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 Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:17 pm
How can the court trust the words of a man who isn't even talking about cats when he is accused of kicking one? I beg to be excused from this charade.
You broke into my house and hid under my bed!
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:13 pm
Please. I was just trying to get to know you... and a note is a PERFECTLY CLEAR WARNING.
You ate all of the chocolate in the house!
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:21 pm
No, I melted all of it down and then turned it into a chocolate statue in your honour. Slight difference. It should still be on the counter, unless it melted...
You sold my prized collection of trapped faeries on e-bay!!
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:46 pm
No, they sold themselves! They are faeries after all.
You impersonated my cat and watched me get naked!
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:54 pm
I didnt impersonate your cat, i impersonated a man impersonating a cat.
You had sex with my parrot.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 6:24 am
You're parrot keep saying "Have Sex with me, Have Sex with me" and I was like "No! You're a parrot not a human!" and the parrot was like "Have sex with me or I'll pluck you're eyeballs with my giant beak!". You see, I had no other choice.
You placed mosquitoes in my underwear
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:01 pm
I thought they might help you dance better.
YOU ATE JENNY'S NOODLES. scream
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Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 8:55 pm
I ate them to save her!! They were poisoned with a bit of arsenic, which I've managed to build up some immunity to, so I ate them in her place.
You ate my chocolate chip pancakes and stole my maple syrup! gonk
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Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 10:37 pm
Hello. It's chocolate chips. I also left the maple syrup on the counter. I didn't want it. whee
You killed Van'a Hiel! evil ninja
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Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 8:35 am
I never assassinated anyone.
You killed Zordon as the Red Ranger!
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Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:30 am
So take a look at me now,
'cause there's just an empty space That simply can't be true...I'd never wear so much red...clashes with my complection!
You ate my very last double oreo crying And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
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Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 12:37 pm
You said I could have it!
You got me sick
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Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:34 pm
I simply accidentally injected all of a loaded syringe of G-virus into your arm while you were asleep... anyone could have made the same mistake!
You poisoned my tea!
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Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:38 pm
I wanted to see if you'd become Steve burnside from Resident Evil Code Veronica.
You stole my iPod touch!
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Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 6:05 pm
Cause I thought it was crap.
You're using an inferior device!
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