vast amounts of electric charge. They are specialy formulated to hold a charge over time.
Techniques that can charge them:
Seiteki Suji no Jutsu (Static Strings Technique)
Chakra cost: 2
Heki no Jutsu (Burst Technique)
Chakra cost: 3
Nagare Isou no Jutsu (Current Transfer Skill)
Chakra cost: 3
Raiton: Raikou Boruto no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Lightning Bolt Technique)
Chakra cost: 3
Raiton: Denshi no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Electron Technique)
Chakra cost: 3
Raiton: Yaiba no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Blade Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Dendou Kariyou no Jutsu (Electric Overdose Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Raiton: Raikou Hitofuki no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Lightning Blast Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Kanri Soushitsu no Jutsu (Control Loss Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Hikuhiku Eda no Jutsu (Twitching Limb Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Dendou Hari Hirogari no Jutsu (Electric Needle Spread Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Raiton: Raikou Kousen no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Lightning Beam Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Raiton: Yusuburu Kasugai no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Jolt Clamp)
Chakra cost: 5
Denki Hifu no Jutsu (Electric Skin Technique)
Chakra cost: 5
Dendou Hebi no Jutsu (Electric Snake Technique)
Chakra cost: 7
Junsei Raikou Kunai no Jutsu (Pure Lightning Kunai Technique)
Chakra cost: 7
Rensa Raikou no Jutsu (Chain Lightning Technique)
Chakra cost: 7
Raiton: Jiten Rakou Dangan (Lightning Release: Spinning Lightning Shot)
Chakra cost: 9
Inbikiri Ekido no Jutsu (Lightning Rage Technique)
Chakra cost: 9
Rp Sample: " All Right let's do this!" Kir said laughing, Yuu stepping out of his body. " I'll go across, you go down!" He said jumping into the air, and throwing his Special senbon out, connecting them to the walls. " All right, send them up!" He said attaching his wires to eachother, and dropping next to his brother reloading his wired senbon.
" You get really annoying Kir..." Yuu said throwing his senbon into the air, and smiling as they connected with his brother's, weaveing like a net.
" Now let's do this!" They both said doing some handsigns and touching the wires. " Thunder style, Thundering charge!" They said in unison, the array of wires lighting up and staying lit even after they removed their hands.
" All right that shoul keep the bugs out for atleast a couple of days." Kir said smiling turning.
" That'll be 29 Ryu..." He said grabbing his brother's collar and plopping him on the ground next to him. " Please. We do not accept credit." He said holding out his hand and reciveing the ryu. " Thank you very much." He said walking over to the array and charging it again. " Now it should last for a couple of weeks, maybe even two months." He said bowing politely. " Thank you for your patronage." He said slidding into Kir's body.
" Thanks again for the job!" KirYuu said standing up and leaving.
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Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 8:35 pm
@Kaze:
1. Weakness: "B-Rank Ninjutsu(Per the element)" Kind of simple yet vague, every B Rank elemental ninjutsu is a weakness of your sword?
2. Chakra Release: 2 chakra points to increase it once to 9 ft and 9 chakra points to increase it once to 15 ft, nice but how long does this extension last? If there isn't a cost of chakra per post to keep it, make an amount of posts it would last or "charges" (same kind of charges that was used for Orchid's weapon) it would have.
3. Havoc: "...the user battles with raw uncompressed chakra." how much chakra is spent with that? If there will be "charges" in the weapon, how many would be spent with that?
4. Fang Blade Strike: "7 chakra points for deadly effect", what is that "deadly effect"? A simple boost in the strength of each attack at the cost of 7 chakra per strike?
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Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 8:56 pm
@Zetsubou:
1. Where it was found/Who made it: "up their sleeves" doesn't say where it was found but where they are kept. "Also, they had them special made" still didn't state where it was made nor who made them.
2. Weakness: When charged, a wind elemental jutsu would be able to disperse the eletrical charge, following the elemental weaknesses. Add Fuuton jutsus as a weakness for when they are charged. Depending on the technique even if the senbon aren't charged a wind blast could blow them away, another weakness.
3. Description and RP sample: "They are senbon that have wires attached, capable of holdingvast amounts of electric charge." In your RP sample, you used a jutsu to charge those wires, yet, you didn't post any technique that is used with those wires. Just saying the wires are "charged" with electricity is vague. How strong would that charge be? What lightning jutsus can and can't charge the wires? If you want these wires to be accepted then add the moves that are used with the wires, jutsus that can charge the wires and make sure to put chakra costs for the moves that are used with the wires, you have to spend chakra to create lightning chakra. Also, don't forget to put what are those wires made of, the material they are made of also influences the weaknesses.
Once everything is fixed, or if you have anything to say about it, post it.
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Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 9:32 pm
Beatriz-chan @Zetsubou: 1. Where it was found/Who made it: "up their sleeves" doesn't say where it was found but where they are kept. "Also, they had them special made" still didn't state where it was made nor who made them. 2. Weakness: When charged, a wind elemental jutsu would be able to disperse the eletrical charge, following the elemental weaknesses. Add Fuuton jutsus as a weakness for when they are charged. Depending on the technique even if the senbon aren't charged a wind blast could blow them away, another weakness. 3. Description and RP sample: "They are senbon that have wires attached, capable of holdingvast amounts of electric charge." In your RP sample, you used a jutsu to charge those wires, yet, you didn't post any technique that is used with those wires. Just saying the wires are "charged" with electricity is vague. How strong would that charge be? What lightning jutsus can and can't charge the wires? If you want these wires to be accepted then add the moves that are used with the wires, jutsus that can charge the wires and make sure to put chakra costs for the moves that are used with the wires, you have to spend chakra to create lightning chakra. Also, don't forget to put what are those wires made of, the material they are made of also influences the weaknesses. Once everything is fixed, or if you have anything to say about it, post it. ok, on the where they were found, I read it wrong ;p they aren't for throwing at a person, mostly for making a wall of wires, they are normally thrown and they sink into something, normally having to be pulled out, or cut. sorry I should have put that down ;p ok, I'll get right on the rest of it. ^.^ thank you Beatrize-chan ^.^
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Posted: Sat May 22, 2010 9:48 pm
Alright then, I'm waiting for your edits.
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 7:12 am
xXZetsubou-KaesuXx Name of weapon: Wired senbon Who owns the weapon: Kir, and Yuu Where it was found/Who made it: They were made in the village hidden in the clouds, specifically formutlated for holding a charge long after the charge has been placed. The Range of the weapon: Medium Weakness: THey can be nulified by having the electric current blocked by something. They also have a one post reloading time. They can be cut fairly easily, but if the weapon used is capable of conducting electricity then it sends the shock at the enemy. Description: They are senbon that have wires attached, capable of holding vast amounts of electric charge. They are specialy formulated to hold a charge over time. Techniques that can charge them: Seiteki Suji no Jutsu (Static Strings Technique) Charge power: small Chakra cost: 2 Heki no Jutsu (Burst Technique) Charge power: stun gun Chakra cost: 3 Nagare Isou no Jutsu (Current Transfer Skill) Charge power: stun gun Chakra cost: 3 Raiton: Raikou Boruto no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Lightning Bolt Technique) Charge power: lightning bolt Chakra cost: 3 Raiton: Denshi no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Electron Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolt Chakra cost: 3 Raiton: Yaiba no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Blade Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolt Chakra cost: 5 Dendou Kariyou no Jutsu (Electric Overdose Technique) Charge power: Able to paralize weaker opponents Chakra cost: 5 Raiton: Raikou Hitofuki no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Lightning Blast Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolts (( about 5 )) Chakra cost: 5 Kanri Soushitsu no Jutsu (Control Loss Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolts (( about 5 )) Chakra cost: 5 Hikuhiku Eda no Jutsu (Twitching Limb Technique) Charge power: Paralize opponents of equal strength Chakra cost: 5 Dendou Hari Hirogari no Jutsu (Electric Needle Spread Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolt Chakra cost: 5 Raiton: Raikou Kousen no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Lightning Beam Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolts (( about 5 )) Chakra cost: 5 Raiton: Yusuburu Kasugai no Jutsu (Lightning Release: Jolt Clamp) Charge power: Lightning bolts (( about 5 )) Chakra cost: 5 Denki Hifu no Jutsu (Electric Skin Technique) Charge power: electric fence Chakra cost: 5 Dendou Hebi no Jutsu (Electric Snake Technique) Charge power: Paralizes enemies one rank stronger Chakra cost: 7 Junsei Raikou Kunai no Jutsu (Pure Lightning Kunai Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolts (( about 5 )) Chakra cost: 7 Rensa Raikou no Jutsu (Chain Lightning Technique) Charge power: Paralizes enemies one rank stronger Chakra cost: 7 Raiton: Jiten Rakou Dangan (Lightning Release: Spinning Lightning Shot) Charge power: Lightning bolts (( about 5 )) Chakra cost: 9 Inbikiri Ekido no Jutsu (Lightning Rage Technique) Charge power: Lightning bolts (( about 10 )) Chakra cost: 9 Rp Sample: " All Right let's do this!" Kir said laughing, Yuu stepping out of his body. " I'll go across, you go down!" He said jumping into the air, and throwing his Special senbon out, connecting them to the walls. " All right, send them up!" He said attaching his wires to eachother, and dropping next to his brother reloading his wired senbon. " You get really annoying Kir..." Yuu said throwing his senbon into the air, and smiling as they connected with his brother's, weaveing like a net. " Now let's do this!" They both said doing some handsigns and touching the wires. " Thunder style, Thundering charge!" They said in unison, the array of wires lighting up and staying lit even after they removed their hands. " All right that shoul keep the bugs out for atleast a couple of days." Kir said smiling turning. " That'll be 29 Ryu..." He said grabbing his brother's collar and plopping him on the ground next to him. " Please. We do not accept credit." He said holding out his hand and reciveing the ryu. " Thank you very much." He said walking over to the array and charging it again. " Now it should last for a couple of weeks, maybe even two months." He said bowing politely. " Thank you for your patronage." He said slidding into Kir's body. " Thanks again for the job!" KirYuu said standing up and leaving. there is all of my editing ^.^ I could go more indepth about the effects of the charge power...
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 1:17 pm
Note:This has already been accepted,I just want to upgrade it's abilities. The things that are bolded are the upgrades. Name of weapon: Amaterasu or 'Shining Heaven' Who owns the weapon: Zin Naga Users class: Taijutsu/Battojutsu Where it was found/Who made it: It was given to Zin during the training with the mysterious man. He gave this blade to Zin in replacement for the rusty chinese straight sword that the young boy broke during training. It was later found that the mysterious man was Zin's grandfather Zukia Tojiro. He noticed that Zin's fight,though with an upgraded blade that can blind enemies wasn't enough. Seeing as anything can rather blind enemies but the blade needed more bite. In which,he added white flames to the power of Amaterasu. This,when Zin get's strong enough,he'll be able to wield the weapon at a new level.The Range of the weapon: Close range. Weakness: It takes alot of chakra to use this weapon's powers in addition to using Battojutsu. But it only truly takes chakra away when he activates it's blinding technique and 'vanishing' blade. The blade also cannot flash an opponent if there is not enough,or is no light within the area.
*Also,for the lower methods of blinding the opponent,the opponent will have to be looking in the general direction of the user.
-Another thing is,if the blade is wettened,Amaterasu's flames cannot ignite. Though,as the battle progresses and it dries up,it will be able to ignite once more. (10 posts of down period.)Description: Amaterasu means "shining heaven, or shining over heaven". The blade was made with a particular metal that reflect light overly well. It makes the blade look practically white when hit against the light.When chakra is pushed into it,this blade with magnify the reflection of light ability and with a small tilt of the blade and blind the open for a brief second. Pushing a constant stream of chakra into the blade will awaken the true power of Amaterasu. This blade will make a flash in the area,blinding the opponent only if they are looking directly at Zin. This will give Zin 5 seconds to attack his opponent. Now that Zukia activated Zin's blade to the fullest. The child can ignite the flames that haunt his heart and make other's feel his pain. The addition is ranked by this(He can only unlock it by chakra level and by the rank identified.):
*Genin:Orange Flames. (Regular Fire power)
*Chuunin:Red Flames
*Jounin:Blue Flames
*Sanin:White Flames- Amaterasu's True power.
Note:The flames are not long lasting. They are not like a flamethrower of torch. The flames are like a momentary ignition. Meaning,Zin would only release the power of the blade upon contact. It is not,in any way or fashion,a continuously flaming sword. It's only upon contact that it ignites.
*Lastly,is anyone other than Naga Clan cannot hold the hilt nor the sheath of the blade. Meaning no one other than Zin,and any other clan member can wield Amataresu without having their hand being severly burned by white flames. This sword is dedicated to the pride of the Naga Clan.
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 3:06 pm
@Firball: DENIED Look in the rules, we don't accept anything that has an "instant kill" effect, which is basically what your "Fang Blade Strike" is. Not only that, but the posts to learn these moves are entirely too Low. There's no reason it should only take 3 posts to learn even your first move "Chakra Release." And as for "Havoc," it's just too vague of a description. Saying that it is the "most fearsome barrage someone can perform with such harsh overpowering energy," in itself is untrue for the sole fact that ANY demon host or even kage-leveled shinobi could perform the same level of attack. Not only that, but you're not even a chunnin yet, which would mean that your attack is NOT the strongest attack someone could make because of the rank issue. For all these moves, there's no chakra cost, and the only one you DO have a chakra cost for is something I won't approve. You need to give each move a RANK. Finally, your RP sample is too short, we have a 10-line minimum for that.
@Zetsubou: If you are going to make a weapon that just channels raiton through it, you can't decrease the chakra cost for those jutsu. In other words, the jutsu still cost the same according to our chakra system, it's just being redirected through your wired senbon. Likewise, there would be no need for "Charge Power" because each jutsu already has a set strength.
@Panthers: You left the two middle ranks of the flames blank...but you probably did that on puporse. I would have to say DENIED, and for one reason: You can NOT have flames as strong as "Amaterasu's True Power." The reason is the sharingan already has this effect, and even to get it, they have to go through hell and back just to get the higher stage of the doujutsu to even TRY it. Not only that, but the move is really draining when used by an Uchiha. Sorry, can't approve something that gives you the same power for pretty much no physical cost, or an entirely difficult way to even attain it.
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 3:12 pm
[woah,no no no no..... sweatdrop I hope I didn't make it seem like that. I definately wasn't going for that at all. How mine was is to burn and cut;not burn forever. >.< I'll edit what you think I need to,but I DEFINATELY wasn't going for eternal flames. It's more along the lines of with the hotter it being,the deeper it can cut and the more pain it can inflict. Not,cut and burn burn burn. sweatdrop ]
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 5:19 pm
Luo1304 @Firball: DENIED Look in the rules, we don't accept anything that has an "instant kill" effect, which is basically what your "Fang Blade Strike" is. Not only that, but the posts to learn these moves are entirely too Low. There's no reason it should only take 3 posts to learn even your first move "Chakra Release." And as for "Havoc," it's just too vague of a description. Saying that it is the "most fearsome barrage someone can perform with such harsh overpowering energy," in itself is untrue for the sole fact that ANY demon host or even kage-leveled shinobi could perform the same level of attack. Not only that, but you're not even a chunnin yet, which would mean that your attack is NOT the strongest attack someone could make because of the rank issue. For all these moves, there's no chakra cost, and the only one you DO have a chakra cost for is something I won't approve. You need to give each move a RANK. Finally, your RP sample is too short, we have a 10-line minimum for that. Oic. I shall begin editing right away! And that actually is 17 lines.
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 7:44 am
Luo1304 @Firball: DENIED Look in the rules, we don't accept anything that has an "instant kill" effect, which is basically what your "Fang Blade Strike" is. Not only that, but the posts to learn these moves are entirely too Low. There's no reason it should only take 3 posts to learn even your first move "Chakra Release." And as for "Havoc," it's just too vague of a description. Saying that it is the "most fearsome barrage someone can perform with such harsh overpowering energy," in itself is untrue for the sole fact that ANY demon host or even kage-leveled shinobi could perform the same level of attack. Not only that, but you're not even a chunnin yet, which would mean that your attack is NOT the strongest attack someone could make because of the rank issue. For all these moves, there's no chakra cost, and the only one you DO have a chakra cost for is something I won't approve. You need to give each move a RANK. Finally, your RP sample is too short, we have a 10-line minimum for that.
@Zetsubou: If you are going to make a weapon that just channels raiton through it, you can't decrease the chakra cost for those jutsu. In other words, the jutsu still cost the same according to our chakra system, it's just being redirected through your wired senbon. Likewise, there would be no need for "Charge Power" because each jutsu already has a set strength.
@Panthers: You left the two middle ranks of the flames blank...but you probably did that on puporse. I would have to say DENIED, and for one reason: You can NOT have flames as strong as "Amaterasu's True Power." The reason is the sharingan already has this effect, and even to get it, they have to go through hell and back just to get the higher stage of the doujutsu to even TRY it. Not only that, but the move is really draining when used by an Uchiha. Sorry, can't approve something that gives you the same power for pretty much no physical cost, or an entirely difficult way to even attain it. I didn't change the chakra cost, I couldn't find any, so I looked around, and I found a list, it said academy was so many chakra points, etc etc, and I filled it out that way. Beatrize-chan asked if I could get some jutsu to go with it, and this way, I can keep track of how much chakra I'm using ^.^ oh they do? ok, then I'll get rid of the charge power. ^.^ I just thought that from the descriptions, that they didn't have a specific charge. ;p
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 11:45 am
@Fireball:...it's not 17 lines. I mean 17 VERTICAL lines, not 17 sentences. Like counting up and down on the page how many lines there are.
@Panthers: Well, try and define the intensity more 'kay? That way, it's a bit more understandable to be able to tell how intense the flames are.
@Zetsubou: sweatdrop don't mind me haha, I had a feeling it was correct anyway but I was too lazy to just go check the chart for chakra cost hahahaha. And they don't have a SPECIFIC charg persay, but the descriptions basically give you an idea of how strong the lightning is. If some of them seem too vague, let me know.
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 11:58 am
((Alrighty give me a sec. to edit it a little better. ))
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 12:02 pm
Luo1304 @Fireball:...it's not 17 lines. I mean 17 VERTICAL lines, not 17 sentences. Like counting up and down on the page how many lines there are.
@Panthers: Well, try and define the intensity more 'kay? That way, it's a bit more understandable to be able to tell how intense the flames are.
@Zetsubou: sweatdrop don't mind me haha, I had a feeling it was correct anyway but I was too lazy to just go check the chart for chakra cost hahahaha. And they don't have a SPECIFIC charg persay, but the descriptions basically give you an idea of how strong the lightning is. If some of them seem too vague, let me know. no, for their main purpose they aren't vauge, but at for being channeled through something and basically being an ultimate electric fence, thy don't say anything about how powerful they are when channeled. ;p
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Posted: Mon May 24, 2010 12:03 pm
Panthers7 Note:This has already been accepted,I just want to upgrade it's abilities. The things that are bolded are the upgrades. Name of weapon: Amaterasu or 'Shining Heaven' Who owns the weapon: Zin Naga Users class: Taijutsu/Battojutsu Where it was found/Who made it: It was given to Zin during the training with the mysterious man. He gave this blade to Zin in replacement for the rusty chinese straight sword that the young boy broke during training. It was later found that the mysterious man was Zin's grandfather Zukia Tojiro. He noticed that Zin's fight,though with an upgraded blade that can blind enemies wasn't enough. Seeing as anything can rather blind enemies but the blade needed more bite. In which,he added white flames to the power of Amaterasu. This,when Zin get's strong enough,he'll be able to wield the weapon at a new level. This is not like the Uchiha's Amaterasu. The flames DO NOT last forever. The technique simply is flames that scorch the flesh with intense heat and produce deeper cuts.The Range of the weapon: Close range. Weakness: It takes alot of chakra to use this weapon's powers in addition to using Battojutsu. But it only truly takes chakra away when he activates it's blinding technique and 'vanishing' blade. The blade also cannot flash an opponent if there is not enough,or is no light within the area.
*Also,for the lower methods of blinding the opponent,the opponent will have to be looking in the general direction of the user.
-Another thing is,if the blade is wettened,Amaterasu's flames cannot ignite. Though,as the battle progresses and it dries up,it will be able to ignite once more. (10 posts of down period.)Description: Amaterasu means "shining heaven, or shining over heaven". The blade was made with a particular metal that reflect light overly well. It makes the blade look practically white when hit against the light.When chakra is pushed into it,this blade with magnify the reflection of light ability and with a small tilt of the blade and blind the open for a brief second. Pushing a constant stream of chakra into the blade will awaken the true power of Amaterasu. This blade will make a flash in the area,blinding the opponent only if they are looking directly at Zin. This will give Zin 5 seconds to attack his opponent. Now that Zukia activated Zin's blade to the fullest. The child can ignite the flames that haunt his heart and make other's feel his pain. The addition is ranked by this(He can only unlock it by chakra level and by the rank identified.):
*Genin:Orange Flames. (Regular Fire power)
*Chuunin:Red Flames
*Jounin:Blue Flames
*Sanin:White Flames- Amaterasu's True power.
Note:The flames are not long lasting. They are not like a flamethrower of torch. The flames are like a momentary ignition. Meaning,Zin would only release the power of the blade upon contact. It is not,in any way or fashion,a continuously flaming sword. It's only upon contact that it ignites. As said before,the blade does not continuously burn. It burns once upon contact;in which the flames will cook the flesh for a couple of moments but it is in no way the same as the Uchiha's Black Flamed Amaterasu.
*Lastly,is anyone other than Naga Clan cannot hold the hilt nor the sheath of the blade. Meaning no one other than Zin,and any other clan member can wield Amataresu without having their hand being severly burned by white flames. This sword is dedicated to the pride of the Naga Clan.
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