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 Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:26 am
One of the most upsetting things in my experiences, is that I have a desire to have children in the future (within five years or so), and yet I feel that it would be impossible.
The main reason? Money.
I know that pregnancy, childbirth, and childrearing is expensive.
It's even more expensive if you have to pay for daycare or one parent stops working to take care of the child/ren.
But I just don't see how it will be possible for me to afford even ONE child in the future, and it makes me feel horribly irresponsible for even selfishly WANTING to have children in the first place.
And if I got pregnant now? I don't know what I'd do, because I would feel horribly ashamed if I couldn't give that child the best of everything from prenatal care to parenting, but I wouldn't want to just abandon it or kill it through abortion.
What are your feelings about having children, responsibility to them, and the funds required to give children "the best"?
Even if I want to stay at home with my (future) kids, I probably won't because my husband wants to be a psychologist, and that's an independent business, so I would need something stable and with benefits so our kids would have a steady income and a steady healthcare/benefits package in case of accidents.
Sometimes it makes me want to cry or knots up my stomach so much when I think about it.
After all, I'm 22, married, out of college (with a BA and an AA), and I'm only working at Office Max right now while trying to find some kind of job that will take an English Degree and not pay me minimum wage.
So, in essence, I feel like I'm stagnating, like I have no real future of any worth, and all this intelligence and money for my degree is going to waste.
What is your take on these issues?
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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:33 am
Hmm, well first off, you are young(ESPECIALLY to have both a BA and an AA), so you have plenty of time to make your way up, and towards your dreams. Your intelligence and future are whatever you want them to become. I've always believed the best way to predict the future, is to make it happen with your own two hands.
As for the issue of children, yes, they are an expensive thing, but when I find my place, and find my footing, I believe I'd want children of my own, to teach my ways of the world, and to make them as individual as I can. I know my future will be long, hard and FULL of obstacles, but I face it with a smile, and a determined gaze, because I know I can make it out, to be whatever I set my mind for it to be. My only true limit, is myself, and that's something I must remember.
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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 11:13 am
You're twenty-two, Oni. You have a good few years yet before you hit menopause, so I really wouldn't worry too much about getting kids in right now. If you're still doubting things when you're 26-30, that's when you want to start looking at your income and finding ways to either boost it, or reduce outgoings. If you're serious about raising a family.
You can't judge that five years before the date because anything can happen in the next five years or so; you're in the stage when you're starting to settle into a career, not already in a stable position to have kids yet. Again, 26-30, try recalculating then.
Also, the BA is your problem. Those papers aren't worth anything at all, and for an English degree (literature or language?) you're not looking to be getting anything major at all. It's back to librarian work, teaching at a writer's class, or minimum-wage jobs, i'm afraid.
Sorry.
I'm wanting kids eventually, but not until i've got a firm ground. Hell, i'm in medicine, so that's going to take a few years to finish. Then I have to get a job, a reasonable salary and some hours which aren't 18 hour shifts per day, and then find a nice wife to settle with.
It's quite out of the way yet. :]
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Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 8:34 am
I agree with Koiyuki and Tailos. There was no way my mother could've afforded to have a child at 22. When she was my age, she worked and went to school non-stop. However, my mother had me when she was 32. She got divorced three years later and struggled a little as a single mom, but we still went to Disney World and lived in a nice two-bedroom house.
It's not selfish to want a child, so don't punish yourself for it. I know right now I'm too young to have a baby but would like to have some around 27 to 29. I'm poor now, lol, but I'll work my way up and eventually money won't be as large a concern. I'm sure you'll do fine, so don't give up. You're a strong woman that I'm sure will be a great mother. razz
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