[Q] Tír na nÓg, Page of Cosmos | Adele Bauer (crits plz~) | Page 1 | Accepted Quests | Guild Forums

Ryndilee

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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 1:00 pm

Name: Adele Bauer

Nickname: Fräulein, Aria, elf

Age: 19

Birthday: April 15

Sign: Aries

Gemstone: Diamond

Blood Type: O

Fav. Food: Wines & other liquors

Hated Food: Spicy foods, Mexican, tv dinners

School: DCU, recent graduate of Crystal Academy

Hobbies:

Fencing - Her parents had originally put her up to this since arriving here ten years ago, thinking that it would help her fit in as an American aristocrat. And it definitely helped. Her being a top fencer has opened so many social circles to both her and her parents. Adele feels that fencing is quite the dignified sport. It tones and hones her form, and it fulfills her secret fantasy of being the dashing Renaissance swashbuckler. Fencing also keeps her body fit and healthy. Should there be some rapscallion who dares to hurt her or her friends, they will be sorry they crossed her!

Socialite - As a bonafied "little" rich girl, Adele is invited to many charity balls and other social events. She loves the status of being rich and important just as much as she loves the danger of being a "pirate". The attention certainly makes her feel validated as a person. And if anything, Adele just likes being a social butterfly. She loves meeting new people - to see if she can be friends with them or be competitive with them.

Ero Games - Adele's super secret shame is that she enjoys playing ero (Japanese adult) games. As the usually prim and proper princess type, she rarely has the opportunity to release her pent up sexual frustrations. One night stands are out of the question. Though her own parents are no strangers to infidelity, their own money and power as a businessman (father) and lawyer (mother) allow these little transgressions to take place. She has more than enough danger on her plate as a 'rogue'. Adele makes sure to take a break from homework every night to play a game. And oh, does she enjoy it.

Virtues:

Perfectionist -- Adele is a horrible perfectionist. If she does something, it has to be perfect. And if it's perfect, it's not good enough, and she has to try harder. It matches well with her competitive nature in that she works hard to get what she wants. Her hard work and dedication just about borders on obsession. She is not just focused on her own perfection, but on her friends' as well. If she can help someone improve, she'll do everything in her power to help them. Mostly because it makes her feel good.

Loyal -- Adele is loyal to her friends, family and co-workers. Though some of her actions may be questionable, she would never (knowingly) do anything that would directly or indirectly harm them. Barring her little part-time rogue career and risking shaming her family, of course. If push comes to shove, she would use those questionable actions to protect these people.

Cunning -- Miss Bauer is particularly good at being a sneaky little devil, able to think quick on her feet. This is more than helpful when it comes down to thinking fast against her parents' enemies or her own, as there are those in Destiny City and beyond who want to bring down the Bauer family. More than once she's had to dodge some figurative bullets.

Flaws:

Selfish -- Yeah, Adele's self-centered. The world revolves around her and her problems, her life, her ups and downs. Everyone else is co-star in this movie of hers. While Adele is indeed a perfectionist, she doesn't exactly want to admit to her own faults and that she isn't perfect. Au contraire. She is perfect and awesome and you should all think that way.

Closet Pervert -- Sexually frustrated girl is sexually frustrated. Because of her views on one-night stands being dangerous to her future career, Adele has a lot that sexual frustration pent up inside her. There is only so much that adult games can do for her. Adele sometimes gets tongue-tied around cute or beautiful men and women, and more often than not becomes preoccupied with thoughts of what she can be doing with them. She doesn't realize that when she talks with these beautiful men and women, she pushes the boundaries of flirting WAY too hard and invading someone's space while doing it. And it happens more often that she'd like. To those shy or reserved individuals, those with a delicate nature, that might just be a turn-off.

Roguish Questionable Actions -- Adele has fashioned herself as a modern-day pirate, and not the kind that downloads illegally on the internet. Zorro, swashbuckler, rogue, thief.. whatever you want to call it, she enjoys the thrill of stealing s**t that isn't hers. It isn't that she needs the money. It isn't that she wants to get caught and go to jail. It's the sheer thrill and romance of it, shoplifting clothes and jewelry and even packs of gum ..not to mention that the previous Tir was also a space pirate. If this wasn't the real world, Adele would give it all up and become a wandering anti-hero. BUT ALAS.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Aqua blue

Hair: Aqua, shiny, silky, long. Usually tied back in a loose ponytail.

Face: Heart-shaped face, small ears.

Clothes: Low-cut ruffled white shirt, black pants, boots

Ref: Hair, eyes, build, page weapon

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 1:02 pm

Knight Title: Tír na nÓg Page

Challenge: "Nothing can ever be so perfect."

Uniform:

Top -- Long white toga-like silk dress
Bottoms -- Ruffled skirt at the bottom
Gloves -- Weapon on right hand. See below.
Belt -- Golden sash around the waist
Shoes -- Barefoot
Shoulders -- Strings
Accessories -- Simple prism necklace. Ribbons ribbons of different prismatic colors EVERYWHERE. An aquamarine teardrop stone on a silver ear cuff on the left ear.
Weapon --

Page Weapon: Filigree bracelet/ring with a small topaz on the ring.
Powers: None.
Ref: Elven filigree bracer armor.

Squire Weapon: The same bracer/ring with now a larger topaz on the bracer (as seen in above ref). The bracer stone radiates a gentle blue aura, which glows brighter when channeling magic.
Powers: Tir can grant incorporeality to a single target. The body and items on the body become ghostlike, protecting him from a weapon's blow or a senshi's magic. This magic may last for up to 30 seconds per day. During this time, the target may not pick up items nor succeed in attacking.

Knight Weapon: Bracers on now both arms. All four stones radiate that gentle blue aura, which glows brighter when channeling magic.
Powers: In addition to granting incorporeality to a single target, Tir can grant one this or a different target with damage reflection. Any physical or senshi (normal or super) attack made on the target will be reflected back on the opponent.

Ref: costume

Alternate weapon: Anklet with toe ring.

Ryndilee

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LP

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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 7:08 pm

Hi Ryndilee~

I noticed your quest and want to say that the civilian side is really interesting. However, when I started looking for Alfheim I noticed it was a lot more elfy than the pirate theme you have going for the civilian.

I have a few suggestions of mythological places that you could consider if you want something more piratey for your girl.

Davy Jones' Locker
Tortuga
Port Royal
Treasure Island

All of these are actually real places or real pirate myth locations!

I hope this helps~ 4laugh

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:52 pm

Okie dokie, Achan, let’s get this rolling!

THE CIVILIAN

There’s only a couple of things I have to point out here. For the most part Adele has a good balance of flaws and virtues, but her “closet-pervert” flaw isn’t exactly reading like a flaw! A flaw is something other people aren’t going to like her for, but as you have it now it seems as if most of her closet-perversion is taking place mostly in her head (except for being tongue-tied, which I can’t see how that would make people dislike her). Does she ever come on to people a little too strongly? Flirt a little too heavily? Say or do inappropriate things that might make people uncomfortable? Things like that would turn this more into a flaw!

Her hobbies look good, too! Fencing and her status as a socialite should definitely give her opportunities to interact with other characters, but remember that RP activity must remain in the realm of PG-13, so be careful with the Ero Games! I’m a little hesitant about this one simply because of the content often involved in them. You’ll have to be very conscious of how you handle this in RP! You could always consider Dating Sims games, which would be a little less risque but offer a bit more freedom in RPing them. Ero Games could be included in that category since they're often very similar, just... more graphic. XD;

The last thing I want to mention in this section is that you have written “not to mention that the previous Alfheim was also a pirate” in her “Roguish Questionable Actions” flaw...

… actually, I just re-read through the Cosmos description in the Knight thread of the information section again to make sure, and I can definitely see how you can get a pirate from that. :[a

I do want to ask, what sort of stuff does Adele like to pilfer? Money? Clothes? Jewelry? Does she restrict these actions to people or would she walk into a store and then walk out of it with something without paying for it?

THE KNIGHT

You’ve got a good ref for Alfheim’s outfit. That should certainly work for Cosmos. However, there is a page of Cosmos, Hvergelmir who has a similar outfit already, so be careful of too much overlap there! Our artists can certainly still come up with something similar (perhaps shorten it to show off her golden sandles?) but just keep that in mind for if/when you win her!

The next thing is her weapon. Jewelry is certainly acceptable; however, those sort of circlets/tiaras are traditionally senshi-territory (all senshi must have an across-the-forehead-tiara), so I’m currently unsure if this would be allowed for a knight. I can ask a GM about this and get back to you, but I wanted to go ahead and mention it ahead of time just in case it turns out a change needs to be made!

Now for her magic! I rather like the idea of incorporeality as a means of defense/shielding! The only thing I think you need to change here is usage limits. All knights have a limited pool of magic that their powers come from, so they do have a total amount of time their magic can span (which you’ve listed as thirty seconds in her squire stage and which I think is acceptable), but unless you intend for her magic to have a quick effect (say, no more than ten seconds on anyone at any time ever) then there’s no need to denote how many times her power can be used. She can use it as often as she likes, as long as those instances do not add up to more than thirty seconds (forty seconds in knight stage, as you currently have written).

You also have the option of adding a new effect at knight stage OR giving a big boost to her magic, which you’ve done by having her ability protect as many as three people. If you’d like to consider adding another effect to her magic, I’d suggest keeping her first ability restricted to one person only! The choice is yours!

And that’s it for now! You’re more than welcome to quote me once you’ve made the necessary edits and I’ll give this another look as soon as I can!

Sunshine Alouette

Eternal Senshi

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Ryndilee

Salty Dark Elf

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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 11:01 pm

LP

Sunshine Alouette

Hi LP and Sunshine~

Thanks for the mini-crit, LP! And the crit, Sunshine!

First~
re-- the name:
There's a reason why I took Alfheim for a name rather than something more piratey (Tortuga is an awesome name, btw). While being rogueish is indeed part of Adele's character, it's not all of who she is. Elves are depicted as near-perfect, timeless beings, whose own cities can be seen as utopias all their own. As that is Cosmos's theme (elegance and utopian), I thought that the Nordic Alfheim, the land of elves, would fit well. This is why Adele is such a perfectionist, and she certainly acts/thinks like she is perfect. Her flaws, however, prove that she isn't exactly what she thinks she is. The whole pirate thing mainly dates back to her past life as a space pirate. (The Cosmos description talks about many of her knights being troublemakers, etc.) She likes to THINK she is a little pirate, but her status as part of a wealthy family and the current time period certainly only allows minor bouts of shoplifting and the like. Should she fall from grace from her family, I think she'd turn more to that side of herself, but we'll have to see!

While I'm not 100% attached to the name, I wanted a wonder or place that will fit with that general theme of being perfect, being elegant, utopian, yadda yadda flambee. I didn't realize that someone else was questing for the name until after I went to post in for customs. I'm certainly not one that wants to step on toes, so if I can find another name that fits then that would be loverly. Asgard is one I'd go with (replace elves with gods), except that someone already has Valhalla and Bifrost. I'm not sure if that would be allowed. Atlantis is something else that I thought about as a fallen utopia, but people might associate Atlantis more with Neptune. There's the Garden of Eden, but that's another one I'm not sure would be allowed. Annwn was already taken. Tír na nÓg may also work (utopian & horribly fey), but I'm not sure if it's taken or if it would be too associated with Earth even though it's an otherworld like Alfheim. As it stands, Tír na nÓg is my absolute favorite next to Alfheim.

Quote:

Contrary to popular assumption, Tír na nÓg was not an afterlife for deceased heroes, but instead, a type of earthly paradise populated by supernatural beings, which a few sailors and adventurers were fortunate enough to happen upon during their journeys. This otherworld was a place where sickness and death did not exist. It was a place of eternal youth and beauty. Here, music, strength, life, and all pleasurable pursuits came together in a single place. Here happiness lasted forever; no one wanted for food or drink.

Then there's Cockaigne, which would drive poor Adele CRAZY. (But I'm not that sadistic to my characters~.. maybe.. biggrin )

Anyhoo~ On to Sunshine's crit!

re: Closet Pervert -- Added a bit to the flaw per your suggestion.

re: Piracy -- I added a few things that Adele would steal. As mentioned above, she's just a shoplifter. .. unless something happens that turns her into a full-blown sneak thief. And yeah, her past life is a huge influence. I really loved that aspect of Cosmos knights and just had to roll with it.

re: Ero Games -- That's definitely a Fade to Black / dirty little secret kind of thing that probably won't come up much. If it does, things will definitely be glossed over. If it's still too much, I can certainly dumb it down to dating sims!

re: Outfit -- Oooo, I've never seen that page before! That's fairly close to what I was thinking. Would adding some things like ribbons and making the cloth more flowy help at all?

re: Tiara weapon -- Could you ask a GM about that? smile I'm not totally attached to it so it's no big deal.

re: Magic -- The first was actually restricted to one person already, so I edited that to make it clearer. biggrin Also got rid of the usage things like you said. Added another effect to her knight magic as a result!

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 11:17 pm

Ryndilee

Actually to my knowledge Tír na nÓg has not been quested for yet and is an awesome sounding name. Lemme take that back I just noticed sunny is questing that.

I believe there's enough wiggle room for any that name that you find you could use it as a Cosmos name since you want to go with a utopian theme. I know for Niflhel while it's the same as saying Niflheim, I went with the shorter version of the name for my Saturn knight. -- Long story short while names may generally be lumped with certain knight themes (RE: Norse myths could easily be considered all good for Jupiter knights) it doesn't mean they all have to be. There's been no set "This is the the name theme you have to use".

Also (edit x 2) .... I had this weird urge to google "Pirate Utopia" and found this here there's a small list of islands that Pirates considered a safe haven/Utopia. ((Incidentally Tortuga is on that list.))

------

>> And uh if I might toss in a suggestion for the weapon, perhaps if the tiara weapon isn't allowed (and you would have to make sure no one is using this) you could make her weapon something more along the lines of a necklace, bracelet or anklet if you have her ankles showing? It'd still be cute and there'd be room for it to become more elaborate if you wanted as she powered up. =3

LP

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Sunshine Alouette

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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 1:36 pm

Ryndilee

Ero Games shouldn’t be too much if that’s something that’s just going to be glossed over/have a fade-to-black effect attached to it! Her “Roguish Questionable Actions” flaw also looks good!

The only thing I’m still seeing a bit of an issue with in the civilian portion of her profile is that “Closet Pervert” is still reading more as an internal trait than something very many people would see in effect! Turning it more in the direction of heavy flirting and other inappropriate behavior and continuing on from what you added would probably help a little more there! How does she flirt? Is it just words with her? Does she have a habit of invading someone’s personal space, maybe? How does she present herself to other people? Is she a little too overt with her actions? Does she ever dress in a way that some people might consider inappropriate?

THE KNIGHT

Her magic’s looking good! I think you can go ahead and take out the “per day” specification, though. It seems a bit unnecessary when characters don’t usually see more than one battle per day, or at least it’s not generally shown in RP when they do (barring certain circumstances, of course).

Her knight-stage magic needs a liiiitle more tweaking, but that’s probably just because I might not have been very clear in my initial crit! XD;; The ruling for knight-stage magic is that you can either have a big boost to your squire-stage magic OR add a new effect. By increasing the squire-stage ability to encompass three people at knight-stage and adding the damage reflection, you’ve effectively done both! If you want to keep damage reflection in at knight stage, then you’d have to keep the incorporeality effect the same as it was in squire stage!

Other than that, things are looking good! The tiara I’m still waiting for a verdict on, but I’ll let you know one way or the other ASAP! And our artists can certainly work with you on creating a similar outfit while editing and adding in certain features to make it different from the existing page—ribbons, jewelry, sashes, more flow-y fabric, there are plenty of possibilities here!

As for settling on a name, we discussed this a little last night but, again, the name Alfheim is being quested for but it hasn’t been officially taken yet, and you are more than welcome to try for Tir na Nog if you’d like that name! I always make sure to have a back-up name or two just in case!

As it says here, any place can be associated with any planet, just as long as it makes sense in some way. I can certainly see Alfheim working with Cosmos! Tir na Nog as well! Eden, I believe, would also be acceptable! It’s not on the list of restricted names and hasn’t been won by anyone yet. The same can also be said for Atlantis. It being an island would certainly work for Neptune, but it being a Utopian society would work for Cosmos as well! There might have been a quest floating around for it somewhere, but I don’t think the name’s been officially taken yet either, and until a character is won with the name, the name is still available for anyone to quest for!

Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:27 pm

Ryndilee

Alright, after confirming it does look like a tiara would be just a bit too senshi-like for a knight to have as a weapon! We're super sorry about that! It's mostly to try and cut down on confusion between senshi and knights so that its obvious by looking at a character what faction they're in, and a tiara is just a bit too overtly senshi with it being one of the requirements for a senshi's fuku.

But you can definitely have the gem on another piece of jewelry somewhere! Everything LP suggested (a necklace, bracelet, or an anklet) would work wonderfully if you'd like to consider those! Even a belt buckle or some decorative ornament hanging from or cinching a sash would work!

Sunshine Alouette

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Ryndilee

Salty Dark Elf

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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 3:20 pm

Sunshine Alouette

Round three! FIGHT!

Sorry it took so long to get back to this. ;_;

Anyhoo, did a few revisions!
re: Closet Pervert - Added some stuff to show she's pushy at heavy flirting without even really knowing it.
re: Knight Magic - Changed that so she gets the squire magic and the damage reflection!
re: Weapon & Outfit - Turned the weapon into a bracer/bracelet/ring thingie. (Ugh, I don't even know what it's called.) Thanks for looking into the tiara thing for me! I like this a whole lot better, whatever it's called. xD Also changed the outfit up a bit.

Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 7:46 am

Ryndilee

One last fix in the civilian section and then this should be good! In her "Roguish Questionable Actions" you still mention the name Alfheim ("not to mention that the previous Alfheim was also a space pirate"). Between now and the last time that name has been won, but you are still definitely more than welcome to continue questing for Tir na Nog! Just make sure you take out the former name and replace it in that one sentence!

As for her powered section... as of right now, there is not an official knight with a bracelet/ring combo as a weapon; however, there is another shopgoer who has been questing for a knight with the same/a very, very similar weapon. You can see that quest here. As it turns out, it is also for a page of Cosmos! XD;;;

Now, neither quest has been won yet, so I can't pick and choose between the two and say you can't keep questing for this weapon, but it might be a good idea to have another back-up in mind just in case!